Senecio adn Tide II

[Mirach]

Senecio nodded. "It will need some getting used to, and a lot of talking," he said slowly. "But I want to do this right. I didn't ask for this position that puts you into a disadvantage, and I want to lower that disadvantage as much as we can."

[VisAnastasis]

" And... it was stupid of me to act as you asked for it. I panicked, " he sighed regretfully. " The truth is, despite I am still uncomfortable, as anyone would be, it was the choice of us, who were alive and present, while you were gone. And even knowing this, I would have picked the same. " his hands shook but the voice did not. " I would pick any disadvantage if it would mean bringing you back. Yet... I must ask you. Are you... content with the choice we made? " he asked quietly. " We could pick between a quick remedy with Eros's blood, or long and uncertain try to identify poisons and mix attitude. One would risk giving you powers like those, other, it would risk damage to the brain with time. Are you... discontent that we didn't want to take that risk? "

[Mirach]

Senecio thought about it for a while and then shook his head slowly. "I'm just glad I didn't have to choose. It depends on the outcome and all might-be's. I mean, I would rather be normal than with this ability, but I'd rather have it than be disabled. But I would rather be disabled than lose you over such an ability."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide's heart ached a little with the last words, but surprisingly, instead of more desperate, it finally reassured him and sobered him up a little from the overflow of emotions. Hesitantly, as if checking if it's alright, he brought the actor's hand to his face.
" Being less than you used to be... isn't fun... " he whispered hoarsely. " I will try my best to make sure you do not lose me then, so you won't have such regret, at least.... " he said, and he did not yet dare kiss him, not to trigger the memory, but he laid his lips at Senecio's knuckled timidly, holding his hand close for support, even as much being big from him so soon.

[Mirach]

Senecio sighed shakily. "Is it okay if I stay here? I don't feel like going back there anymore. You should have a chance to talk to your people without any intrusions, and I would like to talk with Eros for a while, if he would be willing to join me."

[VisAnastasis]

" Perhaps... it is best choice right now, " Tide whispered, although he was regretful. " I can call Eros to come here, but only if you are really sure you don't want to go back. I am willing to sacrifice a little discomfort if this means a lot to you. If you want to come back, I... I would be willing to let you listen... "

[Mirach]

"No," Senecio said. "I loved the dancing. That's all I wanted from the ball. Now I'm just tired and confused and the thought of going back there doesn't have much appeal to me."

[VisAnastasis]

" Okay... I will see you later, then. Do not worry, I am sure the talk with Eros will help you sort some things out, " he tried to encourage him, reluctant to part. Only when he made sure Senecio has decided firmly, did he leave.

Minutes later, there was a knock on the door and it opened again, and the Being that was called peeked in, its gaze quietly searching for Senecio.

[Mirach]

Senecio just looked up at him mutely, knowing that he doesn't need to explain how he feels. There was deep weariness of the insane day, confusion and frustration from the inability to control the new sense properly, and hurt at finding out that instead of support he hoped for it only complicated things between him and Tide. He felt injustice and anger at Guiamo, but mixed with a little shy curiosity about the new sense that he hoped may not be so bad if he just manages to control it properly. 

[VisAnastasis]

Eros smiled at him, for indeed, he comprehended everything already.
" I see... " he whispered, with a weight of understanding, but a lightness of timid warmth to it. It was a peculiar sensation, to look and sense Eros, whose perception of the world was on another level - Eros' control over it seemed pristine, and the actor could only feel Being's own personal feelings, but there was a sipping aura of feelings of countless others that was always brimming a little under surface, and glistening here and there like a little wave - for Senecio, there were droplets of worry of Hans, care and doubts of Tide, and wonder of Alpha right now, along with many tiny of origin too hard to discern. " May I sit down, please? " asked the amalgamation.

[Mirach]

Senecio just nodded, overwhelmed by everything to such an extent that despite wanting to talk before, he now couldn't bring himself to start a conversation. 

[VisAnastasis]

Eros sat down on the bed beside him. He didn't force anything on him, he just watched him quietly, giving him a moment to collect himself.
" I know your struggle, " he whispered in the end. " But if you do not say it, don't you think you will feel suffocating? " he smiled lightly. " You need to make sure your observations do not silence your own thoughts, dear... "

[Mirach]

"Oh..." Senecio murmured when he realized that's exacly what's happening to him. "It's just so much... how could it have been one day? I feel like it's been a year since the morning. I'm so tired... and... and I only hoped for understanding..." his voice shook. "Tide thinks it's an imbalance when I can sense his feelings... and it is... it just feels like the opposite kind of imbalance to me. When I can sense his feelings, I can be regardful to them. But he can't sense mine and I'm trying... I was trying so hard to make him understand, but it's so difficult with words..."

[VisAnastasis]

Eros was nodding lightly as he spoke.
" You know....  Having insights others do not will make you feel like you know people even when they do not know you as well or at all, but such impression is not always correct, " he spoke gently in the end. " First thing you can do is not learn to control, but learn to accept. It won't be to the same extent as me, but you will still feel so often like you understand people more than they understand you. I would like you to fight against that feeling, though, " he suggested with compassion. " You will grow to feel misunderstood and lonely even if you are not, and it will create distance between you and other people. You have lot of insight, but with my knowledge of Tide and Hans, in particular, I have to tell you that you are very loved and understood right now. If they lash out on you, it won't be due to not understanding your fears, dear, it will be only due to fears of their own. When you live long enough, you tend to gather lot of them... "

[Mirach]

"I'd like to fight against it... but I'm so tired..." Senecio sighed, closing his eyes. But it didn't help with what was keeping him from being able to rest. "Is there no way to mute it, like closing your eyes or covering your ears?"

[VisAnastasis]

" For me, not fully. For you, it is likely, but we have to see, " Eros replied quietly." Best course of action would be training your thoughts to be louder for a start, before you can do much else. But there may be a little shortcut in training that you may not mind using... How would you feel if I used the needle to prick your finger?" He asked meaningfully, as if he hoped Senecio would draw more conclusions from his suggestion." Pain is good for forcing the mind to pay attention to itself. Not an upsetting amount of pain, of course - but it's like forcing eyes shut for a moment, in startlement. Once you learn to recognise the feeling of not observing feelings, you can train yourself to keep that mindset, so you can control when you are observing and when not..."  

[Mirach]

Senecio looked at him thoughtfully. "Why not..." he murmured.

[VisAnastasis]

" Also, just so you know, I am not keeping needles in my purse because I randomly like to stab people. I just like to make sure I always have some sewing supplies at hand in case of a fashion emergency, " Eros replied while taking out a little needle from his bag, removing the black thread at its end first. Then, he gently took Senecio's hand in his, only lightly, not wanting to distract him more. " I am ready when you are... "

[Mirach]

"Sure, go on," Senecio nodded.

[VisAnastasis]

Eros nodded with permission, and carefully observing both his reaction and feelings, he pricked the actor's finger.

[Mirach]

Senecio was too tired to even flinch and the pain didn't really feel like much after the one he's been in for the whole last act of the play. It took his focus away from perceiving feelings of others just for a moment, though.

[VisAnastasis]

Eros noticed it and nodded lightly.
" It does work, so it is a promising sign. I think you will be able to learn to control when you can and can't sense something, although it may take a bit of time until you can do it without thinking about it, as one does when he gains enough experience to learn to walk, " Being replied, with a tinge o pleasure and relief in his voice, as if he feared that perhaps giving so much of his blood would affect Senecio more, and was glad it was manageable. " You will need some practice, though. I know your feelings for me are mixed at best, " he smiled faintly. " Would you perhaps like me to call Tide back in so you can practice together with him a little? Or at the very least, I really think you should tell him to help you with this. He is feeling very regretful for refusing your request right now. He would be happy if you gave him some way to make it up to you... "

[Mirach]

Senecio sighed, his thoughts drowning again in the too strong feelings. He was still feeling let down where he was hoping for support. He knew it wasn't Tide's fault just like it wasn't his, but it felt unfair from fate to do such a thing to him after everything he's been through today. 

[VisAnastasis]

He didn't need to say anything, for Eros to understand, and nod slightly.
" I know it is not easy, " he whispered. " And I won't tell you what to do. Feeling feelings of others does not mean one is good with words, so I hope I don't seem too preachy to you, " he smiled faintly. " I know that what you received seems like little right now, but don't you remember how happy he made you back then when you danced? Please, do not forget that feeling. What he has given you back then is how he truly feels for you, free from all the doubts and worries. How he responded to later is only how he feels when he is afraid you may grow to not like him anymore. Now that you can sense feelings, you will need to pay great heed to learn what feelings are fleeting, and what feelings are worth remembering... "

[Mirach]

"I know..." Senecio sighed. "I just... can't deal with it properly now." There was an overwhelming need for rest and quiet in his feelings, an almost physical need to lay his head into the lap of someone whom he can trust and just be comforted after the events of the whole day.