Re: Svarik and the company II

[VisAnastasis]

" I just need to know.. Because I can not comprehend it... " creature dared to ask quietly. Its hands, clenched in first, were trembling a little, bathed in coldness of discomfort and uncertainty. " How do you not... Find me... Repulsive? " he asked quietly. " Falcon, I can maybe even understand a bit... He does his share of killings and law breaking, too. But you... " he looked away, as if he was too ashamed to look at his face. " How can you... Look into my eyes, so freely, so warmly? You have adopted that child, Irden. How are you not.. ashamed.. to bear with protection of a monster that killed his father? How...? "

[Mirach]

"I do not see a monster. I see a misguided soldier who obeyed orders," Svarik said. "I'm not going to pretend it didn't happen, but I know that you would not kill him from your own free will."

[VisAnastasis]

Erdel did not look up, thought it seemed Svarik's words touched some painful string in his soul.
" I tried to... convince myself that it was fine. That I wanted it. That he deserved it. It's been years since he became laughing stock behind his back, for failing to capture one single man, with all his force. Everyone started to grow doubtful. Everyone started to deem him a man incompetent, not a shadow compared to previous general. Bull priests gave us their blessings - it's justice, punishment for his incompetence, they told us. " king could see Erdel was hiding his face, as there were tears in his bright red eyes. His hands, tightly clenched, looked rather cold, having some lingering scent of miasma. " But I can not lie to myself. It does not matter whose blessings we received... I... Killed a great man, a man who promoted me more than once, who only had kindness for me, who made me his trusted lieutenant.... In his own home, like a last coward. People in council at least had time to pick up their swords. He did not. Nothing I ever do after this will... Nothing will ever make me a good man... "

[Mirach]

"It seems like it's partially my fault as well," Svarik sighed. "But it's you who carry the burden. You are guilty in letting yourself be deceived. The guilt for the murder falls on those who wielded you like a weapon."

[VisAnastasis]

Vampire shivered a little. Weakly, he hid his face in his palms,  trying not to let his tears be seen. He was just quiet, for a moment, as his shoulders shook a little, in suppressed sobs.
" I guess... I was not able to... Quite put my finger on... Why I am grateful to you. " he whispered quietly then. " Your arrival to capital, it... It led to loss of all I held dear. My position, my dignity, my army friends, my family... And yet... There was filth, in line of power. There was cruelty in Bull priests, and corruption in council. We were viewed as tools, not people, tools for empire's glory, every single one of us... At least, I am comforted, it will be different with you. That is it, I think. You do not view me as... an asset. Just a person. " he admitted vulnerably. " My life is, perhaps, of little value now... But... If I can just make sure you are alright, at least... You, a person over whom Irnet sacrificed his good name, to let you live... I feel like I may leave world a little bit better, as he would have wanted. I... Do have love for you. I do not want to see anyone, ever again, making you suffer like you did, for our sake, at hand of lord Demian." he smiled with grief. " I am... A pretty foul weapon, it seems... But if I could at least be a shield to you in those dangerous times, I feel like... My worthless life may be worth a penny, at least, sir, after all... "

[Mirach]

"Yesterday you was an impenetrable shield to me," Svarik said. "You should be proud of that, not doubt yourself now..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Do I feel proud? It depends...Are you proud of me for that, sir? " vampire at last brought himself to slowly ask, and king could feel his voice trembling with some deep, vulnerable longing - longing to be commended, to be reassured he did well - as, to someone who always doubted himself recently, that would do better than any hobby. " I tried my best... But I feel I was quite laughable shield, yesterday, heh... Good shield deflects the blows, doesn't end up all scratched up like it was made of cheap second hand wood... "

[Mirach]

"I am proud of you," Svarik nodded. "Since we thought it was our host's son who came here, and also with me not getting your clues, I think you did best you could. I will be more attentive to them in the future, I promise..."

[VisAnastasis]

Erdel coughed out the sob a little, and he shivered, before he started taking little deeper breaths, to calm.
" I... " he started slowly when he found his voice again. " I need you to not seek me hobbies, sir, please. " he bid king quietly, then " I have no talent, or inclination to arts, or collecting things. I have no desire, to indulge myself in those. I have... enough of things I do not want to think about, that I can't avoid, to have more. Just... Steering me in better direction... " he gulped. " I would just like that, sir. I am weary, of being considered a weapon. But weapon, I know I am. However, what I would like, at least, is...  Using my destructive powers... For a gentler purpose. You are so gentle, so I feel like I can trust you in this. I just need your help do that, sir... "

[Mirach]

"I think that you underestimate yourself," Svarik said. "But if you wish for a guidance, I can give it to you. Speaking about that, do you want to give that necklace to Malachite while we are still here, or when you return for more medicine for Cernunnos?"

[VisAnastasis]

" I think that I... Really look forward to it. I'd like it to be sooner than later. I feel like it may really make a little difference to him, cheer him up a little, I hope, eventually...  And I feel like I really need to cheer up somebody, at least. But I dare not leave your side anymore, after that incident yesterday. " vampire admitted, a more practical tone and subject seeming to help him calm a bit more. " So, I guess next time I come for cure for Cernunnos would be only option. To admit, my first idea, though,  was asking Hans, if he could find someone to deliver it to Malachite... " he smiled little shyly. " I was planning to ask him if he can translate a message to me, and teach me a bit of Spirit language... Malachite has some solid knowledge of old Lowlandian, but it's a bit harder to communicate, since I have quite basic knowledge of that archaic form, from time I spent in archives. We started to get to meet lot Spirits, so I want to learn Spirit language, his mother language, instead. I hoped I may at least patch up some nice note in Spirit language and writing, if I can not come personally to him before we leave... But I had no time...  "

[Mirach]

"Then we will find some time," Svarik said. "I think message with the present is a good idea for now. It would tell him that you care for him, but give him more time to process your last visit. You should leave the control over when you come to him, by the dose of medicine he mixes."

[VisAnastasis]

" I agree, message may be better. As long as it's written in Spirit language that he can understand. " Erdel agreed shyly, and then he managed to find courage to look up at king timidly, as he realized. " That... That is, I guess, something I would like to do in my free time. It feels like something that would come in useful with all Spirits we deal with all around... Besides, I was always good with learning languages, at least. " he cleared out his face from tears timidly, seeming to feel a little better, as he realized that there was indeed, something he would look forward to. " I guess... If you really insist.. That that could be my hobby... "

[Mirach]

"It just occured to me," Svarik nodded. "I would rather call helping others, like Malachite, your hoby, and learning the language just a means to it. You really have my support in that. Do you think there actually is some textbook on Spirit language?"

[VisAnastasis]

" I doubt it. But I hope some of the Spirits I know may be willing to be my teacher... Melody would be willing, I think, but I am not sure if she would be too good at it, as she is always so easily distracted, and besides, Falcon and her have a thing now, so I would rather have them focus on that. " vampire smiled amiably. Then his smile faded a little, as he remembered something, and he grew thoughtful. " Do you think... I could ask Death? " he said then, quietly. " I mean, in case he refuses the golden apple initially, because it's from me. I see world of Spirits and Demons are all entwined with those.. Deals... Exchanges... If I make a deal with him of some sorts, I was thinking, maybe he'll accept.. "

[Mirach]

"Well, I think that would depend on how he would see teaching you the language - if he considers it a favour to you, or to him..." Svarik said thoughtfully. "But some of the Sun Spirits might be willing as well."

[VisAnastasis]

" Teaching me language would be favor to me, while giving him an apple would be favor to him. It would be an exchange favorable to him, I think, who is in such pain, but an equal exchange... " vampire said slowly. " We will see if he will accept an apple with no obligations, first. If he does not, I'd see if I can strike any deal with him, for him to take it. " he paused, before adding. " They can be nice... But Sun Spirits are quite... Cheery. It can be seen Solstice spoiled them super lot, and shielded them from war. They are often distracted as well, asking you to chat with them, dance with them, play some music, exchange stories.. I'd prefer someone reliable who's just sit down with me and teach me what I want to know, without much distractions. "

[Mirach]

"I fear that with his attitude to demons, he might even consider accepting tha apple as a favour to you..." Svarik sighed. "But if you manage to convince him, he might be a very good teacher."

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, that's weird, but if he accepts it as favor to me, then it's easy. I'd just have to owe him a favor. Lord Nameless likes me, so I I doubt he'd try to claim my soul or life as long as boy's around, so whatever he does want to claim in exchange for apple, it'll be fine, I think. " Erdel nodded slowly. " I hate... hearing him, moaning in his sleep in pain. It feels somehow wrong, like something that isn't right, that is unnatural. Besides, this whole possible corruption going on gets me on edge of my seat. It seems like it would be really bad for all of us, so he better not refuse, if not for me, for the world. "

[Mirach]

Svarik nodded. "I'm not sure if he even realizes that he is possibly getting corrupted.  Maybe it's so unimaginable to him that he does not accept it as a possibility."

[VisAnastasis]

" How are we going to tell it to him, then, without revealing our sources on corruption? " Erdel asked cautiously. " You don't just... Walk up to someone as say... Hey... I just happen to have prophetic gift... And I foresee that you have this, like, worst, incurable illness... "

[Mirach]

"I need to ask him if he will accept Tide's help anyways..." Svarik murmured. "Somehow we need to convince him not only to not hurt Tide, but also to let him help. Maybe we should discuss it with Nammy first, he might have some suggestions..."

[VisAnastasis]

" If anyone can convince him, it'd be Nammy. But I agree. This is going to be quite hard... " he murmured. " The Tide is... His company is so pleasant and natural. He has full control over his aura and it flows so freely and wonderfully... He is, like, the opposite of corruption. " Erdel whispered thoughtfully, leaning back a little. " If anybody may know how to reverse the first stages of corruption, that may be someone like that, that is so... In tune with himself. Though, I think only way Death may agree on it, would be if we found way to really convince him he's dying, and in terrible illness, not just something that will pass. If he realizes he may poison whole world with his weakness, maybe then, I hope, he may accept ever something he finds so repulsive, in order to prevent that and grow stronger again. If whole world falls, Spirit world will fall, too. He wouldn't want all his effort to protect it and hold it together end in vain, I hope. "

[Mirach]

"Yes, that might be a good argument," Svarik nodded. "We should talk to Tide about exact symptoms of corruption, so that we can identify them and convince Death that it's serious."

[VisAnastasis]

" Should we have that conversation when he gets back with flower seeds? " Erdel bid. " After you manage to get them to bloom, of course, since he really wanted them. I believe Hans is indeed, very angry with Lorenzo, so I have a feeling he'll *sleep in* for a while this morning. I heard him stirring couple of times, and then checking the time, and going back to bed. " vampire managed to smile little faintly. " I doubt it would be polite to *wake him* when we promised we won't, I am just saying, his sulking could take a moment. I could feel he was very gloomy and worried about him family last night, so I feel he deserves it, anyway. "