Senecio adn Tide II

[VisAnastasis]

" I'll welcome any distraction in foreseeable time until he wakes up, especially if it's cute, " Tide, through all the pent up worry for Hans, still smiled softly and thankfully at the offered fork - but first, he leaned forth and kissed his cheek fondly, before taking the utensil, and beginning to slice the cake for the actor, feeding him bite by bite with soft although timid affection that actor could feel clearly.

[Mirach]

Senecio realized he really enjoyed being able to feel that affection directly and he savoured it together with the dessert.

[VisAnastasis]

Creature knew Senecio knows his feelings, and because of it there was a shyness and vulnerability within them, but the affection was unquestionable, deep and full of softness. From everyone he knew so far demon had most layered emotions, spilling over each other, and little sprincles of joy at obvious contentment in actor's expression felt like bubbly little droplets, scattering all around him. As the cake was being finished, the joy grew a little thoughtful and restless though, and with last bite, demon slowly reached for actor's face, and caressed his cheek lightly.
 
" Are you... Really so happy?" He only whispered, with wonder and tinge of tension mixed within his feelings and look." When you smile, your whole face lits up so brightly... If I look at odds in the human world, you look out of all the worlds... To be honest... At times like these, it still feels unreal that you really were available... And even more so, that you choose me... "

[Mirach]

"Is it so surprising if nobody in the human world really is my type?" Senecio smiled a little.

[VisAnastasis]

" Well... yes. Would you mind telling me what exactly is your ideal type? In all honesty? " Being asked shyly, caressing his cheek lightly. " And... before you start, just describing me doesn't count. I am just... really curious, with all the countless people, and all your insane pluses, how you are not already, like... " he grinned a little, but there was a streak of uncertainty in him. " I don't know... happily married for ten years at the very least? With like, twenty people at least eagerly praying for your divorce so they could have a shot? I mean, I understand Hans is single even if he leads a freer lifestyle because he and Alpha are playing a long dance, but you are just amazing... Among your gazillion fans, there had to be some that liked you, and that you liked back, right? There had to be at least some decent relationships? I do like romance, but I'm quite certain when you imagined your ideal partner, you surely didn't imagine a mountain of a demon that wears a mask most of the time, has eyes like foam and grows red flowers around his neck... it's not something you see enough to form a concrete liking to... "

[Mirach]

"Well... in all honesty, I never imagined a life partner," Senecio murmured. "Only thing I imagined was a sexual partner, and a mountain of a demon is actually rather close to what I imagined."

[VisAnastasis]

" Oh... well... " Tide blushed, growing stiffer with some embarrassment, as he whispered. " Well... I mostly imagined romantic partner. Someone that would be really nice to me, do romantic things with me, have a lot of fun, and most importantly, make me feel safe and accepted in my differences. It's just... my highest goal was full acceptance and comfort in existing with someone wholesomely. I was all ready to deal with having to put work into that acceptance... what I was not ready for was for whatever this is, " he snorted, with a reddened face. " Did you ever... find something suspiciously nice? Like it's too good to be true, and you like it, but you are also sort of scared it will end up as only a fleeting infatuation? It's... easy for you to smile at me when I am this happy... But no one is constantly happy... when we get into arguments, disagree or get mad at each other, and you can feel my feelings through it... I never had to deal with it before. Eros's personality is too meek, and he simply doesn't get into arguments out of principle. If you grew cold to me because you figured I wasn't the right for you... I could... learn to work with that," he gulped. " But I am really scared of driving you away unknowingly, with something I can't control. My feelings... just seep out all over the place. They just wander around as they please... good and bad... "

[Mirach]

"They do, that's true," Senecio smiled a little. "But there really isn't that much difference to a regular disagreement and one when you can sense the feelings, I guess. I believe we would figure it out anyway."

[VisAnastasis]

" I really don't know... I guess... we will see. We did manage to make up during the ball, so I guess that's a good sign, " Being nodded slowly, considering the fact. Then it sighed, and leaned a bit more against the actor again, both with gesture and with shy insecure feelings behind it seeking support in his presence. " For what it's worth, I'm really sorry I made a big deal out of it. I'm determined to be better, and I'm determined to make up for it... So, take advantage of that fact, please, okay? " he smiled very faintly as he held him close. " I'd feel much better if I could make it up to you somehow, and I don't mean just physically, though it's not excluded... I mean, emotionally. Something that would restore our confidence in us, so we can grow stronger. I guess it's mostly universal feeling in both Beings and humans... Wish to make amends. "

[Mirach]

"Oh... well, there is something..." Senecio said quietly, glancing back at Tide. "At the ball, Eros said something... that you were close to a state of your mind becoming foam. I just would like some reassurance that you won't do that over some disagreement or misunderstanding. It's a scary idea that you would leave me like that..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Oh... It is never a permanent thing, though it varies how long it takes to assume conscious form, " Tide stammered a little as if a little ashamed. " I don't do it... consciously. But you know how... I am immune to any corruption? That is a definitely confirmed fact. But like with everyone... there are times when... in the spur of a moment, I feel so bad that I want to die. It's... a very intrusive feeling. That day, I just felt so bad, like everything was going wrong... and I do want to stay, but all parts of me are being pulled apart, " he murmured. " Instead of my essence growing twisted, torn and corrupted... It just dissipates into the foam, and it gives my mind a breather for a moment, and emotions settle down. It happens rarely that I am at such point, I promise... And I always come back. Every particle of my body just loves being a part of me too much... I really am happy, to be alive, " he said shyly. " And sooner or later, they just bend toward each other and form Me anew. It's only a matter of time. I never know how long it will take, and if you ask me, like myself, I don't really want to leave. But I as Many have their own opinions. It's a sort of like being in an argument with yourself... A break up like that only happens when I am in a dire emotional conflict, and all parts of me collectively decide to take a break from being myself, so to speak... "

[Mirach]

"What caused the emotional conflict, though? Was it something I did, or was it something you imagined about me? What can I do to prevent it from repeating?" Senecio asked quietly. "I don't know how I'd cope with it if you went into that state... Not now. Maybe in some time, when I can be more certain... but not now."

[VisAnastasis]

" Don't blame yourself for my failings, please, " Tide whispered tensely. With a slowly growing sense of dread he could not control, but actions he could, he embraced Senecio more closely. " It was a mix of everything. Too many conflicting feelings at once... At one side, I wanted While, Falcon and Svarik to rest sincerely... on the other, I was so grieved that we couldn't all go together... Because it was ball under masks, I could invite my people more freely, but even so, it is a big risk to have a large gathering when the War still lasts, so we never risked that before... and I really wanted all those of my favourite people to hang out freely with me and each other... but I could not have that. I know it is a little thing, but I am an impulsive creature... It made me sad, to begin with, " he whispered quietly. " What got to me even worse, almost the worst, is an argument with Hans... I really felt like I was doing everything wrong, even if I tried really hard... He was so angry at me for being so worried for him, as he wasn't for quite a while. And... I felt even worse because... he was so affectionate with you, and because even if you had to have been worried too, he only seemed angry with me, " he admitted vulnerable, his emotions growing restless under the weight of the memory. " I know it is silly... but ever since he got hurt, I... I began to dread, growing distant from him. He just focuses on being useful all the time, even if I don't ask him to. He puts a distance between us whenever he's uncomfortable with my care, and I am all about care. It felt as if he and you were on one side, and me on the other... At one side, I was happy he is so close to you, on the other, I was torn apart by his coldness to me. And still, I tried to enjoy most of the night... And I gave myself the freedom to find comfort in your presence... and let my thoughts and feelings wander freely... intoxicated by your taste. But then I realized you could feel all the possessive emotional drooling and it was just the last straw. I panicked, we argued... I felt even more terrible, not being able to respond properly to what others needed from me. I could not tell to Hans I do not worry for him using the power that hurts him the most.... and I could not tell you I wasn't anxious about the power we threw on you and that you had no choice over.... " he gulped, repeating the same as he did in the morning, thinly and fraily. " I really... I really am sorry... "

[Mirach]

"So it wasn’t just me?" Senecio asked with a hint of relief. 

[VisAnastasis]

" No," Tide replied decisively, as if it was so unreasonable to think so that it didn't even cross his mind. " I will admit it was a final blow... but only because I was already on my knees. I was holding onto you like last straw. It was tough... But only because you are so dear to me," he proclaimed boldly." Your new ability allows you closer insight in my nature... There is a part of me that fears that the less human you see me, the more you will grow distant to me... It is a baggage I carry because such was the case with most of my relationships. It is a reasonable fear. " He whispered, adding more quietly." On the other side... There is... Who you are to me. With nothing so far, have you shown any repulsion... Not even indifference. It... Makes me hope that.. this time, things may turn different," his lip trembled lightly." It is a battle of hope and dread. If I had not grown so hopeful and greedy, I would not have felt so desperate over possibility of losing you. But it was just the last straw... I would not be so cowardly have.. have not everything around went wrong, too... You died, Svarik was unconscious, Falcon and While didn't want to come, little Xia was depressed because she argued with While, one of my best friends was deadly angry at me, while the other couldn't openly hang out with me because of disagreement with my boyfriend.... And my boyfriend suddenly got a new power which can show him just how beastly I really am, and I panicked and made him feel bad about it. I made both you and Hans feel bad about yourselves...," he gulped." It was too much..."

[Mirach]

"Wait, I get everything but one part," Senecio interjected.  "Who couldn't hang out with you because of disagreement with me?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, Sage," Tide got a touch distracted from current trail of thoughts with a memory." He is not commenting on it and he wants no revenge - but you did use the face of his son Lorenzo to commit a technically bad deed," it seemed he tried fervently to be vague about it not to make him feel bad." But since you are always with me he keeps at a distance. He can not exactly walk up to us, can he?" He sighed with some grief." It's not like he is gravely offended and angry at you, like Hans was, so I am not feeling as bad about it... But he is still very dear to us. Us three rule our little world. I did miss him a little, though I was more burdened by the fact it is not really a situation one can resolve easily. "

[Mirach]

"Why can't he?" Senecio asked. "I get that je doesn't want to have anything with me, but why wouldn't he approach you? I wouldn't force him into a talk or something, I can pretend I'm not there..."

[VisAnastasis]

" He was at a party, and we did talk briefly, but that's not quite the same. Of course, I would have liked it if he were to sit, drink and talk with us, but with what happened that stands between you, how can be possibly sit down without making things awkward? And how would either of us feel comfortable just casually ignoring you? " Tide frown, as if that made no sense to him - though it seemed good that actor mentioned it because the confusion seemed like a good way to distract Tide out of conflict and misery. " *You* were a big part of our celebration that day. Despite everything else tied to it and our argument, both me and Hans were happy to have saved you... There's no way we would have just casually talked with him while you are sitting right there, like you don't exist. Who knows how worse the day would have been, with additional tension of the situation.  Sage... is really kind and courteous. He understands the complexity of recovery. He... has also died once. Three hundred years ago, when his heart was torn out in a dark Bull priest ritual, and his body was thrown into the sea... He knows how awful it is, " he whispered quietly. " Even when I apologized for making you my priority that day, he would not take an apology. He knows one needs a lot of care, love and reassurance to get over some things, and he wholeheartedly wished you to have the support you needed... Which, coincidentally, made me feel even worse, because I didn't end up taking good care of your heart at all... " he said shyly. " Like I said, I was on a total winning streak of not living up to the expectations that day... as friend or boyfriend... "

[Mirach]

"I see..." Senecio murmured. "If it was just for the ball, I get that. I was rather relieved myself that Lorenzo wasn't there. But I wouldn't want you getting distant to him because of me."

[VisAnastasis]

" I don't really feel like I can get distant from him emotionally. We have a really good relationship. I mean... He has my heart, so he is literally a part of me, in a way, " Tide snorted a bit, and hesitantly, after a heavier talk, he dared to shyly caress his hair again. " But time is a limited thing, so if you want to spend it one way, you undoubtedly can't spend it another way at the same time, not if you don't have spacial powers. Of course, I miss being with him more, but if I was with him more, I'd miss being with you, " he smiled softly, with a vulnerable smile. " It is for the ball, but it's also in general... I know how he thinks. The way he watches from afar without interfering in our time is the way he expresses his love for me, too. He didn't support our relationship right away, because he said he will need to wait and see how it works out, but after a while, he told me he understands and gave me his blessing. I was glad, " demon's face brightened up a little with a more pleasant thought. " I was really happy, even with all that happened, that he understood how important you are to me. "

[Mirach]

"Okay..." Senecio murmured. "As long as I'm not standing between you."

[VisAnastasis]

" You are not standing between us. You are standing in front of me, exactly where I want you to,  "the creature replied simply with how it saw the things, holding him closely. " Besides, compared to While, you are a really cute tiny obstacle... For you, I am risking my relationship with Sage's family, and while I do love them dearly, taking part in raising them, Sage's family and Sage himself can never have an equal place in my heart - one is the man I adore, the other is a loving family of a man I adore. If Lorenzo doesn't want me in his life on account of this, it's more his loss than mine... While fro While, I am basically risking relationships with every Being I know, so... Don't think of yourself as an aggressor to my family. Rather, think of me as an aggressive risk taker, and this choice with you just being one part of my will, " Creature finally smiled shyly. " I will always take all the needed risks for the future that I want. You aren't an intruder. You are... my future. If it's meant to be... "

[Mirach]

"Well I know a bit about risking, so I understand that. But is Sage okay with me living in his house?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, it is technically *our* house. I am not great with money, so the house is led on Hans's and Sage's name, and most of our properly are separated between the two, but Hans is really the brain that holds it all together and delegated everything to keep it running smoothly. Even since our first house built on this soil was a humble little stone dwelling the three of us earned together, it was Ours, not just his, " Tide replied firmly. " He still spends a big chunk of time here, being someone in our world, but he mostly has two homes now, moving between this mansion, and the mansion of his wife and family that is at the top of the hill. It is not like I am chasing him away, so he'd mind... He's just trying to keep his distance himself. I can certainly imagine him being worried if you would fall into the dark place again, and try to hurt someone here... besides you acted out at the worst moment when Svarik was here as our honored guest, and it's a big Being taboo for guests to come to harm under host's protection... it was quite bad for all three of us. But having such concerns about your unpredictability and not being okay with someone are different things. I am also having concerns about how While will fit in here and if he'll end up causing trouble, but that doesn't mean I don't prefer him staying, " Tide explained diligently. " Besides, I think the suspicions are calming down with time. If only I liked you, he may have been suspicious for longer, because I care for people too easily - but as Hans grew fond of you, I feel he grew less worried with time. So you just have to keep up a good vibe and take your risk-taking habits as far from destructive tendencies as possible, and I believe things will get better slowly... "