Re: Svarik and the company II

[VisAnastasis]

" It is not as simple as to what I want. It's never about that... It's about balancing what other people involved in matter want, and what the world needs. " Falcon replied, with a little washed out mental voice - like so far, it seemed to be voice of someone on whom it has downed that his expectations can't be met, and is pushing back an emotional issue to deal with it another time, where he needs to think of others right now. " For a start of starts, it's about what you want, and I won't let your plea fall on the deaf ears... You said you are remaining in this kind of existence for me, but that it's unstable and unpleasant for you. What can we gain, by having you lead a painful and uncomfortable existence? Neither demons in sixth layer will be helped, neither you. You ask for time you need, and you'll... receive it... " Semai shook his head sadly, as he brought himself to add. " You could retreat right away, if so you choose. I won't stop you. But it's just that, if you want me to accept it and give you my blessing in that call, since we don't know how long your slumber might be, you'll have to pass some conditions for me first... "

[Mirach]

"Tell me your conditions. And I hope that when I wake, I will be able to give you what you really want..."

[VisAnastasis]

" I don't know what I'll want, in unforeseeable future. Could be lot, could be nothing. But if fate turns so, that we do not meet again... I bid you to do all in your power, to find happiness. If you can, I bid you to not regret choices you've made, and that parted us. You are doing best you can, it's not your fault it's of little use to me. You're not meant to be measured in worth by your usefulness to me. " Falcon replied quietly. " And things I wish from you are not grand. It won't keep you too long. You may not feel need to, but one day you may come to regret if you don't do what I ask from you, and so I'll ask: people here need to have closure with you, if they're to go on without regrets, too. What I ask from you, first and foremost - you'll have to bid goodbye to everyone that wants to bid goodbye to you. I'll have them who can visit you here in second layer, in forms they can master, for you, and you're to say goodbye to them, and explain to them you care for them all, but that you can't stay awake any longer with your contradictions, and must rest, for howlong it takes. You may not feel need for it now, but I fear, whatever you come to be in the end, if least of Svarik remains in you and your sleep lasts too long, you'll feel terrible over never saying goodbye, and then may be too late.. " Semai shook its head. " So, you're have to say goodbye to everyone, before it comes. Even if you don't feel it right now for real, they deserve the comfort, even of deception, rather than coldness of rejection. "

[Mirach]

"I don't hve the need to meet them here. I feel them in my land... But if they would like to say goodbies, I will be here to meet them. Is that alright?" Svar asked.

[VisAnastasis]

" You feel them now, but if they die, you'll have little left to feel, you... Straw head... " Falcon used a joking insult, one he used to say sometimes before when he'd jest with king of his silliness, although in this case, it wasn't funny, but painful. " You'll regret one day, if you'd have been inconsiderate. White's feelings were already hurt enough, by your acts..  But he's a tough cookie. Very surviveable. I am counting, even more than me, he may have a chance to live through this, and you may have chance to make amends with him. I don't know if he'll himself want to see you. Others, though, are mortal, and nothing can guarantee you'll see them anew, and chances are more slim, the older they are. This may be your last chance to speak with Lord Ciel... And Liron too, if he's to die or leave the land to his own world, whichever comes first. Others as well, are attached to you. Nammeless, Melody, Erdel, Owl, Mole.... You may not feel it, but look at it like this - they've loved you. In name of that love, you have a duty, to give them closure. You have duty to part with them on good terms so they can move on with their lives. You have duty, to put a smile before them, and apologize to them, for leaving them, even if you don't feel it, even if it's not true... " Falcon replied quietly, but firmly, more sternly - it seemed it was very important to me. " You may not feel you have that duty, and I won't dictate how you should feel - but I'm judge you my your actions, and if you want my blessing, you'll pull in your best effort yet, to give them the best closure you feel you're physically capable of. You said you don't want to disappoint me... If you do not, you only have to fill that simple requirement, of appearing a little, little less unaffected by the fact you may never see them again. It's hard, but I ask from you to pretend, if you have to. To you, this may be just a slice of your eternity. To them, wait for you to wake up might last their whole life, and a good person would do no less that this... "

[Mirach]

"I think I understand it now, when I am connected to you," Svar said. "But when I'm not, those reasons evade me... I hope I will not dissappoint you or them..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Just remember that it's very important for me that you act to them all with compassion. It's okay if I know that you struggle with it. Others should be spared from thinking you don't care. " Falcon's thought voiced itself quietly, with a sad mental smile. " It's damn exhausting to bear weight of all those half truths, but damn, if it's my fate, I'll bear it. I won't have others live their lives with those regrets, though. Same goes with White. He now calls himself Simbel, and I'll hope that you'll address him as such. Before you go to sleep, even if not clear out everything, even if you don't miss him personally, as close as you are - White had missed you terribly - he is deeply hurt over your refusal to reach out for him. You'll have to bid goodbye to him too. That all falls under my first condition. Lots and lots of proper goodbyes, the very best you can master. You'll thank me later for not having those regrets, I hope, whether in, like, three, or three million years, heh...  "

[Mirach]

"I will do what I can," Svar smiled sadly.

[VisAnastasis]

" That's my first condition. But I have two more conditions. The second.... It'll depend not only on you, but I believe one it includes will agree, as long as you promise to behave nicely. " Falcon continued, more tactfully. " That is - if this sleep really is formative for you, then there is one belief that I can not let you fall in slumber with. Belief that all demons are ill. I know it's hard to believe otherwise, with feeling their presence and wrath and pain so close, but it's true. I want you to go to slumber, reassured that there are demons out there, that can be allies to you. Erdel is one... but Tide even more so, could be a great source of reassurance and protection for you, in years to come; even more so than me, if I somehow perish in meantime. That's why I ask from you, before you fall asleep, to meet with the demon king, now that he's visiting. It's not like I just met him and speak lightly. He's been my ally for the past three years and I've tested his loyalties thoroughly in that time, and he hasn't failed me yet, and I want you to meet him. "

[Mirach]

"I should meet the king of demons? I have a condition of my own, though. No corruption should touch the Vein again. If there is no corruption in him, then I can meet him"

[VisAnastasis]

" He is immune from corruption... It just doesn't stick to him, just like dirt is washed away by water. " Falcon whispered quietly, and but briefly, quickly as thoughts fly, Svar could catch a glimpse of Conrad's mental image of Tide - an image of bubbling, timid smiling creature, nothing but a glimpse of little alluring smile beneath a mysterious carved mask. " He... if anything, is not a threat. I can guarantee your safety in this. "

[Mirach]

"Then I can meet him," Svar said. "But meeting him is one thing, and another is beong able to think clearly. I fear I don't have the mental capacity for that, when I'm alone. You noticed I'm borrowing a part of your mind for that, didn't you?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Of course." Falcon confirmed, but then, seeing how it may had sounded dismissive, he rushed to add." I mean... Don't beat yourself too much about it. However you are doing it, borrow as much as you can while we are together  It's nothing against your current state - I'd have said the same to that strawhat of King Svarik, that foolish headache of mine. You were both super emotional and anti-selfexpression oriented, while you were one, so you really don't have the good starting point to suddenly exibit some hidden affinity to reason and eloquence. But do go on..."

[Mirach]

"But could I also borrow it when I have to meet him? If I do though, how will he knows that he's talking to me?"

[VisAnastasis]

" He is an understanding person. His own mind is strange, peculiar, just like his nature. From what I've gathered, he is a creature that came to be from many little creatures getting summed up in one... Sort of like how you are striving to become one with the Vein." Falcon responded." If you asked for it, I doubt he'd forbid you to borrow mine reasoning. Still, I think it would do you better if you were to meet him on your own, despite the limits. I believe he may be able to reassure you or even advise you on your relation to the Vein and that you may like him better, if you are not with me. Being with him is not really clash of philosophy and logic. I think his company will be pleasant for you on your own because, rather, it's an emotional experience..."

[Mirach]

"You think he could advide me?" Svar asked wonderingly. "Alright then, I guess... I could try meeting him..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Let's try it out at first separate, then, okay? " Falcon asked to make sure. " You can try meeting him as your own person first, and see if it works out. I'll be present at meeting as a bird, and if it happens that you feel you can't voice yourself properly with your wits alone... I can join you as Semai for it anew. Does that sound better? "

[Mirach]

"Alright, that should be fine, I guess..." Svar said.

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon gave him a light encouraging mental nod in thoughts.
" There's the third condition. This is the last one I can think of in this moment. " He replied in thought then. " It's more unsure one, but it's an idea, so if you'd humor me... " Semai glanced at the little bird that was quiet and frozen before them, still - little bird of tense stature, but little bird that stayed and watched them as they spoke. " You like letting yourself just feel and letting music pass through you... It's music of the land. You have bond with it, it's doing good to you, I imagine. But still, it's not music... made to soothe you. I don't know if he's agree, but he's a very skilled Singer, althought crippled with anxiety and spine likewise.... I'd like Zephir to sing for you, as you'd allow, or as you'd allow, see if he can do something for you. What you are, is unclear, but by your words, you're music, and he's a shaper of music with his voice... Singers can do such both terrible and great things. Maybe if he can do something that'd do you good, you may bound with the Vein as you've chosen more smoothly... " he paused, before adding his hope neutrally. " Maybe it'd take less... than forever... "

[Mirach]

"No," Svar replied to that. "Not now. I do not know him. And trying to control the Vein... you saw what it did to Ben. Maybe, if I get to know him better, and we figure out if it can be done safely for both of us..."

[VisAnastasis]

" No one said he's try to control it. And Ben was hurt because he had to channel the music of heart thought whole land to us... he streched himself too thin, for such big power. I do my math, you know, on things that cause ordeals to... people of interest to me. " Semai smiled sadly in response to Conrad's thought. " I doubt consequences for Zephir would be that grand... but none the less, why not give it a chance? He's nice. You may like him. We won't open the gate until you are ready to sleep, anyway, so that buys us a bit of time. Zephir is Highlander, like Izmir, though he comes much higher from the mountains. Despite he's frail of health and insecure because his gifts were punished lately, when he chooses to show them, they're sight to behold. He's too frightful, and he retreated from the world, and land doesn't sing for him... but can't you see how whatever he touches trembles with song? You'd have to make an effort to approach him, but I believe only good would come, if you give it a try... He's... not good with people, either, like you... He's on best terms with plants... He likes to listen grass as it grows... he also likes to feed birds and critters that come to him...  "

[Mirach]

"Not now, though," Svar decided. "It needs a fresh start. When... or if... he would like to visit me, I'm not hoing anywhere..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Why are you uncertain about here and now?  Are you afraid?" Falcon asked him carefully, not sure if he understands the problem, despite bound to him, it being hard to understand emotions of someone that was defensive and whose mind was so unclear." It seems to me like you are... Particularly touchy, sensitive, that is, about what... touches the Vein. Not just corruption... But anything, really...." He noted." Are you afraid... that it'll hurt? To be treated by song? That it'll feel bad to be helpless at someone's mercy, like that?  "

[Mirach]

"The Vein doesn't like being touched after it has been sick for so long..." Svar replied hesitantly.

[VisAnastasis]

" Speak honestly.. " Falcon asked. " It's okay to say neither of you feel like being touched after being sick for so long, okay? " the thought murmured a little thoughtfully. " You don't have to pretend to be one or the other for me to give more weight to the fear you feel. You said it yourself, and I get it now. You're both. Your other half's received much more tending and treatment since you separated, where you have not... And the Vein has not been tended at all, for thousands years. I give weight to the fact you feel insecure in light of it. " Semai shook his head determinedly, though. " This... is not harasment, through. It's not something that'll do you ill... not again.. This is... medicine. Keep an open mind, and think of this as you can, please -do you think, in the right mind, that I would have sent you to rest, without providing you with best possible medicine I can beforehand? Don't you think.... that some reassurance that not all touches will bring you pain will help you rest better? Feel safer? "