Senecio adn Tide II

[Mirach]

"All right," Death nodded. "We really don't need to now or today. But stay, if you want. I'm fine with company now."

[VisAnastasis]

" I would like to stay... if you will have me, " Tide whispered quietly. " But only if talking with me won't bother you. I have... two things to say. It will take a minute of your time. They may be pleasant or unpleasant to hear, but I feel we should address it before we become Semai again, today, or later. "

[Mirach]

"All right," Death said. He bit into the cookie and shifted so that Tide would have a place to sit of the couch.

[VisAnastasis]

That accepting gesture encouraged Tide a little, and he sat down on the edge, enough to be comfortable, but not take too much space. He appeared quieter than usual, but also, determined to see through what he decided to speak of, although it didn't seem easy.
" The first thing... is more a confession than a talking point. I didn't want you to think my offer wasn't special and refuse it, and later, it never felt right to bring it up. I am afraid you'd be disappointed... but you should know before we decide what's next. That is... you know how... when I talk about being Semai, it seems like I know a lot about it, right? " he asked, his shoulders tense in anticipation. " That is because... I am different from others. You have seen my mind... how adaptable it is. I am not limited to one Semai. I can have as many Semai as I desire because my mind can adapt to others perfectly. Only conditions are that both sides desire it, and make an effort. So... I had other Semais is the past, and will probably have Semais in the future... "

[Mirach]

"I know that," Death said. "I saw it when we were Semai. I was relieved that I didn't ruin your chance for picking another one."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide gazed at him blankly for a moment, surprised by the revelation.
" Really? Since... back then? " he whispered, but then, he cleared his throat, and added, equally timidly, gazing at his hands. " I wished you would tell me so I wouldn't have to feel bad about not saying it right away, but yet... do you understand why I hesitated to tell you? " he asked hopefully. " I am the one that ruined your chance to pick another one. If we had more time, I hoped, maybe you'd pick someone you had been eyeing for longer time, someone like Riversong, and then, we could still be Semai later too, as I'd adjust. I am the one that stole your chance, while I can have as many chances as I like. It feels unfair... and... it makes my choice seem trivial when it's not, " he murmured. " As I said, both sides need to want it and need to make an effort. I need... emotional closeness for it. I need to really want it so, otherwise, why do you think I waited to suggest such a thing until I was sure I wanted it fully? I can't do it unless I do... have positive feelings about the person, and affinity to be one with them. It can never be just something I can do just out of good intentions... "

[Mirach]

"Riversong already has a Semai and I'm a bit relieved that the option is out of the table. I'm glad I can have a Semai without any romantic intention towards me, it would be awkward," Death murmured. 

[VisAnastasis]

" I am sure not every friend you made had a romantic intention with you... Right?" Tide asked, although he himself was unconvinced, as Death's beauty made it quite hard for those that got closer to him also not to harbor some hopes. " Since you learned you could have had two Semais, someone else you favored, and then me as well, anyway... Are you regretful? That I ended up being your first choice, when I could have been the second?"

[Mirach]

Death actually scratched his head. "I don't know? I don't think I would want two Semai. It feels a bit too much. I don't know how you manage so many."

[VisAnastasis]

Death's casual response seemed to bring Tide reassurance, and as he breathed out in relief, the breath ended in a little embarrassed chuckle.

" Oh... I guess when you don't have the same kind of experiences as me, you don't really know how it feels to have more. How can I explain it... It is like having ability to choose more favourite foods than one. You like those cookies, but if you had to eat exact same recipe without change it would loose some of its specialness, wouldn't it?" He asked, his tone slowly warming up as he described something he was passionate about." Some days, you feel like just the right choice is sweet ice cream, some days, you want spicy ones. And other days you feel like you want to mix both. It isn't like managing sheep," Tide finally smiled with the thought." It is like being able to pick and mix favourite foods all the time, and discover new flavours and ingredients. It's thrilling! I can be with multiple Semais at the same time, if all sides are willing and compatible. It creates completely different, empowering experiences. It isn't a burden. It is something wholesome... Combination of different powers to explore is also just plain fun! And while, yes, you can always one day be Semai with someone indirectly, if I became Semai with that person and we bind together, you can't have them for yourself alone. If... If I was sweet ice cream, and they were sour one, you could  have sweet and spicy ice cream, but never only spicy one... "

[Mirach]

"Okay," Death said calmly, like accepting a gived fact. "It still feels to me that even mixing two tastes would be too much."

[VisAnastasis]

That disinterest finally reassured Tide fully on this matter, and he smiled a little more broadly as if a great weight fell from his shoulders, as it was something he wanted to speak of for a while but didn't know how to bring up.
" It's alright then... Now that I know that you know everything and are alright with it, I won't question your judgement again. I see that right now you don't have someone else you are interested in that way, but I hope if you one day become curious after finding someone, you'd tell me so we can see if something can be done, " he just replied simply, not dwelling on subject Death clearly did not mind any longer, since there was no other question he could ask of it. " I assume regarding the play, that you're still working through it, so I wouldn't impose on such things unless you'd choose to talk... that's why I instead wanted to talk about what happened to Senecio, " he said quietly then, much more calm at last, though. " I thought about what happened a lot, and I wanted to speak to you about what you did for him... "

[Mirach]

"Yes?" Death asked with a slight confused frown, as if he wasn't sure what's there to talk about.

[VisAnastasis]

" It might be a silly thought, a thought you may find isn't worth mentioning, but after watching the play just prior to events, it's hard not to acknowledge it. It's hard to put into words, but I will try, " Tide replied quietly, keeping his look firmly on Death, as if, despite he knew he may be dismissed, this was something important for him to say. " On one side, of course, I am glad that what we have done worked out, and that Senecio lived. Even with side effects, it is infinitely better like this. But on the other hand, he is human, prone to dying. He could have easily died, despite all our efforts. " he gulped, as he prepared himself to say it. " I... understand how Grendel felt. It is hard not to blame a healer of souls who is called Death, who was right there but failed to prevent a person dear to you from dying. Someone you thought high of and would gradly sacrifice for, who let your loved one perish. It is so terrifyingly tempting. Yet... you would trust my resolve, wouldn't you? " he asked solemnly, giving weight to his words, despite they were wavering. " Even if Senecio died tragically like that, without even knowing how much we tried, his last memory being of agony, his last kiss one of death as we failed to save him... you know, even so, that I would not blame you, nor take it out on you... right? Even... even if our situation was the same, you know I would not let history repeat between us, don't you? "

[Mirach]

Death watch Tide without replying for a moment. "You know... it was right after the play, but I haven't thought of that. It's a bit unsettling now that you mentioned it. But I wouldn't have thought it back there. If he died... I was getting the impression of sea foam rather then a dragon."

[VisAnastasis]

With the statement, Tide's foamy blue eyes, ever so eloquent as much as unusual, lit up with hope.
" So you believe me, right?" He asked longingly, not realising he is learning closer as he asked." That I am not such a person? I... Was convinced you must have been thinking about this somewhat tonight... I worried if you had felt relieved Senecio survived. I mean, it is hard to explain this... " He bit his lip." But I would not want you to feel like your life or my care for you depended on whether Senecio lived. I can not become your Semai just like it's nothing, when I am fearful if you may have such doubts. I know... That it is often a saying that as Heart of the mountain grows, the tree spirals, and old stories repeat with new people, a little different, but the same. But you believe in me, right? You know I won't harm you like that...  "  

[Mirach]

"I was relieved that he survived," Death said. "But not because I feared for myself if he didn't."

[VisAnastasis]

" Then... it's alright. " Tide's expression cleared out. He seemed thoughtful, but also, the tenseness he came in with lessened, calmed by the good news. " So... How are you doing after everything, then?" He whispered quietly in the end." Do I have reasons to worry, or is such instinct misplaced? Please, do not be annoyed with my worry," he replied, a little remnants of previous night not quite settled." You have seen my mind, so you must know I can't fight against it. I meddle where it's not my place, and I worry where there is no need... I ended up being your first choice, but you shouldn't forgot," he smiled fraily." I am very bothersome Semai..."

[Mirach]

"Hm... I'm feeling better, so I think you don't have to worry. But it's not misplaced either, it makes sense that you ask."

[VisAnastasis]

The demon nodded slowly, thoughtful as if wrestling with some feelings.
" Everyone keeps telling me not to worry, you know... as if nothing happened. But it did. Maybe he came back, but I still watched someone I loved die. Such things leave you all the more fearful for everyone. And since you already almost died twice, I am fearful for you, " he admitted, simply and quietly, without sugar-coating it or making light of it. " If we became Semai right now... you will experience that fear. If we become Semai, you will feel how troubled I am, wrestling with all I could do that may help you, but all that I can't do while my hands are tied. It is a frustrating feeling of dance on the edge of the knife, between being patient, and fearing that waiting too long will end in your loved one's death, " he brought himself to say it finally. " While I am generally more down, now that I know you don't fear me, I feel like I could muster enough courage to brace for the different perspective you assure me of. But would you be able to bear the brunt of my worry and frustration, without feeling dejected by it? "

[Mirach]

"You think I hadn't had difficult patients?" Death asked with a hint of amusement. "I'm quite aware that I am one and that it gets frustrating. But I'd like to stress that we don't need to do it right now. I don't feel an urgent need to do it, just an inclination and a bit of curiosity. We should probably do it later when you feel more inclined to it, too."

[VisAnastasis]

" Then... okay. " demon agreed slowly, despite wanting to meet halfway, knowing himself now wouldn't be a good time. " Yeah, you're right... but it would be rude to call you difficult patient when you're so docile, even if I'd rather wish you were being mean about it if I were still able to do something, " he voiced his frustrations only hesitantly. " I myself at rather used to waiting when it comes to patients that are like those around us - those whose souls are small enough to fit into flasks while they are resting, those I am sure can't slip up and perish. But with your gigantic slippery soul that is unstable on top of that... " he smiled a little. " It really gives a whole new meaning to pressure. I am not really sure I can really call myself healer and you the patient when I do the bare minimum. We are more like... two guys, enduring your illness together and trying to stave off the evitable and inevitable things that come out way, without knowing which is which... "

[Mirach]

"I guess you are more like an assistant of the healer here. I need to be my own healer, but it's too hard being both healer and patient without the assistant. And as my healer I confirm I'm a difficult patient," Death smiled faintly.

[VisAnastasis]

" And you know what the worst thing is? The worst thing is I can do so much more, yet, I am stuck in this dead-end job, " Tide couldn't help but add, a little brighter with being able to express his frustrations in friendly jest. " I am so not paid enough for this... No, wait, aren't I actually an unpaid apprentice? I am too overqualified for that, it's not wonder I am frustrated. I mean, yes, you have more general experience, but I have more experience dealing with miasma and wounds made by demons. I know roughly what you can do, but do you know all I can do? It would have been way less of a hassle for you if you were my assistant, wouldn't you say? "

[Mirach]

"Oh, that's what bothers you?" Death asked. "I didn't mean that part of the healing. Yes, those are a problem as well. But the real problem is not connected to wounds or miasma and corruption. The real problem is... that the patient retreated into himself, and I can't reach him."