Senecio adn Tide II

[Mirach]

"We can not save everything. It is only a way of the world... " Death said quietly. "Please don't be disappointed when I tell you that even if I could get them back, I don't want them. I can't get my fairies back, and what are wings good for, if I can't fly with my fairies? That's the only thing I ever used them for..." 

[VisAnastasis]

Tide was quiet for a while, looking somewhere in the distance, though the rows of shelves and jars. He was silent for a moment as if he waited until he could put his thoughts into proper words.
" Past is not present, and will never be... " he finally whispered quietly, his eyes tracing the bottles around them as he spoke. " We can not save everything... but some things, we can, so why shouldn't we? We can not get your fairies back, but we could fight for your wings... You can not fly with the three of them... but you could fly with others. Not even with me, if you do not like me so, " he cleared his throat. " But at very least you can not deny you like lord Nameless. You can take the griffon form now, but what cost it bears, to stretch yourself thin enough to be able to manifest wings strong enough to fly, even if in a different form? At the very least there's unpleasantness. Would you give up comfort just because you're uncomfortable without them? Would you give up legs just because you walked the fairy gardens with them? Would you give up life just because they are not in it? Are you really... choosing to give up all the comfort and all the new good memories you could make with renewed wings... just because it's not with them?"

[Mirach]

Death shook his head. "I'm trying to let them go, all this time. But getting my wings back and not my fairies is cruel. It doesn't feel right, to be again like I was before it all happened, as if negating it. Sometimes you want to keep a scar, because things happened and you don't want to pretend that they didn't. Wings in a different form are not that hard to manifest, if I had all layers of my soul. It's not as if I wouldn't be able to fly at all."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide looked torn, almost disappointed by that attitude, but also tired of trying to convince something who wouldn't be convinced. His expression was distant and withdrawn.
" Having a scar is not the same as not having limbs. Healing does not always leave a scar, sometimes, it is merely a sign of good treatment. If you have decided against healing the best way you can, may it be. I... admired... the length you went, above and beyond, to help me give Cernunnos as good future as possible in circumstances. It is something I truly respected. But to always give up so easily in everything regarding yourself? " he did not look at him. " I... won't speak anymore of it. I do not want to offend you. I merely... can not understand how anyone that loves you would feel good with your choice. I did not know them, but I just can not imagine a world in which they would feel good about your choice. Avoiding things that remind you of them is not moving on, it is merely avoiding the mere thought of them. " he gritted his teeth. " You... You do no honour to the dead, by living a half baked life. If you love someone, you live twice, thrice as fully, for their sake, because you are living for both you and them from then on. Never to fly as you used to, never to laugh as you used to, never to smile, because they can not do it with you? What kind of life is that? What kind of letting go is to let go of all the precious things you shared? Their love shaped you to be who you are. You can only kill them if you kill all the things you loved about them, and all the things they loved about you. For better or worse, they live in you, but, treating a person they loved so carelessly...? I... really don't understand how you are so calm about that... "

[Mirach]

"I don't know," Death replied. "Maybe I'm just not ready to have the wings back yet. Maybe I will change my mind in three days. I... don't think I know anything with certainty anymore. That's rather scary for someone who can usually see quite well into the future, you know?"

[VisAnastasis]

" That's why I am saying this. It isn't that I want to... *make you* wear that winged form all the time. But it is... about... open road for the future. " Tide whispered quietly. " You can still always wear this wingless one... but just to know it is there, should you want it... isn't that better? To know it was not stolen from you, and that you can choose it when you desire it. I have had many forms I liked, but can no longer take on since I gave too much of myself away to remain stable in then. I know how it is to feel wistful toward lost forms you can no longer put on, " he shook his head slowly, his conviction unwavering, unshaken. " And to not want a form that used to be your default, most comfortable one of the few, one in which you made your best memories... how do you not want it back? Isn't it much worse not having it? You barely want to exist right now, but think of the future. " he asked quietly. " What if one day, you miss them, but can no longer have them? Wouldn't it be worse? Instead of being reminded on good times, you had with them, you would be reminded of your loss and choice that was torn away from you. I at least gave away a lot of my beloved forms in exchange for helping others. Your form was stolen, and no one benefits from its loss, but your enemies. It is not... what you deserve...  "

[Mirach]

"I just don't know anymore..." Death murmured. See, this is why you can't anything right now. It would be like building on sand foundations."

[VisAnastasis]

The demon sighed, accepting he can't really outtalk Death, no matter how strong his conviction was. He sank deeper in his spot next to the sofa, looking almost like a tired washed out cat.
" I just don't get why the foundations are so flimsy, though... " he murmured. " I mean, yes, I've been one with you, I get how your mind is, yes. Yet... You respect yourself way too little. Despite war with us, your own people you treated well, without blemish, and for the whole world, you sacrificed layer of your soul. Everybody deep down believes they deserve good when they do good... but it's like that instinct has been crippled in you. It's so damn tiring to deal with someone who thinks he barely deserves bare minimum, while in turn gives maximum, " he sighed wearily. " It's exhausting to think I believe you deserve a better life than you yourself do. You don't treat yourself like a person, but a slave to a function and nothing else... "

[Mirach]

"I started the war. Isn't that enough?" Death asked. "I don't think anything can outweight the sufficient brought by that."

[VisAnastasis]

" Not everything in the world is governed by net gain. But let's look at the gains, anyway, shall we? " Tide replied with a more distant tone. " You stopped Grendel when no one else could and prevented his corruption from spreading and poisoning the world. If you didn't fight back, what would happen? Either world would die right then with you if you died, or if you escaped, Grendel would deal much worse damage to the world, with no one to defend it. The war was terrible... but when it would happen whether you started it or not, why would you hold the sole blame for the inevitable? I blame those that wanted to kill you the same. " the demon whispered quietly. " Even so... let's say you are guilty of that, okay? What about recent events? You held the world together at the cost of your soul and almost life. You passed the throne to Solstice in hope of peace. You promised me you will from now on reborn demons as they are, with their memories intact. " he spoke, his voice calm, but still, brimming with some gentle warmth. " If it were only for these things, you'd earn my benefit of the doubt. But your respect and desire to help living creatures and how you treat others earns you my forgiveness, too. I... rather choose to take a risk for the world to keep you alive than to cut away from your personality just to save the world. I would not take such a huge risk for anyone.  Remember that nickname Xia added to the alias you picked for yourself? I took the risk for you because you are Worth While, Death. I do not know how you see me, but that is how I see you... "

[Mirach]

"It felt like that at the play too..." Death whispered. "It's a nice thought. But it's too hard to accept. Maybe... could we go to the Sea Heart tomorrow instead of in three days?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Let's see... How about not setting a deadline myself, then? You have my hairs, and the deadline was about you having time to mentally prepare, anyway, " Tide tilted head at him, with a touch of curiosity. " You seem to really long for this and fear it just the same... It's a big jump from asking for a week of deadline to one day. You pick the time when you are ready and just call me. " he whispered, turning more, so he could look him in the eye, requesting quietly, but honestly. " I wouldn't be pestering you gloomily like this if I weren't fearful about you... After what happened a couple of days ago to you, and yesterday to Senecio, I am just even more touchy when it comes to near-death experiences. You would... tell me if it gets worse again, right? If I can be sure you are honest in the meantime and not hiding how bad it is, I will be able to wait more calmly until you are ready... "

[Mirach]

"N-No, I really need a deadline," Death said. "I'm not sure I would decide on a time otherwise. Tomorrow at sunset would be fine, if you are free. Just... how long do you think it will take?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Time in the Hearts passes differently than here.  In this Heart, it happens to pass couple times slower than normal. Couple of minutes here are usually around an hour inside, and so on. " Demon explained thoughtfully." Sage can also enter the Heart, so if we happen to stay for alarmingly long, I am sure he would seek for us. But how long we would stay there? That depends on you, not me. How long do you think you would desire it? I... Find your mind's structure rather pleasant..." He admitted shyly." I don't think I would ever get tired of the feeling of it, so you will probably be the one to decide where we draw the line..."

[Mirach]

"I don't know, but I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to leave Senecio for longer than a few hours now," Death said.

[VisAnastasis]

" Because he is in some kind of danger... or for general support reasons? "Tide bit his lip, a little torn with that. " He slept through whole night... he seemed fine to me, although I do admit I do not have experience with someone whose soul was gone for so long and got back. Worst I dealt with was Sage, whose heart was torn off, but I kept his soul in while he was dying, and he got a replacement Demon heart, so I am not sure it counts. Is there something I should look out for in Senecio? " he asked quietly. " To be honest, while I don't want to be apart from him for a long time, I mostly am hesitant about spending too long there for other reasons. Once, I am worried for Hans. He shouldn't sing or strain himself, but he did, that is going to leave a mark. Little Svarik also has taken a punch, and I worry. And the other is general safety. We don't know what could happen if everyone suddenly lost track of Death and New Demon King for like... a year or so. Not even ten days seems wise. Besides, if I am absent for too long, my souls here grow restless. At least once in ten days, I like to check on them, if possible, " he shook his head. " There are... those hunters as well. They tried to fervently to kill you, but then the remaining two just went with Two-Headed Raven... For whatever purpose. It was too dangerous to pursue that matter then, so we let it go, but as long as they are alive, they might come to the sea again, and this place is a hotspot for my Beings right now, after the play. I could hardly do so, and I can't imagine Janus or Hans defending themselves successfully if faced with a seasoned hunter while I am not there... "

[Mirach]

"Yes, a longer absence seems quite unwise in general," Death said. "That’s why I wonder if it's all right to spend just a few hours at a time there. Some ways of healing do more damage than good if left unfinished. As to Senecio, I rather meant your relationship than his health. It seems strained with everything that happened and leaving for a longer time would certainly not help it."

[VisAnastasis]

" I see..." Tide nodded lightly, in thought, but rather, he seemed to be counting in his head." How about... Limit of seven days there at a time? I agree sometimes it is worse to interrupt the process, so we should give ourselves enough time to have a breather, and not to feel guilty for staying too long. As for Senecio... I understand where you are coming from .As well, of course we shouldn't leave before talking it through with others, so they can make sure everything is alright in our absence. But there will always be things coming to be done. He always stubbornly tells me if danger seperated us, he would search for me as long as he lives," he took a deep breath." If a mere week would have him give up on me, it's.... It's better it happens sooner than later..."

[Mirach]

"I don't think he would give up on you for it," Death said. "But I fear you might regret it anyway. He's just dealing with a big change and figuring things out. You might feel like a mother who missed the first words of her child if you leave now."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide just sighed, leaning on the sofa wearily.
" This... is just one of those times when you will feel bad for missing out whatever you choose. I am not used to always knowing what will happen, like you, so I can only make guesses. Of course, I'd like to support him as he figures out everything. For better or worse, it would be nice to be a part of it. If I choose to go with you, I'll miss his formative experience, but if I do not go, I may miss yours. Of course, I'll lose something either way. But... Senecio has Hans, and... He is honestly getting along with him much better than with me at the moment, not to even mention how much more comfortable Hans is with Senecio, than me right now... " As eloquent as his feelings always was on his face, a streak of sadness could be easily read on his sunk expression. " They both are smart, and capable, and should be having plenty of support from each other.  They don't really need me to figure this out. I might even hinder them with... how emotional I always am. I only made things harder for them yesterday... "

[Mirach]

"They might deal with it without you, true," Death said. "But then they'll need to deal with it *with you* as well. You can't just put your hands away and expect them to do your part as well. And that's why I won't agree to a full week. I want to experience the Heart, but tomorrow, we will go there just for a few hours, see what we coukd expect there."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide for quiet for a while, thinking it through.
" It is not like... I see going there with you as an obligation. I do look forward to it. It's always fun to experience a new inner world. The inner world for someone like Svarik is a meadow, which is interesting but acts in predictable ways. This is bound to be more abstract, and I do look forward to it, " he whispered. " But alright... I won't go against your advice. I decide mostly on what it feels right, while you are pretty smart, so I will trust you, but, " he negotiated with a little shy smile in the end, " How about... not just a few, but an upward limit of 8 hours? Humans should sleep for 8 hours, anyway, and 8 hours here is still around a 4 to 5 days inside the heart. We can return sooner, of course, but I just want us to have as much time as you may possibly feel inclined to... I know it may sound scary, but like being Semai, being in the Heart is really fun, and even if it weren't for this, I wanted to show it to you once anyway... "

[Mirach]

"8 hours would be fine, I think," Death agreed. "A week really is too much."

[VisAnastasis]

" A week of potential time means we can take anywhere between a couple of minutes and a week, so it's not really that big deal. Judging by how long we were as Semai previously, I dont' think we would last that long without breaks, of course. It is just important breaks are when we need them, not when we have to get back," Tide explained himself. " But none the less... Alright, I agree. An 8 hours top it is. " he smiled a little then, indeed, easily getting carried by emotions, and once he calmed with the setting of deadline on something he was happy about, despite worries about everything, his face still cleared. " So, what about now, then? Do you want me to stay, or leave? Senecio and Hans seem like they shall sleep a lot, and I have no obligations set in stone today. I only need to go to the ocean floor, to pick up more of the special ingredients for your cookies. Other than that, and before leaving the room, tending to the souls a bit, I don't have anything special in mind... "

[Mirach]

"I don't know yet. Where's Xia?" Death asked. "Has she been to the ball?"