Senecio adn Tide II

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad also had to have trouble hiding it, and he seemed unusually nervous for himself, like always when it came to matters of the heart.
" Yes. Well... you see, the thing is, when... " he cleared his throat to steady his hoarse shaking voice, before he spoke up, as he slowly glanced between the two of them. " When two people are in a loving relationship, there is no need for that strict distinction of what is owned by whom... "
Simbel tilted his head a little, and it took a moment for the information to sink in. When it did, despite being emotional all this time, only now his eyes teared up.
" My sun, my moon... " his lip wobbled as he gently reached for one of their hands each, and entwined them together, putting a little shell between them, and pressing them firmly, as if in promise, as he asked. Like light shone brightly through his wet pink hair as they sat in the sea, his fervent warmth clearly shone through. " I can see you must have been racking your mind about this... Indeed, I can not say I am not a little surprised - with things being as they were, I did not really expect my little Sunshine to be interested in having a relationship with any man, nor did I think my little bird would ever consider what he feels for you is something that falls under the dating label... But is there a world you can imagine in which I would not be happy for you? There is no world in which I would not support you with all that I am. Not as a world in which I do not give my all to your happiness, my pride and joy...  "

---

At his words, a little glimmer of hopefulness and a softer, warm feeling shyly bloomed into a smile on Erdel's face, and he seemed encouraged to be more open.  " While what you say is true, I... can not just act like you are in the wrong to feel something is off. I admit I might have been more careful recently with you, so, understandably, you were unsure. I am quite used to feeling strongly about others, but... In my own experiences, it is hard for people not to be uncomfortable with either my strategic thought process or my bursts of intensity. So, whether it is my thoughts or feelings, I just... filter things out to the level that seems appropriate. I have found you quite endearing since we met... I liked your dramatic intensity, and sure, it was a little pitiful, but also endearing, how you jumped through hoops to think everything nice I do or say for you is somehow for Tide, not you. It would be uncomfortable for a stranger to act familiarly with no foundation... so I went along with your concept, while in private I could think sweet of you to my heart's content without disturbing you. But... knowing you can sense my feelings means... that unlike with other people, I have to take my feelings into account when choosing how to act. I have to be a little more careful with someone who can feel feelings - because I do not wish to hurt you. But it would be trouble if you interpreted my restraint as concealed disgust. My care... is real, even though its expression is calculated, " he confided timidly, and slowly and carefully, he reached for Senecio's hand - not for healing this time. He took it in his own, not faintly like before, but he pressed it firmly and held the hand in his tenderly as if trying to prove something, with a clear, pure feeling that was hard to put a name to, but that was indeed strong and warm. " To be honest, I felt quite proud and pleased, seeing how responsible you guys are. The scent of herbs and balms is also so strong with you... It is a great joy to me that just because Hans and Tide know you'll be healed eventually, they do not take your discomfort until then lightly. It is a joy to me when I see you are loved properly. But if I commented on such things, I felt you would just feel more self-conscious about me bringing up things you are embarrassed about, and even more so, I felt, I must absolutely not praise you or tell you you did great for being responsible. I do not want to make you worry every time you have fun in the future if you were irresponsible enough to earn my scorn. After all, it is when you are *least* responsible that you should call me the soonest and with least fears, " he smiled a little sadly, but the hand holding his calmly was equally gentle and the bright feeling equally unclouded. "It would be troublesome, though, if you got the wrong picture of me, distorted with either glorification of friendship or saintly sacrifice. I am a villain, not a saint, Senecio. What I offered you is in no way tied to friendship, either. In fact, I hate tying well-being with anything. Two out of three times I was offered salvation, it was with strings attached. General Irven made it so that I would no longer have to starve and live on the streets in exchange for joining the organisation tailored around killing people. The vampire general made it so that I would not die from illness in exchange for serving him. It would be quite scary... if something important to your health is held hostage by invisible strings. Whether we stay friends or not is up to whatever we choose - but I hope you don't get some silly ideas like having to be responsible, proper and agreeable with me to not ruin something. You do not get healing in exchange for friendship... You get it because all people deserve healthcare. You deserve it and I like giving it to you - no strings attached... "

[Mirach]

"Can you keep it secret, though?" Svarik asked anxiously. "We're not really in a position to be public about it. But keeping it completely secret is maddening, so we just want to tell a few people. Speaking about labels... is it really dating? I'm not quite sure, I imagine dating more like a new couple getting to know each other. I would just call it simply love. It's always been there, I just didn’t know what kind, and I don’t care that much at this point."

---

"I never asked to be able to sense feelings," Senecio muttered. "It makes things difficult, makes people around me guarded in a new way. With your smell, one can't reakly hide anything, but it's possible to do with feeling. It just feels wrong and weird, I imagine not just to me but to the one hiding their feelings as well. If you want, then I'll call you when I have need of healing. No strings attached, you said. But if you really want to be my friend, we can do that. I don’t have much experience, but I'd like to try. And I have a question. Can you answer it honestly? Since it seems to be a point it my deciding, do you think I could be a good father? I've never entertained such thought, with me prefereing men, and the relationship I had with my father. I can't really imagine it."

[VisAnastasis]

Simbel's heart fluttered with warmth when Svarik said he said he could not bear to keep it a secret from him, and he appeared genuinely touched.
" I see... " as he gave the shell to them already while intertwining their hands, now that his were free, it seemed he could not bear not to act on his affection, and he put one hand on Conrad's, one on Svarik's head, and brushed through their hair gently. " It seems my joy is silly, and my pride foolish, " he pretended to berate them, with the voice dripping with gentleness like honey. " I would die for you - do you truly think I would not keep a secret for you? True, I do hope on the list of people you tell would be Lipka and Melody - whether you are planning to leave them to be together on your own, or hope to go the harem path as the old kings did, they have to make their choice, " at this point they realized they did not really tell him much and creature, with his long life and experience, seemed to have already came to two most likely posibilities. "There is no world in which I would not support both your rights and wrongs... I am a bad parent like that. I love you too dearly to not support you, even though I may do my best to convince you to change your mind. If you wish to go the monogamy route, it would be a little complicated with a child on the way, but we could make them happy, whether you are together or not. If you go the harem route of the old kings... if you have not talked of a joint bond with Lipka and Melody, I can help. If you have and they agreed, but you all wish to have it but keep it hidden, I will put my whole heart into keeping it hidden. No parent can win against their children, after all, " despite his gaze was full of clear warmth, as he added, there was a gentle worry layered within it. " But... can I plead you one thing? Please, do not lose hope. You bid me for secrecy, but secrecy looks miserable on you. It is truly a challenge, with the messy past - but I believe in us, " the creature spoke firmly and protectively. " Royal marriage of two men might normally be difficult because of the heir problem, but you already have Irden and a baby on the way, so it is not like you have no options, and if it is not monogamy, well, non-female harem members weren't the norm, but who nowdays knows the old customs in detail, anyway? If we could lie about me being Bull's brother, we can mix up to make up some precedent to justify it. There were kings who loved men and kept harems solely for heir matters, anyway, so if we dig into archives hard, we will find precedents. Besides, among so many people who love you, even if we have to sacrifice something, I am certain we can at least afford you two being able to love each other without having to endure secrecy miserably. I love you too ardently, to not plead you to let me fight for whatever name you give to the love you share, and whatever form you choose for it... "

---

" Senecio... What good could possibly come from me lying to you on such matter? Can you believe me that I would not dare lie on this? " Erdel whispered, his voice just a little shaky. " If someone threw a kid in your lap today, of course, you would struggle. You have so much to deal with - of course, it would be hard... But here's the good news - there's a ridiculously small percentage of people who have their life all figured out by the time they get a kid. My... divorce is a matter of differences between me and my wife, but... I dare to say that I was a good father, as short as it lasted. The girl... was too young for me to give her many good memories... But I ate scraps, so she could eat sweets. I scraped the money to buy her comfortable shoes while patching up my old boots for years. I took hair braiding classes instead of a library card I wanted badly, so I could braid her hair as prettily as neighbourhood kids she felt lacking with... I... slaved away every waking moment when my illness was diagnosed, to earn as much as I could, so she could live comfortably after I died... But then, I was working so much that I could not spend much time with her... No - I tried spending as little as I could, so the child would be less sad when I died. And when I got tangled up with the vampire general, I had no choice but to spend most of the time away, relieved I could at least stay alive so I could keep sending money I earn back home so they could have better lives. In the end, my choice had understandable consequences... she chose to live with her mother when we divorced. It hurts... but I do not believe I was a bad father. I did the best I could in a horrible situation. That is the best anyone can do. From the bottom of my heart, I believe that you would do the best you can do, too. But honestly? If Mister Janus can be the most wholesome father to three human and one demon kid without even realising it, all while just trying to be a good employer, isn't it silly to think you would not be a good father if you wanted to and gave your best? Do you believe me that I am answering honestly? I admit I am bleeding my heart a little more on purpose - because I feel it is a good strategy, because otherwise, I feel you would not believe. I would reply to you sincerely in any case... but I am going the extra mile... because I do want to be your friend, " the actor still felt the feeling lingering incredibly confidently, but with a little echo of vulnerable sadness, as Erdel pressed his hand a little firmer. " I have seen how you treat people you have no expectations for... Like people in the theathre, for whom you lost all hope to think well of you, and whose disdain bothers you, but you can do nothing about, so you deflect it with a weak joke and a wave of the hand. But, despite it was something I would eventually realise, you still talked of your tastes to me. You gave me the power to hurt you. With me, your deflecting jokes are thinly veiled, you tremble, you hesitate, you contemplate, you grow quiet and thoughtful and vulnerable and tense, without pathos or fake pleasantries... do not worry. I can see how hard you are trying to give me the benefit of the doubt, and I am thankful. I am sorry for being so guarded about my feelings, but I already told you - I am fearful of hurting you. Any stray feeling completely untied to you might hurt you by accident. Even my restraint made you anxious. I am in no way repulsed or resentful of your ability to read feelings... " his voice was quiet, but a little fierce, the protective warmth in it ringing firmly, as it truly seemed, whatever flavour it would be, that Erdel's attribute as a Being would be tied to his protectiveness. " If you do not wish me to treat you delicately, the only thing you must prove to me is that there is better way to reach you. Because on my own, I can only go by observations - that you are incredibly vulnerable with not being able to hide anything from me, and fragile with how much I know. That you perceive the world very deeply, in a way you are constantly bombarded with backlash from all feelings around you, so I have to put a little more effort with you compared to other people, to make you comfortable, like I put in extra effort with Svarik who is a listener. I am just doing the best I can, trying different strategies and seeing which one works best. My sincerity might not be spontaneous or charming - it is deliberate, preplanned and timed. But it is all I have got to give you... "

[Mirach]

"Lipka and Melody know, and we don't want to leave. We are more of a group than a couple. I love Conrad and Lipka equally, but in a unique way. So, they know. But others don’t know yet. Maybe you could help us tell our friends? And coordinate them a bit, so that they know who knows, and can keep it secret from everyone else."

---

Senecio nodded slowly. "Okay... I believe you. Now that I know how you feel about me, you won't hurt me with a stray feeling. You don't need to ne so guarded."

[VisAnastasis]

" My dearest... When we first met, I had to strain with all my might to even think. Only thanks to you, I can live with such clarity, with not a shadow or weakness or hunger. My sun and moon, who gave me everything, do not fret for even a moment... " he spoke fervently, his soft voice bumbling with the same determination with which he once promised he will protect Svarik with all he could during the Long night. " Please, leave it all to me. I will help you tell who you wish if you find it hard, and I'll make sure your secret is safe as long as it has to remain a secret... And... thank you so much for loving me enough to find it unberable not being able to tell me, " he spoke hoarsely, and it seemed, despite trying to maintain composure, now that he had a body, he could not help but act on his feelings, and he laughed, and as he did, tears gathered in the corner of his eyes. He leaned forth and kissed their foreheads, and then, through tears, he embraced them fervently around their shoulders shakily, and then, instinctively, covered them and hugged them protectively in his giant soft wings that were trembling with joy. " This silly pond is so, so happy... "

---

" Are you... Sure you will be alright? " A little bit of hopefulness flashed through Erdel's eyes. " I... am often quite disgusted and angry. It's just... not productive to show it when it changes nothing. I am grateful I can escape my own intrusive thoughts in the theatre when I am distracted by looking out for you. There are... many people in the theater that I abhor so much I want to throw them against the wall... but if I do anything violent, any Demon hunter could claim I am finally revealing my true evil colors, so my hands are tied, " while he tried to maintain eye contact from before to reassure him, Erdel looked down to the level of actor's hand he was holding, slumping his shoulders as if under a great weight. " I... am perfectly capable of disgust. I hated Tarmagil with equally blinding passion with which I adore Svarik. I had to endure seeing him do terrible things, and I could not even throw up, cry or scream, because he could accuse me of blasphemy and kill me and my whole family for it. I was dying, and nauseous every day, but I knew if I did not smile when I greeted him, if I dared to throw up, I could be the one strapped to a chair and being tortured under the pretext of getting the blood for bull sacrifice, or worse, my family could. My kindness is a pale imitation of one of the people I adore. I hate Tarmagil so deeply I feel relief every moment I remember he is dead... and I hated Guillermo as deeply, from the very moment you gave me your sweat to find your mother's pearls through it, and your scent accidentally led me to him. I hated his guts so much I wanted to drag him out of his bed and strangle him to death." For the first time, the gentle hold over the actor's hand grew a little firmer, a grip growing turmoiled and pained. " I am truly sorry to both you, and the kids... if I were not a coward, he would be dead before he got the chance to plot against you, or hurt them for a few more days before he died. I... pleaded with Hans, and... I truly believed he would solve things more smartly than with brute force, the only thing I have. I know in my mind that his solution is smarter than Guliermo just suspiciously disappearing in the middle of the night, but still... in hindsight, I should have just bashed his head against the rock and buried him at the sea floor. I... hate that you had to die because I did not want to dirty my own hands. I... hate a little, how expectant you are of me to be disgusted by you, when people worth both our disgust are literally right in front of us. It feels unfair and lonely when I feel like it should be us against them, but you act as if I should join them, and have it be us against you... "

[Mirach]

Svarik sighed with relief and sank into the embrace. Then, in the cover of Simbel's wings, where nobody could see them, he leant to Conrad and kissed him.

---

"I'm sorry, it wasn’t my intention to act like that towards you," Senecio said. "I know you're on my side. And what I also understand, and I feel like people underestimate that understanding, is that feelings and acts are two different things. I wouldn’t put it against someone to feel a bit of private disgust, if their actions don't reflect it by a conscious effort. People are disgusted by different things they don't choose purposedly. Some by insects, fir example. If I find insects neat, as long as they make an effort to not overrect and kill them, I can make an effort to not show them insects on purpose. I just need to know."

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad was not expecting it, but it was a pleasant surprise, and he was slowly getting a little more used to Svarik's unexpected little shows of affection. He returned the kiss, and he was getting better at responding more naturally, but still, there was something a little chockled up about it. Unused to initiating things himself, but as if trying to return Svarik's sincerity with his own, he kissed Svarik's cheek lightly, and then used the movement to continue the gesture, and carefully, he leaned his head against meadow king's shoulder, and then remained so, putting slight weight against him as he slowly relaxed. It was unusual neediness of him, something he'd normally never do, but the way he silently sank and even half closed his eyes, as if testing how it feels to try it, showed that the last two days of hiding their relationship had taken a huge toll on him. It seemed he only felt safe to try to show it and seek comfort in this unusual situation, huddled closely between two of them, and concealed fully with Simbel's protective wings.

---

" I understand that feeling disgust is often against one's own wishes. After all, if Tide, who is all about eating different things, would get a kick from drinking your blood, it would not change anything in how lovely I think he is, but I feel disgusted with myself any time I smell someone and get an inclination that their blood would be tasty. My heart feels what it feels... That's precisely why I am so insistent on being of help to you instead of Death. He is gentle and kind, but... he is just so far removed from having sexual desires, so he's bound to feel some level of discomfort or dissonance as he struggles to understand you. Sure, you can ignore it, but it absolutely sucks to be tense anticipating it every time, doesn't it? " Erdel looked up very hesitantly, and he was smiling, but mostly as if by instilled habit, for his gaze was sad. " I never resented people unnerved by my nature, especially when I was a kid with too little experience with others' expectations... I never blamed anyone, but it still hurt. Death's healing is without contest better than mine - but still, I want to give you the feeling of being free to exist as you are, without being overwhelmed by the anxiety of being known. If I could speak to you without being afraid of hurting you... I would reprimand you and tease you. I would tell you - how dare you suggest you should illicit disgust from me, you cute silly bastard? " he scolded him, with a smile a little brighter, as if he was talking of something he could not help but find a little amusing, despite the sadness underlying it. " Senecio...  When I see that you had a good time with Tide, I feel joy. For someone with your tastes, it's very easy to end up in abusive relationships where you are gaslighted and tortured under the guise of satisfying your desires, so I am always relieved when I see you are as loved as you deserve to be. I do not hate insects... I tried eating them a few times when I lived on the streets, but they did not make a dent in the hunger, and it made me sad to end their life for not even a bite of food, so in the end, I'd starve instead, not out of disgust, but pity. I hate needless pain, but pain is very much needed for your happiness, so why should I hate it? Can you truly not see it? Or do you just feel uncertain... because you can not discern my motivation for pursuing friendship with you? You know you can... always ask me, about that, or anything else, right? Through, of course, if you'd like to ask me questions such as why I'd want to be your friend, or any such big thing, you'd have to answer it first, "  he leaned a little closer to him, as if trying to figure out what the actor is thinking with his words, with streaks of curiosity and hope behind it. " If I have to submit myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known, you should have it be itsy-bitsy mortifying, too... not a big ordeal, sure, but it should at least be as big as a cute itsy-bitsy ant... "

[Mirach]

Svarik, for once, felt like he could protect and cherish Conrad in a moment of vulnerability, and not the other way round. He caressed Conrad's hair while holding him close, as long as they could safely stay under Simbel's wings.

---

"You mean, I should tell you why I would want to be your friend? I'm afraid you won't get the answer you expect, about your personality and qualities. The simple truth is, you saw me at my worst and then got to know me a bit more, and still tried to befriend me while being a decent person yourself. The bar was very low. But it's getting to know you better what makes me glad that it happened."

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad could not help but lean closer and close his eyes fully - it seemed only in such a strange, unusual situation he had never experienced before, when everything was a little new and strange, he could try acting a little unlike himself. He only shifted a little when he began to feel self-conscious about what others must have thought about them taking so long.
" Pancakes... will get cold if we stay for longer... How about... I warm you up... and we go check out just how delicious they are? " he finally opened his eyes and spoke up, indeed, sounding unusually unsure and fragile, before the two of them, whom he trusted so deeply. " Sorry... about keeping you, " he cleared his throat, " It does not feel like something is wrong... just strange. I did not feel an ounce of uncertainty or doubt during all the chaos of the Long Night. I do not know why I like this... "

---

" I can't help but worry... that I will fall behind. Bar will naturally get higher, " Erdel noted frailly. " I am used to... Hoping I might be getting closer to someone, just to realise they were only being polite and found me uncomfortable. I gave up on friendships soon after joining the army. I am used to feeling as strongly as I want about people in the privacy of my own mind, without inconveniencing them... which was why I was so unsure when you told me you could perceive my feelings. I asked if my familiarity discomforts you.... but you said it puts you at ease, and that it felt like speaking with someone who was always smiling, " unwittingly, demon could not help himself but smile as he spoke of it, the timid but sincere protectiveness washing over the actor like a gentle wave. " Hans told me you are a little touchy about the name Parvaio, and that it might be better not to use your father's name for a while... He said you lean toward Moonthorn. You are lovely, Senecio Moonthorn, and it's you I like. When I told you I feel unapproachable due to how stiffly I had to act as a soldier and hope to copy some of your acting as Death to look more reassuring to others, you immediately offered to help craft gestures more fit for me, without thinking I am unnerving for how calculatingly I speak of choosing how I act in front of people. When I told you how cool I think Tide's jumps are and am trying to learn to jump as smoothly and carry people as comfortably as he does, you did not tell me my excitement over physics is weird and my copying of other people is a shallow attempt to immitate their skills instead of substance; you offered to help me jump around with you to practice. Even that day we argued, while getting Tide's gift... Back then, I was not seeking friendship. I just concluded that if we avoid each other, you'd keep feeling horrible about hurting me, and I hated the thought of you feeling guilty forever, so spending time together doing something nice seemed like a good first step to amend that... People often find me uncanny and unnatural because of how I prioritise. I was resigned for you to think I am good-willed but strange... But you threw your hands in the air with frustration and said you never knew anyone as kind, who would genuinely try to put such a thing behind us and try to get along. You did not see my effort as pretentious, forced, insincere, or artificial... You saw it as kind, " man snorted slightly through his nose, not of amusement, but more as if he did not know what to do with a warm feeling swelling in his chest, the feeling making his voice hoarse and distracting the actor with its clear bright intensity. " You probably forgot... it was a passing remark to you, but not to me. It is not about the words, since I actually think you are wrong about me, but still - I like the eyes that you have, that let you see others without judging them, and your innate instinct to lift others up, not tear them down. That's why I find myself cornered when you act fearful. The only way I can hate you is if you become the opposite of who you are, Senecio Moonthorn... "

[Mirach]

"You'll get used to it," Svarik smiled, and took a deep breath, centering himself to be able to tear away from this moment. "We can go back to the pancakes. This moment is not so special, right? There will be many more. This will be normal. It just feels like such a big deal now, because we're not used to it."

---

"Bar may get higher, but you're already in," Senecio smiled. "Getting out is not as easy as saying some self-deprecating things about your motivations. I can rely on you, and that matters a lot to me. You went out of your way to show me that I can rely on you. I'm not even that worried about the performance today because you're going to be there. And how do you feel about it? Should we rehearse some of the gestures now that we have some time?"

[VisAnastasis]

" I wish I could find comfort in the fact that at least we are both in this together, but I was never quite the fan of seeing you struggle for even the most mundane passing moment. So... how about not struggling, at least for a little while? " Conrad whispered with a timid, but expectant smile. " We don't have to, if you feel like it is better not to in public, even here... I do admit I may have a little unhealthy amount of paranoia and crippling constant fear of being caught, sure, but... maybe it's alright just this once, for a little bit? Now that Simbel knows, and Alpha and Janus do, as well as the kids, and that we are in secluded private property... " he put his palm over Svarik's and caressed it with his thumb as he negotiated. " How about holding hands? Just a little bit, on the beach, until we unpack the pancakes. And... " his face was burning as he added, with purest, softest expression. " If you, per chance, asked me to cut pancakes for you and feed you, like couples do on dates... I... would not say no... "

---

" Well... it is tempting to get some tips from the greatest actor of the seaside... But I can't let my silly, equally self-deprecating friend think he has to be useful to maintain the friendship, now can I? " Erdel could not help but grin, warmth in his feelings flowing more freely as he spoke, as if testing how firm the ground he was standing on was. " If you were just an ally, I would choose to accept whatever you are offering to reassure you that you are helpful. But I have to be at least this honest, because you are my friend... " It was a little distracting how tender the feelings wrapped around that word as he shyly said it, as if he was trying out a new flavour. " I know you will lose nothing of the warmth of your family, even if you fail. I also don't fear doing too poorly in my role. There's nothing of deep worry and longing to lighten your burden that Riversong would feel for Death, than I do not already feel for you.... But the stakes are high for me, because if you were to fail, people who hate you would gloat. Even if you were my enemy, I would help you,  because the way those bastards tormented you makes my stomach churn. But since you are my friend, tell me instead how I can make today a better memory for you. Would it be better if I worked hard to improve my acting so I do not stand out too much next to you? Or is there anything else I can distract you with now instead? I do think in a lot of ways today will suck for you, because of bad memories, for me, because I have to see those people hold their breath hoping you'd fail. But even so... please, do not be disappointed if you perceive positive emotions from me. It will still be a good memory for me, because it will be the first time I am collaborating with a dear friend on something important to him, " he admitted, and timidly, he caressed the hand he was holding with his thumb, and then innocently moved and adjusted it into a pinky promise pose, intertwining their fingers. " So instead, won't you promise me to help me help you, whether with distraction, opinion, observation or a gift? While it would be cathartic to wipe the smiles off those bastards' faces, all I care about long-term is if today is a good memory for you, too. Memory of besting your tormentors is the main goal I am aiming for, so won't you aim for it with me? It's never too late to aim for the best comforting tropes if we fail. "

[Mirach]

"I didn’t know that's what couples do on a date," Svarik chuckled. "But if you would like that, then we can do that."

---

"My aim is more proving something to myself than to them," Senecio said. "I don't care what they think, and the only thing I want now is to pass the time until the evening. Also I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to meddle between Hans and Alpha just a little. It seems to me like they might need that, but maybe they'll figure it out on their own..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Yes... Yes, it's definitely what all couples do on dates. It is totally not my idealised version, " Conrad coughed, and even though his cheeks were burning red from embarrassment, he was fighting it as he timidly took Svarik's hand in his, and brought it to his lips and kissed it lightly - and while he did, he began using his blessing to start drying their hair and Simbel's feathers. " Well... I did get an extensive education when I was young... on things expected from husbands in arranged marriages, " he admitted, timidly avoiding Svarik's gaze. " It was a part of the heir's education, needed for when my marriage is arranged. But it is more noble-centred knowledge, and after everything that happened at the mountains... it was no longer required to learn anything more on the subject, so my ideas of couples that come from a mashed-up mix of nobleman lessons, from brothels we manage and from random teasings from Mole, might not be the most accurate to life... "

---

" I see. Distraction it is, but if you change your mind and want a gift instead, I have some trinkets prepared for you on standby, so let me know, " Erdel snorted a little bit, but he seemed genuinely chippy as they spoke. " Honestly, even if you don't meddle in their cute situationship, it might not hurt to check on Mister Alpha. I was only listening here and there when I'd check on Svarik, and they are having a picnic, but he seems quite down on himself. I may have overhead that he confided to Janus that he is worried if he has been too assertive recently, and that perhaps he should leave before Hans begins avoiding him even more, and even if Janus has been with us at little tea party where Hans said he is planning to confess soon, he is not the type that can bring himself to reveal a secret, so he said nothing, " There was noticeable bubbliness in demon's tone - he seemed charged with anticipation, like a reader that was getting to the good part of a novel. " I might have accidentally, and totally not because I was curious about aeons-old slow burn, listened in a little after it. He seemed torn about when to leave, as he was unsure if he was expected to come, given that Hans had been avoiding him for a while. But still, he chose to stay at least until the end of play, because he is worried for you and wants to make sure you have at least one more supportive voice in the audience, even if one may not change much. It seems, hm... that he is making a trinket gift of his own for you, hm, though it seems not to be clothes this once. So, you have at least until then to decide what to do. If you do not approach him yourself, I believe he'd likely approach you, at least for a moment, before play starts, to give you whatever he is making for you. But if these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, " he proclaimed dramatically, as his finger traced the actor's palm, as if reading his future. " I see one less Being at your table... Not because he would be dead, heavens, just gone back to Third City. I am not saying they will be ruined without you. They will get there on their own eventually, too. If you want to make subtle changes without getting involved, perhaps enough would be to inform Hans that Alpha is considering leaving and make him nervous enough to take action before he is gone. Romantic last moment chase is not a bad way to go, either. It depends on what you want to happen, and also, what you hope Alpha to be for you in your life, " Demon smiled gently. " Only you can know how familiar you wish to act with him, and only you can act on it - it is not something that can be decided on by other people, just you... "

[Mirach]

"That's a really incogruous mix of souces," Svarik chuckled. "Mine are mostly from the villages, where couples do whatever they like doing together if they have some free time, and if not, then they just do their usual work close to each other. It seems to work fine for them..." Svarik pressed Conrad's hand reassuringly as they wallked back to the beach.

---

"I was planning something," Senecio admitted. "I've still got a deal with Alpha that I have to fulfill from my side. A little performance about him for friends, with props not worth more than the cost of a ham sandwich. I was thinking that might be a good occasion for Hans, but it's hard to find a good time for it with everything going on. But if everything is ready for the play in the evening, it would be good to have a distraction and do it sometimes after lunch today, so that for the ball after the performance, we could have a new couple, if all works well. But Hans needs to know, so I'll go talk to him first. Meanwhile, could you get me a han sandwich? Here's the money. It has to be bought with my money, I think. I don’t want to accidentaly break the deal."

[VisAnastasis]

(ooc: hi dear! sorry for late reply, I thought I was signed up for notifications on email but I haven't realized message arrived until yesterday when I checked the forum. I am following instagram and facebook posts, I hope everything is going well with competition! I am crossing fingers, if  I understood right that results are coming soon <3 <3 <3 )

"...do their usual work close to each other... " Conrad repeated Svarik's words back to him slowly. " I guess... the whole ruling the country together is technically following the guidelines even if I can't be in the same room. I know we have to stick to me working behind the scenes... for now, but... hypothetically, until the time we can do our usual work... closer to each other... we can still have fun while you learn, can't we?  " he whispered with a voice soft with fragile hope that he only dared entertain because Svarik held his hand so readily and openly before others. " There are a lot of tasks for me to balance in a way that conceals your lack of skills, but you have to fill the gaps in the meantime, and I did not forget my promise to make learning fun for you. I can't be your only teacher, and I was thinking of roping in at least Erdel, Ben, Ciel and Nameless in some of your classes, but I am working very hard on special curriculum that I am going to teach you personally, " he admitted, as unusually timidly as in everything this day, while caressing Svarik's knuckles with his thumb. " It's extremely annoying how easy it is for people to... mistake you for being slow. Tarmagil was never going to get good results with you. You are a Listener; you can not be taught the same way he taught other Derhain. I admit that... for most of the time we knew each other, I was trying to push you into not relying on me for learning because I wasn't sure how long... until I chose to die and all that. However, now that I am sticking around, I have begun constructing your curriculum properly. I am writing a base course with practical examples instead of memorising and number crunching. I am rewriting laws and legal books into small song segments so that you can associate what is what by song bites instead of the written words. Our writing system is melodic, sure, but that's just aesthetics; you need music and tangible things you can look at and analyse songs of for knowledge to stick. You are able to memorise and play back a song you listened to but once, and you never forget a plant and its function if you learn it once. You never forget a medicine you made and get the right amount for a given patient without needing any calculations, by music alone. You are a walking encyclopedia of songs and herbal knowledge. You are brilliant. It's ridiculous that people don't get that just because you are not great at putting those things into words, " he coughed shyly. " We just have to teach you in a way that you can thrive. Even if... we can not quite work side by side openly, like normal couples... for now... will you be satisfied by learning side by side? I know it's not... quite as romantic as picking fruit in the orchards together while quipping jokes, but we must work with what we have... "

---

" I doubt Alpha made a deal in any way that could actually harm you, but I am always in favour of following the rule of whimsy," Erdel could not help but chuckle at the unexpected request, but there was warmth reflected in his feelings - he seemed pleased Senecio felt free enough to request it from him. He extended his hand and took the money, and perhaps because he was also more secure after their talk, he continued. " I'll get you the prettiest ham sandwich the city has to offer! There's nothing you have to do in return, but I can offer you an option if you want to do something that pleases me. I was wondering, would you accept taking a couple of my nails or hair, so that you have a way of calling me when I am not close enough to the sea to hear you? " he crossed his arms a little smugly, appearing quite more animated now that he was getting more confident after their talk, " It just occurred to me, with how particular you are about Alpha's deal, that if I leave things vague, you might assume there are more invisible rules than they actually are to my friendship offer. That you'd ask for me when I happen to be around, sparingly, as if you are counting if you spent your daily friendship coupon or not, " he was speaking with simple, bright sincerity. " You can call me when you need me, or if you just want to see me, and as for the healing, I am just double-checking, but you do know my offer stands even if I am not in town, right? If you call me with hair or nails, sure, I would need time to get here, but I do not need to sleep and I am fast, so as long as I travel through nights, I should be able to keep up with all my other obligations and still be able to do a quick heal, dig out some nice pearls as gift for Svarik, and get back to capital without it affecting my other obligatrions too much. Distance might be too big for doing it every night all the time, and I doubt things are as intense that you'd need a healer every day, but if you do, all the more reason to have the means to easily call me. Would you like to proceed with that non-deal, or does something about it not sound right to you, my sweet friend? "

[Mirach]

"Not romantic?" Svarik asked incredulosly. "I don't know what is your idea of romance, and I suspect it is rather skewed towards impractical courtship gestures, but to me that is a much grander romantic gesture than a date with flowers and candles. You are preparing lessons just for me, in a way that would make it easier fir me to learn? On the top of everything you're already doing? How are you even finding time for it? When you put it like that, though, I think I could do a part of it too. I just never realized that I could do that... It never occured to me that I could give melody to laws, for example. It's so simple and also brilliant that you figured it out."

---

"I am so particular about Alpha's deal because it's funny to be overly particular about a deal including a silly play and a ham sandwich," Senecio chuckled. "But I will take your hair if you want."

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad's gaze was full of quiet wonder as Svarik spoke, as it seemed he clearly did not think of himself that way.
" I... I would not say I am all that great just for doing this much work... I am merely cheating heavily with a big help from our cute little God. I... might have been using Simbel's ability to stretch time in his dreams for work instead of rest. Our ancestors really missed out with how little they tapped into his potential. Time passes extremely slowly in deep dreams. In the deepest layer of dreams, I can have dream meetings with our allies and compose an insane amount of backlog of plans and policies to go through in meetings that Simbel can store in his memory. I spent all the days while you were away at sea gathering data needed for writing proposals for new laws and your lessons, and all the time stretched nights putting the material gathered from the day together. Then, people who have Simbel's flowers only have to listen to him dictate my orders and backlog I planned directly in their mind through thoughts. It's only now that we are too far from capital and pond's dreaming influence that I can't work in dreams that I had to get creative and use Eros as messanger to add to existing backog and adjust it to follow how current council meetings are going, " he admitted with embarrassment what could be somewhat guessed from his other actions - he was clearly using all means he had whenever apart to buy himself more time to spend with Svarik. " True, it is a lot of work, but... how can I deem it romantic? Your struggles are only more invisible, but I always strive to accommodate my people. In a country where even reading is relatively rare, I have all my men learn sign language for the sake of Owl and people like him having an easier time. For the blind in the Organisation, I get books they can read through texture instead of their eyes. For hurt ones like Mole, I get them the most expensive prostetics money can buy. Indeed, it is the shape of my love, but it is not exclusive to you. But this? " He pressed the hand he held more firmly, and he confided further, as burning embarrassment laced with sincerity seemed to be a shining policy he planned to go for today. " It is so inconvenient for a wanted man to have his hands away from the sword. I am giving up on speed reaction to hold you. You are going to have one of the strongest swordmasters in the world not kill for you, but cut your pancakes into the smallest bites... You can not buy that with money, because those things are unrelated to the practicality of easier learning or good ruling. I would be willing to create a flawless course for the king I serve, but this? " he raised the hand he was holding and kissed it with soft, bathed breath, in a courtly way, as nobles do, but clearly flawed through years of lack of practice. " I would never settle for making a lovesick fool of myself for a king that is not you. Helping you learn is just something I do to make your life easier and more fulfilling. It is a service I often give to others to a certain extent. I made many lesson plans for people in the Organisation or kids like Ben, whom I mentored. But things like holding hands are utterly silly and impractical - you deserve at least this level of rejection of practicality, for loving as efficiency-oriented a man as me... I admit my idea of romance must be skewed, but if I am wrong, I want you to correct me. I want to better understand why you find romance in things I do not, so I can give it to you... "

---

" Here you go," Erdel seemed pleased, and he carefully pulled out a decent handful of hair and handed it to the actor. " Either swallow them, or if it's uncomfortable, burn them, and I'll feel it, and know I should come as soon as possible - but if it's more urgent, burn more than one, so I know I should leave whatever I am doing and come immediately. Though if it's real, real serious, it might be best to borrow Janus's bag and just have Alpha speedrun you towards me to the capital, while I go from the capital toward the sea, so we can meet in the middle. Serious head injuries when I am away can't wait, though, so they have to go through Death, so just try not to get them when I am away. Mindful of that cute head, so we can avoid any Death appointments in the equation, sounds good? " he asked as he straightened up, and it seemed, with his experience with harsh military discipline, having approved plans for emergencies was something that gave him clear feelings of security and confidence. " As for today's agenda, I'll be getting you the cutest ham sandwich ready, so just call me when you finish talking with Hans so I can deliver it to you, deal? " he asked while turning toward the window, as it was likely much quicker for him to leave through it than to navigate through corridors first.