Senecio adn Tide II

[Mirach]

Senecio nodded slowly, but it didn't seem like the reassurances actually reassured him much, maybe because he didn't really think there would be another poisoned needle hidden somewhere - not consciously, at least. "That's good," he murmured. "I should go talk to Janus as soon as I can, too." 

[VisAnastasis]

" Would you go to him out of concern for him, or out of worry about the situation? If you want him to know you woke up and are recovering, I can go and reassure him about whatever you wish in your stead, " Being offered earnestly. " If instead, you feel you'd be calmer with talking to him... I don't think there would be many issues if you asked Tide to carry you around a little, like to the carriage and back, and up and down the stairs. That is true, medical advice, but it is also solid love advice, " for the first time in conversation, to lighten up the heavier atmosphere, Being confided in a softer note, speaking in a more gentle conspiratorial tone, pretending he doesn't see the demon's that sat next to him blushing and looking aside. " Tide is really into carrying people he cared for so, just saying, you have an easy excuse to seize the opportunity... "

[Mirach]

Senecio didn't let it show but Eros could feel he got a bit touchy with the advice, not really wanting one from Eros even if it may be a good one, and even if he know it was meant well and he shouldn't be feeling like that. And he knew Eros could feel it, and that was making him equally uncomfortable because he didn't want him to know. "Yeah, okay..." he murmured, trying to move on from it. "I promised Janus I'll visit him later, and I want to know what he learnt too."

[VisAnastasis]

It was a really little, harmless advice, and Eros must have felt it was safe and okay enough to relax and give it, but when Senecio suddenly responded negatively, it seemed like it was unexpected burn, all the more hurtful because he didn't expect the stove was hot. It hurt his feelings, and he knew Senecio knew it, and he seemed to feel even more sad that he could not hide it from him. Yet, just like Senecio pretended he is taking the advice to heart, he also didn't let the feeling show on his face, with an effort, managing a little smile, as if responding to something positive, not hurtful.

" Alright then... Just be mindful of your health, in general, and that will be plenty," he whispered with just a touch lower pitch, as he stood up right away, as if on cue. " I will leave you to it, then... I won't leave the mansion, so you may call me if you make a choice, or if you feel unwell again, we can talk through your options some more whenever you are ready, " He only said, as shortly and with as little life advice as he could muster, and turned to leave.

[Mirach]

"Okay," Senecio murmured, feeling a bit bad for that unseed exchange that he had no control about. "Thanks again..." he added appeasingly, because while he couldn’t control his feelings, he could control his words at least, and knew that Eros meant it well.

[VisAnastasis]

Eros still felt hurt, as it seemed for him something that was most touchy, was the sorrow and grief he felt when he was nuisance and unwanted bother to people he cared for, such weight coming hard to him, as a God of few merits, when even those were unrecognised. There was not even a trace of bitterness or anger in his presence - more like a solemn lonely mood of someone about to cry at any moment. Maybe that was the reason for his rush, as he tried to push the response deeper. Yet, he stopped at the door with words, as he did appreciate the effort.

" Do not... force yourself," he just murmured quietly." As long as you do not hesitate to call me for this matter and take care of your health in meantime, I will accept your sincerity," he said, opening the door softly, and then closing it lightly behind himself, as if it would be too hard to stay any longer where unwanted, trying to make a quick and clean end to the unpleasant situation for all of them - leaving the ill actor and thoughtful demon behind in the room. Tide looked after him, at the door where he stood, with an intent wondering look, and it was hard to name the emotions he felt right now, but it seemed overall that he felt various mixes of sadness, misery, and disappointment, as it seemed he looked forward to Eros  staying longer.

[Mirach]

"Sorry, it just doesn't work right now..." Senecio sighed. "He knows what I feel and I know how that makes him feel, and so on... You throw a little bit of emotion into that, and you get it amplified like between two mirrors, it's dizzying..."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide listened to his words, but he seemed withdrawn, and the mix of emotions he felt was getting harder and more overwhelming to decipher, though he was quiet, if they had to be summed up, it was obvious he was sad and apprehensive. Slowly, he nodded at Senecio's words, and, knowing actor can feel his feelings too, he made himself look up, and unexpectedly, his previously bright eyes seemed glassy and cautious.

" I do not... blame you for not getting along in general. I was just... hopeful. Because everything seemed to be going well. But... I do blame you for your choice of deflection, " he whispered unexpectedly, in a reply unusual for him. " We... we always talk and focus a lot on things you like... I am always trying my best... But suddenly, when you can just casually get some earnest pointers from a person that knows my needs very well... you refuse immediately? " he asked haltingly, with a sad expression. " Why was that the breaking point between you two? How could such a little... innocent need... possibly end up having such negative reaction that conversation halts immediately? " he whispered vulnerably. " There are so many things you can disagree on... thousands of things you shouldn't have to skip a beat to end the conversation on. Why does it have to be when it comes to speaking of... things I enjoy in bonds? "

[Mirach]

"Because I would like to learn those things from you, not from him," Senecio said quietly. "An advice from him makes me uncomfortable. I've got some feelings towars him that... are more towards what he represents to me that to him personally. But he can feel them and that makes it worse..."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide seemed on the outside not too different from usual, but he was bubbling with uncertainty, withdrawn and hesitant, as if unsure how to express himself.
" I don't understand why you dislike him to that point... I just imagined, given the chance... That my ideal partner would be thrilled to speak with my dear friends about things important to me... And it hurt a bit that my actual partner right away brushed of such subject," he whispered, his insecurities, watered by the unexpected reaction, seemed to be growing from what Senecio could feel, despite Being spoke in conciliatory tone." I know... You can feel I am disappointed. That's why I have to admit that. It is just my foolish instictive feeling... I will overcome in, after I wrestle with it a little," he promised hesitantly." I just... Am hesitant about sharing certain things I like in bonds. Some things, I would rather have Eros tell you. We... Have sort of been together at one point, though it was not classic relationship, but mostly an educational experience for me. He helped me build up lot of lost confidence at a time. He and Hans are one of few people... I enjoy being more intimate with, even outside of relationship. From more innocent things like carrying people I like, to less so... " He looked down." I just would have liked you to have shown... Some zeal in wanting to know, like... I am happy about every clue I gather about what you like. I don't want to just tell you of what I enjoy. Some things are harder and more embarrassing to say. I was embarrassed enough to tell you I like to carry around the people I love. I am shyer than you, and even you mostly stick to general things, like simple - I like pain and helplessness and I like ropes. You are hesitant to say anything more concrete that you loved from your past, so you can imagine how I, who is ten times shyer, is hesitant even more to make any progress," he murmured." Some things, I would just prefer you learn from others that have been with me, less seriously, without weight if me saying them... It is just sort of nail to the coffin of such hope, though, when you hate your best source... "

[Mirach]

"Oh. Okay..." Senecio nodded seriously. "I just... really don't want you to learn such things about me from someone else. *Especially* not from someone else I've been with. From my position it's a bit hard to imagine being more comfortable with someone else telling you what I like. To me, it feels like robbing us of the chance to learn that on our own pace. Like we wouldn't have time... or wouldn't want to find our own things and just repeat what worked with someone else. Do you really prefer me to ask him instead of talking to you? If you feel that way, then I'll try to be more open to it. I overreacted... well, not really... it was just a feeling, I didn't act based on it. But he knew. I really see how this ability is intimidating, it's so easy to hurt people without the filter of actions. I don't want it... I don’t want to be intimidating like that..." Senecio sobbed, getting tangled in the helpless feeling of having to deal with a permanent change. "I'm sorry..." he murmured. "I promise I'll tell you later... why it's like that between Eros and me... I'll try to deal with it... just... too many emotions right now..." he hid his face in the pillow.

[VisAnastasis]

Tide's expression was  tentative, as if there was something bothering him, and Senecio could feel it through his ability, that he felt withdrawn and vulnerable over something. It was still in the mix of compassion, guilt, and with actor's words, a heart a little more open and full of fear and longing.

Slowly, as actor began to cry, he sat down on the edge of the bed, and equally slowly, as if trying to figure out if it's alright, he laid a hand lightly on the shoulder of the crying man, with aching heart.

" There are things... I find hard to say. There are things... I find hard to show. It would be so, even without your ability. I want to be known... But I also don't want to scare you away. It is... A fear you will now have to see me struggle with." Actor could feel a  light caress upon his back." It is just.... The way Eros talks about me... He always speaks so warmly, as if everything I am is adorable and charming. I would... Have liked if you could learn some heavier things about me through such light-hearted biased lenses...  I would not be so intimidated by how you see me, if I didn't want you to stay with me this badly... "

[Mirach]

"If you prefer me learning through Eros, I'll try," Senecio whispered between the sobs. "But right now... I feel like the abomination here... is me..." 

[VisAnastasis]

Tide was struggling. There was a deep overwhelming anxiety deep within him, fighting fiercely with everything he did or said - an anxiety that if Senecio gets to know too much, he would leave him. But there was a growing feeling of determination and vulnerability, as despite drowning anxiety, a fearful need to be  known was stronger.
" Eros can also feel my feelings... But I don't care much, because I have nothing to hide before Eros. After all... I don't have a crippling anxiety that he will leave me, but you. " He whispered quietly as he caressed Senecio's back, and slowly, as if he finally decided to give in to vulnerability, he whispered." Hey... You can not possibly be a worst abomination than me. If you insist that you are... How about a competition?" He whispered suddenly, but firmly, as if steeling himself." For every one thing I secretly enjoy, but feel too anxious or ashamed to say it directly, but I share anyway... You have to tell me a thing of equal value, that you really like. Compete with me, please, at least for a bit..." He whispered quietly." Play with me until we are both too repulsed to keep playing, or till we realize we are both overreacting when we feel like we are the worst, and were acting stupid to think that from the start. I can not convince myself on my own... "

[Mirach]

Senecio looked up slowly. "Are you sure?" he whispered. "If you would rather have me ask Eros, I can do that. It’s an unfair game... I will know how you really feel about what I tell you, but you'll have to believe me if I tell you how I feel. Eros could confirm if it's true, so you wouldn't have doubt. But if you feel up to it, I would like to hear what you're anxious about. Otherwise I can’t ease your worry. I really wish you wouldn't care that I can read your feelings, like with Eros..."

[VisAnastasis]

" It's a different kind of relationship. I respect Eros and am thankful and feel safe and content around him, so I want to be his friend... but I am not burning in a scorching agony of wanting to be with him. He can't dump me if I am not with him, and it is not like I miss him terribly if we are both too busy to see each other for a while. And... " Tide blushed a little, and Senecio could feel bubbling vulnerability and uncertainty, but also determination to see this through. " I had... a lot of time to think through things. No matter how hard I try to convince myself about it, I will keep feeling insecure, because I have the most insight into who I am, so I am worried you'd be scared by learning moe... so the only way I can be less anxious is if you have more insight. Just... Could you maybe change your pillow as we talk? I would feel more comfortable if you were closer, " he whispered quietly, and tapped on his own thigh lightly, speaking a little hoarsely and extending his hand invitingly. " Come closer. I promise this pillow is in no way inferior, and... I would just like you to lean on me. It is not an unfair game at all. After all, if you suddenly grow uncomfortable with me, freeze up or recoil from my touch, then it will be an easy giveaway, won't it? "

[Mirach]

Senecio shifted without hesitation and leant on Tide, drawing some comfort from the closeness. "Yes, that's really more comfortable," he smiled faintly.

[VisAnastasis]

The manner and certainty with which his request was followed, along with the words, seemed to encourage Tide. He held onto the actor lightly, caressing his back, as he was drawing courage from the closeness to speak.
" I... am One now, Senecio. What I am is polished, with edges softened, and nature changed. But I will never be able to quite escape from the times when I was Many. That's why Death was really scared of me at the start. He knows some things stay with you, " he whispered quietly at last, with a wondering vulnerable quiver in his voice. " Most of the time, it's not something I think about... But being with you... is more physical than I have ever been with anyone. Your desire... nurtures mine. But mine is not... clean cut, like in humans. Mine is a mix of a lot of old primordial things, shaped through by birth, more carnal and raw, a lust more akin to hunger because hunger is the oldest feeling I remember. When... I used to be many... all parts of me were mixed up within me, and we were constantly afraid of dying, and constantly searching for powerful prey, that we can kill and eat, and grow stronger. The first joy I vividly remember is the joy of... dismembering bodies of enemies and eating their souls, " he whispered thinly, holding onto Senecio closely. " When I am happy and excited, in a more personal way... my love grows more possessive like predators are possessive to their prey. When you make me happy... it reminds me, deep down... on a very carnal feeling, of excitement that is finding a new powerful prey to eat. Of course, I know I won't eat you, but... the temptation of wanting you is... pleasant. " he gulped. " When you treat me well, it wakes those primordial instincts in me... burnt into my souls. I want to rub my scent all over you, to mark you mine. I want to carry you around like predators carry their prey to hide it from others. I want... to bite and to nibble on you... and tease the thought of eating you, even though I would never go through it, " demon's throat was dry with growing desire, and Senecio could feel just how big toll it was, to speak so openly about this, and how fearfully he anticipated actor's reaction. " I didn't really feel like that right away, but the more you show me you want me, the more I feel like I want you, too, as close to me as physically possible. That night, when... we were dancing. I was so happy my heart could burst... And you looked so delicious to me. So elegant, so gracious, so full of life, and so eager to be with me, despite the hundreds staring eyes. A soul, so tasty and flavorful, that I just had to try it. A taste is so unreasonably sweet. I... allowed myself to stick close to you, to carry and hold you close and revel in that flavour, hungry for it, just content to feel amazed and attracted... but.... then you told me you were able to feel me basically emotionally drooling over you, and... and... I just felt exposed suddenly, being caught in such a guilty pleasure like that... "

[Mirach]

Senecio was pressing closer to Tide as he spoke, and shivered a little at the end. "Guilty pleasure, yes?" he whispered. "Okay... and I have to tell you a thing of equal value that I like, right? That's an easy one. What you said... being perceived like that... It turns me on." He blushed a little, but continued anyway: "And hey, you can even read my feelings..." He shifted the blanket a little, revealing a rather straightforward indicator of them as his pants were getting rather tight with Tide's vivid descriptions.

[VisAnastasis]

Tide, who reasonably hoped for better outcome but was still preparing for the worst, tensed up more with the reply, his mind growing blank for a moment, but his desire growing all the more against all rational thought. His face was deeply red, and he barely kept a composed expression, as he wrestled with the temptation.
 
" For the... Sake of the discussion..  let's say I believe your... Hefty argument..." He murmured bemusedly, but with overwhelming need in his bathed breath, " Teasing a demon like that... when you know we can't act on it right now? Why? Why do you have to make yourself even more tasty, when you are already the most tempting meal in the world? I want you so badly... I want to imprint my soul with every inch of yours... I want to be so close to you that there is barely any difference between being One or Two...." He whispered, and a little bit as if in a seek for more acted on validation, and a little more open play with the dangerous thought, and a daring heart, he leaned closer and closer to actor's head... But this time not leaning for a kiss. This time he kissed his cheek lightly, and then, he unexpectedly lightly nibbled on actor's ear - he retracted his teeth, and the touch of gums wasn't as sharp, but light surge of pain after the admission was an obvious provocation and a tease, just like Senecio's unexpected arousal was a tease for a really needy passionate demon, unused to dealing with actual palpable lust.

[Mirach]

Senecio bit his lip and hastily covered himself back with the blanket. "Now who's teasing?" he murmured hoarsely, arching his back against Tide.

[VisAnastasis]

Tide finally grinned more freely - his confidence still frail, as it was barely planted seed, but slowly, shyly, it was growing, a bit with every word and reaction.
" I know it is unreasonable... But when your body and you are so honest in wanting me, how can I not respond equally?" He whispered hoarsely, not able to resist Senecio's reaction and pressing a little closer." Honestly, all the fears of losing you just piled up all the more while I waited, and we haven't slept from before it happened, so I want you ever insanely more... I told you. You are too pretty to me. No, I digress. You are attractive beyond any... Reasonable scale..."

[Mirach]

Senecio withdrew a little, looking at Tide. "Even when I can read your feelings? Or other people's feelings without their consent? When I may judge or make opinions on them based on something they don't have much control about?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, Eros was just now judging you on a repulsion you could not control. Do you see me hating on him? "Tide replied, although his voice was still hoarse, as it seemed hard for him to think clearly. " To be honest... my mind is a maddening place to be in right now. For a day and a half, I kept rehearsing how I was going to tell you about things like this and anticipating your reaction, but... I did not really think it would be this, " he whispered with strain. " I mean, the initial plan was a long conversation and admission of other similar personal anxieties, but... your reaction is... very refreshing, " the redness from his cheeks just would not go away. " It is hard to think judgy thoughts when there are so many relieved and greedy thoughts in here... Like... it's one thing you are thinking differently about people based on what you perceive they feel, it's other you treating people badly over them.  After all, it's... not like you would stop thinking I am a romantic courteous creature that enjoys your mind, "he gulped timidly, his face burning up, as instead of withdrawing, he still leaned just a bit closer. " Even if I am also madly, easily swayed by reactions of your body too, right? "

[Mirach]

"Of course I wouldn't," Senecio grinned. "Why if I can have a delightful combination of both. But so far in the game, I'm afraid I'm winning... All your uncertainties so far are a turn on to me. But the reading of feelings... I'm not hating on Eros for it, but it's not pleasant either when I'm feeling something negative towards him that I can’t control and I know he can feel it."