Re: Svarik and the company II

[VisAnastasis]

They waited for quite a while longer, though - for Falcon wanted to stay as long as Svar wanted him.... As creature didn't show much signs of desiring to let go of him, after a while, Falcon's part of bond grew a little more wondering and hesitant - it knew that by now Zephir and Svarik may begin to worry, and he didn't want them to feel trapped by waiting for him even longer, so, despite he was hesitant to mention it, there was a growing tinge of impatience in his mind.

[Mirach]

Svar felt it and withdrew his mind withour a word. 

[VisAnastasis]

It was a bit of a cold shower - little sudden unexpected gesture, without even proper goodbye. Bird needed a moment to get steady on its feet... and then, it flew away without looking back, through the dream layer more dangerous for one than two bounded as one. Once he found way back to his body, he took few moments to breathe in and regain his composure, before he went to rejoin his companions.

[Mirach]

Svarik was already impatient and worried. He sighed a bit with relief when Conrad finally joined them. "How did it go?" he asked.

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, it was not easy talk  to swallow.. " Falcon replied, with little weary, but smile that attempted to jest of it. " With surprise to no one, I do understand him a little more now - but how much I like him, well, alas, it's about the same, which's not much to begin with... "

[Mirach]

"That sounds like have you both a hard time..." Svarik murmured. "I'm sorry I didn't go with you. Did he agree to our request at least?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Agree... is a strong word for it. But, in a way. " Falcon explained with carefully neutral face, sitting down on free place a little further from the two of them. " There's something... a little different about him. I think he's beggining to settle into his new reality, ever so slowly. But he did show more emotions, once his fear was probed. He was very tense and protective of the Vein - they are still seperate entites as much as I can feel, in nature, but he sees it as part of him, and likewise. That's why... he said he can't continue existing as he is now, if we open the gate. He wants to retreat, deeper into the Vein, where there are no thoughts, and where he can slumber without thinking anything... That is his condition for us opening the gate from our side...  "

[Mirach]

Svarik bit his lip. "Will he ever come back, though?" he asked.

[VisAnastasis]

" It doesn't seem to me like a death wish. He clearly doesn't think he will stop existing. He said he feels out of tune with the Vein, and hopes rest in it's dept may help him become one with it... " Falcon mutmired with just a tinge of dissatisfaction." What we want and what will be are different things, though. There's just something fishy to me about whole situation. Even if he happens to be right about what he needs, without any proper care, only with such crude way of dealing with it, who knows how long he'll slumber... Could be years... Could be milennias... Heck, could be, like, million years..."

[Mirach]

"Somehow I'm getting the feeling that he wouldn't want to wake while the gate is open..." Svarik murmured. 

[VisAnastasis]

" Yes, as I said..." Falcon confirmed he feels the same." In worst best case, he could be gone for, like, million years... And in worst worst case... It is so long. Who knows how much such a powerful river can erode from someone's mind and self, given enough time. Even if he wakes up in the end, nothing guarantees anything from it's original self will remain. Nothing.."

[Mirach]

"You don't want to let him go, do you?" Svarik asked. "How do you actually feel about him?"

[VisAnastasis]

" How do I feel?" Falcon put on a brave face, with his trademark attempt to make jest out of suffering. " Why, I feel like I am running out of Svariks, heh... Hard to keep plant, this svarikius meadowaris is, I give you that.. I must totally request a second shipment of it from life department sometimes, really,if I am to save the speecie. I'd say that much is obvious. "

[Mirach]

Svarik smiled sadly, in sympathy. "Even if he doesn't seem to care? I just don't know how it's possible... He is a part of me. How can he not care?"

[VisAnastasis]

" I wouldn't say he doesn't care, in dept of himself... I'd rather say... That it's like when someone punches you in the gut. Love of all people on the world aside, if someone punches you, that's all you can focus on. I'd say he is not just punched, but pretty screwed over, and deeply traumatized by the way he came to be, and that can't just go away just because leaning against the Vein is soothing. He was part of you, but in the same time, he identifies as Vein, and Vein's kind of been under terrible strain of its every possible fiber under the darkness of last centuries, so.... It's trauma he wants to deal with by running away from it. " Falcon smirked with some bitterness. " At least there's one thing left that reminds me of you, in him... "

[Mirach]

"If it's like you say, maybe we should let him, if he could really do that..." Svarik murmured. "But I wonder if he actually can ran away from it, or if he will take it with himself no matter how deep he hides..."

[VisAnastasis]

" That's one of the things that alarms me the most... Whole this situation... feels of to me. It's like when a person is freezing and he lies down in the snow to sleep... I can't put finger on it, and maybe I'm paranoid, but it makes me very wary. " Falcon murmured. " I can think of too many ways this can go wrong.. I mean... what if it becomes, like a sleep paralysis? He could be like Two headed Raven... Trapped, motionless, aware of himself... suffering.. ... but unable to snap out of it. With only echo of his own mind keeping him company. Nothing rules out possibility that once he stops fighting urge to rest and gives into it, he won't just, like, lose himself in the Vein, either... In any case, I don't think chances are on our side, considering your own track record with running away. Sooner or later, no matter how much we ignore them, things just catch up with us... "

[Mirach]

"They do..." Svarik sighed. "But here, it seems to me that not only he but also the Vein have traumas they need to deal with, and the disharmony between them only deepens them. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to open the gate now. I feel sorry for the demons trapped there, but if we rush this, the price might be too high. I would suggest we first help him deal with this and connect with the Vein better without having to retreat into unconsciousness, and only then open the gate, when he doesn't feel the need to run before it anymore. Maybe we wanted to resolve this too quickly..."

[VisAnastasis]

" No, I feel you. I thought the same thing. That's why I set him some conditions first, if he wants my blessing to retreat. That's how I am planning to buy time to, esencially, trick him into taking care of himself..." Falcon smiled faintly, and explained briefly conditions he set for Svar, only not mentioning Zephir's intended role - how he wants to have him interact again with people that loved Svarik in order to bid goodbye to them and so they can see how he feels of them now, White included; that he should meet demon king Tide, and that Tide should observe him and advise him on what he should do regarding his dual nature to feel better." If anyone can give good advice for a start, it will be Tide, who had to reconcile so many souls in himself." He explained." That way, we kill two birds with one stone - he sees not all demons are bad, and is coaxed into addressing his issues."

[Mirach]

"I fear we might not accomplish the second, if he thinks that we want to open the gate soon. He might still want to retreat before it... Maybe it was a mistake to come with the request so directly. But who should have known, when he didn't want to share anything?"

[VisAnastasis]

" It wouldn't matter to my feelings, sure, if he would have said anything - but it would have mattered to his situation, true." Falcon distanced himself emotionally right away, so it's clear his previous opinion stands." I don't plan to open the gate that soon, either, after getting better assessment of situation. Of course it's too soon, in light of that. But if it wasn't clear enough that's delayed... Maybe you can speak with him sometimes?" Falcon suggested." He is still you, even if he looks twisted to your standards. If anyone can assure him gate won't be opened yet, it's you. You have power over the project, technically..."
" Yes..." Zephir stuttered quietly too." I... I work.. in garden... There's... There's lot to do. I wouldn't offer this, if I didn't think it can be safe, but it will only be safe if we do it right. But... I can only work on securing of gate.. if you allow... Give me funds... Time... All that.. Simbel, S-Simbel is handful. He needs lot of care. I don't really know if free time is something I can count as having, once work in the garden progresses."

[Mirach]

"That's why we will need to employ more people, so you can tell them what to do and focus on the tasks that require your skills. I don't want you to have no free time..." Svarik said. "But yes, before we even consider opening the gate, Simbel needs more care and the Vein-Svatik needs much more care too. I will talk to him. Should I maybe do that now, since we are already here here?" 

[VisAnastasis]

" Do not use space-inconvenience to force yourself on it." Falcon replied clearly and simply." I want you to be honest with yourself, and think through if you really feel like going there. I don't want you to go if you don't feel ready yet."

[Mirach]

"I don't want to, but I feel ashamed for staying here..." Svarik murmured. "You was nkt eager to go either..."

[VisAnastasis]

" You won't help him feel better by letting him feel your rejection up close. He's, hmmm, let's say it subtly, had healthy doze of that already." Falcon shook his head then, sharply and simply." He's not going anywhere... You'll both feel bad and guilty. It's not good visit to make on nervous mind. Let's just delay it and leave it for some other day, okay?"