Death and Tide

[VisAnastasis]

" Malachite offered you already to adjust the mixture with you. " Tide whispered with some wonder. " He will make it with you, before your eyes. You can see it all getting made, and he can answer your questions. He likes to personalize every potion, to make sure to cater to any weakness or allergy, as long as you are nice, he's sure to take in mind things you request... "

[Mirach]

"I know, but it's not the same as holding it and feeling it in all layers," Death said. "I am too demanding, I know..." he sighed. 

[VisAnastasis]

" Hey, was I too demanding when you had to exchange bandages all the time? When you soothed my pain? When you healed me? No. You were happy about it, weren't you? Then why can't you get that I am happy too? I like to do things for you. We will do this the way you are comfortable with. That's what friends are for." He smiled hopefully, looking for what snake will do with his words."  You are not handful, to me. You are just a handful of joy..." He whispered, and he offered Death his palm to lean on, timidly stroking his chin, shy, but clearly honest.

[Mirach]

"But I am too demanding to Malachite still," Death murmured.

[VisAnastasis]

" Why do you assume things without asking? How about you talk it through instead?" Tide suggested quietly, caressing the little snake." It is rude to just stay silent and let people be sad, thinking they upset you and can't fix it. Give people way to work with your insecurities. By talking it through, you can work on it, and make it better. Wouldn't that be much nicer way to deal with this, than withdrawing in yourself and feeling bad about your feelings and what not?"

[Mirach]

"Would he... like to talk, you think?" Death asked, looking at Malachite shyly but invitingly.

[VisAnastasis]

" Why don't you ask him?" Tide encouraged him, and moved a little aside, so Death could see the creature better.

Malachite was sitting on his chair anew, but not withdrawn - this time, he listened to their conversation and was watching intently, appearing insecure and lost. He was holding tightly onto his tunic and his breathing was bathed and a little strained... Tide was right, that he appeared overwhelmed and conflicted about what happened. It was an unexpected blow to his confidence, and since it was so frail to begin with, he seemed to have gotten mentally stuck with the refusal, not knowing what to do about it, so he just sat down there and felt bad, much like Death was lying down but instead of resting,  likewise feeling bad and unsure what to say.

[Mirach]

"May I?" Death looked at Malachite  gently. "May I ask you that, I mean... If you wouldn't mind to talk?"

[VisAnastasis]

The creature looked tense, its look locked on the little snake, not looking away. He struggled to speak up, but he had trouble to come up with words he wanted to. It was as if they were stuck in his throat, and he coughed weakly.
" Ask me... " he whispered hoarsely at last.

[Mirach]

"Did I hurt you?" Death asked, not knowing if he will be allowed another question and so going straight to the point that he was worried about.

[VisAnastasis]

Malachite bit his lip, bending over a little. He was pressing his stomach subconsciously as if it was unrestful, despite he ate nothing and barely drank anything. Nothing was there, but the anxiety and dread.
" No... " he chocked up on the words a little. " It just... tasted bad... "

[Mirach]

"I'm sorry," Death said. "Do you think we could make it taste better?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Guilt is so bitter... " Creature whispered shyly, clearing it's throat. " Do you... Really want this? Even if... it scares you? "

[Mirach]

"Please, you don't need to feel guilty that it scares me. It is not your fault. I don't think it's anyone's fault  really. And I am not sure. Could you maybe help me figure it out?"

[VisAnastasis]

" But... what can I do?" Malachite asked thinly, with choked up grief. " I don't need to feel guilty... And you... You don't need to feel fear. Yet... Here we are... Stuck... "

[Mirach]

"Yes, that's right..." Death said quietly. "I don't know why I am afraid. I am tempted to accept it anyways, because I want to get better. But I already learnt that such acceptance wouldn't do much good... How would it taste if I refused this and asked if you could just improve the balm instead?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Helping... It is the only thing... That tastes good. " Spirit whispered thinly. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts and trying to out them to words." It would taste better... To fix something, than to fix nothing. But... If you were to... To force yourself to it..." He gulped, and deep in his green eyes, that could recognize something terribly sad - regret, and true, unadulterated  terror." It would taste as poison. I would not forgive you... For... For making me... an instrument in your suffering. I could not be... Your host anymore. "

[Mirach]

"That is fair," Death said. "How about just improving the balm as a normal balm, without it having to go into that needle?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Needle is... Much more efficient. Adding liquid ingredients... Would double the balm you have. But no use... If it is... Too close to handle." He shook his head slowly." I can't...lie to you... Just improving it as valm... It won't be as good as liquid option... But it can make difference. We can.. we could go to my study... And talk it through. Decide. Browse ingredients and powders. See what you are comfortable with..."

[Mirach]

"That would make more difference to me than a more efficient balm," Death said. 

[VisAnastasis]

" Come, then... " the creature whispered thinly, not able to force itself to form more words than that. He gestured to Tide to carry the chair, like before, while he carefully picked up the jar with the balm, leaning it against his chest to secure it, as his hands shook lightly.

[Mirach]

Death leaned on the pillow a bit miserably, finding it very hard and rather exhausting to put his own emotional comfort before someone rlse's. He was now almost wishing he would have hidden his fear and just let Malachite help as he wished, but the experience with Emil told him it wasn't a good idea in long-term.

[VisAnastasis]

Malachite was still withdrawn as he walked, unsure, a touch lost in his thoughts. Being as unsure as he apparently was, he'd probably only relax when he feels useful again, and he quickened his step.

He led them through the room with plants, to another room, much larger, messy, full of dust, debree, rocks and spilled liquids all around the big work table - and potions and powders and mixtures packed up on every shelf.

When they came there, he turned to them slowly. He looked at Tide thoughtfully, before fixing his glasses and looking at the snake.
" Before we see what to do... I would just... Like to understand." He whispered. " My experience with it... Is so different from yours. I feel... Conflicted. " He admitted. He seemed a little unsure, as if preparing to share something personal he usually would not, if not for this." So deep wounds... Feel so... Frustrating. It is like having an itch so deep... You can never scratch it.It is there, but you... You have to always ignore... The terrible staleness. Gaining this instrument... Felt powerful to me. When you can finally... After so long... Treat the wound you could not reach... It is... Empowered. Feels good." He gulped." Just... Can't understand. Just... Wondering... Aren't you... At least a little bit... Longing for that? Not curious? Not even... a bit?"

[Mirach]

Death thought about that for a while. "A bit of longing? Maybe..." he murmured. "But also dread of that touch, reaching through all layers above the wound that at least healed somehow and give an illusion of safety from being touched there ever again..."

[VisAnastasis]

" But is the dread really... Stronger than desire?" Spirit asked fraily." I understand dread. I can only do this to myself... Because I am the one doing it. I couldn't bare... The touch of other's hands, on my skin, or deeper. I understand that." He gulped." But your case is different.... You can not... Use needle on yourself. You can't reach your neck and back properly... To give to yourself. It is good for you be treated... bad for you be triggered. So... I am conflicted." He gulped, whispering a little hoarsely." When I see... The way you lay... so stiff... I feel... Like I am... Robbing you of something... Very good for you. So, I wondered... Is this... Something you feel too dreaded to... Accept ever... Or right now?"