Senecio adn Tide II

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad also had to have trouble hiding it, and he seemed unusually nervous for himself, like always when it came to matters of the heart.
" Yes. Well... you see, the thing is, when... " he cleared his throat to steady his hoarse shaking voice, before he spoke up, as he slowly glanced between the two of them. " When two people are in a loving relationship, there is no need for that strict distinction of what is owned by whom... "
Simbel tilted his head a little, and it took a moment for the information to sink in. When it did, despite being emotional all this time, only now his eyes teared up.
" My sun, my moon... " his lip wobbled as he gently reached for one of their hands each, and entwined them together, putting a little shell between them, and pressing them firmly, as if in promise, as he asked. Like light shone brightly through his wet pink hair as they sat in the sea, his fervent warmth clearly shone through. " I can see you must have been racking your mind about this... Indeed, I can not say I am not a little surprised - with things being as they were, I did not really expect my little Sunshine to be interested in having a relationship with any man, nor did I think my little bird would ever consider what he feels for you is something that falls under the dating label... But is there a world you can imagine in which I would not be happy for you? There is no world in which I would not support you with all that I am. Not as a world in which I do not give my all to your happiness, my pride and joy...  "

---

At his words, a little glimmer of hopefulness and a softer, warm feeling shyly bloomed into a smile on Erdel's face, and he seemed encouraged to be more open.  " While what you say is true, I... can not just act like you are in the wrong to feel something is off. I admit I might have been more careful recently with you, so, understandably, you were unsure. I am quite used to feeling strongly about others, but... In my own experiences, it is hard for people not to be uncomfortable with either my strategic thought process or my bursts of intensity. So, whether it is my thoughts or feelings, I just... filter things out to the level that seems appropriate. I have found you quite endearing since we met... I liked your dramatic intensity, and sure, it was a little pitiful, but also endearing, how you jumped through hoops to think everything nice I do or say for you is somehow for Tide, not you. It would be uncomfortable for a stranger to act familiarly with no foundation... so I went along with your concept, while in private I could think sweet of you to my heart's content without disturbing you. But... knowing you can sense my feelings means... that unlike with other people, I have to take my feelings into account when choosing how to act. I have to be a little more careful with someone who can feel feelings - because I do not wish to hurt you. But it would be trouble if you interpreted my restraint as concealed disgust. My care... is real, even though its expression is calculated, " he confided timidly, and slowly and carefully, he reached for Senecio's hand - not for healing this time. He took it in his own, not faintly like before, but he pressed it firmly and held the hand in his tenderly as if trying to prove something, with a clear, pure feeling that was hard to put a name to, but that was indeed strong and warm. " To be honest, I felt quite proud and pleased, seeing how responsible you guys are. The scent of herbs and balms is also so strong with you... It is a great joy to me that just because Hans and Tide know you'll be healed eventually, they do not take your discomfort until then lightly. It is a joy to me when I see you are loved properly. But if I commented on such things, I felt you would just feel more self-conscious about me bringing up things you are embarrassed about, and even more so, I felt, I must absolutely not praise you or tell you you did great for being responsible. I do not want to make you worry every time you have fun in the future if you were irresponsible enough to earn my scorn. After all, it is when you are *least* responsible that you should call me the soonest and with least fears, " he smiled a little sadly, but the hand holding his calmly was equally gentle and the bright feeling equally unclouded. "It would be troublesome, though, if you got the wrong picture of me, distorted with either glorification of friendship or saintly sacrifice. I am a villain, not a saint, Senecio. What I offered you is in no way tied to friendship, either. In fact, I hate tying well-being with anything. Two out of three times I was offered salvation, it was with strings attached. General Irven made it so that I would no longer have to starve and live on the streets in exchange for joining the organisation tailored around killing people. The vampire general made it so that I would not die from illness in exchange for serving him. It would be quite scary... if something important to your health is held hostage by invisible strings. Whether we stay friends or not is up to whatever we choose - but I hope you don't get some silly ideas like having to be responsible, proper and agreeable with me to not ruin something. You do not get healing in exchange for friendship... You get it because all people deserve healthcare. You deserve it and I like giving it to you - no strings attached... "

[Mirach]

"Can you keep it secret, though?" Svarik asked anxiously. "We're not really in a position to be public about it. But keeping it completely secret is maddening, so we just want to tell a few people. Speaking about labels... is it really dating? I'm not quite sure, I imagine dating more like a new couple getting to know each other. I would just call it simply love. It's always been there, I just didn’t know what kind, and I don’t care that much at this point."

---

"I never asked to be able to sense feelings," Senecio muttered. "It makes things difficult, makes people around me guarded in a new way. With your smell, one can't reakly hide anything, but it's possible to do with feeling. It just feels wrong and weird, I imagine not just to me but to the one hiding their feelings as well. If you want, then I'll call you when I have need of healing. No strings attached, you said. But if you really want to be my friend, we can do that. I don’t have much experience, but I'd like to try. And I have a question. Can you answer it honestly? Since it seems to be a point it my deciding, do you think I could be a good father? I've never entertained such thought, with me prefereing men, and the relationship I had with my father. I can't really imagine it."

[VisAnastasis]

Simbel's heart fluttered with warmth when Svarik said he said he could not bear to keep it a secret from him, and he appeared genuinely touched.
" I see... " as he gave the shell to them already while intertwining their hands, now that his were free, it seemed he could not bear not to act on his affection, and he put one hand on Conrad's, one on Svarik's head, and brushed through their hair gently. " It seems my joy is silly, and my pride foolish, " he pretended to berate them, with the voice dripping with gentleness like honey. " I would die for you - do you truly think I would not keep a secret for you? True, I do hope on the list of people you tell would be Lipka and Melody - whether you are planning to leave them to be together on your own, or hope to go the harem path as the old kings did, they have to make their choice, " at this point they realized they did not really tell him much and creature, with his long life and experience, seemed to have already came to two most likely posibilities. "There is no world in which I would not support both your rights and wrongs... I am a bad parent like that. I love you too dearly to not support you, even though I may do my best to convince you to change your mind. If you wish to go the monogamy route, it would be a little complicated with a child on the way, but we could make them happy, whether you are together or not. If you go the harem route of the old kings... if you have not talked of a joint bond with Lipka and Melody, I can help. If you have and they agreed, but you all wish to have it but keep it hidden, I will put my whole heart into keeping it hidden. No parent can win against their children, after all, " despite his gaze was full of clear warmth, as he added, there was a gentle worry layered within it. " But... can I plead you one thing? Please, do not lose hope. You bid me for secrecy, but secrecy looks miserable on you. It is truly a challenge, with the messy past - but I believe in us, " the creature spoke firmly and protectively. " Royal marriage of two men might normally be difficult because of the heir problem, but you already have Irden and a baby on the way, so it is not like you have no options, and if it is not monogamy, well, non-female harem members weren't the norm, but who nowdays knows the old customs in detail, anyway? If we could lie about me being Bull's brother, we can mix up to make up some precedent to justify it. There were kings who loved men and kept harems solely for heir matters, anyway, so if we dig into archives hard, we will find precedents. Besides, among so many people who love you, even if we have to sacrifice something, I am certain we can at least afford you two being able to love each other without having to endure secrecy miserably. I love you too ardently, to not plead you to let me fight for whatever name you give to the love you share, and whatever form you choose for it... "

---

" Senecio... What good could possibly come from me lying to you on such matter? Can you believe me that I would not dare lie on this? " Erdel whispered, his voice just a little shaky. " If someone threw a kid in your lap today, of course, you would struggle. You have so much to deal with - of course, it would be hard... But here's the good news - there's a ridiculously small percentage of people who have their life all figured out by the time they get a kid. My... divorce is a matter of differences between me and my wife, but... I dare to say that I was a good father, as short as it lasted. The girl... was too young for me to give her many good memories... But I ate scraps, so she could eat sweets. I scraped the money to buy her comfortable shoes while patching up my old boots for years. I took hair braiding classes instead of a library card I wanted badly, so I could braid her hair as prettily as neighbourhood kids she felt lacking with... I... slaved away every waking moment when my illness was diagnosed, to earn as much as I could, so she could live comfortably after I died... But then, I was working so much that I could not spend much time with her... No - I tried spending as little as I could, so the child would be less sad when I died. And when I got tangled up with the vampire general, I had no choice but to spend most of the time away, relieved I could at least stay alive so I could keep sending money I earn back home so they could have better lives. In the end, my choice had understandable consequences... she chose to live with her mother when we divorced. It hurts... but I do not believe I was a bad father. I did the best I could in a horrible situation. That is the best anyone can do. From the bottom of my heart, I believe that you would do the best you can do, too. But honestly? If Mister Janus can be the most wholesome father to three human and one demon kid without even realising it, all while just trying to be a good employer, isn't it silly to think you would not be a good father if you wanted to and gave your best? Do you believe me that I am answering honestly? I admit I am bleeding my heart a little more on purpose - because I feel it is a good strategy, because otherwise, I feel you would not believe. I would reply to you sincerely in any case... but I am going the extra mile... because I do want to be your friend, " the actor still felt the feeling lingering incredibly confidently, but with a little echo of vulnerable sadness, as Erdel pressed his hand a little firmer. " I have seen how you treat people you have no expectations for... Like people in the theathre, for whom you lost all hope to think well of you, and whose disdain bothers you, but you can do nothing about, so you deflect it with a weak joke and a wave of the hand. But, despite it was something I would eventually realise, you still talked of your tastes to me. You gave me the power to hurt you. With me, your deflecting jokes are thinly veiled, you tremble, you hesitate, you contemplate, you grow quiet and thoughtful and vulnerable and tense, without pathos or fake pleasantries... do not worry. I can see how hard you are trying to give me the benefit of the doubt, and I am thankful. I am sorry for being so guarded about my feelings, but I already told you - I am fearful of hurting you. Any stray feeling completely untied to you might hurt you by accident. Even my restraint made you anxious. I am in no way repulsed or resentful of your ability to read feelings... " his voice was quiet, but a little fierce, the protective warmth in it ringing firmly, as it truly seemed, whatever flavour it would be, that Erdel's attribute as a Being would be tied to his protectiveness. " If you do not wish me to treat you delicately, the only thing you must prove to me is that there is better way to reach you. Because on my own, I can only go by observations - that you are incredibly vulnerable with not being able to hide anything from me, and fragile with how much I know. That you perceive the world very deeply, in a way you are constantly bombarded with backlash from all feelings around you, so I have to put a little more effort with you compared to other people, to make you comfortable, like I put in extra effort with Svarik who is a listener. I am just doing the best I can, trying different strategies and seeing which one works best. My sincerity might not be spontaneous or charming - it is deliberate, preplanned and timed. But it is all I have got to give you... "

[Mirach]

"Lipka and Melody know, and we don't want to leave. We are more of a group than a couple. I love Conrad and Lipka equally, but in a unique way. So, they know. But others don’t know yet. Maybe you could help us tell our friends? And coordinate them a bit, so that they know who knows, and can keep it secret from everyone else."

---

Senecio nodded slowly. "Okay... I believe you. Now that I know how you feel about me, you won't hurt me with a stray feeling. You don't need to ne so guarded."

[VisAnastasis]

" My dearest... When we first met, I had to strain with all my might to even think. Only thanks to you, I can live with such clarity, with not a shadow or weakness or hunger. My sun and moon, who gave me everything, do not fret for even a moment... " he spoke fervently, his soft voice bumbling with the same determination with which he once promised he will protect Svarik with all he could during the Long night. " Please, leave it all to me. I will help you tell who you wish if you find it hard, and I'll make sure your secret is safe as long as it has to remain a secret... And... thank you so much for loving me enough to find it unberable not being able to tell me, " he spoke hoarsely, and it seemed, despite trying to maintain composure, now that he had a body, he could not help but act on his feelings, and he laughed, and as he did, tears gathered in the corner of his eyes. He leaned forth and kissed their foreheads, and then, through tears, he embraced them fervently around their shoulders shakily, and then, instinctively, covered them and hugged them protectively in his giant soft wings that were trembling with joy. " This silly pond is so, so happy... "

---

" Are you... Sure you will be alright? " A little bit of hopefulness flashed through Erdel's eyes. " I... am often quite disgusted and angry. It's just... not productive to show it when it changes nothing. I am grateful I can escape my own intrusive thoughts in the theatre when I am distracted by looking out for you. There are... many people in the theater that I abhor so much I want to throw them against the wall... but if I do anything violent, any Demon hunter could claim I am finally revealing my true evil colors, so my hands are tied, " while he tried to maintain eye contact from before to reassure him, Erdel looked down to the level of actor's hand he was holding, slumping his shoulders as if under a great weight. " I... am perfectly capable of disgust. I hated Tarmagil with equally blinding passion with which I adore Svarik. I had to endure seeing him do terrible things, and I could not even throw up, cry or scream, because he could accuse me of blasphemy and kill me and my whole family for it. I was dying, and nauseous every day, but I knew if I did not smile when I greeted him, if I dared to throw up, I could be the one strapped to a chair and being tortured under the pretext of getting the blood for bull sacrifice, or worse, my family could. My kindness is a pale imitation of one of the people I adore. I hate Tarmagil so deeply I feel relief every moment I remember he is dead... and I hated Guillermo as deeply, from the very moment you gave me your sweat to find your mother's pearls through it, and your scent accidentally led me to him. I hated his guts so much I wanted to drag him out of his bed and strangle him to death." For the first time, the gentle hold over the actor's hand grew a little firmer, a grip growing turmoiled and pained. " I am truly sorry to both you, and the kids... if I were not a coward, he would be dead before he got the chance to plot against you, or hurt them for a few more days before he died. I... pleaded with Hans, and... I truly believed he would solve things more smartly than with brute force, the only thing I have. I know in my mind that his solution is smarter than Guliermo just suspiciously disappearing in the middle of the night, but still... in hindsight, I should have just bashed his head against the rock and buried him at the sea floor. I... hate that you had to die because I did not want to dirty my own hands. I... hate a little, how expectant you are of me to be disgusted by you, when people worth both our disgust are literally right in front of us. It feels unfair and lonely when I feel like it should be us against them, but you act as if I should join them, and have it be us against you... "