Re: Svarik and the company II

[Mirach]

"That's good," Svarik nodded. "A proof is alright, but it does not oblige you to progress in the relationship faster than you are ready to. It just tells that you are counting on getting there eventually."

[VisAnastasis]

" That's why this dude here is so handy. " Falcon smiled, fraily so, and he seemed in some rather vulnerable mood right now, as if strain of his situation and relationship with everyone was catching up to him. " The sunflower won't become mature enough to take other for for few centuries at very best case... That's plenty of time for promise to come to fruition, and... it's kind of comforting, to.. attempt to love something... " he struggled not to say it, but in the end, he did. "... That can't leave me. Not right now, at least... I think I begin to see... the appeal Zephir sees, in flowers... "

[Mirach]

Svarik just sighed, not having an anwer to that and feeling bad for it.

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon waited for Svarik to reply, as if hoping he'd say something, anything, at least. But when he did not, he clenched his fists at first, as if fighting against some unpleasant dark thoughts and struggling to internalize it- before he released the grip, as if collecting his thoughts, and brought himself to find strength to smile faintly.
" You really are the worst, you know? " he whispered, on contrary to his words, lovingly with just tinge of sadness, and he spread his hands then, without needless words, as if not finding proper words, inviting him to hug him with the gesture, but not reaching for him himself, as if waiting to see if he'd choose to do so.

[Mirach]

Svarik embraced him firmly, as if just waiting for an excuse. "I know..." he sobbed. "I'm sorry..."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon seemed a little taken aback, in a little sad, pathetic way - he seemed to have hoped for this, but still, rather believed king would hesitate to reach for him... maybe because of such utter lack of it,  it reminded him on happier times, and he trembled himself. He fought to keep a straight face, before he returned the firm embrace, as if holding onto the last straw of sanity. It was tight, too tight, and there was a tinge of great frustration and madness in it, as if to let go would mean to perish.

" It can't be helped... " he whispered hoarsely, still, equally, with a chilling smile frozen upon his lips." I am the one, that choose to stare directly to the sun... Being blinded by it, is fault of me alone... I should have been satisfied with watching sunflowers from the start... but I wanted more... It's all a prank universe pulls on me, like always... it is like that, sometimes... it is not you... "

[Mirach]

Svarik sighed shakily, not relesing his embrace, but rather tightening it as if he didn't want to let go of it.

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon kept his embrace firm, not letting go. It was pitiful, as Svarik realized man was breathing in his scent quietly in it - as if trying to seer it in his mind.... fearful that he'll forget it one day, when there's no longer a chance to embrace him anew to rekindle the memory...

[Mirach]

Svarik's heart ached with that, and he didn't let go until Conrad's desperate grip weakened.

[VisAnastasis]

It took a moment, before Falcon sighed, as if gathering determination to collect himself. It was not easy, but in the end, he slowly released the embrace. He appeared a little torn as he withdrew, and there was no mask upon his face, to hide grief - and he was still holding his hand upon Svarik's shoulder, as if unwilling to part fully.
" I... I am sorry. I'm just making you ever sadder, ain't I? Stupid bird, this Conrad Falcon, he's really foolish one... " he grinned, despite there was no merit, but loss, in his eyes, as he patted king's shoulder longingly, despite it was supposed to be in consolation. " It's stupid to  get emotional like this, I know, but... I was just thinking, you know. I always loved stars so deeply, but I just recently learned, from Sun Spirits - they told me, Svarik, that Sun is actually just a star, that is very close to us. That's why it shines so bright. And it just crossed my mind... " he laughed out, in some way he would to pretend there's not a sorrow where there it was in abundance. " What am I going to do without my brightest star, you know? All the stars are pretty, but they're too far... none of them will give me warmth, like you used to... "

[Mirach]

"That's not true..." Svarik whispered. "You don't only have one sun, and I will come back and then I will stay. So shall we plant the subflower for your sunny lady?"

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon smiled just a little bit more, at the mention.
" She'd make a glorious star... Yes. " he whispered. " I think I'd like to. Only if you're up for it, though. I hoped it can be a good memory for us, but... I guess we're both in our own hells right now. It doesn't have to be a good memory, this once, I guess... But I need you to want it, too. I don't think I can do something like this over will. It should be special... "

[Mirach]

Svarik nodded. "It doesn't have to he happy to he special. It's going to be a bit sad and melancholic, it seems to me, but we are together in it, and we can share it. I think that,s enough, right now..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Well.. Hm... What do you know..." Falcon seemed to try to start sentence with some usual self loathing, but he seemed to overhear something, and he turned back, almost a little curiously, before he snorted lightly through his nose, and added with some faint feeble bemusement. " Well... Two of us might be a bit down... But I was right to bring him. Look - at least one of us three looks gleeful about the development, huh... " he said, and pointed in distance, toward the shore where they left Zephir.

Highlander was gushing all around biggest sunflowers, indeed, gleeful being quite a good word to describe it. When on his own, he didn't seem as afraid to be himself, and he was sitting down on the ground, getting his hands dirty, patting the soil around the roots and watering the plants with free hand from the bucket that they're brought, and that he must had filled with water of the river as he waited for  them. He was moving his lips, as if whispering to himself, but when the two men focused, they could see he was singing a quiet, but powerful song - shy, trembling, vulnerable song, that was of comfort and encouragement for timid flowers around him to grow. The scent of pollen was stronger under the gentle murmur, and he seemed to feel comforted, here, among the delicate flowers that bore sun's light and name.

[Mirach]

Svarik smiled a little. "Let's not disturb him yet..." he said.

[VisAnastasis]

" Yes, it's nice to watch him when he doesn't think he's being watched. " Falcon agreed, observing the young man's shy gleeful manner with plants a little thoughtfully. " None of us is without mistake or sin... He's my sin, in a way. " he whispered quietly as they watched from the safe distance. " I really tried to find him safe home... on safe enough distance. But his needs turned to be so much harder to sate than I anticipated. It's no excuse, though. Two of masters I found for him turned out to be really bad. He would get punished for singing during day and disturbing noblemen, so he would sing at night, and then he would get punished for waking them up. He never told me anything, I always had to find things out from other sources... But he's afraid to sing before other people now, in fear of being punished. I like to see he's singing more freely again, even if ever so hesitantly... "

[Mirach]

"It's difficult to tame a wild animal," Svarik whispered. "But if it already learnt to trust and that trust was broken... that's a thousand times more difficult. It will take a lot of time..."

[VisAnastasis]

" If it's for any consolation, I don't think he ever trusted me. " Falcon smiled a little helplessly, and there was some regret in his words." And I don't think he ever really will, anymore, after he learned I had a big garden and could have had employed him right away, no questions asked, instead of straying him through various other employers, but I didn't trust him no more than he had trusted me. However, now with Simbel, situation is different. I am usually so good at putting people to places they'll be happy at, but this time, I messed up real bad, real talk, Svarik. I am frustrated, for not being able to help him better, but... I think.. if I could see Simbel tame him and bring him happiness... I could feel a little better about it... "

[Mirach]

"I think it could be done... with Simbel. But he will never trust you, I fear..." Svarik sighed.

[VisAnastasis]

" You can say that again, heh.... But I'll never trust him, either, so we're even, right? " Falcon murmured a little darkly. " It doesn't matter, how happy he looks, when he's all cossy like this among the flower fields... I'm still a posterboy for everything he hates and fears in this world. A criminal, a torturer, a soldier, a man easy to draw sword and to sacrifice whoever and whatever needed for his goals, a man quick to insult and ever quicker to judge people that do the same crimes as himself.... I'd never trust someone than looks down upon me, and even less, I'll trust someone that looks down upon me and has such dangerous big power to act upon it, should I piss him off.... That's all the more why I'm glad I have Simbel and you in between the two of us, right now - he can finally be free to lead happier life, and I can finally stop being on guilt trips about it. He's safe and sound, and I get to be on safe and sound distance from him, but still close enough to coax some help should I need it. It's a perfect situation for me. All happy. "

[Mirach]

"I would exactly call that happy, but it's bearable for all, I guess," Svarik murmured. "Shall we join him?"

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon nodded quietly, seeming a little gloomy - it seemed that he was torn in situation like this, torn both wishing to share what bothered him and fear to be accused of ever running away from emotional matters, like he of course, was doing all the time. It was just as much of an escape, though, to join Zephir, and so, he quietly gave kind a sign that they should go back, and he stepped forth anew to get back to sunflowers.

[Mirach]

Svarik followed him, staying close to him as he accompanied Conrad to the biggest sunflower.

[VisAnastasis]

Zephir was singing to the delicate flowers with more playful gentle notes, indeed seeming excited about being in presence of such lovely beings. However, when he realized they are nearing, it seemed that as if in instilled reaction of fear, he put hand over his mouth and clenched his jaw tightly - and the song teased.
He turned to them sharply, and only when he sow no anger in their eyes, he dared smile faintly.
" Y-your.. your sunflowers..." He stuttered to not have sudden silence awkward." T-they are lovely... they love to bask in sun and in attention...."

[Mirach]

"Yes, it seems so," Svarik smiled a little. "If we plant the central one in the garden, it will have much more attention there. Then you can sing for it more often, if you would like to."