Re: Svarik and the company II

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon looked up from the plate with sweets he was throwing to the pond. His washed out expression was a touch hard to read.
" Why... do you always do that? " he murmured then, looking down again, and throwing another cupcake in the waters quietly. As it sank and dissolved, he added quietly. " Why do you add *please* to your sentences? I told you many times, not to do that... It's annoying... "

[Mirach]

"Sometimes because I forget," Svarik said. "Sometimes because I want to express that I would really like what I ask for, as opposed to a regular question about where you plan to sleep tonight."

[VisAnastasis]

" Can't you just be direct with me, then? " man murmured. " Can't you just be straightforward, and say simply - I'd really like you to stay and keep me company instead of go somewhere else? Why is it easier to say please that to just say it simply like this? I thought we were past this point... "

[Mirach]

"I don't know, it feels nicer and less strained to me..." Svarik shrugged, feeling a bit burnt out for a pointless discussion about semantics. "I did say it simply - in a way that's more simple to me. If I say I'm sorry for it, will you scold me for apologizing? Why does it bother you so much?"

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon glanced at him from the side, but he looked away again, as if avoiding his gaze. As he added quietly, he revealed why.
" Well.. I can't blame you for not being straightforward.. if I don't reply straightly, can I? " he whispered, and shook his head, adding simply, to the point, bluntly. " It's just a bad... association, for me. After you were hurt, every once in a while...  you'd make a plea to me, and you looked so pitiful to me, as if fearing I'd deny you something you really wanted or felt you needed - as if I'd ever do such a thing. I was in position of power over you back then, though, and you were frail, and you asked what you needed from me, as if you begged... It made me feel mad of myself, because I was powerless to protect you. You'd plead me to keep the light on, you'd plead me to hold you and not go after nightmares... You'd not have to plead me for any of that, had I not failed to protect you. " he shrugged, not looking at him still. " It just brings back unpleasant thoughts, that's all there is to my repulsion. It's not that deep... "

[Mirach]

"Fair enough," Svarik said quietly. "I will try to be mindful of it. But I may forget myself when I'm tired or distracted by other thoughts. Could you just pass over it, pl... dammit! See, I have to change my whole way of thinking and making sentences. It's not that easy..."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon snorted through his nose a bit at the slip up, though smile did not reach his eyes - he seemed to be somehow mildly, distantly entertained, but too melancholic to engage with it.
" I won't bite your head off over it...  I know you're struggling with nearly anything. Let's face it - you spent your whole life, playing songs and running - so, more than anything in the whole world,  you know to play music, and you know to prance around. It's hard to expect from you to pay attention to grammar, like so scholar, and yet, yet... Please, is such an annoying word, you know? " man shook his head, and looked up then, sadly up, at the stars. " It changes nothing, when you say, please. It's pointless word between us... I already know, that you don't ask for anything for your sake easily, which is why I know, that when you ask for something, you do wish it for it more than you dislike bothering people by asking things from them. I'm your Semai, my dear, dearest, good for nothing fool.. " he sighed. " I know, how your mind works... You'll *do please* phrase me, as long as you live. I know when I seek for impossible, and yet... yet, you know, yet colors everything we do. We know what is truth to things, and yet - it's in our nature, to long for impossible things...  "

[Mirach]

Svarik nodded slowly. "So, I assume I can take this as a "yes" to the question, right?"

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon snorted through his nose a little.
" Well, city room has no city model anymore, so it's main appeal is gone. I can't go to have a sleepover in Melody's room because I have to keep surprise secret, and reading room is not pleasant sleeping place, unless you're there.... " He shrugged lightly, looking down to the pond. " Would you believe it was my own intention to ask you if you'd like company tonight, after we finish the meal? I decided against asking for it, seeing your mood... It emptied me and my resolve, honestly. I planned to go on the roof and watch stars until I can no longer stay awake.... But if you do want me to stay, of course I will."

[Mirach]

"Yes, I do," Svarik nodded. "Sorry for the mood, though... I don't think I can change it too much..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Why should you change it? Life just sucks sometimes, and it's been a long day. " Falcon murmured, looking not at him, but at the pond. He threw upon it another piece of cake, absently. " You're honestly quite toxic right now, but I'm toxic most of the time, so who am I to judge? I was just thinking it may be good idea to give you space, I never said I'd sneak out just because you're down. Things just suck and that's it. Life's got us pretty screwed over right now, anyway. From fundamentally different reasons, of course, but none the less, it sucks. "

[Mirach]

Svarik just nodded, and thew the rest of his bread into the water as well before he stood up. "This is pointless, let's go to sleep..."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon looked up at the night sky a bit regretfully. He seemed very distant and absent, as if his heart was not in this place, but miles away.
" Everything's pointless, in the end... " he murmured. " So, could we just stay watch the stars, just for a little bit longer? Zephir was right... They really do look lovely, from here... "

[Mirach]

"How about rolling back the roof of the tent?" Svarik asked. "We could watch them from there... I just feel like I need to hide somewhere..."

[VisAnastasis]

" You could hide under my cloak. You're still tiny enough, you puny little king of sun... " Falcon sighed, the intended jest just sounding kind of wistful. He streched his shoulders a bit, and then stood up. " Alright... Let's get to that tent... "

[Mirach]

Svarik went with him, and rolled back the roof of the tent, leaving just the walls, so he could hide before the world while Conrad could watch the stars.

[VisAnastasis]

While he was rolling the roof, Falcon focused on floor instead - that is, he knew Svarik doesn't care much for being tidy in his distress, and so he took care of it instead. He placed makesift beds besides one another, and he fixed them and make them both comfortable and pleasant sleeping place, making sure they have enough soft blankets and pillows.

[Mirach]

Svarik huddled in the blanket, more from the need to hide than for warmth, as the weather was pleasant by the pond.

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon fazed upon him quietly, as if deciding something. Then, he knelt beside him, and put a hand on his shoulder lightly.
" Hey.. be honest with me..." He murmured." Would you prefer me closer tonight, or in same tent, but on safe distance? I have to know, so I can know what to do... "

[Mirach]

Svarik thought for a moment. "It's not that important, just that you are here and everyone else is out... But I think I would feel most comfortable close, but not touching," he said quietly then.

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon nodded.
" I don't know what you are thinking about now... Your request makes me think it's as unpleasant as it gets. You can keep the thoughts to yourself, it's okay. You deserve privacy. But whatever your inner voice is nagging you with doubts, please, don't forget you are precious to me, no matter anything or anyone - not even yourself. You are my little brother, and I am happy to be here with you. . " He only said, simply - and then, quietly, he pulled his bed closer to Svarik's - right beside him, and there, he laid down and covered himself with a blanket, at arm's reach, but not touching him, being far enough for Svarik to not be anxious about it.

[Mirach]

Svarik smiled at him faintly, and then lied down and closed his eyes, hoping that White would help him fall asleep when he wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise.

[VisAnastasis]

White loved Svarik most dearly -man didn't have to form request to him out loud, for him to understand and long to meet his wishes. All the more time he knew him, he loved Svarik more - and more than just good nature, there was gentleness and love in the gesture, as pond's warmth gradually enveloped meadow king and, like a beloved child, began lulling him to sleep.

[Mirach]

Svarik sighed when he finally felt the sleep coming, and with it absence of thoughs.

[VisAnastasis]

Simbel wrapped him up gently with his essence and warmth of it, finally providing him with rest he needed and enabling him to rest his weary mind for a while.