Senecio adn Tide II

[VisAnastasis]

" If you mean as a person, not technically... I don't think she felt like just...  putting on a dress and meeting strangers out of the blue? After she helped Sage bring over some more Beings as bid, she just sort of lingered with him. Since Sage was at the ball, she went with him, but she didn't talk with anyone, " Tide explained. " She just stayed as a kitten in his pocket and observed quietly from there. It... didn't seem right for me to disturb her. And since Sage is rather nice, and always has various things to do, I thought it may be good for her to tag along with him for a bit, since she didn't, um... " he was hesitant to say it, as he tried to put it delicately. " She didn't express wish to see either you or Svarik, even. It would surely be bad for her to leave her to her own devices when she is so young. Purposelessness can lead to corruption, so Sage, who is one of the Three kings of my kingdom, and my spiritual successor, is an excellent choice to help her keep feeling useful and keep her health in check. "

[Mirach]

"Okay..." Death murmured. "If she would like to come to me and play some game or learn, I would lime that. Could you tell her that? I'm not sure what she's thinking now, and if she doesn't want to see me anymore or is waiting for me to call her."

[VisAnastasis]

" Don't you think... You should give yourself time to figure out what she is to you, before calling her?" Tide tilted his head, continuing with some surprise." It wouldn't be really fun if you argued again. You sort of gave her an existential crisis, don't you think? I mean, it's fine if you tell an adult, like me, that you don't love me despite acting warmly to me. I can take it, but to a child to whom all relationships are new, that sure is harsh. Yesterday was... Sort of one of those founding experiences, when rather than having fun with person she was made for, she choose to stay with an ill friend so he wouldn't feel lonely... It is a choice one should be proud of, yet it ended up bitter to you both. Are *you* sure you want to call her after that? Who is she to you to warrant such desire? "

[Mirach]

"I don't feel conflicted. Just sad that I hurt her. I do care for her. It's just... in my mind, not in my heart, you know? And she feels her emotions fully through her heart. I gear that my way of caring for her is not enough for her."

[VisAnastasis]

" To be honest, I thought giving you this much alone time would be plenty enough to reflect on your life choices, " Tide explained unapologetically. " First of all, that it will help you figure out just how big douche-noodle you had been. Don't you think... you're rather full of yourself when you just assume you are deep down unlovable, and others just need time to figure it out? Your problem is not how you feel for other people, but how you desire to control others' feelings for you, " he crossed his hands at Death. " You don't want her to call you uncle or Worth While, marking you with those nicknames as one close to her. You neither watched play with her nor got a matching dress for the ball and went to it with her, so, none of the things she longed to support you through... Your problem is so not how good flowers in your garden grow, as few as they are. Your biggest problem is so fervently cutting down flowers in other people's gardens. I can't be discouraged by it, because you sure as hell ain's going to forbid me to care about you, and I am not least bit impressed with your tries, " he crossed his hands at Death. " But like it or not, Mister Douche-noodle, people that care about you just won't feel good when constantly pressured not to care about you. Your way of caring was plenty for her, or she wouldn't have expressed her love to you. Your insistence that she should not care about you, on the other way, is getting really out of hand... "

[Mirach]

(OOC: sorry, I'm getting lost in this character, can't play him properly so it takes me long to compose a post)

"Caring... caring I don't mind. But I'm not comfortable with the desire to support me through everything. I don't want to be supported by her. I didn't want her support at the play or at the ball. I'm sorry to be harshly honest, but I would have preferred to see the play alone. When I'm dealing with something, I don't like having company. I can't focus on that dealing with something part properly when I do. But it's hard enough to explain that to you, and she, I fear, wouldn't understand at all. She was made to be supportive, it's her nature. And I can let her overstep those boundaries and would do so if I was feeling better, but I have the feeling that right now I can't afford to have my boundaries strained too much."

[VisAnastasis]

( OOC: No worries, I get it, sometimes it takes longer to write for Death, Tide's rather easier to write, so it's only natural <3 <3 <3 )

Tide's expression was eloquent, and he seemed rather stung at Death's words when he said he'd rather have seen the play alone, naturally feeling called out since he was the one with him at that time. He didn't comment on that, though. Instead, he shook his head quietly.

" Supporting each other through hard times... is what friends do for each other. If you don't want real friends right now, just solid acquaintances, that's fine, too. But not with little Xia. That is why I can't let you talk to her like this. You'd only hurt each other further, she, wanting to help you, you wanting to deal with everything on your own. I can't... say you don't have bad points. It is getting rather taxing how eager you are to deny yourself any merit, after all," he whispered quietly. " So what if you only think fondly of people, not with full heart? Feelings are just mixes of thoughts and chemicals. Do you think Xia likes you for your chemical composition? She enjoyed how you acted with her before, and is hurt how you had been acting recently. She wouldn't grow fond with you if you didn't have a lot to offer in her eyes. You are intelligent, capable, stable pillar of security, that has all the free time to give her, you reassure her when she is unsure of the world, and honestly... I don't know if anyone's said this to you before, but you give the best hugs. You are in my top 5 softest huggers list, and I hug a lot, so that's saying plenty, " a faint sad smile danced on the corner of his lips. " So why is it enough for Nammy and his kids, and why was it enough for Xia, but sn't good enough in your eyes? "

[Mirach]

"If you or them don't mind that my hugs will never be spontaneous but calculated for your sake, then it's enough, I guess," Death said. "It doesn't work the other way, though. Giving me a hug doesn't make me feel anything. I might pretend it does... to make *you* feel better. But I'm getting tired of pretending."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide took a deep breath with the statement as if trying to keep his emotions in check - but while Death's words were cold, there was firmness in Tide's eyes, as if, despite the statement, there was a little something that prevented him from being swayed.
" Those are bold words for someone who was glued to my chest in a snake form, snuggled all while we travelled here. It must have been so unpleasant for you to endure it, " he murmured with just a tinge of hesitance, asking directly, though. " Listen... is something wrong right now, in particular? When did I ask for pretences? You should act as you are, and until now... I thought you did. It is, certainly, bothersome that the way you act doesn't match the way you speak right now, but what could I possibly deny when you sound so sure? " demon shook his head. " Yet, there is... an old folk tale, about a fox that entered the vineyard and tried will all its might, but couldn't reach any grapes, and then convinced itself that they were all sour anyway, and it wasn't worth the bother. You are free to live like that if you want to. If you tell me so clearly, I shall not expect affection from you anymore. But if your goal is life without pretending, it does not really seem to me that is the way to go... "

[Mirach]

Death thought for a moment. "I... don't know anymore? That's how I feel now. But I remember feeling differently before. And I don't know how I'll see it in the future. I feel like you're losing time trying to understand me... my feelings seem to change constantly."

[VisAnastasis]

" But everyone's feelings change constantly, " Tide replied reluctantly. " I would like to understand you even if you were to feel nothing for me, for I choose to help you for who you are as a person, not who I am. If you figure out you'd rather not have anything more of me but help... you wouldn't be the first. I am a king, after all, and I am okay with working for the happiness of my people, " he whispered. " Maybe you do not know your feelings, but I know mine, though. I could not become so compatible to you as Semai if I didn't grow to feel strongly about you. It isn't just as simple as getting hugs and time, as it would be for Xia, but I have my own reasons to like you and... enjoy being with you. But if you don't feel the same, what could you possibly gain by deception?  I enjoyed being with you last night, though, for the play, and then, before I let you here, when I applied the balm for you. For me, it meant something. Was it merely... tolerating me for you? " he asked quietly. " If you are indifferent to me, with barely passing curiosity, please, be merciful, and tell me. There is just... a person to whom I... though I grew closer to, but it seems to me he periodically enjoys me, and periodically acts like we had no pleasant moments together at all... "

[Mirach]

"I enjoyed it," Death said, frowning in confusion. "I think because you did? I feel like trying to see myself as a picture, but the picture is changing all the time. What if it's not a picture but a mirror?"

[VisAnastasis]

The confusion on Death's face, unexpectedly, brought hope to Tide's.
" People change all the time... It is only a matter if they will change on their own, or together with others around them. People close to each other may drift apart with time, yes, but then again, it may never happen, so why focus on the future that may never come? " he whispered. " All I know is I like you now. My feelings depend greatly on how others around me feel, though. It is true that I am happy when I can dote on people I care of, but my happiness would turn sour if my actions were unwanted, " he added timidly then. " I enjoyed doting on you last night because it is you. I do deem myself nice, but, it's not like I am as idle to randomly go volunteer in massage salons. I enjoyed doing it for you... Feelings are complicated, but through it, I could show how I feel with proper weight to it. "

[Mirach]

"I hope to make more sense of it when we are Semai," Death said. "Maybe you'll be able to understand some things better than me on my own."

[VisAnastasis]

" Alright... So how about this compromise, then? Please, try to think of anything you'd like, and I'll do my best for you - but please, do not call Xia today, " Tide replied suddenly, leaning a bit to him, as he added, with a contemplating shade in his expression. " I understand as much, that you have too many thoughts that struggle to take shape into words right now. I can sympathize with that, with my state of mind. On one side, you feel like you are justified to say you prefer to deal with everything alone, while you didn't blink before you asked me to become Semai with you so we can deal with this together... You do want to see her, but you would treat her more distantly than before her confession, so what good would it bring to suffer that contradiction? Do you understand why this is not a... healthy thing to meet with her? There must be something else you'd want equally instead of that... "

[Mirach]

"I don’t know," Death said. "Whatever you would like to offer, I guess?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Oh, you shouldn't leave your choices to others like that. If it were up to me, " Tide teased playfully. "  I would spend all afternoon sewing you cute outfits or braiding your hair... Have you ever seen your hair? It's delightful! But that's just something to my taste. What could possibly be to yours?" Demon suddenly paused, as if something crossed his mind, and his look softened a little." Hm... How would you feel about... Trying to handle a soul from here for a while? Only one, this time, and only if I stay so we can monitor it together. I figure you don't often handle souls that aren't dead, and those are ttechnically between living and dead, so that ought to be more enticing to you than if I offered you tea or picnic outside... "

[Mirach]

"Would you trust me with it?" Death asked with surprise.

[VisAnastasis]

Tide was quiet for a moment, as if he wanted to give most honest answer.
" You behaved well tonight. But it's not like the offer is a reward for it. It is... A sign of good will. " He replied a little more timidly, but surely." I would not yet trust you enough to let you hold whichever soul, or to make choices on your own about them when I am not around... I could never treat the people here as if they are things I can borrow or give away just because someone wants them. Only Sage I trust to come here on his own right now. But I do... Believe in you." He answered quietly, but with conviction. " I believe in your skills and intentions, regardless of your lack of tact. Your words are not louder than your actions. I heard them. Then, least I can do is give you a chance... don't you think?"

[Mirach]

"I don't know, but I won't do anything you don't want me to with the soul," Death said.

[VisAnastasis]

" You don't have to reassure me... I would not offer this if I thought you'd suddenly grow wilful. Whether you can play by my rules is up to me to see, so I just want to see it. It is not as if I am testing you, but you could say I am... evaluating your potential, I guess? That sounds much more fun," the demon said, and a little more wide smile danced upon his lips. " So, what do you think about us picking a nice little soul to hold, then? Would you like that? "

[Mirach]

"Of course I would," Death said simply.

[VisAnastasis]

" Good, then, let me calm everyone up a bit first. They are not used to not being paid attention to when I am here, " Tide replied back simply, as he stood up. He walked towards the shelves and took a moment to slowly gaze and look through the bottles, passing with his hand along with the wood frames and from time to time caressing a bottle or two affectionately, as if thinking over something, while searching for the best options. Then, he paused before one middle-sized bottle and turned his head to Death lightly.
" What do you think... about this one? " he offered in a whisper while passing with his finger across the glass. " It is a Spirit that is corrupted, but they are by now on the border between corruption and sanity and has a much better understanding of surrounding than most heavily corrupted ones, so it won't lash out that easily. It used to be a Spirit of Lava that got confused for a demon because of their powers tied to fire, and corrupted through a fight with Demon hunter of water. They had been quite loyal to you for life, though, even if you don't know them, and admired you, so it should be a good choice. It enjoys pampering if it's done right, and since its a fiery soul, its aura is rather warm, and it should not be scary, since it is a Spirit... "

[Mirach]

Death nodded shortly, watching the soul with interest. "You ever open the jar or do you keep them inside all the time?" he asked.

[VisAnastasis]

" I like to think about glassware as their tiny little homes, reassuring and secure... If I kept them all the time, though, it would be a prison instead. But I like them to feel secure about their boundaries, " Tide replied more brightly while taking the bottle and gently turning it in his hands, more open with the subject he adored. " So I only take them out when I feel they are more open to interaction.  There are two ways I interact most often. The way I hold souls is not technically by hands... I hold them like water, with my thoughts, enveloping them in my mind, so I often let them float around freely a little, as they are comfortable, letting them choose how close they feel like being to me," he explained. " The other way is by holding them within me. Like I told you at the fort, I have two stomachs, one for food, one for souls. Being within me is in a way like being a part of me and separate of me in the same time, so when they feel like, I often swallow souls and hold them within me, so they can, I guess I could say, parasitize of my stability, to grow better. " he grinned shyly. " It's not surprising you don't know that about me, though, since I was afraid you'd wish to kill me and left all the souls secure here when I went to meet you at the capital... "