Death and Tide

[Mirach]

Death raised his head and looked at it curiously. "Is it fully healed?" he asked. "No pain when moving?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Let's test it out!" Tide said with a little grin. He didn't just show his palm to him - he slowly reached for the snake, and let it lay down its head on his previously charred palm, and caressed him under the chin gently. "  Yes! No pain at all! Actually, it feels pretty great... to be able to caress my gentlest, cutest Semai with it.  " he said with timid warmth as if innocently trying out how far he can go. " Thank you... "

[Mirach]

Death studied it closely, even tasting the skin with his tongue, until he was content. "It really worked..." he murmured. "It's a pity it wouldn't work outward. We could have helped Cernunnos without tearing off a leg... How is it doing, by the way? Is it healing inside you?"

[VisAnastasis]

" It was touchy at first, afraid, but after a while, you can feel how much it is touch starved. You notice that there was one tiny of my mental echoes that was a bit confused about the bond, but all in for it? Once it feels secure, it's delightful. And I had time to rest, thanks to our brake during the night, and... I think being close to you helped. It's hurt is much of an echo by now. It's almost fully molded into me.  " Creature said with satisfaction, caressing the little snake gently under the chin, but not being more intrusive about it not to overwhelm him. He did seem thoughtful as he added " I don't think we could have helped Cernunnos without tearing off my leg - you can heal souls, but you can't do much about gaps in the soul, and his leg was all chewed up and full of gaps. Giving him a new leg was best decision. Only thing that would have been different if we could heal in second layer was we wouldn't have to use thread and needle to sew parts of souls you couldn't, but even if we could, I doubt Cernunnos would want to. Maybe you didn't notice, but he wears invisible chains that keep him from passing through layers and changing his form. His son can't follow him into second layer, so I don't think he would choose to go there just for a bit better healing. It's better to have support in worse conditions than no support in better ones. So we did the best thing we could do anyway. Though, how are you so sure what we do only would work inwards? We can't know before we test it. Besides, as Semai, we were quite good at jumping in the air and howering to water, and than walking to water. Both of those are mine abilities and require outside manipulation of air and water. We can't enforce our limits just like that before we know them... "

[Mirach]

"Well, I guess it could work, but we can't heal in the first layer this way, and that makes it useless for healing most humans and also Beings who can't pass into second layer..." Death said.

[VisAnastasis]

" Yes, but just because it's useless in many situations, doesn't mean we shouldn't try to experiment with it. It's not an urgent matter, but why not? Working as Semai might help us work together more easily when we are apart. " Tide commented shyly. He caressed the little snake. " It really is nothing urgent... It's not a priority. You can't heal in the layer you miss right now, but that's just a temporary state. When you regrow that layer, you'll be able to heal through it again, so there won't be any need to repeat this unless we want to... I know it may seem far yet, but it won't be like this forever. You won't have to become Semai with me to feel whole. You'll feel whole all on your own... "

[Mirach]

"I'm not sure about that..." Death whispered. "It's been a long, long time before I lost the layer when I last felt whole..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Before you lost that layer, you were hurt very deeply. It's hard to feel whole when you are injured so much that your injury is infected aeons afterwards and won't clear out even if you're a literal embodiment of healing. " Tide whispered compassionately. He couldn't keep himself from it - it was a burning question on his mind, and when he sow a possible chance, he had to ask. " You said you don't remember clearly how it happened, but it more seemed to me you dreaded to remember. But... Would you really not like me to know? " he asked quietly, turning his head toward him, not moving his hand right now, as if afraid he'll scare him. " Erdel had two theories he mentioned... One was that Grendel bit into your neck in try to bite your head off, and you survived, but the bite stroke too deeply into the nerves, through them damaging deepest layers of your soul. The other one was that you had wings at a time and that he tore them off with his claws, and pulling them with nerves and everything got them to never heal properly. Infection would come from either teeth or claws, I assume. Would you tell me... was he anywhere close in his assumptions? Was it both? " he paused, before adding encouragingly. " Or was what Grendel did to you worse? "

[Mirach]

"Of course it was worse..." Death whispered with a bit choked voice. "Erdel was right about the physical part, but who cares about that. Others survived worse just fine when I healed them. But he killed my fairies... and made me kill my best friend. He took away my will to heal..."

[VisAnastasis]

" *I* care about that. About all of it. " Tide whispered. He straightened a little bit, and hesitantly, he removed his mask and looked at the creature, with pain, but with openness, as it felt improper to speak about this with the mask on. " It wasn't just your will to heal, was it? It was your will to live, too," he asked as, after they became Semai, he slowly got to understand and built up the courage to ask. " You said it yourself, that the price of your life is too high. You'd have eagerly let yourself die if the world wouldn't go down with it. You just didn't know that someone can kill you like that before I told you about it. When Cernunnos said you were dying, and you asked me to undo what you are and only leave healing as a force, you looked almost glad. Resigned and calm about it. Eager for it. " he bit his lip. " Like you'd get something you longed for... To die, because living was too painful after what happened. You didn't want to even keep existing... That's why you couldn't even manage to heal. Even thinking about your injury just made it fester more. You didn't grow better over time, you grew worse. "he seemed a little astonished at that conclusion, but he couldn't deny what he was seeing. " You had to live for the world, but you wanted to die all along... You wanted it to hurt, didn't you? Because, if you had to live, least you could do was punish yourself for it... "

[Mirach]

The spirit didn't answer, but tears welled in his eyes and a shiver ran through him that suggested that Tide hit the truth closely.

[VisAnastasis]

Tide never had to hide his feelings - in fact, his powers were tied to how in tune with them he was. Since he never had to learn to conceal, his face was eloquent, and there was compassion to it, but also, a little bit of vulnerability, of grief and astonishment. He wanted to comfort the snake, but he didn't know if it would be improper - and there was something he had to know. He lowered his face until his eyes were close to the surface, and their gazes could meet.
" Something changed, though. " he continued quietly, not letting it look away. " I am not saying lord Nameless didn't nurture that desire to live.. Gave its seeds space to grow. But it wasn't enough. You still asked to be killed at first. There had to be something more. You were so ready to die for the world, to die and finally end all this... But then, I asked you to be my Semai, and you said yes. I even offered to you another possible option, but you *choose* to be Semai, rather than do anything else or beg me to kill you still. " Tide gulped, his voice trembling a little as if that choice left a big impression on him. "Why? What made you choose that, after everything you've felt all those years? "

[Mirach]

"I... I don't know..." Death whispered. "Maybe I just wanted to experience how it feels to be alive again before I make that decidion. There wasn't much to lose... Or I was too tired of secrets and wanted someone to understand fully. Look at myself from outside the prison of my own mind. But maybe something else, too. It was a momentary decidion. I don't really know why I made it..."

[VisAnastasis]

" But it felt good, didn't it? " Tide asked quietly. " It could have felt good for many reasons at once... But wasn't it nice to feel alive? Wasn't it satisfying to be understood? Wasn't it a relief to feel a little freer? I know those feelings of entrapment came from your mind, not mine. I know you're still struggling. I can't force you to want to live again... But may I tempt you to it? " he offered quietly, and slowly, with the tip of his finger, he gently cleared one of Death's tears, as he asked. " When you're overwhelmed with guilt, it sucks to live. I don't blame you for not wanting it. But things can be different now. There is just so much in the world to be incredibly happy about. I know you feel nothing can replace your loss... But I've seen you, from inside out. I believe in you. One day, you may figure out why you choose to live in a spur of a moment decision... But until then, you can maintain that choice. Let me tempt you to a life that feels good, not wrong...  "

[Mirach]

"There's nothing to lose, right?" Death murmured thoughtfully.

[VisAnastasis]

" Yes, nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Can there be a better deal?" Tide whispered, just a little hoarsely." I know... It may seem terribly selfish... But I am so glad your life is tied to the fate of the world. I am glad you had to stay alive... Otherwise, I'd never have met you. Is it selfish?" He gulped, caressing little creature's face. " I am just so grateful for having a chance to meet you... You are so... so... ineffable. I can not put to words how happy it feels to be with you... "

[Mirach]

Death sighed and closed his eyes tiredly. "Knowing this... would your answer change if I ask to... cut off the limb?" he asked quietly. "If I try and give it a chance but if I find out it doesn't work and never will? Would you have mercy?"

[VisAnastasis]

Tide looked down and was quiet for a moment.
" I have... killed out of mercy before. Sometimes, I have met humans who are terminally ill, hurt beyond help, or suffer from incurable painful illnesses..  and with powers like mine, it's not hard to gently pull them to sleep and help them die painlessly, at least... But never... *Mentally ill* people. Humans or Beings. If you are having struggles, yes, it sucks, but there is always a chance to get better and enjoy life again. Beings all the more - as with infinity come infinite possibilities. How could you possibly know with certainty that it would never work just because it hasn't worked so far? How can you call that cruelty mercy?" He gulped. There was something horrified and grieved in his blue eyes, and it seemed painful to speak, but he kept talking." You condemned what Grendel did and agony he put you through selfishly... Yet you want to put me through the same thing? He made you kill his best friend when he sow no other way out. Do you... Really..." He teared up. " Want to make me kill my sweetest Semai? Do you want me to suffer like you did, killing someone that I love and respect?  "

[Mirach]

Death sighed tiredly. "I just wanted to know if you didn't change your mind. I will not ask again. It's just the idea... that while there is a chance it will get better, there also is a chance that it won't. And the idea of eternity is terrifying."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide slowly caught the creature's look again, and did not look away this time. He locked into it quietly and did not move for a while.
" Eternity of solitude and grief does sound terrifying... But that is not what I offered you. Do you... really have so little fate in me? In your king, your Semai, and a person that offered to bend over backwards to share a future with you? I keep offering, again and again, and I keep being ignored. As if I offer nothing at all. " he whispered sadly, but with a firm, solemn note. " Is the idea of eternity with me really so terrifying? I, personally, came to think that the idea of eternity with you is... " his voice wavered. " Delightful. "

[Mirach]

"It's not about the company," Death murmured. "If living with myself is a burden, it won't magically disappear when I care for someone. It just adds more guilt to the thought of wishing for an end. But I know I shouldn't wish for it, don't worry. Between the chance that all gets better and the chance that nothing will, there is a lot of possibilities."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide was watching him quietly.
" There used to be a time when living with myself was an incredible burden... " he said in the end. " I know it may not seem so by the looks of me... But I was rotting and wilting from within a thousand screams of pain, for aeons... before I finally began to put things together, and meet myself. Before I discovered a love for the strange creature I came to be and came to enjoy being me, and then came to become Me. It's not about what is right or wrong. It's about... What could be? It could be that you find happiness. It could be that you grow to become the most joyous, most wonderful version of yourself. Don't live because you ought to, because you shouldn't think about dying. Live for you. " he pointed finger at the snake firmly. " You owe it to the future version of you. You owe it to him, not to me. It is for him that you should live and do your best, so he can exist one day as I lived for me I did not know, but for the version of me I only longed to become. He may not grow to exist for a thousand years - but if you never decide to strive to be him, then he never will. That is the point. That is why I can't obey your wish. It's not the mercy that you ask for... Killing you would be the very punishment I am against. "

[Mirach]

"If I could just be certain that there is someone like that..." Death sighed.

[VisAnastasis]

" There always is. " Tide replied confidently, as sure in his belief as Death was uncertain." Let's look for him together! One day at a time, one day, what do you say?" He looked hopeful, as he whispered." Dying is mercy for some people... Not for you. Your mercy is... This. " He waved with his hand around the cave, and with a gesture, the soothing water around them grew a little warmer, making up for the loss in steam." If I am your king, then I am to decide what our deserve. Mercy you deserve is happiness, and I shall give it to you, one grain at a time if need be, but I will."

[Mirach]

Death closed his eyes tiredly. "I accept your judgement..." he whispered with resignation.