Senecio adn Tide II

[Mirach]

"No, not really. I can think of a few candidates, and honestly I don't really know why you picked me over them, other than it being easier with some actual relation in blood supporting the claim of the throne."

[VisAnastasis]

" Oh, I see. I really didn't explain myself properly, did I? It just seemed self-explanatory to me. Okay, make yourself comfortable, I'll ease into the point, I'm going to make this overdue reveal with dramatic tension that is due to it, " Falcon's lips raised in a light smile with a slight relishing undertone, as it seemed he was enjoying the unexpected situation. He leaned back, sipping his wine with a more eased expression for a moment of a dramatic break before he began his explanation. " Svarik... tonight I told you a lot about my frustrations with my younger self - I blindly served the empire while my heart was selfish and my moral compass was trash. Yet, even now, I can claim without a second of doubt - even as trashy as I was, I was the most competent person I know. Think about it. I even got away with helping you and Izmir in front of the nose of whole damn clergy, and I got away with the manipulating situation so you'd be saved and run away from the capital - all without anyone ever doubting me one bit. In fact, no one ever doubted me a bit until the very moment I literally openly rebelled against the empire. That's crazy, right? " his eyes were sad, though. " I arrogantly proclaim myself a golden standard of competence in my schemes, Svarik - yet, don't you agree it would have been disastrous if a person of my heart as it was back then had a high position? Isn't high competence paired with vague morals just destructive in the long run? That's why it's important for you to understand that the most important thing I tested you for was never the scope of your competence in everything, Svarik. After all, how would I ever expect a person who never had access to education to suddenly become a protege in everything, when I am only as I am now because I studied like crazy my whole life? Actually, the whole premise of me *testing you to make you king* is all wrong when you think about it more deeply. Weren't you surprised that from the moment I told you I picked you I made you king in just a few days? It's not exactly solely because I'm the best at planning and all that... That was actually a result of a long time of careful testing over the years. I tested multiple people for ten years diligently. I didn't need to see you in person to constantly gather information on you and evaluate you based on it, " Falcon explained. " You could actually say that by the point you arrived at the city, you didn't really have a score of 0 and had to reach a score of 100 in just a few testing days. Rather, you had a score of let's say, 80, and needed to get but ten more points to get an excellent mark. Which is to say, " he sipped his wine. " I was 99% certain I'll make you a king, I was just generally anxious and hopefully you'll get as close to 100 points as possible so I can die more peacefully. My testing of you in person was turbulent and personal because I was in a terrible mindset after vampires appeared and general Irnet, and then the council ended up slaughtered and all that... I was just generally even more tired of living that usual, and you met me not exactly at my brightest, " he murmured. " But you should be aware that you were always a person with the highest marks. Your blood bond with the last emperor was never a deciding factor for me. It merely gave you a 10 point headstart from other candidates, which is all good, but not really a whole lot. "

[Mirach]

"So what were the other points for?" Svarik asked, leaning in the seat to listen more comfortably.

[VisAnastasis]

" They were for your ten years of life since I sow you for the last time, naturally, " Falcon explained, with a firm, brighter tone of voice, as he leaned back more comfortably too, speaking lazily as if savouring the chance to explain properly at last, and with proper flair. " Is it long overdue for me to tell you that I have a box in the mansion's archive full packed of reports about you? I recorded and evaluated every step that I could. I even copied by hand all official military reports on you to keep proper tabs on your growth as a candidate. Actually, when we're already spinning the beans tonight, I told you once that around three years ago I left the capital for a few months to try to find you in person, but I didn't tell you why. Actually, you already scored quite a few points by then so I wished to finally meet you in person to talk to you and evaluate you properly... but then Tarmagil acted out and the whole thing with Sage and Tide happened and I had to rush back to the capital, so I never managed to meet you back then. But I digress. To put it in simple terms - there are a couple of great qualities that should be noted. You were persecuted all those years and had to go through hell to survive but you still never lost your qualities under the terrible pressure of uncertain life. You kept doing what you felt was right for all those years even when every day was possibly the last. In that aspect, you're mentally even stronger than me. A king should be strong in his convictions and not waver just because it's hard. You never took advantage of people but you also in the last ten years grew more backbone, not falling easily under the weight of hatred directed toward you. In that aspect, you're insanely mentally stronger than me, who is deeply troubled over his status as a traitor of the land. You rarely fall to anger or rage, and even when you're angry, you think ten times before you do something you'll regret. Honestly, your mental fortitude is terrifying. It's very easy to be a brute that kills his enemies when they piss him off, it's much harder to keep a cool head when the whole army is literally out to get you every day and see your enemies as people. Which brings me to your vital, most important quality, one you honed over for ten years, " Falcon spoke with strength and firmness in his voice. " Your impeccable skill for understanding people's situations and hearts and using that understanding to help and inspire them. Over and over again, whenever you went, you inspired people. You were powerless in many aspects, but you used all your assets for the best outcomes with your whole heart. But you weren't outright foolish, either - over years, you learned terribly important dance between gains and risks. You understood when you were 16 that Izmir was putting his life on the line for you and that you could help very little physically, so you poured all emotional support you possibly could onto him, helping him deal with your terrible situation. You'd allow yourself to be captured by Irnet just so you could talk with him a little at a time because that was the best choice for both of you that you could make that may possibly lead to a better future. Everywhere you went, you were insanely quick to make good impressions and was able to earn the trust of people by easing their hearts. And don't get me even started on since you came to the capital. Don't you see it, Svarik? " he asked in disbelief. " You're impeccably good at weighting out and understanding people's hearts and being both generous and stern when needed. Always moving for the least harmful path to everyone, even if it's the hardest. In how you handled Ben, the vampires, Simbel, and even me, who is the worst tempered person in the world - is reflected your patience and belief in redemption and quality of life for everyone. In your insistence of doing your best for the most unfortunate even when you're unfortunate is shown your mental strength. And not the least - in your stubbornness to refuse to be cruel is reflected your impeccable moral integrity. I knew you'd sooner die than ever sentence one man whom you deem deserves a second chance. And while I deem that too merciful personally, I can not deny that you have the most important quality of a ruler. You believe and will always choose humanity in people over blindly following rules or order, which makes people be able to trust and follow you, knowing you will return their good with good as long as their humanity is intact, " he whispered. " It's easier to be a competent person than to make competent people follow you. Even only since I met you, you've won over many hearts. Underground ruler of the city fell in love with you, Riversong, Spirit of life would do anything for you, you placated a starved ancient God to the point he longed to be given name by you and be proclaimed you his family, and you got Erdel, a vampire who was terribly betrayed and didn't believe in kindness to be grateful to death. And to hell, what even is this situation? We are at a party at the sea, and one of the people here is a person that wanted to kill you but was spared by you first, and then saved by you when he was dying. We are having party with those people since they are so happy that they're all alive, and thankful to us for helping them. You made Sea Deity see you in favour with just one trip to the seacoast. You made Janus, a frightful fidgety Being who fears humans, admire you, by giving him exactly what he needed when tending to his kids. You have an impeccable talent of giving people what they need and bringing happiness into their lives, quality over which even the God of Love Eros gushes over you, " he smiled faintly. " Should I rest my case or keep going? Mind you, those are just some of my favourite things you did, before and after you became king. There is lot more where that came from. "

[Mirach]

"I must admit it’s really pleasant to listen to," Svarik chuckled. "From my point, it’s just how I am, it doesn't take much effort to be myself. It's... interesting to hear what you appreciated. Although, just for the record, do you know how annoying it is when you're trying to befriend someone who’s constantly grading you?"

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, in my defence, I wasn't really trying to befriend you. Like I told you, I was looking for a proper replacement. On a more practical side, it had to be someone that would be reasonably able to stand on his own without me. Logically, it would be counterproductive to have you rely on me as a friend, wouldn't it? " Falcon asked quietly. " It's not like I wanted to make you king and then just run off, mind you. As I said, I had a lot of good candidates, but it's not like I sat idly and only graded. For all those years, I cooperated or supported the growth of all of them, so that when I pick one of them, it would be at a point all other candidates are stronger politically and can support each other. You wouldn't be alone... Sage was high on my list of candidates, as well as Lord Nameless, and while, not candidates, I did all I could to build up public support for as many people of integrity as I could, that would be of help to the next ruler. It's just that... I wasn't planning to be a part of all that, " Falcon sipped his wine as he added quietly. " To be honest, I wasn't sure how to put myself towards you while testing you. But after how we parted ten years ago, and in Izmir's name... I just wanted our last parting to be... on better terms. Without actively trying to befriend you, I just wanted to experience time with you to finish my evaluation with proper weight. To be honest... My heart was so spent, " he whispered. " And my ability to be subservient still is. Whether it was Sage, Nameless, or someone ten times better, I would not be able to put myself in a position to serve beneath them. Not even now, if you were gone, I could not. Not even if Izmir were alive and grown than times the person he is, I could not serve him, either. I can only do all this, " he smiled frailly. " Because you alone are my one exception... "

[Mirach]

"And that," Svarik said quietly, "is more worth to me than a hundred of points."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon's eyes cleared up, as a little bit of anxiety in then eased and melted with vulnerable affection.
" And that, " he whispered a little hoarsely. " is worth to me more than any credit or reputation in the world, " his fragile smile remained, and his expression felt strangely intent and firm, as he knew the weight of his worlds. " You challenged... my beliefs on what is the bare minimum needed to feel happy. It kept being redefined as requiring less and less, until the point that just being loved by you seemed enough. So, please, do not mistake my evaluation of you for a king for the reason I grew to love you, Svarik. I just wanted to help your wounded confidence by sharing some truths, " he gulped, but his words seemed certain even if his gaze for soft. " But I am positive that I'd feel the same for you, whether you were a king carrying the fate of many, or a travelling bard carrying the weight of healing songs. Whether you were competent in ruling or not, thanks to you, " he whispered. " I am able to look forward to many things again... "

[Mirach]

Svarik enjoyed hearing that, seeing for himself the progress Conrad made since they met. "I can’t exactly say why, but I'm glad those two are separate. Do you what else is separate? Falling in love with you and helping you. I'd love you whether you were such a hopeless case of a wounded heart and soul or not."

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad chuckled a little, his face growing just a little flustered as Svarik spoke - it seemed that, while not drunk yet, he grew a little tipsy from the wine, and his face was more honest. There was a conflict in his eyes, but amidst it, the strongest emotion was definitely affection.

" Yeah... I am truly a wretched flower for my poor meadow king... Who else but I would require such heavy maintenance, not even to thrive, but only to live? I'm really... a tough plant to keep alive, aren't I? " he whispered, admitting so rather sheepishly. " I have a bad temper and get defensive often... I require a lot of control over you to feel secure... I love to receive power, but it's really hard for me to be on receiving end of any goodwill, even if I trust someone. I know it must be frustrating for you... Yet, for a while, I have felt you no longer approached me merely from your typical fiery obsession to help people. I think that... I began to really fall for you around that time when you began approaching me for my company, " a small, unexpectedly shy frail smile danced on man's lips, reaching his eyes. " When you're trying to help people, you often have a more dignified, kingly feeling about you. It is inspiring, sure... But he's nowhere as wholesome as you that likes to rest your head against my shoulder. Or you that huddles next to me when we watch stars. And absolutely no kingly quality you may have can beat having you wake up, and seeing joy lit up in your face as soon as our eyes would meet. Svarik... I hate my younger self, and honestly, I don't really like my current self either. Yet, the me I see in your eyes... I can settle with him, as long as he at least has you, " he leaned a little closer to Svarik, as his unsure smile grew a little bolder. " I always thought I was too greedy for my own good... but only now I realized I wasn't. I was merely too ambitious to be happy with a lot I drew in life. I only began understanding greed as I fell in love with you... "

[Mirach]

Svarik huddled next to him and rested his head against Conrad's shoulder as he was talking about it. "I like your current self very much, no matter of your opinion on it. And your past self just has a lot to learn, but I can still sense your great spirit in it."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon, who was tense before as they spoke, slowly relaxed only as Svarik leaned against him, and the king could feel man's heart skip a beat with his last words as they seemed to touch his restless mind. And the man knew Svarik knew, and he seemed flustered, more openly so, with the excuse of wine. His breath was a bit bathed, as if he was unusually timid suddenly, as he embraced leaning Svarik with one arm, holding him close.

" Truly... the way you look at me is just so... freeing, " he slowly and quietly entrusted him with his heart more. " I... talked with Eros about all this last night, like I promised... I was just trying to figure out everything. And I felt growing guilt... is my love for Melody truly love as well, if I feel so terribly strongly for you? " he admitted his doubts, as he hesitantly left the wine glass aside, and with now free hand, caressed Svarik's hair. " He assured me... it's just different. He said... that you are such a good fit for me because you provide me with unyielding security, for me, who is never secure, " he turned his head and was looking at him, without a smile, but with light in his eyes stat seemed brighter than the stars. His words were solemn, and they felt like a confession. " I realized... Melody never got properly mad or argued with me... but you did. We had so many ups and downs, and not once, we argued terribly, and we yelled at each other and disagreed firmly sometimes... and I grew as a person with the growing security of realizing we will always make peace in the end. Because you could handle me at my worst, and still your opinion of me never changed... The gratitude and trust I have in our relationship are unyielding. You always see me beyond all misunderstandings or temporary anger. I am always secure of your love, even when I make mistakes. You... may not be some amazing kid genius or something, but to me... " despite his gestures seemed timid and vulnerable, the conviction of his confession seemed unshakeable. " You are the one that's amazing. You are the most dependable and commendable person in my world. "

[Mirach]

Svarik leaned over for the bottle are refilled their glasses, as he seemed too flustered to answer anything coherent. "I really don't know how I could live so long without you," he said hoarsely. "I was so lonely and I didn’t even know it."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon seemed both encouraged and flustered with Svarik's words, as while not drunk yet, the wine made him more honest and tipsy. The glass king filled trembled a little with the words, as he sipped slowly from it.

" I never thought... that I could ever be happy, in a world where I am constantly anxious about being recognized as a traitor, living life of constant deceptions. But with you... all those things seem like an echo of a fake life. It is getting harder to grieve for future I could have had as a would-be knight and hero of the country... when I look forward to this current future with you, " he whispered faintly, with a shining, wondering look. " I look forward to wishing you good morning and dining with you. I look forward to wishing you a good night and covering you with a blanket. I look forward to everything in between, " he repeated more quietly. " Even... even if it was exciting and new at first to be given the freedom to do whatever I wanted while you covering for you when you went on the trip to the sea for the first time... my heart was soon no longer full, no matter what I did. It just didn't feel all that fun, doing impossible and over the top cool things... when you weren't there to share them with me," he gulped. " I guess... what I want to say is... that I missed you, too. It's been a while now since I've solely done huge things because it's good for the world... I just really grew to love pleasantly surprising you. When I wake up, I can't wait to do the next big things I planned for the day, " he smiled vulnerably. " So that I can tell you all about it, get praised by you, inform you you have more free time now and swipe you away to spend that time with you. I never thought that... I could look forward to being with someone so earnestly, that all my past ambitions feel like mere side gigs... "

[Mirach]

Svarik laid down his glass and pressed closer to Conrad's chest, as if trying to erase all boundaries between them and just be with him fully. "I love you... It hurts how much I love you..."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon's hand trembled with the words and the gesture. Slowly, he put his glass aside too, and as if exploring the new freedom, he embraced him around the shoulders and pressed him closer to his chest, too, with a vulnerable need to be reassured with his closeness.

" I love you.... More than I love the stars," Svarik could hear a weak hoarse confession next to his ear." I could settle without stars... But I do not want to settle with life without you. More I realize this, more I am terrified," Svarik felt a gentle but shaky caress upon his hair."  More than anything I used to fear being betrayed, used for my skills and then discarded over my temper. But you made me a new worst fear," king felt a pang of pain in soft voice." No danger or existence in the world makes me as terrified as losing the future with you. I am so scared my past will drag you down the mud, or that I would have to leave you so it doesn't harm you. I really don't want to leave... You ... Are unapologetically admirable existence." Deep care and affection shone through the grieved voice." This is not wish for good of the world... This is my personal desire. I just really want everyone to see you as I do - proud, tall, admirable and lovely. I want to raise you up until you are remembered as the most magnificent king in history. I know you can do it, if I can help it. I... I want to make sure that from now on you shall walk only on the flowery road. I want it so badly that it hurts... "

[Mirach]

"That's... tough," Svarik said in a choked voice. "Because I want to be with you more than I want to be kind. So I'm not going to let you leave. I'd rather be dragged in the mud with you than being an admired king without you. So if you want me to be king, you'll have to stick with me there..."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon tensed up as Svarik spoke but still kept him so very close. He choked up a little with his words, and meadow king could almost feel a great wave of thoughts and suppressed terror pouring out of him, as the man's grip shook as he struggled to accept the ultimatum.

" You know... You know, Svarik, you are..." he gulped hoarsely, with wonder. " As charmingly stubborn as from the start. Once you decide something is most important, you'll push through with all your grit to keep it... It... it is an important quality, for a king to not be swayed at most important moments, and stay true to himself when pressure is most terrible on him to make the easier choice. So... so... what kind of a bastard I would be if I tried to change your mind on this? It would... go against the reasons I find you admirable, " he slowly gathered his thoughts as he gathered Svarik closely in his arms as if he were not able to say such huge words otherwise. " Besides, whether I agree I am that important or not... we are not master and servant. We are... partners, equal to everything. If I had plenty of time when I felt strongly about something and told you it had to be my way or no way... then you should have that, too. If you could compromise when I needed it the most, I will compromise when you feel strongly about things, too, " despite they were all new circumstances and he seemed unsure, it appeared Conrad really tried to change. " Honestly, I really... would have been unhappy, if I had to hide somewhere far away while I know you're out there, facing all kinds of difficulties without me. So... even if the worst happens and it grows dangerous... I won't leave. I... I guess I can always fake my death again and just stay in house confinement, right? " he asked hopefully. " It will only be a little worse, but it will be alright, as long as I could still support you. As long as I know you're just a house away. I mean, I'd have to mostly work through you as I won't be able to change anything directly, so you'd have to study a whole lot from me, but... since we'd just have plenty of study time instead of outdoor date time, we could still make it work... right? "

[Mirach]

"I guess... yes, that could be a compromise. I would just leave with you, but if your priority is keeping my position as a king, then that would work for a while." Svarik sighed and smiled at Conrad faintly. "Good we have this sorted. Do you want to go all the way with getting drunk or is this enough? I wonder if you would dance with me, if you get more drunk..."

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad breathed in as if gathering courage. Slowly, instead of the hair, he moved his hand and caressed Svarik cheek, shifting a bit so he could look into the king's eyes. There was something encouraging and hopeful in his gaze.
" You know, actually, if I could get a little drunker... I would like to ask you for a dance. If I could get a little drunker... I would like to tell you that I'm happy that you fell for me, too, because you're just too delightful and loveable... Way too out of my league. I almost feel like I somehow won prize money for a contest I never even entered, " he spoke faintly with a caress as if entrusting his truth. " But before that, please forgive this current drunk's person blabbering... This foolish, not enough drunk man just wants to make sure you don't really think he wants to force you to stay in a kingly position against your will... Rather... " he whispered, but instead of sad, he spoke with a timidly widening smile. " While I want to stay with you, I also grew to love this land deeply. I would suffer if its state grew worse just as it started getting better. I would rather stay and help from the shadows again than abandon it. For all those years, I gave my all to prevent it from falling to ruin without the emperors... but with you, instead of mere escape from ruin, I feel like we can make a new, truly beautiful country. It is... such a wonderful thing to look forward to! Aren't you curious, too, Svarik? With my brain, and your heart... aren't you excited about what kind of country can we build together? " his gaze was full of vulnerable hope. " You know, creating a new country... It's... such a fun dance when you have a partner that is just right for you. If I could get a little drunker... I would petulantly admit that you are my only exception in the whole world, not because there are no other decent men out there, but because you are my very dearest human of them all. I've been dancing around you for months by now. I never truly asked you of your feelings on it, though... It just turned out that way, but it is a fact that I never asked properly, " his eyes shook a little, as he slowly reached for Svarik's hand, and raised it to his lips, kissing it in the same manner gentleman would ask the lady at a gathering, with strange fire in his soft hopeful look. " So, won't you have this dance with me? "

[Mirach]

"Of course I will," Svarik smiled, bringing his kissed hand higher to caress Conrad's cheek. "I'm really looking forward to doing this with you, making a change where it matters..."

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad smiled, both with the words and the gentle gesture - now that the wine untangled his tongue a bit and decision to stay by Svarik's side no matter the cost of freedom subdued the dread of the thought he may be forced to leave one day, his expression was full of hope and yearning.

" You have no clue, how freeing it is... when you ask me if you need to sign me more blank documents weekly, when you let me carry your royal seals to use whenever I feel like, and when instead of questioning my choices you barely ask me to make sure to write you down whatever law I pass in your name so you don't forget. You go along with my whims and hyperactive pace so nonchalantly like it's natural... And the fact I can just walk in and say, Svarik, let's build a fake pantheon of Gods, are you in for shenanigans that come with it -and even have you say yes? " Falcon snorted with light and affection in his eyes. " I really feel like I don't have to be afraid to suggest you anything, when even fooling the whole damn clergy passed the trial test. You really... leave me no place to doubt your trust in me. I want to justify it firmly, with everything I am. I will make sure to make this a proper dance, and fun for you, too, terribly fun. I will sprinkle all kinds of morsels of fun along the way, for you to pick. After all... As you could probably guess, with all notebooks of various info I keep, I also keep a personal notebook of *My favourite things about Svarik*... It won't do if I don't give you at least half as many reasons to appreciate me as you give me to appreciate you, my own sweet darling, " he smiled with a smile larger than life as he placed his hand over Svarik's. " My own dazzling sun... "

[Mirach]

Svarik's lip wobbled a little, touched by the words and gesture. He even started to cry, although he was smiling - it was just an outlet of too much emotion. "I'm sorry... I'm just... too happy... If I'm sun... then you're the whole sky to me. The moon and stars... the darkness, the clouds... always changing, from a clear sky to a storm, but always a safe place for the sun to shine above the clouds... I don't have a notebook, my thoughts are more music then words, so the words express them poorly... I don’t know how to say all you are to me..."

[VisAnastasis]

While there was a tinge of worry in man's eyes as Svarik started to cry, his frown soon turned into a soft wondering smile - a smile that king could have never imagined Conrad would ever make when they just met but was clearly genuine now, although very timid, like a sprouting flower.

" Even though you may not go in as many details like me... I still like hearing it, " he whispered with a small grin. " Still, you know, if you can't find the right words to describe me if you want to make me happy... why don't you use the words that you have to ask something of me? " he spoke, with great warmth in his voice, as his hands cupped Svarik's face and gently wiped falling tears. " To be honest, I feel like my heart is burning away... I want to do something for you. Is there anything I could...? Whether playing you a song, giving you a dance lesson, or roasting marshmallows for you... nothing seems good enough, " he admitted embarrassedly, with a little hoarse voice. " I have just never been this grateful... To me, you are a true sun. You have helped me see a much wider world, one that can't be seen in the faint light of the stars. You were a good influence on me from the very beginning. At the start, the choice to keep vampires alive was barely a compromise... I kept them for your sake, but deep down, I believed it was the wrong choice. It was just too risky. I never thought I would live to see the day when I change my mind. Only with your influence, I realized that no matter how hard I tried those years, I was still the kind of person that would rather cut off the festering limb than risk the whole body dying... The fear of the land ultimately falling apart under influence of terrible people blinded me to many things, " he whispered. " With Izmir,'s death, I first began to think empathetically towards others... But with you, I first felt genuine empathy.  Me before I met you... would have tried to find a risk-free way to kill you to prevent demons from opening the gate through you during the Long Night... It is just the most logical thing to not risk the whole world being destroyed by a thin margin. But the me that had met you was determined that as long as there was any chance, I'll never let such a lovely person die. Thank you... for teaching me how to take risks for the sake of a better future, not just to lead a life of preventing terrible futures. My heart is just too full, and it's all spilling over, so I must do something nice for you... "

[Mirach]

"I'd like a dance," Svarik said. "Will you dance with me?"