Senecio adn Tide II

[VisAnastasis]

Tide beamed, taking one for himself two, sharing the meal with him, and there was a lot of pride and satisfaction as he watched the actor eat, enjoying the fact that, even if it looked ugly, Senecio liked the meal. They made plenty, so there was plenty to eat, so they just ate for a while. During the meal, despite calmed, the demon seemed to grow more thoughtful, and he finally began to speak again.
" You know, " he said between bites. " You really don't seem the type to just casually walk up to Janus and ask him for this. But... Janus does seem the type to be practical rather than tactful, so... It was a gift from him, wasn't it? Not a deal? " he inquired, eating potato thoughtfully. " He... is a little complicated, but I am sure he meant well. He just really doesn't have a common-sense filter the same as the one most people do. How do you feel about him knowing... about this side of you? You seem fine enough to accept it, but I was wondering if you wanted to talk about it, as I imagine it must have been quite an unexpected situation for you... "

[Mirach]

"It was a gift," Senecio smirked slightly. "A rather unexpected one. I must say I was unsure at first if it's really what I think it is or if I'll offend him if I say it aloud because it's something entirely different and I have a dirty mind. Turns out, his filter is really different from most people, but I like him for it. I think he can relate to me, with his tastes being considered disturbing by most. And I can relate to him, so I'm fine with it. He actually made this out of spite, because he overheard some people in the theatre talking that they hope I'll get you to whip me and I get crippled." 

[VisAnastasis]

Tide's face grew pale with the statement, but he nodded slowly.
" I guess... some people there do think really terribly of you. I am not sure if we can do anything about anyone's thoughts, but... Making sure their hopes don't come true feels proper. " he nodded slowly. " From what you say, it does seem to be a choice of spite, even though not just of it. It's one thing to destroy life's work of a person he despises out of spite, it's another to make you something you'd enjoy out of spite. He is one of that crowd that needs to return equal with equal, so it seems he is rather fond of you... In any case, I am glad you are getting along since neither you nor Janus really has kind friends, besides Hans and me, " Tide smiled a little. " So, I won't pry, then, I believe you two will figure it out. But... I didn't think about it before, but when I think about it, Janus would probably be the best choice at making unusual quality things you may like. Not that I am bragging in his stead, but even with a casual glance, I am pretty sure this whip is rather insanely expensive just based on the rare materials used, and the fact even handle is made insanely durable... It definitely feels like a class of its own. So, if you have some hopes of other things he may make - should I try to make deal with him for them? " he asked. " Or are you planning to ask in the future yourself? If we just leave him to his own devices, I feel like soone or later he'll begin coming up with too insane ideas, so you really need to give him some direction. If you're shown that you like this kind of gift, you're pretty much screwed for life, because if you don't give him another focus he'll keep focusing on it. We don't get gifts often, but, hm, when we do, we always get interesting mysterious music boxes, because me and Hans really liked watching him build a music box that one time a century ago... "

[Mirach]

"Heh, good to know. Maybe something specific that could be improved by him comes to mind as we explore," Senecio said. 

[VisAnastasis]

Tide nodded, seeming content that he had given Senecio heads up about Janus's linear way of making conclusions, and likewise, glad to hear he's not upset with the gift.
" Since we're speaking of emotional things right now, and not testing yet... " he asked then slowly while taking another potato to eat. " If after the tests I mentioned it's safe to use... it may take me a bit to get used to it, but I don't really think I have anything against using the whip if it doesn't break the skin. How much I'll enjoy it depends on how much you'll be enjoying it, though," he explained. " To me, as long as it's safe... I do not really think the dilemma is what objects we use. To me... what I want the most is... to steal, " he admitted as he munched on the warm treat - he seemed to find it easier to speak while eating comforting food. " It is not always, but... when you are upset like you were today... I feel like I am sharing you with the shadows of those painful memories. While they were awful to you, I acknowledge... the weight of the fact that you couldn't help but keep returning to them, " he took a deep breath, before adding sincerely. " That is why... I really am looking forward, to pick apart the best from everything - and to steal those reasons from you, and you, from them. Whether it's ropes or the whip, or something else you enjoyed in the past - I think I will be most satisfied when you think of these items, and thoughts of me come to mind first, not them. I think that that's why I feel rather open about the options. I feel like doing the bare minimum is like only eating one layer of one slice of the desert, which is not that fun. I would feel like I am only stealing a bite, however tasty it is, not a whole cake. "

[Mirach]

"Okay," Senecio smiled. "Your boundaries are breaking skin or more serious harm then, right? I prefer thinking about it in terms of how long it can be felt afterwards. Depending on mood, I can be comfortable with up to a day, but up to a couple of hours would be ideal. Breaking skin is okay, if it doesn't leave a scar and is shallow enough to not hurt after a few hours, even if it takes longer to heal."

[VisAnastasis]

" I do not want you to be seriously injured or scarred. That's why I got you that special balm from the fairies. To erase old scars and prevent the new. But let me guess, you probably haven't even used it since I made you try it last time? " Tide sighed with just a sliver of annoyed resignation in his feelings, as he bit into the next potato thoughtfully. " Would you... remember to use it more often... if I punished you? " he asked with strange sincerity, not mocking, as if he genuinely wanted to know. " Do you remember instructions better if I say them dramatically? No offence, but I have a bit of a gut feeling that you may have totally forgotten about it while preparing the play... My boundaries for going further include using the balm more, always after we do something that causes injuries. Wouldn't... you prefer it that way, too? " he asked. " If whip happened to break your skin or worse, normally I would feel bad, but if we use balm, you'll recover better and faster, so it's harder to feel bad about it. " Tide explained. " To be honest, I feel much less worried right now because we have Worth While. While I do want us to be responsible, it is sort of reassuring to know if there is an accident that his presence can heal you up. Of course, it would be embarrassing to explain whatever situation has let to that point, but safety first, right? It feels good to have a backup plan, even if it's an embarrassing one. We have balm, and we have While right now. That's why I feel a little calmer about it...Isn't it the same for you? You don't like being hurt for too long, and I don't like seeing you hurt for too long, so aren't we thinking the same measure? Unless my definition of serious harm and your definition are miles apart, I think we are wanting basically the same... "

[Mirach]

"Yeah, I haven't used it..." Senecio murmured, caught out. "I keep forgetting and it feels like a waste, using it on my own. If you want to know how I'd remember to use it best, I think it would be if you do it. Punish me... and then do it yourself. I would like that..."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide's smile grew slowly.
" I think that sounds just right. You know, it takes a while to make a habit. So I should punish you more often for slacking off and keep doing it if you keep forgetting. We can't have a bad habit stay, right? " he asked brightly, with more confidence, as it indeed seemed he was learning to adapt to Senecio's thinking about this, even if it definitely still had his own flavour. " I dislike that you think of it as waste, though... It's not fun like that. So, shouldn't I give you some positive reinforcement to have you think better about it? Is there anything that would work? " he asked a little innocently. " I do have a lot more happy memories to give to the little faries than you, to get more of the balm, so I plan to keep on doing it, but you'd feel too terrible thinking you're depriving me of happy memories if we use the balm too much. So, how about this - when I give away happy memories, how about each time, I give away happy memories I had with my previous partners? " he suggested seriously. " I was planning on proceeding with that anyway, but now that I think of it, it's better to not keep you in the dark about it. You see, even if it didn't work out in the end, I did have a fair share of happy memories with people I dated in the past. They are bonds that are in the past now, though. Isn't it a proper reward for someone of my present and future? I will give away the best memories of people that left me and just make good memories with you instead. "

[Mirach]

"That... I'm not sure how to feel about," Senecio said. "Are you sure about it?"

[VisAnastasis]

" That was my plan from the start. I just didn't think there was really a need to tell you what exact memories I am giving away, but it seems to me you are feeling too bad about it not knowing. " Tide replied confidently, with as calm feeling of someone that seemed to be wondering why his choice is controversial. " We have only used the balm once, and your scars are still very visible. I am looking forward to seeing them fade more and more each time. I am buzzing with excitement at the thought that more we use it, healthier and smoother your skin will be, and further you will be from those memories. I think applying it for you...  Would feel really romantic. It is so for me," he replied proudly." I hoped you would have used it by now, so I was actually already planning on what memory to pick next. When I gave you a tool that can erase your old scars with time, I really thought you would jump happily at the chance to use it regularly. To be honest, I am a little confused with the hesitance. If Hans was a human like you this would have worked for him, and he would have jumped straight to it. It's different for Beings whose form is affected by their mind and soul. But you could actually get better, and even if hurt again, you would heal better with it and hurt would lessen, so we could be intimate sooner, and with less fear. I really don't see how it is not something to consider great for both of us.Or why you are so hesitant about such lovely thing. I mean..." He smiled a bit." Among other things, you are literally treating yourself with mixture of healing herbs, good feels and fairy dust. It's a really cozy thought in my opinion... "

[Mirach]

"I still think it's a waste if I use it myself," Senecio said. "A waste of an occasion for you to do it for me..."

[VisAnastasis]

" What a diplomatic answer," creature grinned a little, but didn't seem quite calm." I am not quite... Sure I am convinced you are fine with it. You did not really say yes or no. Is it alright if I keep giving away those kinds of memories for the balm in the future? Or are you willing to accept it even if it still bothers you still?" Being inquired unsurely, looking at their meal wonderingly." Don't misunderstand me, please. But I just have this nagging feeling that you keep thinking about it as an unfortunate sacrifice... Not an earnest gift. " He shook his head slowly." It just is not a sacrifice, even if I am giving away a nice memory. It's merely a trade. Nothing different than exchanging some meat for jar of honey, Senecio. Meat may be better for a rounded meal, but I just really desire honey a lot. And I have plenty of meat. When I have plenty, aren't I actually acting both to the joy of me and the beekeeper? I think I am..."

[Mirach]

"I'm fine with it," Senecio said. "It’s your decision. That's how I'd like it to stay, though. I don't want to use your memories myself or ask you for it. I would feel better if you do it, when you decide to."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide nodded his head very slowly as if digesting the information.
" As long as you don't think it's a sacrifice... then I guess I can adjust. It's just... really important for me that you don't think of it as a sacrifice, okay? " the creature asked a little vulnerable, but with firm confidence in its choice that was unmistakable with any other feeling. " It is the same as with the soul. I do not give away pieces of my soul... in some vain noble desire to sacrifice myself. " Being frown a little, as if feeling iffy. " You may not believe me, but... It's actually a completely selfish choice. I like to have happy healthy people around me, and people can't be happy if their souls are all botched and incomplete. I just want to be surrounded by as happy, as content people as possible. Whether it's memory or soul piece, I am really smug and conceited about the fact that I can look forward to a better future coming from my choices. I am really happy I gave my heart to Sage, and that he lived so long at my side, even though I have too little left in me. I gave it to him for my future, because I wanted to have him with me for longer. I got you balm because I looked forward to the future where you're slowly getting better and living a healthier life by my side. " his foamy eyes were watching the actor with hesitant hope to be understood. " You do realize that it is so, don't you? That it is something I do for me and not a sacrifice? It's actually a more uncertain feeling for me that we have just one jar of the balm, but I choose only to obtain one at first, so you will feel less burdened. My heart would feel lighter if I could get at least 5 jars so that we have them ready in case we run out. Um... I am shy, so I am not saying it lightly, but I also think it would be fun if I maybe give you a massage using the balm instead of oil sometimes... " he was looking down with some timid embarrassment as if it took a lot out of him to admit his desires so openly. " I know you might find it wasteful, but I find such things romantic... "

[Mirach]

"No, that’s okay," Senecio said. "As long as you enjoy it and have a good feeling from it. Actually I'm liking the thought of such attentive care after some harsher fun the more the longer I think about it..."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide seemed reassured with it as if he was a little afraid that Senecio was misunderstanding his choices as one stemming from sacrifice, but when he saw it is not the case, and that the actor even admitted to appreciating his care more, he smiled a little brighter, leaning closer to him across the table instinctively.

" It just seems like a natural part of the game, doesn't it? " he asked with a hopeful tone. " It's fun to play pretend with you, but... isn't it nice to just spoil each other a little afterwards, so we can assure each other than the play is done, and that it wasn't real? I can accept to hurt you a little because I know you enjoy it, if you didn't, there is no way that I would ever dare raise my hand at you. I can only do it because it is a game we like and not reality. Spoiling you a little afterwards, in whatever manner we choose, is a proper way to end a heavy game, especially if it means checking up on your wounds and making sure you are feeling alright. Besides... don't you think a little ritual of always applying balm on you afterwards would be in both of our favours? " he reaffirmed his thoughts, before adding a little mischievously. " I like when things take longer, so would get a chance to prolong the pleasant occasion and take care of you, and since you'll be all covered up with insanely strong balm afterwards, aren't you happy to know that I'd be able to use the whip harder beforehand? Don't you want it to hurt more? I can bare hurting you a little more, if it feels better for you, and if I am certain you will let me use a ton of balm on you afterwards. You said you are fine even if your skin is torn? So it does sound to me you would secretly prefer me to use a stronger, not weaker setting on that thing... "

[Mirach]

"Not too often, but yes," Senecio replied. "I would like that, occasionally."

[VisAnastasis]

" I think in general, I would feel more confident if we first used the lighter setting until we got used to using it... but right now, just for today, I want to relinquish that preference and have you choose which setting you prefer, that is if you want it today... Did you want me to use the whip today, Senecio? " Being asked, quietly, but with calm soft light in his eyes, without hesitance this time, as he spoke of something he was certain of. " Today is the first day of your new life. As long as you are with me... no, as long as you live, setting your own boundaries will never be out of your hands. I know you are generally free-spirited, however, there is something I must ask. Will you really be okay with roughness today?  " Being whispered gently, hesitantly leaning closer. " You were... really shaken and emotionally vulnerable today. Such states are usually fertile ground for bad memories and thoughts to resurface. Would... treating you roughly not remind you of people you are trying to forget? I know you are strong-willed, and normally I would not ask a question with such an obvious answer. But today, it does not feel as obvious, and you were unwell and full of dark suicidal thoughts, so I have to ask... will you be okay? "

[Mirach]

Senecio thought about it for a while. "You know, I think it's rather more complicated. I haven't thought about it much before, so sorry if I'm not making much sense. There's a difference between pain and pain to me. I only find it pleasurable in specific circumstances. I kept coming back because often I was able to reach that state of mind with them, and I loved it. But they didn't care if I reach it. Sometimes they didn’t let me on purpose. But I'm craving it. I'm craving it even more now, after the day I've had. And I know you don't care for hurting me, but for giving me pleasure. It feels different, even if result is the same."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide's expression brightened up slowly, especially with the actor's last words, and a cosy more confident and a touch of proud feeling replaced his worry. It gave him courage, and the creature put its hand shyly over the actor's hand, taking it in his own and pressing it lightly, as if taking his words to heart, as a promise.

" I will trust your judgement. But likewise, in order to be responsible, I have to say this too - there is no shame in changing your mind, at any point. You remember your safe words, right? If at any point you wish to use them, you should. This is our game, and we can play however we like, as long as we like, and with breaks, if needed, " he promised him with passion, holding man's hand in his gently as he spoke, with just a little bathed breath. " Will... you tell me more about your cravings for today, please? What would you like me to do? I know my determination to do this is harder to understand, but I am a person with eyes set on you. And I... am prideful, too, in my courtship. I wish to mark you mine, with my scent, touch and love to the point all your hesitance and dark thoughts about life feel foolish. To steal you, a little bit at a time... isn't it such a thrilling thought? Isn't it such a fun game? " creature dared grin a little. " I dislike the thought that I am some naive altruistic guy, giving you pleasure just because I am nice and all. Aren't I just a thief, entranced by the value of my target? You crave pleasure, while I crave to have your body, mind and soul. When you think about it, aren't I actually the one getting the most out of our games, my Seine? I am just the one more focused on the long term, that's all... "

[Mirach]

"When you put it like that, I seem rather shallow for seeking immediate pleasure," Senecio smirked. "But I'm fine with that. Could we maybe find a fitting form for your game now? I really liked the one you had on the roof, when we first met."

[VisAnastasis]

" You are not shallow, " the grip on the actor's hand grew just a little tighter, as the creature frown this time. " How can a person that is always graceful about my overflowing doubts be shallow? How can a person that appreciates me when it matters most to me be deemed shallow? How can a person that groomed a sea monster happily as if it was a puppy on my plea be considered less than me? That grooming was important for me, and this is important for you. It's only important we are giving each other what we like. I find that a romantic thought, " he proclaimed boldly still, as he held his hand close, offering shyly. " So, do you want me to take on that form, from the day we met? Do you want us to... play in that form? Or do you just want to see it as inspiration, and have us modify it from there? I don't have full control, but since I am made of so many soul patches, I still have quite freedom in modifying my forms compared to most common Beings. I told you we can create a new form just for this. Um, I think it's just better if we picked up all red flowers first, before changing forms.. " he seemed a touch embarrassed. " I think that hardened dramatic form would look quite silly if it was suddenly all flowery... It is a rougher coarser form, too, so I don't feel like all those flowers suit them... "

[Mirach]

"Just if you want to," Senecio said. "A helmet would serve well enough if you don't. We could take that form as a starting point, and see what we come up with."

[VisAnastasis]

" You said before, too. That you liked that form from the start. You said you liked it even since I caught you from falling from the roof," Being chipped in wonderingly. " If you like it as much as to ask for it in particular... I am willing to try, as long as you promise to honestly tell me if you change your mind. Oh, I have four arms in that form because it happens to ve more refined, but I can get it back more at will. More limbs are more unrefined, but in our case, I think more is more is more fun. You want me to use whip, right? That means one hand is already not free. If we are already making most fitting form for this, we should pick whatever is most practical, too. "