Senecio adn Tide II

[Mirach]

"Oh..." Svarik murmured. "I'm sorry... I wish you wouldn't have to experience my feelings on top of all others. Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

[VisAnastasis]

Om such concern, finally, Being laughed out, not from bemusement, but more from surprise and relief - still listening to the short sincere laugh was pleasant, as it was warm, like Memody's laugh, as creature seemed to open up a little.

" Oh, dear... are you concerned? That's kind of sweet... thanks, I guess? I'd rather not thank you over feeling bad for it," he seemed confused, not sure how to respond, compassion and embarrassment upon his face. "As I said, I am personification, not a person in a strict sense - I am taking a shape of a person so that I can experience the world myself, as part of it, and interact with others. It is... like with Lord of Time and Death. Time experiences all the possible futures and pasts at the same time, but when he tries hard, he can still focus on one point and hold a conversation. Death is in same time immersed in healing every single thing that dies every single second, but he can still talk with you as if he's not doing such immense work. It's the same with me, " he replied timidly. " It's all just happening... people dying, hurting, being born... Tress being cut, animals getting in fights... I just happen to feel it all, but I fear I am not really much useful beyond that. "

"But you are a force of love, right?  Your aura oozes so strongly on it. If you are feeling everything, why aren't you personification of feelings, then? Shouldn't your presence be a mush of everything? "

" Oh, you see,  I didn't preexist with a purpose given to me at the start, " he admitted shyly. " There is not a convenient source of love in some pot, available in liquid form or such. But there is a source of power where demons drain their power from - collective well of feelings. Not really a well, actually, but rather like layer of feelings fabric of the world was imprinted upon. Each living critter adds to it, and I was born from it, as it grew, " critter rubbed its hands timidly. " Both positive and negative feelings are mixed chaotically within it... But I am Love because I was born from love. As I watched the unfortunate living struggle, I began developing feelings of protectiveness, of warmth to them... They suffered so strongly, and they felt so unloved, so lonely, so scared... I wanted to protect them... "

" So you were unhappy people suffered, so you just spontaneously... burst into life? "

" Not spontaneously, " Being chuckled nervously. " But yes... I developed my sense of self because I had this unyielding yearning... to love and protect life. The suffering of every single life hurts me, but it takes suffering on a more global scale to really bring me down. Famines and wars are the worse... It is... the worst when lot of bad things are happening at large scales at the same time. I have lived through every pain and hunger, so my trauma doesn't come from direct experience anymore. Mostly from the grief of not being able to protect people through such horrifying things. I want to soothe everyone, but... there are so many, and I am only one person, but... do not worry. Your feelings are no burden on me.  " he replied tamely, his expression compassionate and regretful. " Rather, my incompetence is. I wished... I could have been a better Deity. Worthy of Senecio, and worthy of you. But I am just me... "

[Mirach]

"Everyone is *just me*," Svarik said. "There's nobody who would be more than that. And I don't know about Senecio, but you have no obligation to me. If I have a Deity, it would be the land, probably. I'm just glad it doesn't burden you."

[VisAnastasis]

Rather than calmed, Being seemed troubled equally, avoiding Svarik's look, although it was not quite clear why.
" Other Beings and humans likewise... everyone is so focused on obligation. If you wish to know what burdens me, it is the insistence of distance," he replied tamely, with a resigned expression. " I do not have high aspirations anymore, like being beloved competent Deity... But why can I not at least feel obliged to people I owe my happiness to? I am obliged to you, " despite a lack of eye contact, there was a soothing conviction in his words. " You will never know how many people you made brighter for knowing you over the years, and how overwhelmingly joyfully the land feels as you walk upon it... But I do. Their happiness and land's happiness is my happiness. You are a rare existence in this world, that blesses everything it touches. Will you really deny me the right... to feel like I failed you? You don't have to deem yourself my champion to be the champion of Love.  You will never have to claim me yours. A lot of feelings in this world are unrequited, after all, " creature's ever-present smile was more honest, coloured with guilt. " I am a coward, in awe of your fearlessness. This land is scattered with people that met you and whose life was made better by your existence, like a field full of flowers, grown over many years. If only... I was not so afraid of you, and of your religion of the Bull, " he acknowledged quietly. " Maybe I could have met you sooner, and protected you. If nothing, at least kept you informed of your enemies, so they could not harm you. I may not be your deity, but please, do acknowledge my faults. Your denial of my obligation hurts more than your feelings weigh on me... "

[Mirach]

Svarik looked at Eros in wonder and some confusion. "Deny you the right... to feel like you failed me? I'm sorry, that's... a bit of a new perspective to me. I feel like I should try to convince you that you didn't fail me, but if you see it as a right... does it really feel better to you? Like, what if you did try to protect me and got captured by Bull priests? You wouldn't have failed me but you would have made me feel guilty for it, and wishing you would have stayed safe instead. So, I'm glad you stayed safe instead. But you have the right to feel about it as you want to feel, of course. I'm sorry, this is a bit hard to wrap my mind around, especially so drained of magic. I might need some time to think about it. So you're saying you would like it if I claimed you, even if it means you failed me? Do I understand it right? I'm sorry I can't do that now, the gap is still too big and you know me so much better than I know you. But if I get to know you better, later, that may change..."

[VisAnastasis]

Being's lip trembled lightly as Svarik spoke his last words,
" I... do not like to be hopeful of such things. I am used to be disfavored, and you have the right to feel anything, yes, but why feel any favour to a silly Being like me?" he whispered a little hoarsely as if trying to ease his conscience with gentler words. " Whatever you feel, you should. But little one, listen... I... All I plead you to believe me, is that I did not fail to reach for you out of fear for my own safety, " it seemed that was important to the anxious creature. There was a shadow across his face, as he admitted. " To be honest... us personifications, we do not... pass through normal dying channels. You can not exactly imagine a world existing couple of seconds suddenly with no time, or with no chemical reaction, right? When I die, only my body dies, and my consciousness is returned to my source until I can form a body again. I am not afraid of dying. I died more times than I can count. In the last thousand of years, Bull priests captured and... killed me 7 times on the order of their emperors. I... I am scared... of what happens to everyone close to me, after I die. It is... very hard to keep dying... " he gulped. " But it is harder when people that love you die because of you. Whenever they caught me, they... would kill everyone that followed me. Sacrilege to the Bull... they called it. " it seemed he fought tears, unusually emotional, but truthful. " I... misjudged you so much. My powers are so cruel - I loved whoever was bringing joy to the land, but I can not connect the feelings with identity unless that person tells me, I can only make conclusions. All I knew of the new ruler is that he is the son of the former emperor. I knew he didn't become emperor by murder, but he did not denounce the religion of the Bull either. So what was I to think? I was afraid if I draw attention, even those few that I can keep safe right now will be killed for sacrilege. I feared them and I feared you with the collective terror of every person that was ever killed by the Bull priests. I just didn't know the part of that terror was yours, too... "

[Mirach]

"Yes, I'm sorry for that..." Svarik said. "We couldn't just overthrow the religion, it's too strong in people and there would be riots and fights... We're changing it from inside, instead. But for those persecuted by it, I fear it's hard to communicate that they're safe when the name didn't change. I understand that you didn’t reach out, especially having responsibility to others."

[VisAnastasis]

" I know it would be dangerous to try anything drastic... Too many good people would be hurt... Many really admirable people still believe Bull is a precious Deity that protects their country... For their beloved country, they would do be anything. I love them for their love for their land... but they hate me. They wish to kill me.  " Being whispered, not looking up." I... am doomed if I do, doomed if I do not, little one. I am mostly... Confined to the house Hans gave me, dedicated to people in it. I go out only rarely and avoid bigger crowds. Only once... Once couple years ago, I dared be convinced to go, at a festival, at plea of my people, and someone turned me in to Tarmagil, and he tried so hard to kill me, only Hans's law skills keeping me barely safe. I know your slow way of fading out religion is safest for most.. but it ties my hands so much... I can barely do anything for you, even now that I know you." He admitted pitifully." I... I would be afraid to say it to a king, but I can to you. I am technically under house arrest orders. Tarmagil made a bargain with Hans to accept my silence and money donations in exchange for my life, as long as I am confined. I am only brave enough to risk leaving when Hans needs my help, or when lives are at stake. At any time, someone may turn me in to local clergy and I would get everyone in trouble. I am glad you are the one that is king, but my situation is still the same," Being whispered pitifully, what should have sounded as accusation sounding rather like a grieved apology." It is... Only painful to me, when I can not help even the loveliest people. Laws of your land burn me so, like hot irons. You did so much for  the world, but I am afraid even now that you know me, I can do little for you, while the state is still like this..."

[Mirach]

"I need to ask you for patience," Svarik sighed. "We're going to introduce Symbel first, as related to the Bull. Then there will be place to introduce the idea that there are also other Beings, and associating with them won't bring misfortune on the kingdom. But Tarmegil is dead, so I think we could proclaim the house arrest void. I'll talk to the local clergy and make sure they don't bother you."

[VisAnastasis]

However one can know one's feelings, they can't predict one's reactions, and Being seemed clearly surprised by his offer. He did not know what to say at first, too stunned, finally looking up to him with gaze as fearful as awestruck.

" All that... Is lot of... Information to take in," he managed to stutter." I really... Know little of your political situation. But I know it got you in trouble, so... If you would get in more troubles, please, do nothing. But if you think something could be done... If others at least could be spared of being blamed by knowing me, it would be... So lovely... To be freer to help the needy, if at least a tiny bit more... " He gulped." I really would owe you all the more, then. Hypothetically, if you succeed... is there anything I can offer you...? Any knowledge, any blessing, any words? I know... I am not really anyone's first choice of personification. I am the youngest and the least. I am not as capable and awe inspiring as Death, nor as wise and powerful as Time... but unlike them, I love to interact with the living, so that has to count for something, right? " he whispered with frail hope and confidence,  but voice brimming with sincerity. "  What can I do for you...? "

[Mirach]

"I didn't do anything yet," Svarik said. "But if you are the Deity of love, I think I might use some advice from you..."

[VisAnastasis]

" But you will be leaving soon, so if you leave, who knows when we would cross paths again? Maybe you just won't feel like seeing me anymore. If I can do anything, it's better I do it now... It is a formality to call it a return favour, anyway. I'd be so happy to do something nice for you, and you won't feel bad receiving if you have the confidence of being able to give back one day, so I welcome being able to use it as an excuse, " Being replied with a more curious look, speaking shyly but honestly, his soft words now more freely expressing admiration. " I didn't really expect you to ask for advice, not a blessing or knowledge, but, sure? I mean, you are so lovable, I have a good premonition about things working out for you on your sheer loveliness alone, but if any advice may encourage you, I can hardly imagine it as good enough gift for you, but I shall give it gladly. You can ask whatever you wish. "

[Mirach]

"Not now," Svarik said. "I'd like to talk to you later, maybe in the evening. Would that be alright?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Why would it not be? Of course, you should spend some good time with your friend and catch a breather before some serious talk. You just woke up, I imagine it's hard enough to push back the fact you almost died to the back of your mind. You really deserve a break, and... I am not as afraid to give it to you now. " Being explained shyly. " It is true we don't know each other too much, but... it is... comforting to know you are not sending me away because you are unnerved by me, and that you don't judge me for my foreknowledge. Again, no pressure, whether you dislike me for my personality, I will brace for that, " he said timidly. " But it's hard when... nic people don't want anything to do with me just because my abilities unnerve them. It is the same for me as it would be for you if someone didn't feel comfortable around you because you had blonde hair... As long as it's not for that, whatever you decide to think of me in the end, I shall accept gracefully, I promise. "

[Mirach]

Svarik nodded slowly. "We shall talk in the evening then. Thank you."

[VisAnastasis]

" I won't trouble you any longer... You should know, I can see that your body is doing better, and immediate danger is over. See you in the evening, then... I have to stay for a few days in the mansion, anyway, to make sure Senecio is alright after what happened. I shall be downstairs with other Beings that came over for those days, if you need anything, you can ask any Being you happen to meet to lead you to me. "

Being stood up, carefully gathered the tarot cards he left on the table and bowed his head lightly in Svarik's and Conrad's direction before he turned to leave.

[Mirach]

"What's with the cards?" Svarik asked curiously when Eros left. "Have you been doing something interesting while I was out?"

[VisAnastasis]

" If by *interesting* you mean we pulled an all-nighter watching over your lame self, then, sure, " Falcon snorted, teasing more softly and leaning back on the bed more freely now that they were alone, no matter how harmless Eros was, feeling freest when he was only with Svarik. " If you mean what we were doing while we waited, actually, that guy is quite a talker, can't say I was bored. We spent the night talking away about a lot of things and at one point, he came up with the idea of doing tarot cards reading for me. You can play a couple of card games with them, but the most interesting thing with them is that festival performers use them for divination. Of course, Eros is definitely throwing in his skills and some solid cold reading into the mix, but it's actually, um, rather engaging, " he coughed. " Listening all the dramatic playful ways he talks in an attempt to fool you he's not just pulling advice and kind words out of his foreknowledge. It seems he definitely likes to use little tricks and games in order to appear non-threatening... He did mention of hand when speaking of the hobbies that he likes doing a lot of various art and crafts and weaving love into them. Rather a sly bastard, that one. "

[Mirach]

"Certainly inventive," Svarik smiled a little. "So you didn't sleep at all? Do you want to take a nap now after we have a meal? If you do, I might change my plans and have the talk with Eros while you sleep, do you won't hinder me in anything," he said before Conrad could have any such objection.

[VisAnastasis]

" Hmm...  Honestly, often I could pull couple all nighters in a row, but I was exhausted to the brim with worry... Like, I expected you to get your life in danger at some point again, but so soon? Damn, these pesky emotions are exhausting," Falcon admitted, leaning more heavily against the bed frame." However, you aren't getting rid of me so easily, kiddo. You should get an hour or two of breather first, at the very least of getting some distance and rest from all this emotional baggage. I won't accept any less," Falcon negotiated firmly." I am secure in general, since you have Sage's blessing, that Beings in the house would not dare touch you, but still, better to be extra careful, so if you want to go outside or to secluded parts, either Eros or some other powerful Being would have to escort you at all times. That's how maaaybe I could let you out of my sight while I take a nap... Do we have a fancy non-Being deal?"

[Mirach]

"Sure." Savrik said. "I'm not even planning anything like that. I'd just stay here and chat with Eros while you sleep, wouldn't want you to miss exploring the city. And an hour or two is perfect for a lazy meal somewhere with a nice view, before that."

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, view from here is quite nice - Sage surely gave you a prominent room, " Falcon commented, as indeed, they were on the attic level where the view of the sea in the distance was pleasant. " But that wouldn't clear one's head at all, I agree, being in one room at the same time... How about maybe going on the roof? If I pick first, I'd pick that, the view and the wind coming from the sea must be exquisite," Falcon said innocently. " And yeah, as for staying here while you talk with Eros, no thanks, I'd definitely not be able to resist listening in on your conversation if I stayed here, so I couldn't sleep. But this mansion is rather more huge than I imagined from Tide's description. So I could surely see to it to find some safe enough location to take a quick nap. It's not really my first choice to sleep in an unknown location, sure.... " he shrugged a little thoughtfully, as this was probably one of the rare times he slept either outside of Baldir's inn or his mansion. " But I should learn to manage. Would be easier if Erdel was here, sure, but it should be fine. "

[Mirach]

"I meant here in the mansion, not here in the room," Svarik said. "We'll just find some quiet part of it and you can sleep here. But now, kitchen and then roof. I'm hungry..."

[VisAnastasis]

" I overheard the kitchen is super busy these days to prepare enough food for all the visiting Beings. Quite a few spirits like high sugary treats, so if we are lucky, maybe Jake saved us couple slices of some nice cake, " Falcon offered his hand to Svarik readily, to help him stand up. " Firs kitchen and then the roof sounds like a great deal to me. Shall we? I assume you'd be too embarrassed to be carried, but I can still cheat and hold you from the side a little if you're faint. " he winked.

[Mirach]

Svarik leant at him as they went down. "Do you have any idea where's Xia?" he asked. "I hoped she could join us..."