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" It isn't that my skills aren't an advantage in my life... All I have are my skills, it is just that they do not change anything in the relationship with Svarik. I may be helpful to him, but helpfulness and bonding are different things... I could have literally hated his guts, and if he somehow blackmailed me into working under him, I would be equally helpful to him whether my feelings for him were positive or negative, due to my overqualifications. Being helpful and competent has nothing to do... with being loved, " Conrad murmured, looking down thoughtfully, at the pile of papers all around him. " If I was any normal person, my overqualification would be very helpful at securing some official position next to Svarik... My bad position is solely the fault of the decisions I made, not my current skills. But either way, it is never a waste, to learn. It would be hard to reach my level any time soon, because I had a long headstart, receiving best education ever since I was born, but I could guide and teach you in a way that would be able to help you learn most efficiently in most important fields. It is no different from my plan to slowly spoonfeed Svarik relevant knowledge without overwhelming him, and I plan to both teach Svarik and Sibel along the way, since Simbel being learned in matters of the country will be a great help to both of us, so taking on one more student wouldn't change much in my lesson plans. Just because a couple people would have same knowledge doesn't mean that when put together they wouldn't be able to come up with better solutions than one person, no matter how much they may know my themselves... So, if your goal was to spend more time with Svarik by being qualified enough to support him, we could always all go through same lesson plans, so you can spend his work days in council at his side and spend time with him that way... But if you want something other than being with him, I can't know how I can help you unless I know what you imagine your idea of your perfect situation would be like. How can I know what I can do, if I do not know what you are longing for? " very slowly, after those words, he added more quietly, instead of practical inquiry, speaking more hesitantly about his personal feelings, tense, as if anxious he would get in a conflict by doing so. " The thing you said before... that you feel like you know side of Svarik that I do not... or strategically hoping to see what kind of ratio of passionate versus soothing treatment... it feels kind of bleak to me, to be honest. Svarik is Svarik. I already got burned and had fair share of mutual misery, when in my anxieties about the country, I would try to push him into a box of what a perfect king should be, and I have no plans of molding him into some perfect partner either. Svarik is the best version of himself when he can be whoever he feels like being in the moment. It is too stifling for him, and while he should of course be respectful and do his best, I believe putting expectations of intensity would only make him self-conscious and miserable when he can't live up to them... It was truly a hellish endeavour, to convince him he doesn't have to smile and act cheerful and okay just because he is taken care of and just because lot of people place great efforts to get him to recover.. The point where we actually got closer was not when we were cheerful together, but when we began being comfortable acting by how we felt at the moment even if it was unsightly. I have seen much more tears and grimaces from Svarik than laughs and much more sadness than happiness, and I shared much more bad than good, but I feel like I can exist freely with him, no matter what mood I am in, or what mood he is in. From an outsider's perspective, if I may, you both look like you are on pins and needles, fearing if something changes you will lose what you had before, so when push comes to shove, you retreat instead of confronting, falling onto empty consideration instead of seeking to solve the issue at hand. Otherwise, would we even have been in such a position, where you planned to leave after finding out you got pregnant to not make it harder for him to leave help Liron, or where he knew you were pregnant but was going to let you go because he felt to guilty to convince you to stay with him over your will, and tried to let you go out of consideration? If you were left to your devices, you could have broken ties so easily, for such stupid misunderstanding that was so easily solvable. You both had to be considerate all the time you knew each other, and forgiving with the fact you can only see each other little at a time, but at this point, that consideration is poison. The problem with intensity is that that if you only see each other when you are missing each other for a long time, the feelings are fierce, and both sorrow and happiness feels more fiery and consuming, but in the end, doesn't that make the whole thing seem way too rosy and idealised? In relationship where parties see each other each day, there are argues, and highs and lows, and uncertanties, and clashes of interests... but if you two have clashing interests and both retreat out of consideration, you are just making the problem bigger. I had fair shares of argues with Svarik, but it makes me reassured that I can always know what is happening in his head. It is more precious to me, that he is getting freer to roll his eyes and tease me and reproach him when I frustrate him, than if he were always smiling and passionate. I believe you two can easily have a less stressful time if you spend more time doing what you like together and acting based on your feelings, not based on the anticipated reaction of the other person like you both got entangled in half-truths while trying to make things easier to each other, and only ended up making the other person more miserable while they contemplated what you are actually feeling... But I don't think it's anything you two can't necessarily figure out. I do not think you have to be afraid of being left out if you do not purposely put a distance. You don't have to go in circles out of fear of losing what you have built over years... I mean, you and I are practically strangers, so it is natural it is harder for the two of us to avoid being considerate to each other as conflict between us would make Svarik only more miserable, but you have known Svarik for so long, so while it is not easy, it doesn't seem to me like something you guys can't eventually overcome if you put your mind to it... "
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General wasn't there in the moment, as he was probably on another task in the mansion, being able to move more freely in the sun than others, and among the half that was currently present there, some were from the ones designated to stay, while part was from ones that didn't want to let General be sent away to Liron's realm all alone, so they choose to follow him. They did not yet know of Erdel's plea to let them all stay, so it seemed it was harder for them to respond, as saying yes if they would be leaving would be just taking advantage of the situation to get more security for themselves, but it was not possible for Alpha's description of protection not to be tempting, so it was hard for them to speak up, and they were hesitantly glancing between each other with clear conflict in their gazes.
" We... no matter how hard we try, in the end, we are just liability to Mister Simbel, " one of the vampires, Mark, the one that, from Erdel's description, seemed to have been the one that was dating Mole, when Mole gave him encouraging gesture and look, spoke up at last, his words reflective of the quiet guilt that seemed to be prevalent feeling in the vampires present. " Whether... we are his guards or gardeners, if we can't protect ourselves at least somewhat, we would only put him in position where he would have to push himself to protect us... No matter how much we try, we are lacking... We, we can hold on well around humans, but I am sure some proper Spirits, like Sun Spirits, who are actually strong would be actually able to protect mister Simbel, instead of being burden to him, like us... "
" No, wait, Svarik, listen to me, please, " Simbel interrupted urgently, with a little hoarse voice, tense like a spring - he was clearly worried and anxious, and there was urgency in his voice, as if he was fearful he will miss the unexpected opportunity to ease their suffering and danger they were in. " White Eagle was too overpowered, and I have his swordmanship... there is no way they can match his skills with just little time. Even I have to adjust and retrain, since I can not do everything White Eagle could, as his body was stronger than my vessel. But they are doing so very well. Sun Spirits are powerful, sure, but playfulness is their nature, and strategies don't come naturally to them, as they usually push through things by sheer force. Vampires may be weaker physically, but they are much more adept to strategising and combining their strength, and making up what each other are lacking. It may take time to Master it, but their strength is of perfect fit for White Eagle's swordmashiop that relies on strength and agility. I, I promise I will train them very well. I promise they won't be a burden much longer. It is just that, if Demon Hunters would attach, they would naturally be among the first targets, so they might be, temporarily, at the moment, just a tiny bit of a weakness to me... but I will work hard to make sure they train to the point where they won't be a liability to us. I am not planning to self sacrifice. It, it is just that for me, this is my vessel, but for them, it's their body. It is natural, if I have to pick, that I would rather fight a little harder and lose my vessel, than have them lose their life for my sake. But it is just a tiny, tiniest liability... They are working hard not to be a burden, progress might be slow, but their coordination and numbers are good, and it is fine that they can't match my skill. " by how tensely he spoke and repeated himself, it was clear he still struggled to ask for something without desperately begging for it, so he tried to string in as much reassurances and promises in his desperate pleas. " They can be of help to me, even if they are less skilled than me, I... I promise I can trait them to the point where gap between us won't be as noticeable, and they will be able to protect me in turn... I, if we are not attacked too soon, I am confident I can do it... time is the only problem, the speed they are learning is reasonable and decent... some things just can't be learned without time put, I am only doing so well because I have White Eagle's muscle memory... They are more adept at fighting than me, so if I can do it, they can do it, too... "
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" I think he should be at the Information centre, so we can pick him up there, " Tide commented shyly, and with a bright and bubbly expression and light step, he carried Senecio to one corner of Hans's floor, at a side of the throne room they were in this morning. In one of the smaller side rooms, there was a little secluded corner with a little office, in the center of which were shiny devices that, unlike room from the morning, didn't focus on capturing sight, but sound. It seemed for the sake of secrecy, whatever hidden reports from Spirit realm Hans was receiving were based on the sound and movement of fabric created by the lightning device in from of his desk, and he seemed thoughtful as he browsed through them by turning the orb around.
https://cdna.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/033/718/716/large/rokaya-saeed-study4.jpg?1610393208" Oh, hello, you adorable rascals. Hi, littlest apple pie, " Spirit raised his gaze and grinned a little at them once they entered, his feelings shimmering with a brighter streak of warmth, as he put one tablet aside and tilted his head curiously. " How was your nap? Are you feeling better? "