Senecio adn Tide II

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad nodded.
" Yes... I am keeping regular tabs on where they are right now though a couple of informants I have in Highlands, when we get back to the capital, I'll write to them to arrange to meet those two and to hand the message to Kaldir asking him for help for this. it's not really like we have to go there directly, it's enough to give a strong nudge to everyone involved in the right direction for the best outcome. Though, after all, the most important is that he is freer. All else that might happen, including trying to coax him to become Simbel's friend in the future, is not the main directive, only a possible plus. "

" It really doesn't seem like you to take on such low gain endeavour, " Hans murmured carefully. " Especially when it's high risk said Being may end up in conflict with you over your crazy new false religion if he regains more spite with his freedom. Are you really okay with that? Shouldn't you at the very least wait until you establish new religion better so he has a lower chance to shake it even if he tries it? "

" No... I am quite alright with speedrunning everything this time. Isn't it just plain dishonest, for us to say we could have helped him all along, but delayed trying it out of worry for false religion? Moreover, I... believe in Simbel. He is going to establish himself as God no matter the obstacles. Besides, all of that aside... For years, I always kept going with the safest, lowest-risk path for the future I wanted to build... It's not like it was bad, but these days, I feel like I may have been too rigid in my ways, " Falcon explained, expressing himself with a firm and growing certainly, and little sprouts of change in his thoughts. " Take vampires, for example... It would be just to kill them for their horrible crimes, and to be certain they won't cause trouble in the future... And if Svarik wasn't there, I would have killed them in a heartbeat. They deserved to die for what they did, without a doubt. I really just went along with Svarik's, not my choice, that one time... "

" Yeah, I was really surprised, " Hans tied in. " We talked a whole lot about killing them as soon as we can. They are way too dangerous to humans, especially when no Beings live around you to stop them if they go power hungry. I couldn't believe you'd let them live, especially since immortality gives them uncountable chances to screw over the empire in the future. "

" It just happened like that. It was not a part of my plan. And yes, I still think it's the most double-edged decision I have made... After all, I highly admit the possibility that some of them may stab me in the back if they get the chance. Yet, from now on, I want to try making more reckless, risky choices, if there is a decent chance they may turn out okay, despite the risks, " Falcon shook his head as he added firmly. " Because... I know Erdel won't betray me for sure. Simbel and Erdel both... they are a high stake choice that turned out well. Especially that vampire kid. Both when we choose to spare him, and when we choose to encourage him to become a full demon. He is one mercy of my life that I came to feel proud of. " he almost sounded like a content protective parent at that moment. " Isn't he just growing into such a fine creature? I am going to make sure both he and Simbel have the best environment to grow well. I am going to give them the best chances to make the best relationships with others. It's... refreshing to have something to do that doesn't concern the future of humanity, just something I want to do because I like it. "

Tide chuckled with that." Erdel sure is more loved than he knows... Simbel too... " he commented warmly. " Well, I am glad you finally found some real hobby. Though I am not surprised your hobby is so over the top. It suits you, though. You seem... much more hopeful than when we first met. I am glad you are so innocently proud about shamelessly planning to manipulate ancient Beings into getting along with your new ones. You are doing something lovely for others but acting like you're plotting an evil scheme! It really suits you! "

" Oh, I'm just playing along with the self-centred game, really, " Falcon grinned, and he glanced at Svarik and Melody briefly, as he added with a light innocent tease, behind which Senecio who could sense emotions could perceive an uncertain, timid, but incredibly warm emotion, as daring and bright as new and barely growing. " If I make everyone around Melody and Svarik happy, they are bound to be happier and less likely to dump me due to overall misery, too. Everything's just really a convoluted plan to that endgame. " he winked. " If I make right everything that was ever wrong with the empire, won't you have fewer regrets and griefs, and more time to watch stars with me, Svarik? You will, won't you? "

[Mirach]

"Or you could just ask me to watch stars with you and I would happily comply, but it's fascinating to watch your schemes," Svarik smiled.

[VisAnastasis]

( OOC: Sorry for not responding right away, time was a bit stressful last month or so, there's been a lot of little things going on that piled up over time, especially in the last few days, so it took me a bit longer to reply this time... plus I felt it wouldn't be Conrad if he just said sure, so I had to figure out what response would be best for him :)

" Oh, come on, " Falcon rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, pretending he was not pleased with king's reply, but smile at the corner of his eyes betraying him, as he added proudly. " Just making you happy while you're deep down worried about countless things? What's the point of being in a relationship if I don't instead make you the happiest person in the world? " for others, he was seemingly mischievously grinning at Svarik, but Senecio could feel a growing sprout of fearless affection that could only be felt in people daring to firmly to put all their eggs in one basket despite knowing the risks. " Sure, everything's a mess, and it can become a bigger mess yet - but at the very least, whatever happens, I'm going to make sure to straighten out all the possible regrets and baggage of the past that could weigh you down in the future in order to maximize your happiness. "

" Isn't that goal a little too broad? " Hans inquired carefully. " You can't possibly intend to scrape by everything that comes his way to bite him in the back? That's just unrealistically huge bite... "

" There is no point if I don't tie up everything. Half of our current problems is because there are loose ends everywhere that empire leftover last couple of centuries up to this moment. And the weight of all that will fall on Svarik now. Naturally, I should make sure to weed out the burdens.  "

" Uh, weed out, you mean... "

" Oh, you don't have to be so nervous about your particular case, I already promised you by the messenger, I won't touch Senecio. Sure, with his kind of skills, my heart would rest more easily if he were dead... but I am sure he knows he is very lucky to be so beloved, " a light tinge of cautious playfulness coloured Falcon's eyes as he gazed at the actor and watched him with narrowed eyes. " I won't do anything to him, because many people whose opinions I care for speak on his behalf. When even Erdel has a soft spot for him, I'll back down, alright? Naturally, " he shrugged. " it is a given that in his free time while I am still here he shall make me a makeup mixture for Svarik and give me some brief lessons so I can do Svarik's makeup in the future when we get back to the capital. That much courtesy is a given. "

Hans snorted a little bit but had a softer expression.
" You're going to do his makeup too? Aren't you just being too much at this point? "

" I don't need to become an expert, but Svarik basically said I can do whatever I want, " Falcon brushed off with an arrogant grin and wave of a hand. " Naturally, it's unrealistic to expect it in any situation, but when I can, why shouldn't I? Of course, in the future, I should be the one that shaves him, does his makeup, and trims his hair, " Conrad numbered with surprising enthusiasm. " Svarik has insanely good luck at surviving things, but he also is an equally big magnet for trouble in the first place. Bad things just seem to be drawn to him the moment I'm not there. As a basic example, he went on vacation at one place at the sea that I am confident is basically a giant magical fort-mansion along and he was with a magical bodyguard, and he still nearly got stabbed... Magnet, am I right? So, naturally, I'm going to work hard to manage his magnetism for trouble. If I do those things for him, it's three fewer things to worry about. It's totally not solely for my own enjoyment. "

[Mirach]

(OOC: I understand completely :) I needed some time to get back in the story too)

"Or I could do it myself," Svarik smirked. "Unless it’s not just about safety but something else. Maybe looks? You probably want me to look better than if I'd do it myself. Or something else besides that?" he scratched his head, pretending to not know. "Honestly though, there will always be some problems falling on us. I don't think there will be some time when we can just sit back and say that we're done. Maybe problems won’t be that severe and frequent once, but there will always be some. So sometimes we should just put that aside and go watch the stars."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon's gaze grew more complicated, though.
" I don't know... " he murmured a little unconvincingly as if a bit unsure how to respond to Svarik's tease and carefree attitude. " It just doesn't feel right to just... not have anything change? I want our change of relationship to reflect in the change of my effort. And I just don't feel like I could watch the stars with such clear conscience before I do more for you, you know? " he was playing with the edge of his new medallion absently as he avoided Svarik's look. " It's just, with recent crazy development, I keep wondering... would present be different if when Izmir bid me for a bit of help ten years ago, I gave my real100 percent effort, and not, like, 20 percent at most? Looking back, I tried... but not really to my very best ability," he smirked, but not at the king, clearly. "  We didn't know back then things would turn out so terrible so suddenly when our plan was so solid and simple to pull off, but still... I should have tried harder. You may yet regret meeting me when more bad things happen, but if I give my genuine 100 percent effort this time, " he shifted uncomfortably. " I will at least know I really gave all I had to pave a gentler road for your future so that I have no regrets like I do now... "

" The gentler road is not the road you are obliged to provide. Only the road with you on it, " surprisingly, on Conrad's doubtful statement, it was Eros who responded, with still soft, but a little stricter voice. He who seemed to reject man's doubts without hesitation instead just filled two glasses of wine, and handed them to both of them firmly.

" Uhm, wait, I don't drink alcohol... "

" You're thinking too much about everything, I know you don't drink usually, but you have to break the ice right now, or you'll drive both of us crazy. And you, " he shyly but warmly smiled at meadow king as he handed him a glass as well. " Please forgive him, he's not used to this, he's definitely going to oscillate between being too happy to know what to do with himself, and being terribly anxious about the future because he's never been happy. So, I have a little plea, since we're finishing up dinner and we're going to start the party at the garden and have some fun, " his smile grew compassionate and playful. " You're going to get him at very least passably drunk today, deal? His head seriously needs a little break, and since he can't pluck the very stars from the sky for you right away, he's not drunk enough to watch said stars with you merrily just yet, " he winked, " Trust me, though, he really, really wants to. "

[Mirach]

"Well, it's basically a prescription from a god..." Svarik said, taking the glass. "But I'm not going to do that unless you allow it," he turned to Conrad firmly. "What do you think? Is it okay, just once? We are safe here, you can relax for a bit..."

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad seemed tense and conflicted with the offer, but still, with firmness in Svarik's voice, he couldn't help his pupils from shaking lightly.

" We... are never safe. Objectively, never... " he replied to him quietly, with a little hoarse voice. " Yet... when you say it like that, how can I not try to humour you? " he said with softer, calmer look. "The way you refuse to waver with the peer pressure of a God and even firmer refuse to give me anything resembling an order, not even as much as peer pressure yourself... " he smiled weakly at him. " It's just charming to no end. I do want to humor you badly... "

" Will peer pressure from more Elder Gods and God-alikes help out instead of Svarik's? " Alpha tied in unexpectedly, with entertained expression, as if he, himself, found the two of them endlessly adorable to watch. " Seriously, I hate being a barbarian, and violence is a crude hobby of the uncultured, but I'd be totally willing to go with that in unlikely case someone attacks us somehow. Totally ready to vaporize someone out of existence to preserve that handsome face of yours. As a man of culture, I must support Svarik's good taste with preserving it, " he winked playfully at Falcon, who couldn't help but snort with the unexpected sudden remark. Still, he slowly and carefully reached for the glass.

" Just for the record... I am doing this because it's hard to refuse Svarik when he asks it so wholesomely, " he murmured, and gathering courage, he took a big gulp, as he murmured faintly in defeat. " Definitely not because it's reassuring that an eldrich Being that can kill us all if he wanted to exclaimed he's down for casual murder. Totally not helping my anxieties. "

" Oh, my, that's just rude presumption. It's not really casual murder. Clearly, it's a reluctant one. We live in a society, you wild people, " Alpha nagged him, with the same playful tone, delighting in Conrad's annoyance. " Naturally, I want to keep living here because it's the best place to live, so, of course, I'd expect a pardon for whatever protection I do. No free murders without free pardons in return, naturally. "

"Naturally, " Falcon laughed out, as, despite his words, an absurd situation they were in did seem to help him overcome the situation, as he managed to dawn the first glass bravely, against his better judgement. " Well, sure, as long as I don't have to think of every second of a lifetime of guilt I'd deal with if Svarik got hurt while I was drunk one time, I'll trade that feeling for the legal mess of quid pro quo with you every time."

" There, there, there's no mess with my quid pro quos, only fun. I do no unfun deals. Killing may not be that fun, but seeing you and your cute boyfriend interact in interesting ways sure is, so I'm all down for making sure my fun is not disturbed, " Alpha exclaimed brightly, and as Falcon was shaking his head in disbelief, he still shyly allowed Eros to refill his glass - and Love God, on another hand, was just smiling contentedly as feelings of people involved seemed to go in the direction he found better.

[Mirach]

Svarik felt protective for once, wanting to make sure that Conrad can relax this once without feelung like something bad might happen if he does. "Thank you," he said to the Beings and took his glass. "Shall we sit down somewhere quiet?" he asked Conrad.

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad nodded reluctantly, looking a little unsure - while he had huge experience in a lot of various things, making merry and participating in a party was definitely not one of them, and Svarik who knew him well could recognize man really seemed to feel self-conscious and uncertain of what he should do.

" Hm... I guess, I guess the party's going to pass to the garden, so... we are going there, right? " he cleaned his throat, looking through the window as if he seriously pondered the matter. " I guess it sounds like a proper next step... and the night sky looks rather clear. I sow Tide putting up Janus's lanterns around before, I imagine it'll be a lovely view... "

" Oh, yes," Tide tied in warmly and gently, encouraging him. " I put a lot of beautiful lanterns, and there's a lovely seating area around the campfire, I'm sure you'll like it! Oh, I also bought a lot of marshmallows for us to roast, and there are lots of small snacks and treats! Won't it be lovely, making merry, with lovely sight, lovely music and lovely snacks? I'm sure even you'll have fun! "

Falcon didn't respond to the last excited exclamation, but he did have to reply to the temptation over will.

" I guess... that... I've never had roasted marshmallows... " he murmured reluctantly in the end as if admitting something embarrassing, clearing his throat, as he added defensively. " It's, it's not exactly something they give you in the army, and it's not like I really had the heart to think about any frivolous things afterwards. I, I'm a man of simple taste. I don't care what food I eat, the most important thing is it's not poisonous. Anything is fine as long as I don't have to have a headache worring about it... "

[Mirach]

"Then let's go to the garden and have some marshmallows," Svarik smiled. "Others can join us later."

[VisAnastasis]

" Yes, we'll join you soon, go along and have some fun before we come along, " Tide encouraged them, as he handed Svarik wine and a generous bag of marshmallows along with sticks for roasting them.

" Have some emergency music supplies, too, in case you feel peckish for something to fill the silence, " Hans murmured shyly as he offered Falcon his lute, which man took slowly, judging that he may need to borrow it if others don't join right away.

" Have some of my good luck, too, it's always been of super high quality, it'll surely come in handy as well, " Alpha encouraged brightly, and dramatically blew a kiss toward the two of them who were standing up as if sending them a blessing, and Conrad couldn't help snort a little bit, as he seemed to like Being's flamboyant but good-natured try to encourage them.

[Mirach]

"We're just going to the garden, not miles away," Svarik smirked. He took everything and led Conrad away from all meddling Beings. "There," he murmured as they sat down by the fire, "I know they mean well but I'd like a moment without them watching."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon seemed weighted down and a bit distant after longer public talk, allowing emotions to be more visible on his face only once they were alone. He obediently sat down, and nodded very slowly at Svarik's comment.

" It's.. unusually frustrating. Even more so because I feel I should not be, "he complained a little wearily, looking at the warm orange flames." Am I just thinking too many heavy thoughts and find their cheerfulness off-putting? Am I just clueless how to feel when people with sad circumstances are so spitefully cheerful? Do I just... not know how to handle their toxicly hyperactive happiness?" He passed through his hair with a sigh." How frustrating..."

[Mirach]

"It is," Svarik agreed. "It feels like we just started reading a good book, and they've already read it before and are watching us now, expecting our reaction as we get to the good places or plot twists. But I just can’t enjoy the story properly with someone watching me..."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon smiled faintly with comparison, glancing at Svarik shortly, before replying quietly.

" They are quite avid readers, alright... but I am not really sure how much I can enjoy the story right away, with or without their expectant gazes. I am my own distraction. I guess I sort of feel like... I'm in a perpetual state of existential crisis? Everything really feels sort of... surreal, doesn't it? Objectively, nothing in my life's situation has changed, but it feels like everything has changed since I met you, " he leaned back tiredly, watching the warm flames wearily. " Even more for that contrast, I can't stop thinking about everything before. Even more so since you asked me out, I feel more frustrated with who I used to be before you met me. There are just so many things I can't stop thinking about... "

[Mirach]

"I see," Svarik said gently. "In that case, Eros was right - you need to get drunk, even if it's just to see how it feels to let go of that for a while."

[VisAnastasis]

" I feel like... I'll probably just add oil to the fire, but yes... It's just way too emotionally exhausting to relieve an endless list of past mistakes and faults in your head and be burdened by them. Suddenly... I just really dislike my younger self terribly. It's a terribly burdensome persistent revelation, and if getting drunk can help, I guess I can try, " he shook his head lightly, as he asked carefully, with apprehension in his eyes. " What I'm more surprised is just... how calm *you* are. With the changes in the last few days... are you really not reflecting on anything? Do you really... have no heavy thoughts at all? "he looked unsure despite what he teased. " Am I the only mood killer around or is it just me? "

[Mirach]

"I've had a good share of that before, but now I'm actually feeling calmer as I resolved some of the turmoil I felt," Svarik said. "But disliking my younger self would be unfair, I think. He did his best with what he knew at the time. And he did everything that was needed to bring me here, so for that I'd forgive him the mistakes he made on the way."

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon looked a little distant as he listened closely to Svarik's words. But as the king fell silent, he shook his head. He reached for the wine bottle, and gathering resolve, he opened it.

" It's easier for you to overlook your mistakes... You had little power. With power, arrogance and hubris come more chances to be despicable. You couldn't change too much anyway... But I could have if only I were a better man, " he spoke quietly as he filled the glass, watching the wine thoughtfully. " I really... was not the person you know. I barely harboured a vague afterthought of heroism, all else was bloody drunkenness on success. The person I was... Didn't even really want to help you live. I felt not an ounce of pity for a kid from the countryside that was bound to die. I would never have helped you if Izmir, whom I wanted as next emperor, didn't adore you so much, " he revealed unexpectedly, adding with a little hoarse unusual sense of loss. " In truth... I've looked down on you terribly back then. I hated all incompetence, and even more so, I deeply hated incompetent people that cling to competent ones and drag them down. Even though I wanted to get along with him, I... I just couldn't help scoffing whenever he'd try to praise you. He wanted me to meet you, saying I'd surely grow to like you... but I was just desperately counting moments until I could kick you back to Sirnis lake and never have to see you again, " while he pretended not to, it was clear Conrad was hoping to see any change in Svarik's calm demeanour that seemed to bother him. " How can you not dislike such... a total bastard? To think I could have had a lovely memory of secretly spending time with you and Izmir when you two were 16, and I was 19... But due to my arrogance, I shall never have that. And at the very least I could have had peace of mind if I had barely promised Izmir that, whether I like you or not, I'll make sure you end up okay if he dies. At least know I gave him a piece of mind. But no.. " he scoffed. " I just had to pretend he's not talking when he's saying nice things about you, or clench my hands in frustration whenever you'd even breathe wrong. God damn it... I even use to jokingly threaten him I'm at my limit and that I'll kill you myself if I am forced to listen to you recite hymns wrong one more time. Even in the end, when Izmir died... I didn't help you because I felt sorry for you nor wished to serve you. I just thought you may be a useful political card to have aside.  My feelings... are a mess. I am grieved that we don't have any memories of when we were young, but at the same time, I'm truly relieved. If we've met back then properly, you'd have hated the thought of Izmir having to associate with such a person to help you... "

[Mirach]

"We all were very young," Svarik said. "Maybe you were not ready to meet me yet, but it's very likely that I wasn't ready to meet you, either. So even if you would listen to Izmir, who knows if we actually would have some nice memories and if things would go differently - and better. It's possible we would both get caught and end dead. Don't be angry at that teenager, he has enough of his own problems." He raised his glass then, inviting Conrad to drink with him.

[VisAnastasis]

Conrad's hand trembled slightly. He brought wine to his lips, and took a big sip, making a grimace, because it was a more bitter drink than he was used to.

" I am perfectly capable of knowing my thoughts are unproductive and foolish all on my own, " he smiled sadly, a little bit of bitterness remaining in his sad face. " It's ironic, but those persistent thoughts actually came from a good place. I was really happy and kept thinking about whom all I'm going to tell we're together... and then I realized most of the people that I'd be happiest to surprise... are dead, " he murmured somberly. " It's not like I've even known him too well... But Izmir was a first catalyst for my growth, you see. Because he was younger than me, but was made White Eagle knight before me, I grew as a person out of sheer frustration of trying to figure out what he had that I didn't, " Falcon's gaze toward Svarik as he sipped the wine seemed unusually pained. " He died before he could see any of that, though. I just wished... I knew what he thought about me. If he perhaps... tolerated my flaws because he saw something good deep down. I was terrible compared to now, though. I wished, " his gaze toward Svarik was as turmoiled as tender. " That he knew that I grew to the point when I finally properly understood and grew to love what he saw in you, too. "

[Mirach]

Svarik looked down and took a big gulp from his glass as well. "I'd love him to know, too. He must have died thinking that our plan failed. I'd love him to know how things turned out at the end. I'd love him to see us now..." He bit his lip, looking away.

[VisAnastasis]

Unexpectedly, though, Falcon seemed more placated and encouraged with Svarik's words of grief, than with all his previous positive ones.
" It sucks, right? " he asked hopefully, with a sad expression. He dawned the glass of wine he currently had, before he added. " And you at least were remembered as a person with the heart at the right place... I was just a fool with competence and no heart, " he quietly began pouring himself another glass as he explained with a clear guilty conscience. " Even good I ended up doing... was a mere coincidence. I don't think I ever told you about this part, but... Lot of eyes were on me, so I couldn't do much personally, but I knew you'd die in a crypt if left wounded for too long, so three days after the fights, I managed to pull some strings and sent a soldier I knew had a soft heart to *inspect the crypt*... Well, to give you a shot at being saved. But I only did that after a lot of weighing out if I should report your survival to the new emperor to score some loyalty points, heh... What an absolute zero of a person, " he shook his head sharply. " Izmir really... shouldn't have trusted me with your safety one bit. I was such an opportunistic bastard... Even after Izmir died, I merely didn't sell you off to the new ruler by the slightest pull of a gut feeling that something was wrong with how the situation turned out. I hate that I wasn't the kind of person then that could give Izmir peace of mind, and have him believe it's only natural I'd save you if he dies. I... believed so firmly and without doubts that he'll be the next emperor that I'd just roll my eyes when he seemed worried, about the plan, you, or himself. I was really... unsufferably blunt brat... "

[Mirach]

Svarik shivered a little. "Yes, okay, you were a bastard," he muttered. "Three days... is a lot. You knew that, didn’t you?" He took a deep breath, pushing the memory aside. When he looked at Conrad again, there was no blame. "But you're not like that anymore. You proved that, you came for me... You're not like that anymore, and you should be proud of how much you grew. Izmir would be proud... I don't feel like I changed that much. When it comes to progress, he would be even more proud of you than of me..."

[VisAnastasis]

Ironically, it seemed Conrad was most comforted with Svarik's harsher tone and acknowledgement of his wrongdoings, as it seemed he was relieved to finally admit a bit of guilt that bothered him for a while, as it seemed important to him for Svarik to understand why he was so angry with himself in the first place. It was important for him to see the meadow king not blaming him even when learning something so unseemly about his younger self. His vulnerable relieved look turned to a slight frown with man's last words, though.

" Svarik... you know there is naturally way less space to grow from a solid ground than from rock bottom I was in, right? And actually no, I didn't even get how cruel I was, it all made sense in my head, I was a total heartless tool. For me, three days was a perfect choice of time when my order will be buried under hundred orders and someone snooping in crypts won't be too suspicious. I was an emotionally stunned idiot fully proud of my ability to pick perfect timing to get away with a perfect crime so I'm never suspected. I was proud of my cool heart and head, " he smiled sadly. " It's easy to grow from an unscrupulous bastard to a half-decent person, it's hard to be decent to begin with and just keep getting better from then on, " he shook his head, before he steadied his firm gaze at Svarik, as he asked with softer voice. " Sure, when we officially met, I was in a tremulous state when I had to pick the next king, someone I'd have a somewhat peace of mind leaving the country to - and that made me rather greedy with requirements that you couldn't possibly fill in one human lifetime. But ultimately - you know I didn't pick you out of pity or not having anyone else to pick or something, right? " he raised an eyebrow at Svarik a little doubtfully. " You do know why I specifically picked you to support out of any other candidate, don't you? Or did I fail to inform you properly, amidst all my brooding and wallowing in self-pity? "