Re: Svarik and the company II

[VisAnastasis]

" I think, that Bell feels really deeply about you. He wouldn't have made both your paths another halves of soul to amend you, despite how painful it was for him, had he not felt very deeply about you. " Zephir whispered. " He's fearful and vulnerable, little flower... But I think he may enjoy it, still, because it's you, and he feels safe with you... "

[Mirach]

"Let's take him then," Svarik said. "I must admit... I have been avoiding the place myself lately. I don't like it and I don't like my other half that much. Does that make sense?"

[VisAnastasis]

Zephir looked at him more thoughtfully, seeming to be intrigued about it, but appearing rather vague about his response.
"It depends.. " he whispered, before he dared to encourage him gently. " What is it exactly that you don't like? Is it bound to its forming, or existence? Or it's its personality? "

[Mirach]

"I don't really know... He is too similar to me, and something with him just feels off because of it. It's like you would be looking at your own heart torn from your chest. It feels wrong, you know it's not supposed to be there and that it means that you are in big trouble. Or like listening to your voice as others hear it. When you try it, it sounds weird, not how you are used to it..." Svarik tried to explain.

[VisAnastasis]

" It must be a pretty unnerving feeling. I wasn't there.. I was in the city, walking along the streets, and singing the dark away. But I imagine it must had been pretty terrible. " Zephir dared anew to suggest carefully, with more gentle, streak of sympathy. " He's immersed in the Vein now.  That is thankfully distracting well enough to him on its own, but you do not have such distraction, sir, sir king. It has been a traumatic event. Your own heart was torn from your chest, and had Bell not made you new one, you'd still be lacking it. It is in our nature, to avoid leaning on a sprained ankle, and you avoid meeting him like one avoid that. It is instinct, and usually a good one. But this ankle's been long healed, sir. It's okay to lean upon it. " he encouraged him. " If you come there, and visit for a few times, you'll see you're really two different people now. If you stop avoiding it and give your mind time to take it in, you'll come to accept it as normal, and unpleasant sensation will go away on its own. "

[Mirach]

"I still find him a bit annoying though, no matter if it's healed or not," Svarik sighed. "I can see his flaws, and they are my own. It's like he would be mocking me, although I know he's not..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, he is part of Vein, and there's all those streams of music, coarsing through him... They fulfill him. It's possible that with no need of his own, he's less prone to proving his virtues, and is more selll.. self centered. But, um, I wouldn't call it exactly flaw,l..." Zephir stuttered.
" Nah, Svarik's flawed. " Falcon sounded as if he tried to tease, but his gaze was serious." Svarik has this thing, like a child, where he'll just prance around and get immediately distracted by a butterfly. He can't focus for his life sometimes. And his other self is now like a kid that found itself in a swarm of butterflies and can't think of anything else... It's not self centered, it's self absorbed. "
" You don't sound like you like him that much..." Highlander noted quietly.
" I don't. But not because of some vague flaw. Why might surprise you, but I guess it's just me." Falcon shrugged." It is tied to that self absorbsion... But mainly, first thing striking me, was how no interest whatever he paid to rest of us. He didn't want to rekindle his bonds with us, he just wanted to be in his own world...Even when White was so worried and asking about it, he didn't see reason to pay him attention, or return him any love White gave him so kindly. He just kept to himself, even if he knew how many abbamdonment issues White has..  Real Svarik wouldn't do that. " Man said simply and firmly." I don't like him, but his flaws are his own, not Svarik's."

[Mirach]

"And I like him even less, because his flaws *are* my own," Svarik said a bit shakily. "He is same as me and I would be same as him, if I would be in his situation. And I don't like it. I don't want to be like that..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Same person can go many different paths. " Zephir voiced himself anew. " In different timelines, you could had never been found, and lived your life as a farm boy... In this, you're a king. In some other, you may had become even instrument maker, who knows? Just one second may decide someone's future. If you would had been in his place, you may have forced yourself still to maintain bonds with people you love, even if it's hard  - or you may have not. You may have rekindled bond with White - or you may have not. It could had gone in so many directions, but it's as futile to say what you would have done in his place, as what Io or ser Falcon would have done in his place... It bears no relevance.. "
" He is right, you know.  You're thinking of it wrong. It's still too fresh for you. " Falcon murmured. " But he's *other you*, not you any longer. The moment you separated, you became two different people... There's no guarantee you'd have been same in his place. Only he is responsible for his own acts, and what he turns to be in his life. You're supposed to take notes and learn from his mistakes, not believe you'd have made the same ones. "

[Mirach]

"I'm not sure I understand that fully," Svarik murmured. "But talking to him feels like he needs some time alone in the Vein... a few decades or centuries, at least. Maybe after that, his copany will be more pleasant. That's one thing. The other one I feel uncomfortable with, it's like looking into a warped mirror, showing all those annoying little things that I don't like in myself..."

[VisAnastasis]

" What is it.." seriously Falcon gazed at him intently, straightforward as ever." That you dislike about yourself so much, that it discomforts you so much? I want to know..."

[Mirach]

"Nothing serious, or that would deserve resentment," Svarik said. "I guess you didn't have a chance for such an experience, but looking at him in the second layer was like looking at myself to me, and I was noticing all those little things that annoyed me - subconscious little things I wouldn't even be aware of otherwise, like the way I blush and look down, the way I scratch my nose when I am in doubt, how distracted I look sometimes... things like that..."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon must had expected it'd be something more serious, and he was mentally preparing for reassurances, but with it, he suddenly, unexpectedly laughed out, covering his mouth to appear more restrained.
" Wow... I mean.. Come on.. Just that? Your gestures?  " he was bemused a little, before he cleared his through, adding with little gentler tone, that seemed to surprise Zephir, that was used to only matter of fact objective reasoning from him. " Dear,I don't get it, those are most adorable things about you... I am so calm with you, in lot because you're so spontaneous and pleasant to be around. You don't pose. You just act so casual. I don't want you to change that, which  enjoy so much... " he whispered more quietly. " But the choice is yours on it... And.. We can work on it, if you'd like. Lot about how you look is in presentation, you see. If you'd like, I can give you some tips in free time, and as for gestures, the solemn, kingly signified ones, it can all be learnt with time, dearest... I could maybe find you some proper choreographer or rhetoric coach. With right training, putting more confidence in your acts should become natural to you. "

[Mirach]

"I guess I could use that," Svarik said, blushing a little with Conrad's laugh, although he didn't take any offence. "And I get that those gestures might not really be annoying to anyone, just to me when I watch him doing them just the way I use to. I'm just saying that the fprmer Derhain fort probably won't become my favourite picnic place; for many reasons..."

[VisAnastasis]

" *Probably* leaves quite a bit of place for possibilities, don't you think? "Falcon asked thoughtfully." Well, you said yourself,he may become more pleasant in few centuries,so, if you plan to get to that point with me, well... who knows.. we'll never know if he'll become more pleasant, unless we come to that point. When Bell helps us renovate that garden and all, I believe chances for it may become quite higher, too..."

[Mirach]

"That's possible," Svarik nodded. "But we are going there now, and I just don't want to pretend to like the place, when I don't..."

[VisAnastasis]

" If you don't like it so strongly... do you want to skip on it? " Falcon asked slowly. " I guess... Simbel is a kind company... Me and Zephir could go, and return when we're done. Or, we could delay the trip for some other time, if you need longer to process your feelings toward that place, and to him... "

[Mirach]

"Would it be okay if I skipped it?" Svarik asked. "Won't you need me there?"

[VisAnastasis]

Zephir  grew more tense with the possibility, as he seemed to be insecure when alone with Falcon, but he didn't say anything. Conrad shook his head, though, adding with same gentler tone.
" Lot has happened. " he said with regards. " It's okay if you take a breather. I did hope we'll do something together, but there's no point in doing something so unpleasant to you. I know you'll feel more peaceful if we figure out a little something at least about demons and how we could help them, though. That's why I'd like to go now... "

[Mirach]

"I would like to go with you still," Svarik said. "I just don't want to go inside if it's not necessarry. I will wait in the carriage, is that alright?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Okay, then, if you're sure. " Falcon nodded slowly, when he sow he's decided. " Let's go then. " he said, and stood up to do so. Simbel seemed little confused, though, not understanding if something's the matter.

[Mirach]

Svarik explained him in thoughts what they are going to do, and asked him if he would be alright with such a solution if the other part of him will agree to it.

[VisAnastasis]

Simbel seemed to grow unsure and vulnerable with it. He hesitated, but when he replied in thought, king could understand why it was a tense thought to him.
" So.. " he replied quietly, is mental voice stuttering. " Does that mean...I'll have to have a... bond with him...so that we can be... helping... the Demon army? " he asked, and there was some trembling note of fear and confusion in his voice.

[Mirach]

"I'm not sure," Svarik said and repeated his question to others. "I thougt it might work on its own, like a scent that gets through even a slightly open window..."

[VisAnastasis]

" No... I don't think... You got it right. " Simbel shook his head hesitantly and tensely. " What... What you ask more seems like... Door, not window, Svarik. It's a gate, it has no windows. What you want to accomplish, is keep door open from *our* side. So that things can come in, but not come out. Food, medicines... my warmth.... for it to go in, only way'd be to  keep door open from our side... " he whispered, and his voice was hoarse, and despite he tried to keep his composure, he was embracing himself around shoulders vulnerably - he appeared suddenly confused and overwhelmed, as if it wasn't that technicality, but what was on the other side and what would be so close to him with it, that terrified him. " Two headed Raven showed me their armies around the gate.. They... You... It's so... you know... "