Senecio adn Tide II

[Mirach]

"Oh yes," Senecio purred, snuggling with him. "Can't have a different smell on me..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, I don't want t to be so controlling and forbid that outright. It's not my style, " Being chipped in, but he seemed absolutely enthusiastic and lost in the cuddling as if the skinship and every caress was a treat, and amidst all of them, a quiet, actual shy purring sound could be heard from him, as he slowly lifted actor up, and put him into his lap, embracing him contentedly. " I really won't demand something unreasonable, like that you have no contract with anyone but me. That's just horrifying. But... when you smell like me... and when I can get your scent all over my hands and clothes too... It's just really comforting, " he admitted quietly, purring louder and closing his eyes for a moment. " It feels really close. It makes the fact that we are dating feel so real... "

[Mirach]

"Do you want to the kitchen like that?" Senecio asked with a smile. "I don't know what I'd like to eat, so I'd like to take a look and get some inspiration."

[VisAnastasis]

" I can not possibly pass on this perfect excuse to carry you around, now, can I?" Tide grinned shyly, and holding him close against himself, he gently picked him up. He only put on a simple mask over his face, as most people around were not used to him going around maskless, and then, purring lightly as he held him close, he carried Senecio downstairs so they can have a meal.

[Mirach]

Senecio picked a few meals that captured his interest, feeling considerably hungry now. 

[VisAnastasis]

Tide also picked a couple of desserts as, not wanting to part from Hans and Senecio while they slept, he wasn't eating much in the past two days, and while not physically hungry, he was eager to share the meal with his boyfriend. He innocently sat down actor in his lap as they got seated at the table, and shyly took a knife and a fork, cut off a piece of meat, and offered a neatly cut bite to Senecio, in a bit clumsy but earnest try in be romantic, judging by the timid but hopeful embarrassment that was colouring his emotions.

[Mirach]

Senecio was taking bites from him, but after a while he chuckled and reached for the fork. "I've wanted to try that, but it's a bit ineffective when you're hungry... Let's keep it for the dessert, yes?"

[VisAnastasis]

" It would be cuter if it were a slice of cake, yes, " Tide realized thoughtfully, tamely handing him the fork. As his hands were free now, and as an actor was sitting on his lap, he instead embraced him, leaning against him quietly, purring very faintly - it seemed, both for pleasure and comfort. " I just feel like... doing fun, cute things with you, and forgetting about everything bad that happened recently. I am... just a little sad Hans can't be with us, too. He was really bad the first night, it took him a long time to get stable... but now we can only wait. I know it always happens and he always pulls through, but one still has to worry. You are both... so terribly fragile, " he murmured, leaning closer. " I feel like if I let you out of my sight for a moment, something bad happens... "

[Mirach]

"Do you think While would be able to help him, if they both wanted it, somehow?" Senecio asked quietly.

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, you are speaking about *While*. He is who he is. But the biggest problem here is... pride and vulnerability. After someone repeatedly sets your soul of fire... it stays with you. You can imagine it like Janus... Janus can't bare physical touch... Just imagine the same for a spiritual one. Like it wasn't enough that his true Name was used to force him to endure torture... They really tested the limits of his regeneration generously. You know... even if not soul, eating a body part of Being can increase your spiritual powers. They would even... tear of parts of him and cook them and eat them in front of him. Sometimes even force-feed him. It was... dreadful... He couldn't eat meat for a long time, and still pukes when food is too scorched, " he gulped. " I know he seems pretty casual when it comes to physical touch, but that's just how he is. He copes that way... And refuses pretty much anything but barest polite minimum. He's... quite similar to While himself, " he murmured, hiding his face in actor's hair as he added, with a tinge of pain and unhappiness he couldn't hide, speaking more vaguely, as he made an oath to Death to not reveal details of their talk. " Like... you know from the... text... In that fight, he was terribly hurt. It is still deeply with him. He used to have a form with wings once... but he is so hurt he can no longer manifest them. I thought through it a lot, and it would be a terribly challenging thing, but it would be possible to reconstruct that part of soul so it grows anew like it was before if done properly... he could work with me so we can to our best to try to regain it, but he categorically acted like it is no big deal and refused. He is always evasive when I try to speak of treatments. He has never even asked me to play on the shell flute for him and pretends like it doesn't exist... Do you know what is the only thing he readily accepts? Medical cookies that I give to Beings that are dissipating too much energy, to keep them alive, " he sighed. " Barest of the bare minimum. Both of them are just... too wonderful people and too terrible patients... "

[Mirach]

"Maybe having wings again would remind him too much of the person he used to be and isn't anymore," Senecio whispered. "I see how it could feel like going backwards, when he needs to go forwards. Maybe wings could be manifested in some other way than forcing them where they used to be? A different flying form? I really don't know much about this, though..."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide thought about it, as it was a hard subject to express right away for him.
" The relationship between body, mind and soul in Beings is complicated. There are things you can't and can affect, some Beings have less, some more forms or control over their forms, and so on. It depends a lot on the flexibility of the soul and mind. For example, gender is very fluid in us, and while some younger ones or less powerful are mostly born and identify with one, a lot of older or stranger folk can change it as they feel like, or have multiple genders, or no gender at all. There are some things we can and can't control. For example, in all his forms, Eros has big horns or some other obviously supernatural indicator, and in all my forms, there are some patched remnants of the time I was Many, and in any form where I have eyes, there is no button to press that will avoid people from perceiving chaos of my origin before them, " Being explained quietly. " Like that... some Beings have choices in how they manifest what they have... but not in what they manifest. For example, fairies can refine what kind of wings they wish, birdlike, dragonfly-like butterfly-like... but they have that innate bubbliness and lightness in their soul, which has to manifest in something very light and tender, and so, always manifest in wings... I believe it is certain... loving tenderness in While's nature... that had to be expressed somehow, so manifesting in soft fluffy wings was most natural for it. Like my softness manifests in fur, and my happiness now, since I ate part of Cernunnos's soul, manifests in flowers, " he whispered thoughtfully. " There are special things in souls, that have to find ways to get through to the surface... no matter the form, I'll always have foamy blue eyes for example. While said he never refined his form... that just was how he was. Its not like he worked on refining wings for himself because he thought wings are cool, he just sprouted wings because it was natural for him. I do not know the exact details, so it's fine to guess... But having your wings torn off... Is among the deepest kind of pain for a winged Being to feel, " Tide gulped, adding very thinly. " Because wings are very sensitive, full of nerves, and they connect to the neck tightly and represent one of deepest parts of the soul - the only worse thing would be if someone tried to break your skull and pull out your brain. It's a similar kind of agony. It's not like I am saying that without wings he is lesser, but still, it's about comfort level - like, without enough heart in me, I can exist but I am as comfortable? It's not about him having to have wings all the time. It's about giving him back the ability to express that part of himself with full freedom again. It's like humans can walk even if they are limping, but not limping is better, " he sighed, struggling to explain. " Of course, what he would choose is on his own. Maybe, like Eros has to have horns, with his kind of nature, he'd have to have some additional softness expressed in his forms from them on... like he used to have wings, or like his sheep form has soft fur, or like his snake form is really soft to the touch. But to not have it... it's like me being able to choose to have a bit of my hearth back, and choosing not to. I mean, I get that if it grew back, it would perhaps demand more practice, to refine his current form to be his main one, instead of defaulting to having wings... But it took me a lot of practice and refining to make this one my default form, " he shook his head fervently. " He is, like, a super rare person that is like, of, I'll just manifest completely as I am, and by default gets to be completely human passing, cute, soft hair, soft and cuddly skin, fluffy wings... Most Beings practice and refine their forms, playing with how they can present themselves. Even in how to hide. Eros's natural form is winged one, but he practised hard to refine a tamer version without them. More imagination and more peculiar soul you have, more you can play, like me, but pretty much anyone can alter things at least a little, and shift them around. It's fun... "

[Mirach]

"I don't think it's a problem of having to adjust his default form," Senecio said between bites. "But people change, don't they? They sometimes redefine who they are, so why couldn't Being do as well? I just think that it can happen that a form used to be fitting, but isn't anymore and it might be better to make up a new one instead of trying to recover it. But I don't really know how it works, so maybe I'm wrong. Just an impression I have..."

[VisAnastasis]

Being thought about that, quiet for a moment as Senecio ate, giving his suggestion proper weight,  considering it attentively, as one does with something important.
" It is complicated. I may be just... A little biased. You see, I did gave away many parts of me, but even if I did it willingly and don't regret it, it has the same effect as if they were taken. I just don't have them anymore. And there are forms I remember enjoying... But I just can't anymore, because I lack the parts needed to manifest them properly. It's not like I am unhappy, but in a perfect world, there would be no need from me to take from myself.. especially after I gave away big part of my heart to Sage, lot of my biggest forms I just can't maintain anymore. My biggest fear right now would be to go down the easier road, helping him with bare minimum - and then having him regret one day that he missed the chance to regain that form. But... It is true that right now it is my fear for his future, not his fear. And... You are onto something, " he admitted wonderingly, looking lost in thought." While it is true that it's really comfortable to slip into forms you have loved existing in before - sometimes  things change. Like when someone suddenly realises they are sick of black and suddenly discover they love yellow. The golden apple, when eaten, will make the soul grow as much as it can, depending how accepting of the growth person feels, how calm and ready they are - but the shape of growth is determined by the mind. Deep in your subconscious is the memory, an instinct of what feels just right.... and after eating an apple, soul grows as close as it can, guided by that inner feeling. Stronger and more nurtured and determined it is, more soul will turn out like it. In my ideal situation, if we prepared him right, soul would grow maximally, to the most comfortable place. I did think it was a path to a comfortable winged form... but you are right that it doesn't really have to be. It may not have happened so far, but especially for a different kind of creature, like personification, it should be possible that what rings true shifts suddenly - as suddenly as little Simbel who is technically a tiny personification of a little patch of land realized he adores pink and wants to build his identity around it... But while you are right, the problem still remains... The lack of needed care," he kept leaning against Senecio closely for comfort as he spoke. " Souls ale fluid and moldable, but they are also vulnerable and fragile. Whether it is reconstructing soul to grow into the old comfortable shape, or grooming it to grow into new comfortable shape - the fact it needs maximum dedication to grow the closest to its desired form is the problem... At this rate, my fears are in that general direction. That he will deflect all my efforts, and settle for growing but enough soul that lack of sixt layer  isn't threatening to kill him anymore," he sighed." And... Maybe it would be enough for me before I got to know him... But it's too late now. I know it is an overkill, but I have a soft spot for him, and I am all the more grateful after he saved your life. I... Really desire... To give him the best healing, especially since he gave you the same. I feel... like I will be the one that will regret the most, if I can't do that. I know my ambitions are higher than they need to be. I know world only needs him to be well enough to not die. But I want more. "

[Mirach]

Senecio nodded. "I just thought that maybe what you consider best for him might not be what he actually wants. I don’t mean that he wouldn't want healing, just maybe he would imagine it differently from your idea of it. That you have lost parts of yourself can be helpful because of relatable experience but it also might be giving you a bias, projecting what you would want for yourself on him."

[VisAnastasis]

" Whatever happens, I just want him to have a best life... In my experience, more effort, care and love you put into things, better they will turn out. Right now, I just feel the same as with Hans - like barely anything is done. Both seem to vaguely agree they would prefer to get better, but too intimidated by the magnitude of task to even dare to begin working on it," he remained close, not actively snuggling right now, but seemingly finding comfort in the casual touch." It's like a question you asked me - Can While help Hans? You could have as well asked me can I help While. Answer to both is likely yes if there was effort from all sides. Did... Did I tell you he almost died on our way here, and was so damn relieved when I told him I can scrap of his personality and save the world at the cost of it? He was all ready at any moment to be killed. If I obeyed his request and followed the easier road, he would probably be dead. I just... Have trouble trusting his assessment of what is good for him. He always chooses bare minimum.... And all the more, he only chooses for the world, not himself. Of course I am worried..."  

[Mirach]

"When you are at the point where death seems like the best way out, it's hard to imagine getting better," Senecio said quietly. "I just asked because I believe I might have a free wish with him. So I'm wondering if asking him to heal Hans - if Hans agrees to it - would be reasonable."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide suddenly grew a little tense, with a mix of swirling emotions - longing, despair, hope and desire... It was a strong conflicted mix, and gust of emotions so strong that it was hard to decipher all the details.
" It.... Is a huge wish," he did not deny, slowly finding words." It is up to the Being itself, though, if it will be bewildered with the magnitude. I believe he offered you that wish because he didn't think you will win the wager.... But you did, and it was a performance to fie for, indeed..." He sighed." But it is really huge bite, about equally as big as healing While is. It is not something like your injuries... And even your own injuries required a really invasive surgery to fully treat. I know why While is hesitant to trust any treatment... Because Hans is the same. He doesn't believe anything is worth the ordeal because he doesn't believe them. When you are at the rock bottom, it is hard to imagine getting better," he repeated Senecio's words quietly." At first, he really tried... We did a few things, tried a little bit... Everything direct is currently unbearable to him still, so I even tried the same I wanted with Death - we tried playing him music on that shell flute. He tried and endured it for a while, but it was too much for him still, and he had a panic attack... That was sort of a breaking point, when he stopped trying. He focused fully on law career, on smuggling business, on making money... He kept himself busy, and busy and busy, all the time... When it would become too much, he would make extravagant parties and sleep around, and then, he would get back to whatever thing that's currently his obsession. Even now, when he organised jobs and investiments so well and delegated most of it, he still keeps digging out more work. It is true that I am a touch hopeful with this recent obsession, as he never wrote since he was hurt, and it's nice to see him writing again... But it is still just a tiny shread of change...":

[Mirach]

"So do you yhink Hans would be angry with me if I ask it from him? Should I talk to him first?"

[VisAnastasis]

" I don't think angry is the right word. Or at least, even in such extreme case, he would be angry the same way he is with me, so not really, " Tide replied thoughtfully." But no one says a promise has to be kept right away... They just have to be kept while people that are bound under the promise are alive. So, hypothetically..." He was thoughtful." If you were to ask from While to make an honest effort to help Hans... It would just be an obligation to do his best, not necessarily force him into promise he can't keep. Solemn promises said as he did, through wagers or wish-granting, are important in Being world, and physically binding, just like deals. You can hear the echo of them in the old legends and fairy tales, where mortals would make bets with Gods and trick them into granting them wishes.   Sooo... You technically areca mortal that has tricked a God into giving him a wish. Still, it's very important when dealing with Gods to be respectful, so you don't earn their wrath," he smiled a little." But it is a huge accomplishment in any case. Whether it's this or something else, what you finally decide says a lot about you. Whatever you choose, choose in a way that you will have no regrets."

[Mirach]

"Yes, I'd formulate it so that it's not demanding too much of him," Senecio said. "My bigger concern is presenting it to Hans in a way that would make him most likely to accept it "

[VisAnastasis]

Tide thought about it for a moment.
" If the first thing you thought of, and the most important thing you want when you think about this is Hans's well being... Then, whatever happens, I think you should do your best to strive for it, regardless if it works or not. Only by trying your best, will you have no regrets. If you really want to go through with this, but ask for something else, you'll just keep wondering what would happen if you asked for what you really wanted, " he finally replied, speaking his advice as he objectively saw the situation, not wanting to have any bias. " I will not tell you to either do or not do it, but make sure it's a choice of no regrets, whether it's this or something else. First, for yourself, and second, because Hans would definitely be bewildered if there was something you wanted more, but picked to ask for help for him instead. He's about equally restless with someone sacrificing for him as with pity. Anything that even reminds him of pity is a big no. Likewise, if you go about it with worry, it could backfire. I worry for him out of love, and still, he is repulsed by it. It makes him feel even more pitiful. The best way to have Hans most likely to accept... Is to make it a gesture not of worry, but of gratefulness, " he whispered. " I know he himself couldn't change much with his Singing, despite he tried, and that it brought him to this sorry state. But every person present there was vital in saving your life. If only one wasn't there, you may have died for good. Perhaps Hans did not do major things, but he did manage to keep you alive just long enough until we came, he was quickly going back and forth for things we needed from Janus, being pair of extra hand we needed. And most of all... when your soul was put back in, you were too deeply stuck in your role, and needed to be snapped out of it. I am too... accepting. I just wouldn't have the heart to tell you you are not you, because it is the same to me, whoever you are because I love you regardless. But Hans talked with you fiercely and helped you get back to your senses... If he wasn't there, I am not sure we could have done it so easily, without traumatizing your soul further... I... myself couldn't have done it at all. " he gulped. " Regardless of my worry... I am really grateful to Hans, for staying clear-headed when I couldn't. He was always so reliable, so thoughtful, so fierce... It needs to be an honest feeling. It's not like he can sense your feelings, but he can definitely judge sincerity well. If you seem sincerely passionate about it and present it as wanting to return to him what he's done for you by giving him this chance, it will be very hard for him to refuse... I can't use such a trap anymore, though, because we've saved and helped each other so many times that it no longer can possibly count as returning the favour, as we are together so long it's ridiculous to even count favours. But you know him for less time, and he did you a great service, so wanting to do this out of gratefulness is quite disarming. "

[Mirach]

"I'm not asking how to make him accept it from me," Senecio said. "I haven't really thought of anything else when considering the deal. It's not from pity or worry and of course I'm grateful to him, but my reason is even more simple. It just isn't right that he's like that. I only want to make things right. My bigger concern is his attitude towards Death, and how to make him accept it. I think I should ask him if he's fine with it before talking to Death, but I'm afraid he would say no."

[VisAnastasis]

" It's equally likely he will say either of the two. It seems to me like it will be mostly a spur of the moment choice because if he thinks through it logically, he would decline it, but he may really reluctantly agree if you put it so that it's hard to say no without feeling pitiful about himself, " Tide murmured thoughtfully. " If you just told him to go and ask Death for help, he would feel like it's begging for help and would literally sooner die than beg for himself from his own health. But... this is a little different. It's a favor you earned fairy from Death, so what you are doing is basically giving him your ice cream, not having him beg for ice cream. So... much higher chances comparatively. There is no way you would get a better chance to rope Hans in than this. But as for how you try it, I really can not choose this for you... Some choices you just need to make on your own as you just can't know what will be best. Whether you ask Death first and put him before a finished thing, or first plead with him, you should choose. "

[Mirach]

"At least I have some time to think about it," Senecio murmured and focused on eating. "Dessert?" he asked then, offering the fork to Tide.