Senecio adn Tide II

[Mirach]

"I don't think it were as much of Tide-centered choices than "common good, saving the world"-centered choices. Also a lot of "I messed up and need to make amends"-centered choices. So what you're saying is that none of those are that urgent anymore? Can you then come to the rehearsal with me? We can figure it out from there."

---

Svarik nodded. "You are quite a unique case of a Being, from what I've heard," he smiled slightly. "We will figure out what's best for both of you."

[VisAnastasis]

" How do I explain this feeling... Imagine two people are in a relationship, a healer and a swordsman. A healer got an offer to work in another city, an offer for a work they longed for - but what would happen to a relationship, then, if the healer moves away? They can still try to keep it long-distance... Or swordsman can compromise and leave their current job to find a new one in a new city, so they can stay together. Perhaps it will be better or worse - but still, their life path will be forever altered by something that never would have happened if they didn't love each other too much to stay apart. As a Demon King, a longing for a safe and happy world is my calling in life. You've compromised enough, even using artefacts with Hans to sleep less to overcome the tiny deadline I threw upon you... I did my best soothing and reassuring Death on my side, so the result was a joint effort, but Death would not be as eased and stable as he is now without both of our efforts, can't you see? You've done so well, " Demon replied softly, putting his hand on Senecio's shoulder, as he added warmly. " So, please, feel a little more entitled to my support in turn. Just because the fate of many rests of me does not mean yours should be the last fate I prioritise just because you aren't as ill as other corrupted souls in my care. You're my partner, who kept bending tirelessly to help me in my dream. Your life is forever altered from how it would be had you not been with me... so give me a chance to alter my life in ways it would have never been if we weren't together, like I would not be here today, watching this play with you, had you not encouraged me. Let me be the one who bends this time. Let me come to rehearsals with you, let me buy you cute soothing common candy from the stalls, and let me hold your hand when you are down, for now. But in the meantime, please think of more greedy requests, requests you'd normally be hesitant to say because you're afraid you'll inconvenience me or ask too much of me. I must admit I am not satisfied yet because your requests are too small... Behind all your requests, I feel your endless consideration, as you always try to not ask me for things you feel would put me in a bad spot. And true, sometimes if it's a matter of life and death, I may have to prioritise such things, as it's in my nature to want to save everyone - but now is not that time of crisis. Now is the time when you don't have to be so considerate and can be more greedy, Seine... "

---

" Thank you... my lovely, unique conspirator, " Erdel couldn't hide a warm soft smile at Svarik's words, coughing to hide some embarrassment. " Ahem... Speaking of conspiring, I assume you'll probably go seek Janus after the boat ride, so... would you like me to pretend to have some obligations with Senecio, or would you like to send me on some silly errand at that time? " he grinned mischievously, his face more teasing and expressive since he felt freer with Svarik" So that you can have an excuse to have sir Falcon escort you instead of me, and you can have a nice evening walk back to the mansion alone with him on your way back? I can keep a watch from the distance, but Sir Falcon is a sword master so in any common circumstances you're as safe as one can be. "

[Mirach]

"I don't know, okay?" Senecio said. "I'm not used to think too far ahead. It's exhausting to want things. All I have is this nebulous feeling that I want to be important to you, more than anyone else, and it feels like both too little and too much to ask for. I have no idea if I would like to travel between rehearsals, or do something else or anything at all. Desisions feel like a burden. Maybe that's why I like having them taken away for pleasure."

***

"I don't think obligation with Senecio is a plausible excuse, since Senecio disappeared with Tide a while ago. But don't you have a costume to try or something like that?" Svarik asked.

[VisAnastasis]

" Still, wasn't it so fun, crafting the story of Beast King and Sein Miru? Isn't it nicer, to choose things? The time we crafted those roles together felt like some of the most genuine things we shared. In those brief moments, I truly felt like we were crafting Senecio and Tide's joint adventure, each adding in things we liked, instead of just defaulting to you supporting my adventure of healing the Spirit King, " Demon explained quietly, not looking at Senecio, as if trying to give him space, and watching around at colourful late evening stalls as he talked. " I am slow, and I am not that smart, so it's hard to explain this... But most of the time, I feel like I'm struggling to coax any wants out of you. Even going to the theatre today with me is a want you figured out only with heavy coaxing. I would not exactly put my desire for our relationship to be more important to you than anyone else... Rather, I want a relationship where both parties are extremely secure and free. I want you to have so many important things in your life that your heart is overflowing with security, " he explained shyly, with a lump in his throat. " Maybe it is because we never talked about why we chose each other properly... But I do not think you understand what you mean to me. I have a lot of things that make me happy in my life, and if I never knew you, I'm sure my life would be happy nonetheless, in different ways... But I am exhilarated with the unique flavour of happiness that only you alone bring me. It is like I have a lovely soothing stew - and someone added my very favourite spice. You are a delightful flavour, Seine... but only if eaten properly. I love, the joy of sharing my life with you... But if I'm the only one steering the direction of all our choices, it's just a one-way street, isn't it? " he smiled a little sadly. " Is there anything specific that makes you feel like becoming most important to me is failing hope from the start? Is it because my friendship with Hans is so deep? Or perhaps because I've been already married twice, and you feel insecure because we are not at that step yet? I already told you our marriage isn't something I'm putting off the table because I don't love you as much as I loved my previous partners. It would be just a decision rushed with the sheer force of my joy and my attraction to you if we did it now. It's not like you wouldn't want it, but it'd still not something you yearn for in the same way as me. I'd take away your chance to develop a burning longing for it if I  proposed now, and you'd be glad you aren't the one who has to make a choice when the time is right, but I don't want that. I don't want us to marry like that, and have us fail like... my previous marriages.  I'd only want us to marry when your sense of wanting is grown and developed enough, and when you are so damn certain you want it that you feel like you'd die if you wait a moment longer. It doesn't mean that I love you less than my previous partners... It just doesn't feel like you are in a proper mindset to want all of me healthily, when you don't know how to even express wants properly yet... "

---

" The costume would probably arrive at the theatre, I think, but Hans made the order so that I can talk to him and we can pretend I am so extremely busy figuring out how I am going to pull off my totally tough non-speaking role, " Erdel grinned. " So all you have to do is ask Sir Falcon on the romantic walk. How long would you like us to stay here, by the way? " he asked leisurely, gazing aside to watch the calm whales. " It is starting to get a little bit dark, and we have some lanterns, but if you'd like to stay longer, I can jump ashore to bring more so there's more light. Eros seems to choose not to appear and talk to us yet, judging by my impressions of his personality so far it seems he probably won't talk to us or begin his journey until you and Janus make a deal for borrowing his bag. "

[Mirach]

"It was nice to craft the roles together. I need the coaxing, though. I don’t think I'd have realized that I actually wanted to go to the theater without it. If you want decisions from me, I have trouble to decide on my own. I need that help to figure it out. And I think I don't really mean that I don’t want you to have any other important things. I just feel the need to be special for you. I've never been special for someone before. And I'm not even thinking about marriage when I say that. That’s something I can't really imagine yet. Just being special for someone is almost too much to wrap my mind around. You want me to express my wants, but I find it hard to do alone. It really feels easier when it's like crafting those roles together. Can we do it like that? Over dome dinner, maybe..."

***

"You are joking, but it may be an important role yet. You can do a lot with just expression without words, and those who know who you are supposed to be and how important the role is even though it's just a background one will certainly watch you. Not all the time, I guess, with Senecio taking the attention, but at least occasionally, to see your reaction.  You might yet get busy with it, even without learning texts," Svarik said. "As to how long we I'd like to stay, I'd like to wait for the stars to come out. We don’t need more lanters if we want to see them, though."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide's worried expression softened with those words, coloured with more hope.
"Hehh.. you ask me if I could do something romantic together with you? What a cute question... If I wanted a lifeless doll that did not talk or want anything of me, I'd have asked Alpha and Janus to make me a pretty doll I could decorate with cute clothes and ribbons. But I don't want a thing to just look at, or toss around or play with. I want a person to play ''along "with. So how about we discuss what kind of game we want our life together to be over dinner? How do any of these places sound? "Demon grinned, and he gently listed a couple of restaurants around and the food they served, as if he tried to give the actor space to pick what he preferred without overwhelming him by demanding from him to pick a place all on his own. "If you prefer street stall food, we can always buy a lot of nice street food and find a nice spot on the beach and watch the stars as we talk, they should be coming up soon. Or does anything better come to your mind with my prompts? What do you say, dearest? What background scenery would you like us to use as a set for this romantic scene of our life? "

---

" Indeed, normally with any other role I would agree, but most of my role as Riversong is to follow behind Death and look grieved and powerless, and conflicted and miserable over not being able to protect the one I cherish. Nobody is as good as standing behind as terrible events happen, and quietly being devastated in the background, with full knowledge I have not enough power to change it or help, so I dare to say this role was made for me, heh... Do not worry about me, my sweet friend. I'll ace this role, "Erdel chuckled, as he stood up. " Good luck on your later date with sir Falcon, Svarik. I'm going to leave now and check on Death to see if he's eating his snacks and he's warm and cosy, he's due for some pampering. By the way, whenever you need me when we get back to the city, just say my name, and I'll be there. My hearing range is pretty wide, "he said, and waved away softly - giving space for Conrad, who, as if he were just waiting for the moment Svarik was free, coughed to announce his coming, and came to sit beside him anew, and on both between them shyly placed something he was preparing while Svarik and Erdel talked - a bottle of warm spiced milk he mixed up for meadow king, as it seemed he must have been thinking his throat would feel parched from talking and wanted to do something for him.  

[Mirach]

Senecio thought for a moment. "I think I would prefer eating outside, by the sea, but in a bit more comfort. There's this row of restaurants on the promenade that have seating outside, facing the beach. We could go there and pick one that seems best. They have some fancy cocktails, too."

---

Svarik's face lit up with the thoughtfulness. "Thank you," he whispered as he took the bottle and sipped from it. "How do you like the trip so far?"

[VisAnastasis]

" You know, it feels rather right, to have a romantic date by the sea. It's been a while since we reflected on where we currently stand with each other, so the timing feels proper, too... "Tide admitted, looking shy, but rather hopeful. There was just a slight streak of uncertainty, and he voiced it shyly as they turned towards the beach, searching for restaurants that fit them. " It is just that, connected to that... Wherever talks lead us, while I do yearn to be special to you as well... I hope the fierceness of my feelings won't lead you to lose sight of the feelings of others. I understand that feeling special to someone is new to you... but it is not a feeling I expect you to feel with me alone, "Demon expressed his feelings softly, making wide energetic gestures with his arms as if trying to encompass the whole world into it, as he spoke wonderingly. "How does one measure how special one is in their life? If time is a measure, I understand you may feel a little more hesitant about accepting it from those who spent less time with you so far, like Eros, Alpha and Erdel. But if time has some sway, I believe that besides myself, you spent enough time with Hans and Janus that even you can't deny how special you are in their hearts. True, Hans may be more self-conscious about initiating things and isn't as cuddly as me, but is his love for you less genuine than mine? With his hyper-fixation of protecting his loved ones and your tendency to get hurt, his love for you may be even more overbearing than mine. You have not seen his face when you died, and when he struggled to keep you alive by Singing, even though it was so excruciating pain to him and blood was mixed with music grinding down his throat. You did not see how determined and fierce he was this morning when he was tearing down the old stage to soothe your fears with a new one. And Janus may have more limits, just like me, but it does not make your space in his heart any less true. Since I have so much that is special in my life, and he has so little, does it not make the place you have in his heart even more meaningful? I'd be a person who has so much bread on his plate that I can eat it endlessly and never go hungry, while he'd be the kind of person who carefully shields an empty bowl with his hands, where each little crumb can be easily blown away by the wind. He has trouble showing any favour or affection because he always has to be so on guard with making deals, as he can not give anyone an excuse to think they could coax things out of him if they pretend to be nice to him, but did he not build and gift you a whip because he wanted to make you happy as you made him? His love language is giving. You have not seen how adorably troubled he was this morning, as he struggled to come up with a loophole of how to gift you a defense package he made to keep you safe, in a way that would seem like an exchange or test, and not a blatant gift of friendship he prepared out of love for you.  You did not see his face when he was riddled by the guilt of not preventing your death... nor did you see his face when he would frustratingly grind his teeth whenever he would hear people in theatre talk bad about you, because you asked for him to not get in conflict with people that spread bad rumors about you, but it still makes him sad. Just like lords in the play, there is so much you can't see... "The ancient demon grinned, with a soft expression brimming with hope. " If you want a mole to give you more insight, I'd be glad to tattle on them some more, if you'd like, but even if not, it just wouldn't sit right with me if I acted as if I were a lone person in the world who saw you for who you are and loved you for it. You are special to others and dearly loved already, as you are, no strings attached... "

---

"Let's see... For one, I did not appreciate the devastation of that night when you nearly died while saving Senecio's life. That one was quite a heart-rending affair, and I am happy that you promised you'd be more careful in the future," Falcon could not help but tease quietly, but it seemed only half meant as if he tried to use jest to soften up the magnitude of his words. "Other than that, I... In truth, I am happy. Too happy. Naturally, I am anxious about what the future will bring us... What Lipka will say... what dangers await... but here, with you, it all seems a distant, petty fear, "he whispered, looking up at the sky, as he timidly shifted closer to Svarik. "When we first met, we were strangers who happened to seek comfort upon the roof of the capital and watched the night sky change into sunrise together. Now, we are partners, watching the sunset change into the starry night upon the boat upon a distant sea. The same sea I originally planned to be one of the last things I see before I die and finally rest... was the first thing I saw as you confessed to me, on that silly first date we had. You turned my life and death plans upside down in the last few days, yet you ask how was the trip for me, my dear? "The man nudged him slightly with his shoulder while watching him with a soft, sentimental gaze. "My, what a terrible misfortune it is, to fall in love with a fool that does not even realize how happy he's made me... My head is a mess, and my heart is full of mushy cotton candy rosier than Simbel's hair. What awful headache it is, to be so in love I can barely breathe, while my silly partner casually asks me how the trip we shared was so far, as if it weren't the most monumental trip of my life? "he chuckled shyly, covering his mouth with palms and coughing it away, as if trying to pretend it's less embarrassing. " You are as sickeningly cute and clueless as you were the night we first met upon that roof, my dazzling little star... "

[Mirach]

Senecio looked thoughtful. "That's what my senses tell me too, but it's hard to trust them. The problem isn't that I've never felt special to someone before, you know. It's that I did, and it was never true. And I know that I should be able to trust what I perceive more now, since I can literally sense feelings, but it's not so easy." He shrugged and pointed at one restaurant with beach seating. "Let's go here, they have good cocktails."

---
Svarik blushed and buried his face in Conrad's tunic. "I meant the trip here, to the whales..." he murmured. "Now I'm a bit overwhelmed too," he chuckled into the tunic and then slowly raised his head as if finding the courage to face the intensity of his feelings. "I just wanted to know if you liked the whales and if you would like to go closer to them with me, but now I have to tell you that I had no idea it's possible to be this happy as I am not because of you."

[VisAnastasis]

"It looks lovely, I haven't been to too many human places here, since when we go to Forth City, me and Hans often go with purpose already planned, and visit Being establishments, to check up on our people, "Tide explained. He followed a step behind, sitting down only when Senecio picked the table he liked, before continuing the sentence thoughtfully while they browsed the menu. " I guess my problem is that I have a very rich life as it is, so I am never really short of things to do or people to visit... But it is a bit of a trap, to have too much on your plate, too, because if you always have food in abundance and love eating, it is hard to find a truly favourite dish. After all, all dishes are tasty in different ways. "Creature said shyly as he traced the dessert page, as it seemed he, like always, found it easier to talk through food metaphors. " I love so many foods at least a little but it is hard to mark certain foods as special. That's why I often get in trouble with crushes and relationships, because when I like certain food just a little bit more than most, I immediately grow excited and hopeful I may have found the special one I was looking for... Conrad, Svarik, Erdel, they all have wonderful ingredients I love and would be a food I'd enjoy deeply, I am sure... but it is hard to crave food that is just of high quality and good, once you try spectacular food. With you, there is just so much that I love and... You see, in past, I... would often end up in damaging or suffocating relationships, because I would be stuck blindly to people that had one or few ingredients I adored, and it was hard to admit for me that beyond ingredients, the dish wasn't all that great and was terrible for me. That's why this situation is so new and... frightening. I am not fully sure how to put myself, "he explained shyly. " Rather than discovering a favourite dish, it is more like... discovering a cosy sweet scented bakery shop full of soft soothing pastries... But the baker just does not trust me at all, you see, and is suspicious each day that I keep coming back for more. Whether I praise his goods, encourage him, or buy a lot of desserts, he never seems to believe that I actually love his shop, nor that my friends love it. Dealing with bad relationships is very taxing and painful, but fear of losing something incredibly good because I don't know how to handle it properly is new and just as scary... "

---

" You know, if you wished to make sure I will never forget the happiness of this outing, you should not have asked how was the trip. You should have asked how was the date. Technical stretch as it is to call it so, it was a perfect chance to tease and fluster me, but luckily I beat you to it, and now I have the best view of the day, much prettier than whales - your overwhelmed face, "Conrad's expressions have grown much richer and freer since Svarik's confession, yet, it was hard to get used to just how soft and lovestruck he was as he teased, full of hope and adoration. His cheeks grew redder but he did not look away, as if trying to return Svarik's courage with his own. " If you asked me how the date was, I'd tell you that it's not every day that I get to see my precious little star have so much fun, and I had no idea it was possible to be this happy, doing nothing but watching you smile, yet here we are... But if you want some feedback, if my boyfriend offered to hold my hand and lead me to see the whales, I'd think it the perfect way to finish the trip and would not say no. And if by chance, my boyfriend were to offer me a kiss... I would not say no, either. But since he is too overwhelmed to come up with it, I guess it is my turn to ask then, isn't it? So... may I? It's always okay to pull away if it's too much or if I picked the wrong moment to try, though... " he whispered, as he leaned forth, tilted his head a little, caressed Svarik's cheek - and then kissed him on the lips. While Svarik initiated and kissed him by surprise before that day, this was the first time Conrad initiated a kiss himself, and for a man who usually always planned ten steps, it must have been a big leap of fate, to do something just because it felt right in a moment. Still, it was very much like him to warn Svarik before he did it so he wouldn't startled, and his kiss was coloured by that care - it was clumsy, light, and flustered, and man's breath was bathed, but it did not contain passion or physical desire. Rather, it seemed he had been encouraged by the tenderness of the moment and rather than desire it was yearning to put his feelings into a gesture when words alone were not enough.

[Mirach]

"Maybe the baker just knows that he's using some cheap ingredients of poor quality and the dough fell on the ground twice while he was making it and is full of dirt, that’s why he finds it hard to believe that a customer likes his goods that much," Senecio replied with a shrug.

---

Svarik leant in, sinking into the feeling of the kiss and letting all thoughts behind for just a moment. He let it laat for as long as it felt alright, and then slowly withdrew, but remained leaning on Conrad. "Do you know why whales?" he asked gently after a moment. "In every place there is a sound that most resonates with thr song of the land. It can be the sound of a river flowing over rocks in the mountains, or the bees over the grass of the meadows. Here, by the sea, it's the song of the whales. While we've been here, I could sometimes it hear it faintly, from a distance. But not from this close before."

[VisAnastasis]

" But one of the customers can't eat and comes because the bakery feels safe and cosy and the baker lets him sit and rest without pressuring him to buy anything or leave, and the second one comes because he finds the baker fun and delightful when he yells at the rude customers or when they gossip about them. As for the third... When we met and ate baked potatoes, you were surprised I ate them with the skin, charred full of embers. I told you many times. I am not a human... I am a primordial monster that is made to devour everything, body and soul, merely wearing a human-like costume, " Tide's expression grew a little more distant as if he were still shy using such words for himself, but he looked hopeful for some reason as he leaned closer toward him,  " I eat seashells and tree bark, and pears and dirt, bones and coal, equally. I can eat someone's soul with the same enthusiasm with which I can eat a piece of glass that looks so crunchy and shiny I just had to try it, even if it cut into my tongue, " he grinned frailly. " I love exciting unique combinations of things, like putting colourful food sprinkles between sea shells and sweets. So, why is it so hard to believe that what you offer me isn't a dish most tailored to me, more than to anyone else in the whole world? Who else can give me such an existing combination of dough and dirt, but you? Will today's bread have salt and pepper, cinnamon, leftover food sprinkles, or stains of wine, or will it have some crunchy beach sand? I can't know, as taste is never quite the same. The only certain thing is that it's going to be different than any tidy decent bread I've had millions of, all of the same mould, all of the same recipe. It is the only bread that is exciting to a monster that has evolved to devour everything. "

---

" I can feel there is something special about them... And they certainly seem like dignified creatures worthy of respect, " Conrad whispered, leaning closer as he embraced him from the side, appearing content and pleased to be able to be so casually and calmly close to him, like this.  " Normally, if I saw them under different circumstances, I'd certainly be more impressed... It is just that it's hard in current circumstances. To your ears, you see, they are a sound that most resonates with the song of the land.... because you can't hear yourself properly. For my ear, no one's music resonates with the land quite like yours. For Melody, it is so when she plays music and laughs brightly, but for you, it is so when you hop around and giggle and dance, barefoot and careless, as you are, " he teased as he huddled closer, whispering sweet gentle words to his ear contentedly. " In my eyes, the world is golden when you two are brimming with joy, and there is no sound that more resonated with the song of the land than it. It is just as Simbel said... it is as if the land that loves you is singing back to you as you sing to it. So I hope you'll forgive my lack of excitement... Whales are truly something else, but unless I see someone to whom land sings as much as it does to you and Melody, I'll probably not be that impressed. You like the song of whales, but to me, it is just natural that whales love your song back... Nothing else in the land is quite like it... "

[Mirach]

Senecio thought about that for a moment. "That actually makes quite a lot of sense when you put it like that..." he said with wonder. "Also, they have good oysters with shells here," he added as he saw the waiter approching them.

---

"Oh... okay..." Svarik murmured, not knowing what to say to that. Instead, he enteined his hand with Conrad's. "So it's been a successful sea-trip, wasn't it? Do you think we should go back now?"

[VisAnastasis]

" How wonderful, I love them they leave shells instead of removing them, it tastes much better! Taste is the scent I see the world through the most, and most of the things and people I see I associate with different flavours and food, just like sir Falcon associates them with colours... To be honest, everything can technically be food for me, it is just common decency that I don't jump up and suddenly devour a person just because their soul smells tasty. Objects are a different thing, though. I can't hurt an inanimate thing by eating it. Order everything you feel like trying, and I can finish off things you can't. And, oh, I can smell they have very lovely flower-flavoured napkins. I just can't help wanting to nibble on them. How about we both order extra napkins placed at a side? That way it won't feel weird if I suddenly order a pack, and I can munch on them when the waiter isn't looking... Oh, and the mint-scented candle decoration to the side looks scrupulous, so maybe you can cover for me so he doesn't see me when I bite off the corner, hehe... " Tide whispered innocently to him, and he seemed very shy, but a little bit bubbly and hopeful with the request, as if he was trying to be more open and sincere about the way he sees the world through it. When he would go out with Hans or Sage, they would probably cover for him when he'd want to eat something strange, too, and it seemed he tried being more free and showing more of that unsightly side of himself to Senecio, too.

---

" Sucessful? Heheh, it's so strange to hear you measure trip by success level. But sure, let me humour you, let's review our objectives... We've seen the whales, check, heard them sing, check, you played with them and I enjoyed watching you play, check. We held hands, check. I mustered up the courage to give you first kiss, check, " he grinned brilliantly, pressing Svarik's hand with his own. " Any other hidden objectives of your own that you'd like to check off before we go, my joy? I have two, but they are in progress. In the capital, who knows how much we'd be able to hold hands, with so many eyes on you, so holding hands while we ride the boat back and watch stars above seems like something I'll surely be able to coax out of you. My second objective is tied to kissing... From this point on, I'll count each kiss I give you, so that I can keep you updated on milestones... How long do you think it will take us to reach 100 thousand kisses? Decades? What about a million kisses? Would it take centuries? I am so curious to find out how long we must stay together to achieve it... For now, though, I'm happy that a path of a million kisses started with the first one, " he spoke as if trying to tease, but his voice was way too soft and content for that. He just held his hand closely and just could not help his mouth from twitching upwards. " What about you, my sweet little star? Any hidden objectives you want to accomplish before we go? If yes, let's get it done! If not, I'd say, as far as missions go, I must say that I can hardly imagine a better outcome, but you may correct me if you feel I lack imagination... "

[Mirach]

Senecio chuckled and nodded eagerly. "I'd love to cover for you to watch you eat inteesting things," he said, but lowered his voice as the waiter got closer. Encouraged by Tide's ttitude, he ordered several meals that he liked or haven't tried yet, his favourite cocktail, oysters and extra napkins.

---

"I've got one more objective," Svarik said. "To get you alone with me on the walk back. And then walk really slowly, holding hands. Maybe adding to the count that you just started. I wonder if Ican make you lose count, actually... I wonder if I can make you stop thinking and just feel and enjoy, just for a moment."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide also ordered napkins, and more oysters, as well as a dish from a menu that had some coral decorations to make the plate look more exotic- he did so because he clearly planned to eat the coral decorations, though. He was snickering innocently as he was ordering because he knew Senecio would figure it out. Tide almost seemed like a man on a mission, as the talk about bakery and bread and dirt must have moved something in him. What led him didn't seem to be a wish to debate with Senecio over the dirty food metaphor, though, but a desire to show the doubting baker his cards clearly as they were, and act true to himself, as he felt in the moment, without pretence or filtering his acts through what would be romantic or presentable, not this time. He was nervous, and bubbly as their food came, but there was fierce curiosity about different tastes in his gestures and acts, a hunger he did not try to hide, and playfulness that shone brightly through it. As if it was a game, he'd take note when the waiter wasn't looking, to munch on napkins, coral and seashells, and when, with Senecio''s help, he managed to sneakily steal a bite out of the mint-scented candle, he laughed so hard and so freely he nearly chocked on it, and then kept laughing still as he coughed to swallow candle bits down to make sure he doesn't get caught.

---

"Svarik... "Conrad's lips wobbled a little. "You know, my way of being happy might be more deliberate than spontaneous, but still, among the many gifts you gave me, the ability to think bright thoughts and look forward to happy things is the biggest one of all. Perhaps it is part of me that is overzealous, but I want to keep all the little, important things you gave me. I want to be alert enough to remember all the precious memories as clearly as I can so that I can write down all the most important ones in my "My favourite things about Svarik" notebook, " he whispered, and shyly, hesitantly, he raised their entwined hands and lowered his head so he could lay a light tender kiss on the back of meadow king's hand, smiling mischievously as he did so. " How can our kiss count not make it into one of my favourite notebooks? Does this make it 2? When I think about it, actually I am now unsure if I should count today's kiss as first. I had kissed your hands quite a few times already when I'd comfort you when you had dark days and nightmares, and one of my favourite things was indeed how comforted you always looked with it. It seemed the joy of soothing you made me lose count long before I even started counting, " he chuckled softly, with the warm, sentimental look. "My, it is a predicament. Should I really start our kiss count with today's, just because previous ones were kisses of friendship and loyalty? Perhaps I should reread my notebook and do a recount... "he grinned. "So that I have an excuse to trace back the golden memories you've given me, and find out the exact number. Since I've lost count from the very start, it seems, what number should I even start counting with, my joy? "

[Mirach]

Senecio was having fun with it, and he tasted bits from all the meals he ordered until he decided which ones he wants to eat more from. After he figured that out, he was putting the remaining meals in front of Tide, and trying to find ways to make them more interesting. He walked from his place to where the restauran't  terrace joined the beach and pickedd a handful of sand to add texture to some of the meals, while to others he added a torn napkin or a bit of driftwood he picked with the sand.

---

"It depends," Svarik smiled. "I think you need to invent cathegories, so that you can keep track of the different types of kisses, and count them together or separately. A hand kiss, a lip kiss, a kiss on the cheek... But I'll still mess with your system because what if I do this?" he took Conrad's hand and brought it to his lips, but then led to hand to Conrad's lips and then gently pulled it away while their lips kept touching and deepening the kiss.

[VisAnastasis]

Tide's expression grew bright and more tender with the unexpected pleasant gesture, his feelings vulnerable but hopeful and encouraged.
" It seems you finally see me more clearly... not as Demon or Beast King, but as Tide. You know, I am not a grand imposing keeper of souls or a confident leader... When you peel off the layers, I am just a silly primordial monster that likes to eat and play, " he whispered, raising his mask that was mostly lowered more in public, so Senecio could see his bright foamy eyes. " Mister baker... I have loved your food from the first day we met. Mister baker, there is so much you can't see, and even the nickname you gave me, calling me your pearl, isn't what it seems. Pearls are made when the dirt is stuck in an oyster, and the oyster in defence oozes ugly goo over it for many years, until it creates a pearl. Socially acceptable things do not always have a beautiful origin, and seemingly simple things are not always without substance. The same goes for the simple dirt. All dirt is a mix of different materials in different rations, and tastes different to me, just like salt from different places can taste a little different. Some people might prefer simple bread, or bread with pretty rainbow sprinkles... but for me, that is just pretty sugar, without substance. This sand though - is of a structure unique to this shore. It is dirt that tastes like home, and your bread is the bread that tastes like home, mister baker, "the demon whispered with a little choked-up voice, as he carefully raised one cookie sprinkled with napkins and sand - and bit into it, with a shy grin and feeling reflecting both hope of reaching him, and clear pleasure of what it ate. " The bread you give me is not empty superficial sugar, but bread that tastes just right, more exciting than any other in the world. So, how can I even think of wanting to go to other bakeries, when my hunger and crawings always lead me to you? It might not be as poetic as Mister Falcon who adores stars calling Svarik his star, but for me, there is certain beauty in a monster that likes to eat strange things finding a perfect little bakery of strange food. Thank you, for inadvertently using the only dirty metaphor that is not sad, but something that feels like a string of fate that is meant to be... "

---

Conrad, who barely mustered the courage to initiate one, was surprised, and he seemed genuinely impressed with the ease with which Svarik did such bold things. Embarrassed and unskilled, he returned the kiss still, and it lasted until man's flustered feelings could no longer be contained and the kiss ended in a fit of his bright hoarse laugh.
" Y-you... you silly, sweet little rebel," he whispered hoarsely. " You're quite determined to make all my tasks surrounding you equally challenging, I see... I might have to consult experts like Mole on how the hell I am supposed to categorise this kiss, heh, but at least the task is sweet... " he teased softly, the wide shining grin not leaving his lips. " Still, how could you possibly have managed to hide this much love without me even having a clue, my star? " it seemed he couldn't help but ask, his face still close to Svarik's, watching him wonderingly as he caressed his cheek with his free hand. " I could have lived at your side for a century, without ever knowing you love me so much you'd dare to steal two, or more like two and a half kisses, on such short notice... I'd let you get away with anything, but I just never thought you'd want something like this... like me. It would never have occurred to me... "

[Mirach]

"You were the one who started with the mataphor, I just continued it," Senecio said. "It really was a good choice to help me understand." He finished his meal and took the cocktail, sippinng from it slowly. "We also wanted to discuss something serious, didn't we?" he askedd. "I almost forgot, the meal was so fun. But we were talking about choices."

----

"Oh, you know, I finally found an area where I have more exprience than so, so I naturally feel the need o show off," Svarik chuckled. "Well, not really. It's only true for the part after the confession. Before, I was just as clueless. There was unrest and turmoil, rising and rising until I realized  'wait a minute, could this actually be love?But how could it be when I already have Lipka, and I love her, and he loves Melody...' So that was even more turmoil, actually. Especially because you asked before. I don't know if you remember... actually no, of course you do... You asked me, if I liked you in a romantic way, and I said no, not like that. And it was trrue then, but it changed, and I thought I have missed my shot. I needed a talk with Eros to actually figure it out, and a big deal of courage to actually ask you. So, that’s how it looked from my side."

[VisAnastasis]

" Yes, " Tide nodded energetically, as it seemed the previous talk soothed him and encouraged him to be more direct. " I adore the gentle quality of your consideration and how perceptive and respectful you are of my insecurities... whenever you learn something new or when I set the boundary, you respect it and adjust immediately. So, in certain things, it is a very reassuring feeling that makes me feel very seen and safe... but it comes too naturally to you to adjust, " he whispered. " I did not quite understand the bigger picture when we just met, but I could see with time that it makes sense that you are so adaptable because you needed to always be acutely aware of your surroundings and act how people expect you to survive and suffer less... but that is no longer the case. It is okay to want more than just being accepted as you are and not fear being punished for wanting more.  I know it is hard to want bigger things, and I am proud of the little things, like choosing foods, and places to eat at, going to watch play here at the theatre, and refusing my advances when you aren't in a mood. But it's not enough. Would it be possible to reconsider our options with a new perspective? he asked quietly. " You are getting better at expressing what you want in lovemaking, and isn't our game of Beast King and Sein Miru proof of just how much more fun we can have when we choose things together? We just need to do the same thing on a larger scale, not just in love, but in life. There'll never be a time when I'm not happy to learn what you desire and see what we can do about it... I know you hate when I assume things about you, and I don't want to make any assumptions or make you do something you don't want, but there is so much only you can see. So, please, bring me closer. Lend me your voice, so that I can see you more clearly, in a role of Senecio, not just the role of Tide's lovely boyfriend... "

---

" If you said that you did like me romantically at a time, I'm not sure how I would have responded, I just wanted to know how you thought of me at that time. So when you said no, I just went along with it and didn't question it. But who knows? I might have already loved you at that point myself. I just could not see it that way, because there was no lust in the way I felt for you, so I just thought of it as friendship. In all honesty, I should have realized I loved you when you at first refused to become immortal with me. It shook me, because even without Melody, at that point it felt like there was no way having you as my companion in immortality wouldn't be enough to keep me going, and the idea of me getting tired of life while you were still alive seemed preposterous to me, as something insane that would never happen, so I couldn't believe you'd consider such a thing... I truly asked way too huge thing without realising, didn't I?" the man coughed timidly, despite his words, smiling now, though. " I just thought it was a lonely feeling back then... only with a new perspective I understand it was the feeling of being heartbroken by rejection. I did not realise, because I never asked for anyone's hand before, so I never knew what rejection felt like. I did not realize the magnitude of asking you to be immortal with me was, and that what I asked for was practically an even bigger commitment than marriage would be because it felt so natural to me that you'd be happy and want to keep living as long as you had me by your side. After all, you would have been enough for me to be happy and endure an eternity of potential losses, so why wouldn't I be enough for you, too? Only in retrospect, I understand. For you, I was your Semai and best friend, so it's natural you had some reservations where I didn't, because when I asked, for me, you were my joy, my soulmate, and the star my life revolved around. I was a person you cared for deeply, while you were my everything. But of course, I could not say such empty words, that I want you by my side because I love you too much. After all, my love is not about wanting your body, it is love made out of longing and missing your smile or your frown or the roll of your eyes each time I don't see it at least once a day... It is not passion, but adoration. It is not yearning to own you, but longing to devote myself to you. It is not something that can be properly understood as love merely by binding as Semai, and I did not have the words at the time to name it properly. I am sorry that I put so much on your plate without being able to give you the right explanation or proper confession, I did not understand your turmoil properly at that time... "

[Mirach]

"It's quite a big question, what I want. I'm not certain about it, but I think it’s not very different from what I have now. Owning the theatre has always been my dream, and writing plays for it with Hans is great fun. I still want to be an actor, too, although it's a bit of a rocky road right now. I don’t want to give up on that. So I don't really want much else from what I already have. Just an occassional chance to dress up into awsome clothes like for the ball.

---

"That makes two of us," Svarik smiled. "But once a certain piece falls into place, the whole puzzle starts coming together. Just a note, I think I'm fine with a physical relationship, just as I'm alright with a non-physical one. It's kind of not such a big deal to me, so I'll follow what you want and it's fine if you change your mind any time."

[VisAnastasis]

" Still, don't you think the things you listed feel more like a general outline of wants, than strong specific desires for something you think would be nice to happen in our future? Of course, I look forward to going to the Ball or other fun dates with you, and we can add it to the list of things we'll do like you asked me to go to rehearsals with you, and how I'll go on them with you from now on. But it shouldn't be hard to add more things, just like how we added whip and roles to our games. Hmm... When I think about it, it seems like it's easier for you when you are given a lot of options so you can feel your way through by figuring out what you don't want instead, like you are sure you don't want to stop acting. So, how do I give you a couple more concrete suggestions instead of giving you more vague offers for the future, like travelling to the seashore, or going to the capital? Would a more specific offer help more? " Tide offered gently, trying to figure out how Senecio felt about it as if he were a little afraid of overwhelming him. " You said before that you were thankful I suggested running away because you wouldn't come up with the idea of coming here otherwise. We don't have to pick any idea I give, but if I throw you a couple of ideas on what we could do, that isn't just tied to your job as an actor, perhaps you'll get inspiration for more concrete adventure. What do you think? "

---

Conrad's hand shook a little, but he still kept it in Svarik's, despite he grew a little more nervous and thoughtful.
" But didn't you say physical things weren't even 30th among the things you want but quite high on the list of things you don't want when I asked you about your boundaries when we began dating? Am I unknowingly that good at seducing that you already feel secure enough to not think too much of it? " he chuckled nervously, but he paused then for a moment as if he paused to think seriously about Svarik's words as if trying to respond to his sincerity with his own. " To be honest, either way, when even kisses are hard to get used to with both you and Melody, any bigger things would be much harder to grasp. Like you said, you found something you're way overcompetent compared to me, for once... It is all new to me. It is not like I am strongly opposed, though. I feel like it's more complicated in my case. I am not saying that I am completely unaware of other people, like Death, of course, but it feels sort of similar.... Like in way that I never felt like kissing someone until Melody expressed interest in me, and like I didn't consider it with you, but when you offered it, and when I see your bubbly smile when you do it, I can't help wanting it too. Whether something more happens or not... I just feel like it isn't something that I can say I strongly want... more like something that I don't have formed feelings about yet, but if I saw would want more, I feel like it would be like with kisses - something I won't feel strongly about unless I feel you changed your mind. It just... feels like one of the things we could have, but don't have to necessarily have at all. Like one of the things we'll just realise at the moment if we feel like it," he coughed. His face and the tips of his ears were red as he talked, but he seemed to want to make sure Svarik didn't misunderstand him. " Do you think I feel this way because I only feel attraction when it is mutual and secure, or is it inexperience speaking through me? I don't know... I think it's just like the situation where you were extremely worried if we'd be able to bond as Semai after your soul was injured during Long Night, while it didn't matter that much to me. Being Semai with you is a wonderful, breathtaking experience... but I could be happy without it, as long as I can spend my life next to you, and it only mattered to me to be able to become Semai again because it was so important to you. It's the same with anything else for me. It's time with you that is priceless, no matter how we choose to spend it. If we never feel like doing more, and only kiss and hold hands for a million years while we take long walks watching stars on our way home, like we will tonight - my life will be equally as full. "

[Mirach]

"I don't know. When given choices like going to the capital or the seashore, I don’t really mind any of the options. It would be nice to go to both places. I mean... you see what I ordered today, don't you? You gave me the option to order everything from the menu that I liked or wanted to try, so I did. Without trying things, it's hard to figure out what I prefer."

---

"Maybe it's like that. I was very insecure about becoming Semai again. Speaking about it, I'd love to do it again sometime soon. But about this, I am the one who doesn't mind either wat, so I just want you to know that you are the one to decide about it. About moving forward, but also backward if you feel like it. If you decide you don't feel like kissing anymore, or at the moment, you just tell me. I just feel that I need to make sure you know that, because you're the one who always considers how I feel, but are much worse at taking your feelings into account. And if you're not sure, I learnt that talking to Eros helps a lot."

[VisAnastasis]

"I see... I am not saying we won't have time for both, but for the sake of choosing the next thing, how about we instead focus on what you've tried and liked already? Can I assume that currently, besides me, people you feel strongest about are Hans, Janus, and Erdel, maybe? " he asked gently as if he was careful not to assume too much as he knew Senecio didn't like it. " You have people that love you dearly, but you have trouble accepting their feelings as reality. Instead of setting up our next goal vaguely as travelling, how about we come up with ways that you can show your sincerity to them, so you feel more secure in their friendships, and feel their closeness more strongly? We can go some some fun quest to get them something nice, or should we scheme to get them to do something good for themselves? Since I met Simbel I was thinking it would be good for Hans to see how different capital is right now, changed so much from what he knew. It won't be easy, but if it's me and you, I'm sure we can coax him if we do our best. Likewise, Janus wanted to, when possible, go to the capital with his three aprentices, so Simbel could treat the children's old wounds and scars, so instead of going to the capital under the heavy weight of getting treated by Simbel yourself, we could just go to support Janus, so he isn't travelling all on his own, and help him deal with changes and crowds - and then when we are at capital, if you feel like being treated by Simbel, we can do it, if not, we can always do something else. Or if the idea of capital is too heavy yet, we can meet up with some Beings at Coastline and you can see what they can do or make, so you can make deals with them to get your friends unique presents while having some distance from the theatre, to meet new people and see new sights? The world is your oyster, my pearl, and there's no reason not to grow splendidly, instead of having that small theathre be your whole world and fill your whole heart... "

---

Conrad's face softened even more with warm and gentle reassurance, his eyes curling up more - indeed, it seemed to Svarik that a man never smiled as broadly and as sincerely as in the last few days.
" To be honest, this is all new to me... I never even wanted to kiss someone before you and Melody. But there is one thing I am most certain of... I don't want you to ever feel unsafe with me. That's the path where my boundaries lie right now. I keep worrying, always... if you are pushing yourself too hard to recover too fast. I keep worrying, about things like summer solstice rituals, and advances casual Beings may make on you because they like you, and naturally, I won't see it as cheating if you sleep with others... but I worry if you may be pushing yourself too hard to be alright just because you are doing better those days. I can see you currently like kissing me, and it is fun, in some strange, ticklish way... I didn't think I'd like it, but I do, and it's lovely... but all other things you give me are equally lovely too, "he said, with simple, gentle worry, as he pressed his hands. " Please, don't push yourself too fast, too much... Kissing is fun, but by no means do I need to have to escalate things as proof of your commitment. What I truly want and desire from you... is closeness, but true closeness isn't in the responses of your body. Bodies are messy and respond regardless if you want them or not, so why should I put more emphasis on whether you sleep with me than on whether you are happy with me? Rather, what I want to say is that you don't have to worry my love will grow cold if you take things out even if you can see I enjoy them... it will just be something to get used to, not a dealbreaker, ever. Eternal life is hard and may take many things from us, but it's important for me that you know that even if something unfortunate happens nothing but your heart turning cold will be a dealbreaker to me. I love your gentle gaze, your warm voice, your embrace... but if you lost your eyes, I'd still love listening to you, if you lost your voice, gaze would be enough, or if something bad happened and you grow to be like Janus, and we couldn't touch anymore - I would still be happy, watching stars with you for eternity. Or if you lost it all, I'd still be happy, being with you, feeling your presence at my side, reading you fairy tales - as long as you want me. No matter what life may take from us, or what you may put off the table, the key ingredient to my happiness is you, "he explained, and then, after grand words, very shyly and meaningfully, he added a more personal thought. " If you are curious about my preferences, though, just like you were insecure about losing being Semai with me... my whole world spins when you look at me, so not being able to receive your gaze would be hard, but if I'd still receive your smile, it would be alright. One thing hardest to give up would be your touch, though. To hold your hand, to embrace you, to raise you and carry you around as you calmly doze off... all of those are that make me mad with joy. So, giving those up would be hardest... but we can remain close even if we were to never touch again if our hearts remain the same, so there's nothing I'd not give up, as long as I can see that you still love me... "

[Mirach]

"But I like that small theatre and I want it to get bigger, once," Senecio said. "I don't want to set new big goals when I just got to the beginning of what I was wanting for a long time. I only just overcame the fear of getting back, but there is still a lot of work in actually getting back to it, and I feel a bit overwhelmed by it. I feel like I'm just trying to walk the next few steps of the road and it's taking all of my strength, while you are already planning a mile ahead. Can you slow down for me, please?"

---

"And this is why I felt the need to tell you this," Svarik smiled a little. "You worry that I'm pushing myself and don't want me to feel unsafe with you. Do you trust me so little? How could I feel unsafe with you when I know that I only need to say a word and you will stop doing whatever could make me uncomfortable? Do you not trust me to say that word? You can, I promise you. I know that you would hate to make me feel uncomfortable with you, so please trust me that I would not let you do something you hate. There absolutely are things that I don't feel ready to do, or don't want to do, and I will absolutely tell you if we ever get there. But there are also things that I would very much enjoy, and here I am worried that you might want to please me and ignore your own discomfort without even realizing it. That's why I want you to take lead in this, and figure out your own boundaries. I can help, if you want me to, but this is about you." He smiled again." It may be a bit surprising to you, but some things can also be about you, not only about me," he said jokingly. But then, more serious, like admitting a secret, he whisepered: "I love with all of my being, heart and soul and body. And I know I fall fast, because it's like something fell into place and suddenly opened a dam. But if you ever feel comfortable enough for it, I would love to take care of you, like you do for me in everything else. I'd love to make you relax and not care about anything, and let me figure out what feels good for you."