Senecio adn Tide II

[VisAnastasis]

Falcon sighed contentedly, with softness in his expression.
" How can you say such things... in such a solemn and cute way at the same time? Everything sounds just so lovely when you say it... " he whispered as if soothed and comforted by the lovely image. Timider in new gestures of care than Svarik, Conrad only gathered the courage to lean forth, and he kissed Svarik's cheek lightly, giving him but a light peck, before grinning to hide embarrassment, as he straightened a bit, extending his hand over the shoulder so Tide can hand him the bowl of ice cream.

[Mirach]

Svarik smiled brightly in response and shifted a bit so that Conrad could hold the bowl and feed him comfortably.

[VisAnastasis]

Perhaps if he was more aware of Senecio's powers, Conrad would be more restrained in his feelings, but the actor could definitely feel the sheer fierce gentleness with which man regarded Svarik and a timid joy at a chance to do this. It was clearly a little guilty pleasure, something he must have missed doing since Svarik was not injured anymore, but it wasn't like he could just say such a thing when it was a good thing that king got better, not wanting to remind him of it, so, much like contentment he felt when he could carry him around and act protectively with him, he buried this too. But just like Svarik, ignoring things he longed for only added to his misery, so he seemed even a little brighter now, as they shared the delicious ice cream, he was not able to take of gentle expression off his face as he watched him eat, clearly indulging himself.

Hans, who knew how strongly Senecio must be feeling this, despite frail, took it upon himself to join Melody, not singing, but taking a lute for himself, too, composing easygoing tunes with her on the spot, drawing attention upon himself instead. The one who took on singing was actually Alpha, who, while having nowhere near as beautiful a voice as Hans, a former Singer would, sounded just so cheery and bright that it was just a joy to listen to his song.

Tide, on the other hand, had other priorities. He was sensitive to positive feelings, even if not perceiving them in the same way as Senecio, and he was blushing with the affectionate acts of the new couple. He seemed to feel it would be too awkward if he tried to do the same as Falcon, as it would look like he was trying to copy him, but it seemed he prepared ice cream for Senecio, too, and in the end, at least decided to hand him the portion he made for him. He tugged at the actor's sleeve quietly, with childish shyness, and he offered him a bowl, inside which laid a pale pink ice cream in a shape of a heart.

[Mirach]

With the intensity of feelings around him, Senecio wasn’t able to hear his own until that moment. Now he could focus on them again with the look at the carefully arranged ice cream, and he smiled at Tide and pressed close to him as he tasted the offered treat.

[VisAnastasis]

It was very fragrant and refreshing, and a lot of care and warm feelings went into making it. Tide didn't want to draw needless attention to Senecio when he was in this overwhelmed state, but he was soothed as he leaned into the touch, hugging him from a side with one arm, and caressing his hair lightly with the other. The actor could feel a light soft purring sound leaned against his skin, as the demon tried to help ground him in the present.

[Mirach]

All the sensations - the music, the taste of the ice cream, the vibrations of purring against his side - helped Senecio to suppress the feelings from outside. Both Svarik and Senecio were content to stay like that until they reached the Fourth city.

[VisAnastasis]

Having a nice time like that, it seemed to pass but a moment until they arrived. There, they said their goodbyes and parted, and Svarik, Conrad, Melody and Jake went to get new outfits for the girl and the cook, as that was their first stop. Alpha remained at Tide's side, bemusedly watching the demon who with greedy giddiness picked up Senecio in one arm, and Hans in the other, and snuggled close to them, before making them comfortable and carrying them towards the busy streets.

[Mirach]

"They can never know I can sense emotions," Senecio murmured. "Especially Conrad." 

[VisAnastasis]

" Because they will be distrustful? They know Eros can, but they are not particularly unfriendly with him. I'm sure they would get used to it, " Tide said thoughtfully.
" No, I'm with Senecio on this one, " Hans stroked his chin thoughtfully. " Eventually, when they get to like Senecio more, then it'll just be one of the things, now, it's better to strategically pretend it doesn't exist, until their disposition of Senecio is high enough that it's not a huge deal. Conrad will feel betrayed anyway, but at least he'll be grateful enough to him after the play enough that he won't be able to cut him out of his life, so we should still be on the good terms. "
" Come on, " Alpha, who walked casually beside them, snorted with Hans's calculating tone. " How would they not like our adorable cutie pie? You make it sound like his powers make him unlikeable as if they were not what kept him alive. Senecio will be always self-conscious and totally transparent whenever those guys are too lovey-dovey, though. You should definitely consider a bit of practice of your skill and its intensity and range until tomorrow. Something tells me cute little Svarik is going to be blown away with them whales, and whenever Svarik is really happy, I imagine Conrad will be feeling exponentially more wholesome. "
" Yes, " Hans nodded lightly, leaning back on Tide comfortably as he was thinking. " It definitely seems like it will be hard for Senecio to stay comfortable on our trip tomorrow if we aren't well prepared. "

[Mirach]

"It's not about liking me," Senecio shook his head. "It's more about.. like when you do something you don't want others to see. Some people wouldn't dare to sing or dance in front of others, but do it when nobody can see them. Conrad is like that with feelings. If he learns that I can see him, he will close up, maybe even get paranoid about who else can see. I can't tell him, and it has nothing to do with how much he likes me, but with how comfortable he's with letting his feelings show."

[VisAnastasis]

" Awww, now you're even talking like Eros, with that cute overthinking worry for other's growth... you're like a mini pocket version! " Alpha beamed, as he couldn't help but show admiration and curiosity, as he leaned with interest toward him while they walked the streets. " Is it a new thing that comes from being bombarded with feelings and forced into a huge level of empathy, or were you always like that? I've gotta say, it's really cute how considerate you're being, even though if they found much later it could crumple down whatever good bond you built on trust... I mean, it's really damn lovable, to see you all responsible for the mental health of someone you just met, that's Eros's style, definitely, " he shrugged. " but you have to be careful not to begin treating other people's feelings as your own. You'll just hurt yourself. "

" It's harder to keep a healthy distance when you feel like everyone is an extension of yourself, that is a given, " Hans murmured in thought. " Just look at Tide, it is hard enough channelling his chaotic empathic energy around... but since Senecio is more down to earth, I believe it will work out. It's natural for him to be affected by the feelings of others, though. Svarik and Conrad looked so cheerful, there's no way he'd want to make them miserable on purpose if he can help it by some secrecy. "

" Sir Falcon is much different from how I remember him, too, " Tide voiced himself timidly, with some wonder. " He was always amazing, but... he never looked happy. At best, he would look sufficiently content. Sir Falcon I knew three years ago would always be calm and helpful to the needy, but he would never speak of any worries out loud, especially in front of strangers. Now, and in the morning too, he's only speaking like that because Svarik is with him. He would never have accepted anyone's blessing without Svarik's influence. I don't want him to feel betrayed later when he finds out but... I don't want to stun his unexpected growth, either. It's a shaky choice to be made, that's for sure. He has a really strong aversion to being betrayed, but I'd rather see him happy until then... It's nice to see him not looking as anxious and forlorn as he used to... "

[Mirach]

"I'll just keep some distance from him," Senecio murmured. "He doesn’t really trust me yet, so I'm not betraying anything. If he finds out later, when he's already more comfortable with his feelings being known, it won’t be such a setback for his relationship. Only you and Eros know I have this ability, so I ask you for help in keeping it secret."

[VisAnastasis]

" I rather think he'll be mad at me for not telling him to be on guard sooner since he trusts me the most from our group... but I'm in. I think it's the best choice for him. " Tide agreed.
" It's not like it's something on the level that'd compromise our status as allies, so it's really not something I'd refuse even if it was a bigger request, not so humble, " Hans agreed too.
" Drama is juicy, but the drama that hurts cute people is just no fun at all, so you can count me in as well. I'll work hard to dramatically distract them from you when you're having your feel-too-much episodes, " Alpha promised heartily.
" Is there anything else we can do to help you? " Hans asked quietly. " Listening does give you a lot of insight into the world, but I think feeling feelings of others are more unique power, so I'm not sure how much can we help, but we can give it a try to figure out some way to train it, not just for tomorrow's whale sighting trip. You won't be able to enjoy the next ball too if you end up being overwhelmed the whole time. There'll be fewer people than yesterday, but still, even having one Svarik on Conrad on ten people, who are excessively overjoyed and hard to ignore, could be a challenge and risk you getting discovered. Sir Falcon is usually pretty sharp, after all, his head is just clearly too full of sunflowers right now to notice something suspicious. "

[Mirach]

"I don't know... Do you ever get the feeling you can't hear yourself or can't discern which sounds are you hearing and which are you making when you're listening?" Senecio asked.

[VisAnastasis]

" Oh, you are deep in the rabbit hole, huh? I would not say it's exactly the same, but people with perceptive abilities often find trouble with such things. Listeners and Singers included," Hans replied compassionately.
" Yes, actually, that was one of the reasons Hans was always so bathered and beaten up before he met me," Tide explained." As a weird blob of life still forming, and a Singer in making, he had trouble keeping up with the huge input of information. Honestly, he was just too easy target, because he had trouble thinking clearly enough to hide or escape. "
" When you are a young Singer or Listener... You can hear fabric of the world louder than anyone else. And Singers especially, have an innate talent to affect the fabric. It feels like the whole fabric is but an extension of yourself... That affecting it is no different than moving a hand or a leg," Hans whispered quietly and thoughtfully." No Singer can just burst in a Song out of the blue. Rather, you need to give yourself time for it to sink in to you that you are a separate living Being from the world, not just one piece of its fabric. Perceiving world deeply clogs your mind. You don't feel vibrant, like living Beings do... Rather, it makes you feel like a river. Music of the world endlessly passes around you, but you don't feel like a fish swimming through it, as you should. Rather, you feel like just another drop of water in the stream. It's really hard mentality to break out of."

[Mirach]

"Oh yes... that's exactly how it feels, just with emotions. How do you do it?" Senecio asked, hoping to finally get an answer.

[VisAnastasis]

" Well, everyone copes differently, for humans who are gifted, it's easiest, because things usually settle down for them by the time they're old enough to have a better awareness of themselves, but for Beings who are firmly conscious from the start, it's a mess... just like with you, I'd say, " Hans began to explain, slowly choosing the words that were most fitting, as they were idly roaming the streets without a goal. " To explain it through the metaphor, you either accept to remain water, or you struggle and grow into a fish. In my opinion, those who choose to suppress the noise of the world can still hear fabric but can't change it much, and become Listeners. Those who struggle and develop an identity within the noise, become Singers. You could work on beating down your perception so it's much quieter, but I believe you'd feel bad about it in the long run. A better choice would be to cultivate your power and make your own path. But to not keep you in suspense any longer... if you're the same as me, what you'll need is to develop a stronger sense of self, so that the original you feel more unique compared to the outside *you's*,so that even if you feel others, they don't feel exactly like you. "

" That's a pretty dramatic way to avoid saying you need to train yourself to think of yourself as a the best, you proud noodle, " Alpha giggled, and Hans cleared his throat.

" Yes, that is a crude way to say it, but not really... It's more like... To figure out how to *swim*, you need to rebel against the static. This is something I was only able to accomplish thanks to meeting Tide, who protected me, and provided me with experiences to grow. First, I was passing through an insane, overwhelming, drowning waves of fear as I anticipated him to fatten me up and eat me, every day, " he said, with a deadpan expression and feeling. " Mind you, it's really terrifying when you're a tiny blob, but a huge monster made from many souls takes you to his lair, and just carried you around like a pray to be played with... not even a concept of pets, not to even say, friends, existed back then. So, I've developed lot more present awareness of myself and the differences between me and him through constant terror. But then, as I learned to trust him, I've begun feeling a lot of things for the first time... There was no concept of friendship yet, but there was the concept of food and warmth. He would bring me to eat, and he would use his powers to keep me from being cold and weak. When you feel something from the outside world affecting you, it's much easier to feel the difference between you and the rest of the world... " he was a little quiet for a moment, as he spoke of something deeply personal, before he timidly added. " So, basically... The point is, training that sense of self-existence through making yourself really loud, instead of silent. Once you explore just how loud can you be, and practice it, once you get a taste for how you sound when you're really loud, it will be much easier to have your brain understand that it doesn't have to be excited just because something around you is loud. I basically trained myself to only be affected when *I* am loud, like everyone else. First, through sheer terror of being handled by this monstrosity, then, by all the clumsy love and warmth he showered me with, " he coughed, feeling clearly a little embarrassed while talking of such cheesy things. " It just is what it is.... When you're all alone in the primordial world and you don't feel like you exist, when one part of the world is distinctly drawing your attention and making you feel loud, before you know it, it's just easy to tell it's most important how you, the loudest part of your universe, feels, and that others parts can be nice, but are still just information. After all, if when I did nothing, he would just lie down contentedly next to me, but if I whalled and tossed around, he'd give me food, warm me and snuggle with me, it's obvious I'd have strong motivation to pour all the bits of mind I could into loud communication... "

[Mirach]

Senecio thought about it quietly for a moment. He found it interesting to hear the story of the beginning of their friendship so long ago, but also tried to apply the situation to himself. "So for feelings," he said finally, "does it mean I need to get more emotional about everything? It doesn’t seem to me like Eros is overly emotional..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Oh, Eros is actually quite loud when he's really happy. But his situation is more complicated sugar, " Alpha chipped in. " There are two things. First, well, he's been having really tough couple of centuries, so it's harder for him to be happy enough for you to feel him in the same way as Svarik. Constntly passing through all the feelings of everything in the world, his own need to be very vibrant to shine like Conrad's must. "
" The second reason though is more a point of his self-discipline. You see, he would feel strongly about many things if he really let himself loose, but he chooses not to. It is just too affecting. Eros's actual first, most innate power, is to affect the feelings of people around him to his will. It is so innate that he can never fully turn it off, but suppresses it. Just imagine it. With Being like him, if he suddenly felt as insane joy as Conrad did before, and he didn't suppress himself consciously... all of us would be knocked of and disoriented with insane surge of happiness we would be forced to feel. The same for sadness. Even when something does make him sad, he's usually making light of it and ignoring it, pretending nothing is ever wrong. It's annoiyng to know he's doing it, but hey, it would be more annoying to be constantly sad around him when he's sad, too... Since your powers are weaker than his, and on manageable level, though, I'm convinced you won't have such issues. While you may get to learn to affect other's feelings, having others be sad when you're sad will definitely be something you'll have to consciously focus on, not an innate power like his. "

[Mirach]

"Okay, so the first part is right? I need to be more emotional to actually hear myself? Like... childish level of emotional?"

[VisAnastasis]

Alpha giggled, rubbing his hands, very clearly bemused and enjoying the whole absurd situation. Hans rolled his eyes, and turned his head back at Senecio, focusing on the problem at hand.
" If how you feel is equivalent to how I felt, which I think it is... then, it's a crude way to put it, but you're right in general, " he spoke more quietly, as he added. " I won't be all dramatic and pretend to know all about you... but I think I get the gist of the problem. You're a great actor, but you are always inside some roles. Even when a person you're playing with is feeling a strong emotion, you're creating a strong character, not a strong idea about who you yourself are. You need to be loud, do things that make you feel strongly, as yourself, feel and express yourself clearly and fiercely. You're generally rather quiet most of the time, and even when you like something, you pretend it's no big deal... I have no right to criticize you, as I do the same, but, still, " he smiled faintly, with a timid trace of overprotective warmth. " I imagine, with how much that heavy shame about your tastes you've pushed down on yourself, and how long you've spent hiding it and finding your existence shameful, well... It's pretty easy to imagine you're actually rather suppressed, quiet existence deep down... It would be foolish to say simply that you just need to be childishly emotional. Before anything, like, you need to convince yourself that world won't crumble if you're a little louder and freer, and give yourself the right to feel good about that... "

" That's true, " Tide tied in fervently, continuing sentence freely in his innocence. " It felt like you were dying of doubts last night when you inquired with me even just about using that whip. You rarely give me straightforward feedback in general too, just saying it was all good most of the time, so I was really happy yesterday when you were more responsive, and I was overjoyed today, too, when you expressed a wish to buy some nice things for your room. You are just too into going with the flow of whatever's happening and being tolerant about it... I would prefer if you were more childishly demanding. If I am to make you happy, I want a chance to give you everything you want, so I need to know what you want, so I vote for the childishly emotional option... "

[Mirach]

"That... sounds hard," Senecio murmured. "It *is* hard. I don’t want to talk about why right now. Later, in private, okay? Let's go shopping now."

[VisAnastasis]

Tide was a little worried and seemed more reluctant to end the conversation on that vague onimous note, but Hans, who was being carried in his other arm, extended his hand, and patted Senecio on the back, grinning playfully at him.
" Sure, why not? Let's buy the hell out of the city, " he said, definitely with an unmistakable firm will to be supportive. " Would you like us to go buy some cool furniture right away? Or would you rather like for us to maybe get some food or snacks? Or buy some dramatically expensive jewellery just because we can? " he grinned. " Because, we can, just saying. "

[Mirach]

"Let’s start with the furniture," Senecio said. "I've never bought furniture before."

[VisAnastasis]

The group agreed, and Hans directed them to the address of the famous furniture maker, where they had a wide choice of interesting goods to choose from. Hans was a little more rested by the time they got there, just like the actor, and Tide let him and Hans walk around as they were trying to find things that Senecio liked the best.