Senecio adn Tide II

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad's eyes were shaking, and he pressed Svarik's hand that held his firmly, as if trying to draw strength from it.
" It may be a relationship that only lasted for a few days by now... But it was a relationship forged in fire previously. That is why I believe in it. I believe what I see and what I feel. Even if it doesn't work out somehow... how rich and happy the days of my life that have you in them won't change. Whether we sleep together and kiss or not, I want you in my life, and the only way I won't have you is if you dismiss me yourself. I am not contemplating our future because I have to, because of our position... I am doing so because I am unquestionably confident in my feelings. I love you today... and tomorrow, the only thing that may change, is that I may yet grow to love you more, " with shaking hand, he brought Svarik's hand holding his, and laid a gentle kiss upon it. Suddenly, he looked so very tired anew, as if indeed the talk opened up an old deep wound. He did not speak of his past this time, though. Instead of plans for overcoming the past, he shared a desperate temptation that must have been gnawing at the back of his mind today, that he wanted to ignore, but couldn't. " Do you not believe me, or do you think I am shallow, for investing so much of myself so early on? It is not too early, for me. I have known people all my life who could not give me the range of emotions you give me each day. From frustration and annoyance to the wildest joy... My heart has been your playing field ever since we met. That is why I am thinking things I would find outrageous before. I always felt it was better to die true to myself, as Conrad Falcon, than to live decently as someone else. Today, since Riversong is back, I have been thinking, though... He can not add what isn't there, but he can change what exists. He could change my face and look, and change my voice... my personality is a bit of a problem, as it is too strong and some could recognize me just by my disposition, but if it's not tied to the same face, who could seriously accuse me, of being that Conrad Falcon, if I look completely different? They would seem mad. A different face and different name... should I just swallow my pride and go along with it? If Simbel could throw away so much grander name, could I not throw away mine, no matter how attached to it I am? You make it so hard though. When you speak of temptations of clearing my name... I know how badly I want it. But is clearing a name in an uncertain future as important as being able to be with you now? " he looked down with bitter pain. " I, Conrad Falcon, who dreamed of heroism and history books, and being remembered by my efforts and good I did, instead of being remembered as a lowest criminal and scum... I never thought I would come to see the day when I would envy not some great hero, but a nameless extra who sits in your council and can casually discuss policies with you every day. If I was not Conrad Falcon, but a nameless stable boy... noblemen would perhaps frown and judge, but they'd not care too much, if you were in a relationship with me. I... dread, returning home. Throwing away everything, my face, my name, my identity, seems like such a bitter and large price... but if I was just some random new nobleman, I could be with you. I could lobby my place into your council as random extra number 4 - and I could date you, and work with you, and lead the country with you. I've never been as torn about something as I am about this. It is easy to jump into near-certain death, to protect the world, but this choice is too heavy. Do I love my legacy, my name, and myself more than I love you? I... can't confidently say, that I do not love you more. I know it is digging into a deeper hole of deception, but when I think about going back home and having to beat down and suffocate and hide the love I feel before the world, the feeling of loss and emptiness grips my chest and suffocates me... I will miss those relatively carefree days at sea where I could go everywhere you can go and hold your hand as we walk the streets, terribly so... "

[Mirach]

Svarik pressed Conrad's hand back. "First of all, it's not the end of the relatively carefree days. We're just going home to take care of things because if we don't do it right now, Janus might start spending himself in trying to help us without waiting for us to help him, and I don't know how long helping him would take, so it's best to not delay that. Secondly, you are just as bad as him, you know? You would rush into forsaking your whole identity without giving me some time to fix things properly? I thought I could afford to take a few days before sharing my plans and dragging the past into the carefree days, but apparently not, so excuse me if the plans aren't absolutely perfect yet. But we have Otma, and we have means to bring him to the capital without the weeks of travel that he didn't feel up to, and I know how to convince him to do it for us. We have the best lawyers in the kingdom. We have a deity that can testify that what you did was not a treason but was for the sake of the realm. And you also have a king who can take all of these testimonies and clear your name. So why would you content yourself with scraps? The hardest thing about this will be taking it slowly in public afterwards, so that it seems that I only fell in love with you after I judged you, otherwise I could be accused of a biased judgement."

[VisAnastasis]

Erdel was right in the fact that Conrad himself might be their biggest adversary in this. There was great conflict in his gaze - one between a longing to go along with Svarik's plan, and terror of what could happen if things go wrong.
" Well... I... do have some pointers. The main one is that my ten years of lies are working against you, always. " he whispered more hoarsely, holding onto Svariki's hand with guilt, as if holding onto a lifeline. " I... own nothing but lies, you know. That mansion is only mine in technicality - a mansion of a fake noble identity I bought, and the fake role I played so I could have a base of operation. Nothing of it was real... It was just a base... and then a safeguarding place where I would go to check in on Melody after I took her in. It only became sort of makeshift home when you came... It had to, given how long we spent there, in that little warm room where no shadows could touch us... But even that little bit is not mine. It is Conlaed's, a nobleman's home. Are you going to tell everyone that the nobleman who saved and hosted you was Conrad Falcon all along? If so, how are you going to pretend you are just falling in love with him when you are already giving him enough freedom as your host to send your correspondences through him and stay in a mansion next to his even when you recovered already? Can you claim to be unbiased when you're so biased to your host? Or are we killing the nobleman and having Melody inherit him? Can we even get away with it, when there are people who have seen both, and may have not made a connection if they think I am dead, but will connect the dots when they realize I am alive? And how do we even tackle the fact that I am an underground leader? Are you... going to hide it and hope it doesn't come up? No matter how I look at it... the ten years where I did not care what happened to me as long as I could keep the country together are now in my... our way, " man hung his head low, as if ashamed to look up to him. "  I had to keep the land safe somehow after I messed everything up... I was as good as dead if I revealed I was alive, so the only way I could hope to find enough strings to keep things together was in Underground... so I made do with the only way I had. I... truly did the best I could, with scraps, Svarik. It... did its purpose. It was hard, but I managed to stitch as many things as I could and force it together by the strings somehow, so it did not rip apart. It was... grueling. It was day after day, of cutting all possible corners and making the most practical choices possible, to keep things together. It was jumping through countless hoops to make at least one person's life easier at a time, in a broken system... And I know the most practical thing in my case would be to just start with a clean slate. It is simple and clean... We can even clean Conrad Falcon's name posthumously, and bury him properly, while I live as someone new. It would be a practical choice. If only you didn't give me a taste of how fulfilling it feels, to live in a world that is less practical, more messy... and more dazzling. The fragile world of vampires, Simbel and Erdel, of Zephir and Riversong - it is all the world you dragged me into seeing, a world that would never exist if I made the most practical decisions. My perspective is all skewed and biased now, that I have experienced it, " he shook his head firmly. " It had gotten so hard, making simple, practical choices suddenly... I... have no idea what my heart is even up to those days. It is on strike, refusing to let me get back to being a person that can make any sort of objective choice... "

[Mirach]

Svarik leant down and knelt next to Conrad, so that he could put rets head in Conrad's lap as he was sitting on the demon throne. "Your heart is doing just fine, in my opinion," he said, caressing his hand. "You can allow yourself to follow it. I said my plans are not yet final, didn't I? Based on your feedback, I think this would work better: my host has been Conrad Falcon all along. He was keeping it secret, of course he did as a wanted criminal, althout in truth, he was faithful all along. He helped to find the king and renew stability in the realm, but then he felt he can't pretend any longer and admitted his identity to the king. Now, the king is biased and knows he shouldn't judge him, and who else has the authority to judge such an important case? A God, of course. You can't accuse a God from being biased, can you? So Simber shall be the judge, and I will be a witness, together with Otma. Does that work better?"

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad was a little taken aback by Svarik's kneeling and putting head into his lap, but he seemed to find unexpected comfort in it, as if someone had just awkwardly realized how much he missed the little gestures of closeness they would often have when Svarik was wounded and would rely on him for support. For Conrad, despite the unfortunate reasons behind them, those must have been extremely soothing and precious memories. The man reached for king's head and began to carefully caress and tidy up restless locks of his hair, as he often would when it would be tangled up with lying down for a long time. Perhaps thanks to the closeness, his breathing finally evened out a little... and he finally replied with an agreement.
 
" If Simbel is a judge... we would have to drag Selagon into this too, to be able to add more credibility. And... We are also going with the concept of Bull not being satisfied with Ar Tenil as emperor, and having him die so you could be the new ruler, so... since I did not rebel against Ronerik or you, but against Ar Tenil... our web of lies... fit like tailored puzzle pieces. If... If you not being chosen as an Emperor displeased Bull... in a backward way, it sort of gives some benefit to the doubt, to Ar Tenil enemies, " he looked a little faint as if pushing heavily through the mud, as he offered his first positive contribution to the plan. He brushed king's hair gently for comfort, as he added so very slowly, putting his reply together word by word. " It is a lie, in core... of course. I did not rebel against the emperor, but the Thief... I indeed betrayed the empire... for the sake of protecting the world. But betrayal is still betrayal. Maybe my actions weren't decisive blow... but they still trickled down. Rebelling against the emperor brought terrible consequences, directly in war... and afterward. The land I loved was shaken, and left to jackals, with no one to control the corrupt system. I carry many people on my conscience... Even Erdel, in part, you know. He barely just turned 15 when I was 19 and Thief died... Usually, children are left out of the Orphanage at 16, but due to lack of funds and corruption blossoming after the emperor's death, they starved and kicked him and a few other kids a year earlier, and did not even try to seek any apprenticeship for them, and let them sleep on the streets and fend for themselves. Many sad things of different kinds but the same flavor happened throughout the destabilized land that I felt greatly responsible for... Sure, Kaldir may have been the one to kill the Thief, but he had no obligation to protect my home. I did, and I prioritized the world good compared to the good of the empire's people. No matter how hard I tried to hold things together and fix it, it was never enough... to catch up to the damage done. " he revealed vulnerably, as he finally quietly asked, not a question of how, this time - but one of insecurity. " Gathering best lawyers and propaganda makers, a king, a high priest, and a God... just for me? If it was for you, Melody, Simbel, Erdel, or anyone in need, I'd always jump right at the chance to do something good and big. But if the object of help is me... it seems like so much to ask, for an unjust cause. A reward for me, who should be atoning instead. Betrayal is still betrayal, even if it's for the sake of the world. If I stabbed you to save the world, you'd still have been in pain and I'd still be a terrible person.  It feels like I'm giving you such ungrateful, selfish, and grueling work, and not for the cause of saving the world, but for the sake of helping a bad person, dear as he might be to you. Is it your view on justice... or mercy? Or are you just being biased because you love me? Yet, before you knew me much or loved me at all you were still so consistently insistent, on clearing my name. What drives you so ardently?  You tried to offer me any possible position under the sun, from the Mayor of the city to the councilor because my skills are a waste not to be used... but it never seemed to me that you wanted to help me because you wanted to recruit me. You clearly did want to recruit me for my skills, I mean, but those two matters seemed separate...  "

[Mirach]

"You know, I think it won't really be that hard to clear your name," Svarik said gently. "It seems like a solid plan and people actually want stability. Now that we have a chance for it, I don't think they would want to rebel because of one trial. No, I see now that the hardest part in this will be something else. It will be you forgiving yourself. You did what you could against a dangerous entity that pretended to be a god and controlled our land. if you see yourself as a traitor, then I am too, beause I witheld a part of its power from it by escaping. If I were to be faithful to the empire, then I would have let myself be killed by Palimar. We both did what we could, even if it feels like not enough. We a not finished yet, though. Now we can do more, especially if you will be able to work openly at my side."  

(ooc: Ar-Tenil's coronation name is Palimar)

[VisAnastasis]

The hand that caressed him was unsteady as the king spoke. Conrad did not seem to be able to find words to refute or refuse him this time. Because he trusted him, though, and felt so safe with him, he was able to share his insecurities instead.
" When I first met you in person, I thought... with a crazy amount of enemies he has, and zero allies, he is lucky I needed to find a king. Later, as I got to know you... I realized how lucky I am, that I needed to find a king, " Man played with locks of his hair ever so gently, as he timidly shared his fears. "
But... everything I dared to pour my heart into would always end up broken by me. I wanted to serve Izmer as my emperor, and when I was at it, save you in the process due to his appeal... But I was too arrogant, thinking I'd done well enough to help decently from afar, and the price of my arrogance was anew horrible. He died, and I barely managed to make sure you didn't die, but you had to be a fugitive for ten horrible years. I loved White Eagles, and my actions were a big blow in fracturing them, and eventually, they all perished. I wanted to protect Highlanders from Thief's horrors, but I was not good enough, and I barely managed to delay the inevitable, with the pitiable resources me and Izven had to stand up to the Emperor. Eventually, despite my efforts, I still lost to him and Otma... No matter how hard I tried, I could not win, with barely any allies or resources... it was insane, desperate resistance, like fighting Demon King with a damaged wooden sword. I was bound to fail. I loved the empire, and I stabbed it in the back, and it's natural people that who don't know the circumstances will hate the highest-ranking officer who used to be a brilliant child protegee who was their pride and joy, but betrayed the last emperor and joined the enemy side. Ten years ago... The light inside me got broken, but I could still get my hands dirty and do what had to be done. Everyone was dead, and that bastard Otma lost all hope, and exiled himself... but people were suffering, and somebody had to step up. I was angry at the sight of the broken world and arrogantly chose to fight to fix it. Rather than fixing it, it was a grueling painful process of barely holding it together, and relieving bitterness of my incompetence each day I would see an evil or sadness that could have been prevented if I was good enough. I thought you'll have a smooth safe chance to grow into the best version of yourself after the coronation, and that I can finally rest, and.. and then, " he just shook his head firmly, his hold growing closer, as he but managed to whisper thinly. " Then, I was so, so terribly wrong, anew. I was always arrogant... always biting off more than I could chew. Only one violent person who gives in to their dark urges is enough to create terrible damage... Whether it is Grendel, Death, White Eagle, Two-headed Raven, Palimar, Tarmagil, General, or Demian, Anxington, random furious Bull priest, or a zealot Demon Hunter... Only one bastard is enough. I... have new, dangerous ambition those days, more arrogant than ever. My dream to fix the world to be as good as new... grew into a dream to make the world better than it ever was. I want to recreate the world and make it a perfect fit for gentle souls like you.  But being with you... it is not a choice of practicality or convenience... it is a choice I made for my happiness, not for the world's. In eternity, I could mentally prepare for losing you in accidents, disasters, or greater evils. But if I lose you as a result of my greedy longing for identity, it will be... too much to forgive myself, ever. I do not... necessarily fully disagree with your opinion on my trial. I am just... paralyzed with fear. When I am with you... I feel like... the trampled flowers in the corner of my heart are blooming again. I'd rather lose my identity than lose you due to my arrogance. If I do, those fragile unsightly flowers are going to rot away, and my heart will never grow them again... "

( ooc: nice! I always love learning new little bits, and the names you pick are always awesome! I probably won't be correct about canon backstory all the time, but I'm trying to match what I know of spoilers ^^

[Mirach]

Svarik leant even more closely and wrapped his hands around Conrad's waist, as if unwilling to let go. "I wish you could see yourself as I see you. Where you see arrogance and incompetence, I see persistence against the odds. Such hard odds that even you couldn't succeeed against them, and yet you never stopped trying, never did less than all you could. Even without hope, you kept going. But now, you are afraid to hope. You are used to things that you hope for not working out. I understand. But you can't live without hope forever. It's uncanny how similar you are to Janus, really. He's also fearful to hope or trust, and wishes he could but it's hard to convince himself. And the thing is, the fear is not unfounded. You're not paranoid when you think that something terrible might happen to you, when your fear has proven justified before and dozens of terrible things already happened to you. But it's not really a way to live. Sometimes you just need to trust and risk that the trust is misplaced and the flowers will rot, otherwise they will never open and bloom to their full beauty. I know it's a lot that I'm asking from you, but you are the bravest person I know. And we will leave tomorrow, but we will get back very soon, and then we can have our vacation and take the time to come to terms with it. What do you think?"

[VisAnastasis]

If it were just the words or just the gesture, maybe Conrad would be able to maintain his denial and restraint. But with words that hit so close to the truth, yet were delivered in such a gentle way, and with a protective gesture, Svarik felt that man's firm facade was crumbling down.  

" What do... I think? " His shoulders shook with a hoarse laugh that felt more like a sob. " I wished you could see... how inspiring you are, in my eyes. You paint my world with gold, with every gaze, every gesture, every word... Like falling asleep under the spell of the Singer's song and never waking up... you lull me into a false sense of security I do not want to wake up from. I know my worries are justified... but I want to live in a world your spell weaves instead. Svarik, I... I am well aware that I was a child soldier. I was conditioned to think safety and warmth are secondary things, and that I should value higher ideals, like competence and legacy. Even ten years after I rebelled, competence and legacy are nails twisted deeply in my heart that keep scaring it whenever I fail anew. I was raised with the most expensive, highest quality education in the world since I could talk... At my smallest request, the most qualified teachers in the realm flocked to give me their very best knowledge, and I soaked it all in ten times the speed normal kids would learn, desperate to become someone great. I... was overzealous and overprepared. You can not judge my competence at 19 by the same standards as 19 years of poor Emmet, who grew up treated like a slave and livestock, spending most of his life abused and locked under this stage. I judge myself by higher standards, because, with my level of competence and education, in retrospect, I can always find things I could have done better. I was not raised as livestock... but as a brilliant, expensive war hound... Naturally, I would think like a war hound, even if I tried to kill and abandon my original owner. For the last ten years, if at any point you asked me what I would want if you could grant my wish, it would be for my name to be cleared and for people's trust in me to be restored to the point where I can walk the streets in the day as a free man, without fear some random person will stab me. Just a war dog, dreaming of not being in danger all the time, nothing more. I just wanted to feel safe... But I already have that, now. It is woven, here, within your spell. As a child soldier, you are always conditioned to be wary, alert, and observant, so that you do not die.... But I have never felt safer. I can finally experience, what resting feels like, when you speak comfort to me, and when you hold me. So please, hold onto me... and tell me that you forgive me, for... the terrible lack of quality of my closeness, " he whispered hoarsely, as he slowly and carefully leaned forth, and patted Svarik's back, running against it gently, in soothing circles. " I love you so much that it hurts... but I was raised like an intelligent beast, so ways of the beasts is all I know, " he gritted his teeth as he struggled to find words for the ineffable. " I wished I could give you, the richness of gentleness you give me. But I... was never taught such things. I was only taught to speak grand things... I feel like I want to cover your whole head and face with kisses... but how do people just casually do such things without feeling strange? I... do not know how to turn this fire into anything as soothing as your smallest brush of fingertips is. Damn it... Damn it, " his hands rubbing Svarik's back was shaking, not with turmoil, but with strong positive emotion he could not wrap his head around. "You have no idea, how dazzling existence you are, to me.  Remaking the world is my new ambition... but you are my new dream... My heart and soul. Please, forgive me, for not being good at this... for only being able to give wary warning of danger we could be in, instead of this ridiculous richness of comfort and peace you give me, my sweet soul... "

[Mirach]

"No, please, do not ever think that you are inadequate to me," Svarik said, and having nowhere closer to press agains Conrad, he started caressing his back too as he was embracing him. "You know how precious it is, to see you relax and even try to hope for a future?  You're not a beast, you are a person, formed by your experiences, but so much more still. And I can't really be happy in a future where you would sacifice your happiness for the good of the realm. We're in it together, for good or for bad, okay?"

[VisAnastasis]

 Man, who was touch-starved and unused to receiving such affection, could not help but laugh a little louder at how ardently Svarik snuggled next to him as if his body did not know how to respond to it. It was a new, vulnerable, but freeing feeling, and he looked confused and unsure how to respond, but his heart seemed lighter, and there was less shade in his laugh, and his caress grew less careful and more energetic and bubbly.

" Look at you... My heart, my soul, my dazzling sun... saying he does not want me to sacrifice my happiness when he is my happiness. Svarik... Listen very closely. All those years I kept exhausting myself imagining the horror of everyone I know finding out who I am and turning away from me, condoning me and hating me for my past crimes, and the whole world setting up to kill me anew, like ten years ago... but all I think about those days, is how scared I am of association with me hurting you, Melody, Erdel, Simbel... it is much richer fear. I do not hate, that it changed and the fact it changed, is your credit. The weight of my sins used to crush me down endlessly... now it is fear of living without joy you give me. I no longer know what pain is, when you hold me. So, please... always keep our priorities firm. Priority isn't... my legacy or honor anymore... it is... our chance to work and live together, " he finally said it, with color and a little more defiance and firmness - tone suiting him much more than one of fear. " When you are raised as a soldier, you are trained to keep cool ahead and always keep track of what is most important to keep, and what can be potentially discarded, and... Svarik, as long as there's not a civil war level danger and we can manage it, I'll be fine with a moderate level of daily danger, of being spit on or stabbed, or shunned by strangers or allies... Those things... don't seem that big, anymore. If you want to know what is most important I do not want to sacrifice... it is the openness of our relationship," finally, encouraged by the atmosphere, and timidly following Svarik's request, he drew all the courage from his weary wounded heart - and dared to hope, requesting what he knew is quite a low bar, but was the biggest request he could muster at the moment. " Do all that you can... to give me a future, where I can walk down the streets, holding your hand. Where I can take out you and Melody on a date without being arrested - it is fine to be scorned. Future where even if they spit at me, I will not have to leave your side, or hide when you do public events or festivals in fear my presence will hurt you. Future... where I can work with you, even if they would hate me... and a future where I can always hug, kiss, or brush your hair in public, without fear of who is watching could cause rumors and bad things to happen to you.... Future where everyone can know that we are together. One thing, that would be most heartbreaking to lose. I... know it is not big, but it is not small, too, you know... asking for a public relationship with as king, with my background. I am fine with any concessions I must make to make it public, as long as it can be done. So.. so... " his nervousness slipped out with an unsure chuckle. " Is laying down this amount of... moderate expectations on you... good enough for the first try? I... have not tried to expect anything, for so long, and I am so very bad at it... "

[Mirach]

"Yes, it's a good start and I'm proud of you," Svarik smiled. "You can trust me that I'll do all I can to fulfill it. Oh, and Janus gave me cookies for you. Do you want a cookie as a reward, just because how silly it is?"

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation, imagining the old demon bribing Svarik with cookies. But then, his expression grew more thoughtful and reflective, as if he was trying to wrap his mind around the alien strange concept of being rewarded, and trying to adapt to it.
" I see... Just because I did such an amazing job, giving you a realistic instead of an intimidatingly high bar for success, I guess.... a reward for such a.. heh... huge accomplishment... is indeed due...? " He replied slowly, picking word by word as if trying to figure out by Svarik's response if he was playing into the game  right. " So, for my reward... your cute little snuggling is quite touching, but that position can not possibly be all that comfortable for too long, can it? How about you sit down in my lap, and share half the cookies with me? " he coughed, trying to mitigate the embarrassment of such an open request. " If you can have your own cute not subtle "let's help Conrad totally secret plans", I can have my own, can I not? My not-so-subtle plan to fatten you up a little so it's harder for you to get sick when playing too much Listener music is underway, and I'd appreciate all the help you can give me... Sitting down with me is strictly for my happiness, though. I want... to kiss your cheek, and tell you I am proud of you, too, my heart, " he snorted, well aware his whole face was red, as he spoke. " It is quite hard to reach your head for a kiss properly from this angle, you see... Logistics are not ideal... "

[Mirach]

Svarik laughed brightly and disentangled himself from the awkawrd embrace. "Alright," he said and sat down into his lap, taking a cookie from his pocket, "but just to be clear, the reward is for asking for something that would make you happy, not for making it realistic. I would be equally happy if you asked for more." He then broke the cookie in half and gave one half to Conrad, leaning his head on the man's shoulder.

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad ate half of a cookie as offered as if there was no tastier treat in the world. Indeed, it seemed like having Svarik act so close and casual with him was very effective in reassuring and soothing him.

"Alright... then, may this be your reward, for standing your ground against me. I am very proud of you, for choosing to do what's important to you, even if I don't agree it is worth the risk. I do not want you to be in danger... but I do not want you to restrain your heart and live with sadness and regrets that fester and grow... If you asked me to not put myself in danger, I'd still do it if it was for something important to me. I want to protect you, but I also want you to have an equal level of freedom, to stand up to me and do what you believe is right, no matter how it works out, " He was unused to initiating affection openly, especially after what happened to Svarik, but it seemed his joy was bigger than concern right now, and he had to put it into some act of warmth. He kissed king's head gently and brushed through his hair as he did so while adding softly, embracing him from the side. " I... want to apologize again.. for how I acted when we were choosing what to do about Riversong. For different reasons, though. I... am too good at swaying your opinion. In retrospective... I did act as if it would be outrageous if you would choose to leave me to go see Riversong, instead of spending that precious time and going to the Ball with me. I was quite hurt at a time, by your instant desire to leave. But you weren't having heavy thoughts like me, about how we would have to hide our relationship, how once we get back, heavy time of restrain will come... Naturally, your priorities were different. I... shouldn't have acted like this was all the time we had, even if we were to miss the Ball. I do believe in our relationship... I just wanted to prolong this lovely first few days we had a little longer.  Today's memory of riding together, and helping our in orchards, and of our trip to the sea... where we could just be free with each other, without worrying who was watching... was important for me. I desperately needed something like this. But I should not have stifled your needs for the sake of it, without communicating properly. It hurt, not being able to be with Riversong as he woke up, because I made you stay here for me, didn't it? " he asked quietly, rubbing Svarik's back as he held him. " Next time we make a plan, I will make it in a way where no point makes you sad for the sake of efficiency... I do believe the most efficient way to drag Riverong here and resolve his issues easily is to have you and Death here in the hands of Demon King Tide - it is the perfect bait. But... I should have gone with less efficiency, and worst bait, and just still made it work. I am too used to going for the best possible outcomes... I... will adjust our planning, from now on, " he promised, and as if to mark his promise, he shyly kissed Svarik's forehead, ever so gently. " So, what if it's harder to reconcile them? We will just make it happen, even if we have to drag insecure Riversong by the ear here to the sea to Death and Jake. Next time, I won't insist on being right, and convince you with efficiency. I will work harder, and pick a way that won't leave you with lingering regrets, of not being there for him... "

[Mirach]

"I was torn," Svarik admitted. "I wanted to be there, but returning to the capital felt too final with the day of travel between here and there, and I also wanted more time. But Janus's bag changes that, and we can go there and get back quickly, and instead of manipulating Riversong to come here, we can all come together for the Ball. I dont know if it will be harder or not, but it feels better to me. Besides, Janus told me that there's a rehearsal of the play tomorrow, and Senecio wants to try to get back into the leading role, so it might be good to give our friends a break from hosting us so they can focus on that."

[VisAnastasis]

" I see... " Falcon nodded slowly. " Eros did not tell us about a bag at first, so it did color our judgment a lot... going back also felt more final to me, with how long traveling back and forth would normally take. But I assume, if Eros told us right away and we went to talk to the por anxious guy ourselves, it would be too stressful for him, as he'd feel coerced to say yes... and I know you too well, you sweet little noodle. If Janus had a panic attack or whatever being equivalent is, you'd feel too guilty to keep asking and would not feel it is good to accept before we gain more credibility in his eyes, " he caressed Svarik's back. " It seemed like it was a future that would only work if Janus was the one to choose and gather the courage to offer it to us himself... and I am glad he did. Let us return, " he confirmed Svarik's choice, with more determination in his voice, and a brighter outlook on the future. " Let's get back, and let us all brainstorm the heck out of the whole thing, so we can help him get healthy, in return for giving us this chance for a freer life of travel, now and in the future. It would be a good distraction for Riversong too, to focus on something he can help you with, anyway, so he has a chance to repay you for your care while he was cursed and ill. It would be good for his confidence to feel needed, so...we will make it all work out, just in a different way. And we should also coordinate to convince Simbel about Janus's deal. I don't know if bringing him to Ball would be safe yet, it is a matter to still ponder about... but just think about it. Being able to bring Simbel to the sea, for a little while, " just as much as before, Conrad's eyes were filling up with anticipation as he thought about it. " I do like our travels... but I do miss him, and often when I see things, I think how it would be nice if we could show him, and wonder if he's missing us. I was thinking about showing him some of my memories in a dream, once we get back. But being able to show him around in person instead would be wonderful... "

[Mirach]

"Yes, that would be great. Janus said that Zephir might be able to do the runes, but I don’t know if it's better if he does it and Simbel can come with us sooner, or bring Janus to the capital to do it and meet with Simbel in person. But the journey is still four hours, so we will have time to think of how to approach this paet, at least. I'm also missing the people at home, and the list of things we need to do there has grown a lot, so I think it will be even better if we take care of all those things and then return and take the others with us so that we can spend the rest of our time here with less worries." Svarik said and took out the last cookie and broke it in half to share it with Conrad. "We also should head back to Sage's house soon, it's getting quite windy outside."

[VisAnastasis]

" Then I guess it is good that one of us has been given the blessing from Tide to warm the air around us, while the other has gotten the blessing of cooling things down... Yours will thrive on other circumstances, but it seems like it's my moment to shine and use my new blessing to the fullest, to warm us up a little, " Falcon grinned most brightly yet - it seemed the weight on his shoulders was greatly reduced after the talk. That's why he had more courage to be more open about things that make him happy, too. " Would you like to walk hand in hand, or... would you like me to wrap you up in a cloak and carry you back? Before, you ask, I am right about both options - walking hands in hands and watching stars, or having you huddled up close, is equally perfect. But even if warm, if the wind is strong it won't be too pleasant, and we had a long day, and you must be tired. Also, should we go ask Alpha if he will be willing to be the one to carry us to save us more time, or will we leave making that deal for the morning? In any case, you must be quite tired so you should conserve your strength, and I would not mind having a chance to snuggle up next to you on the way back, good sir, just saying... " he softly picked his cheek, more of an endearment than a tease.

[Mirach]

"We need to buy some toys for the birthday party in the morning, so we can talk to Alpha then as well, I really just want to go to sleep now without any more deal negotiations," Svarik said. "And I would like to huddle close to you under your cloak and walk back like that. I'm not sure about the stars, since this wind might be bringing clouds."

[VisAnastasis]

" It is pity I did not bring that extra warm cloak you got me from Alpha... I was saving it for the Ball, and pocket dimension we got is generally meant for smaller useful items, if I wanted to put cloak into it I would have to push it bit by bit, but I didn't want to crumple it... Let's help Janus and coax him into making us dimensions where we can comfortably keep clothes in." He proclaimed, and then, they stood up and left. They did not get too far on their own yet, since, as they passed exit of theatre, they were met with familiar figure - Erdel.

" I did not listen in on your private time, I promise," without any other greetings, creature sad shyly right away, as if it didn't want them to think he was spying on them." I just head your steps getting nearer, and the night was getting unusually chilly, so I got worried. I know those are your belongings, but I took freedom to check what you had packed that looked most useful..." He explained himself timidly, a little anxious for taking initiative, but clearly trying more to act as a friend as he promised Svarik he would. In his arms, he was holding Conrad's newest magical cloak, two scarfs and warm gloves for both of them, as he must have judged, even with warming blessing, strenght of wind would be uncomfortable. The sky was clear, and stars above them were visible and countless, but winds were quite sharp tonight.

[Mirach]

"See?" Svarik smiled. "You don't need pocket dimensions when you have thoughtful friends. Thank you, Erdel, we were just regretting not taking the cloak, the weather surprised us. It's good it didn't come sooner when we were at the sea," he said while putting on the scarf and gloves.

[VisAnastasis]

Erdel's face beamed with joy at the praise, as he must have been a little worried if he was meddling  too much. He seemed content and relieved once they looked warm and comfortable, and he wanted to jump up to leave them to their date, but then Falcon briefly informed him about their plans to leave in the morning and why, and his expression grew thoughtful.
" I... promised Senecio I would support him during rehearsals... I thought it would be fine, since we are staying for a while longer, but..."
" It is still fine that you stay. Even better, it's important task to get Senecio back to the role, too. Maybe if we manage to get Simbel's range, maybe we could even bring him to watch the play, too, so it would be nice if best actor was there to make it a complete experience."
" I can't help but feel you are just trying to reassure me," demon sighed, looking conflicted, clearly thinking intently  through their safety measures." I did miss you and thought to spend some more time with you. But it would be nice, if you could bring Simbel... And... Alpha is a star, and since stars are overpowered you should be safe with him... "

[Mirach]

"Don't worry, we also want to spend more time here, so we will get back as soon as we can," Svarik assured him. "And you are needed here, not only for the play, although I'm looking forward to seeing you in it. I talked with Janus, and he agreed to make some deals with you. He would only allow you to pay him in the usual way he asks from others in the same measure he takes with them, and I agree with that. I know you are able to give him more, but he wouldn't be comfortable with accepting that, and I don't thing these deals should cross the comfort zone of either side. He is a hard case, I had to do some serious negotiations with him just to make him accept something that I'm perfectly willing to do for him. But he would accept two other things from you, too. First is your help in building a treehouse, and the second is doing some scavenging for him. The second was actually my idea because he just casually mentioned that he would need to start scavenging again soon, and it will feel weird while taking care of the kids. He never realized he could ask someone else to do it for him. He also wants to make you a sword, so that Simbel can keep his own and defend himself if needed, which I agree with. So, you shoud maybe go talk to him, and discuss it over building the treehouse. Just keep in mind that when making a deal with him, you need to negotiate from his side because he's really hard to convince to accpet things. I did what I could."

[VisAnastasis]

" Oh... I... did not think it would be proper, to ask him about weapons... You did not see how pained his face was when he would talk about conflicts and wars... besides, even if I thought I could, asking about Simbel felt... more important. But... you are right. It was hard for me that I took Simbels's sword. I... just was not in the right mind space.. my fears felt too sharp... And Simbel didn't make it easier to refuse. He wouldn't let me leave without it, " the demon murmured, his eyes shaking. Svarik could indeed see, that something like taking the sword was in great conflict with his nature - all strong self-preservation built into him was pushing him to arm himself, but it was clashing heavily with his need to make sure those he cared for were protected. But, adapting to the situation, he slowly nodded " I... will... ask Janus, about the sword. And... do not worry, Svarik. You can go and do your part, and leave the sea front to me, " he teased with a timid little grin, with determination and budding confidence. " I imagine there are very few who can properly figure out what is nutritious to Janus, so it's natural he can't ask just anyone to gather food for him... but I am not anyone. I am very good, with anything that comes with tracking. If it takes a learning curve, I will learn it. Scavenging is easy, much easier than hunting, too. If scavenged food is not as nutritious to him as nails and live food, I'll make up for quality with quantity... I am getting quite better, at figuring out what smells mean tied to taste, so something of that has to be transferrable to finding the right remains, I'll figure it out.  I will make it so you don't have to worry about him starving himself too much for our sake until you return... You can count on me. "