Re: Svarik and the company II

[Mirach]

Senecio didn't sleep yet, and he caressed Tide's hand gently, until he finally fell asleep.

[VisAnastasis]

Tide was too distressed to continue writing the letter to Erdel, and he remained there, quietly crying at his side, feeling terrible. When he felt his crying would be too loud or maybe wake him, though, he covered his face with his hand to muffle the sound, and he quietly went out of the hug, and he turned away, and went downstairs. He did not speak with anyone, or seek anyone - he instead turned to his most tried out coping mechanism... to food. He went to the kitchen, and, as he would often after bad breakups or saddening bad things, he just started eating quietly, not responding to anyone's questions or asks, zoning out into his own world. He just ate while crying, just cried, or just ate, and then cried again, and so on, as hours of night went by, eating and eating away all the supplies in the kitchen.

[Mirach]

Senecio woke shortly after dawn, not really refreshed after the short sleep, but feeling that something is wrong as he didn't feel Tide's presence that he fell asleep with. He did not feel hurt anymore, just tired and worried, and he got up and went to look for Tide.

[VisAnastasis]

He found him in the kitchen. Tide was not destructive in his feelings - there was no mess or temper tantrum thrown... there was but an eerie, dark silence, an aura of unpleasant discomfort, and it felt something was not right indeed, almost as if moon darkened the sun. He was there, at a table, with all cooks, Jake who was woken up during the night for this included, working more busily than Senecio had seen then so far. There was shortage of supplies, and they were scrambling to do simple dishes and as fast as possible, but they could not cook with speed with which Tide was eating. The demon was currently munching on some raw dough that he could not wait to be baked, his hands and face smeared carelessly and apathetically with it, eating it while he was staring blankly before himself.

[Mirach]

Senecio approached quietly, and sat down next to him. "Tide?" he asked gently. "Did I upset you?"

[VisAnastasis]

Creature must had felt him coming, because with it, it tensed. It did not say anything, though. In response, it but howled quietly, and it moved its chair away, and turned to the other side, and continued to eat its raw dough.

[Mirach]

"What did I do again?" Senecio asked downheartedly. 

[VisAnastasis]

" Nothing. Whatever gave you that idea, young man? I just want to eat now. " creature whispered, replying with same argument Senecio used for sleeping. " I don't mind, what you do in meantime. I just want to eat till it stops hurting... sooner or later, it usually does...  " it murmured with pained voice, taking another nervous generous bite from cookie dough.

[Mirach]

"Does eating also help you put things into perspective like when you are too tired and can't get them right anymore, so you want to start anew in the morning with a fresh look?" Senecio asked. "If it's so, I will leave you..."

[VisAnastasis]

" Did leaving me to feel terrible whole night while you was taking the sweet time for your beauty sleep to start anew in the morning feel refreshing? Did all the extra time of waiting for you to wake on top of all waiting I did yesterday help you put things into perspective? " creature gritted its teeth, refusing to look at him. " I hope it did. I am glad if one of us feels good, at least... "

[Mirach]

"What?" Senecio frowned, trying to figure out Tide's feelings. "Why did you feel terrible for the whole night? I felt terrible because you doubted me, but I forgave you the moment I reached for your hand," he whispered, not wanting the kitchen staff to hear them. "That was what you wanted, wasn't it? You wanted to hold hands... But then you left..."

[VisAnastasis]

" I.... was crying too loudly... I didn't want to wake you... " critter whispered hoarsely, clutching its bowl of food with pained grip, as if trying to focus on it, while its focus was distant - he looked ashamed for it, as if even in its pain, it could not help try to be mindful and gentle. " That's why I left... "

[Mirach]

"Why was you crying?" Senecio asked.

[VisAnastasis]

" Why does anyone cry? Happiness, sometimes... Mostly sadness, though, from my experience. " creature whispered quietly, even now seeming to put up a brave face, and be on border of crying, even its voice trembling somehow. " Because... I am so terribly lonely. Because I am sad. Because it turned out... wrong. All of it. Whole day, I was looking forward so much to finally spend some time with you at the end of it, and it turned out instead, like that. You said you will come when the shops close, you promised you will come to me - and I made us a dinner, and I baked us potatoes, and I cooked us meal, and I lit us cute candles, but you did not come. I was just waiting, and wondering when you are, fearing, trembling, till  all food grew stale and cold... I had to eat all alone and sad... " he sobbed. " And then you came, at midnight... Just to tell me to wait again. And I still waited, happily... I hoped we may at least have a bit of time together before your bedtime. Just some time with you... That's all I longed for, for the whole day... And instead.... " he couldn't finish the sentence, as his voice broke into a sob.

[Mirach]

"And I wanted to give you a perfect present..." Senecio said sadly. "You said you wanted it all - presents, flowers, romantic stuff... it didn't occur to me that you might want just my presence instead. If I would promise you to return when the shops close, I would do that, but I don't remember promising anything like that... I told you I will come back to you when we get the present. I didn't know you was waiting for me with dinner. If you told me that, I would come sooner and finish the present the next day. But I wanted to finish it and see your reaction. I wanted it to be perfect. I also got nice presents for the king, and also others to make it all better. I argued with Erdel because of your present, and I learnt to be better, I hope, and then we found joy in making it again, because it was for you... I really wanted it to be special, so you would remember it... I hoped to give it to you, and then make up for the time I was away, but you said that it's not what you wanted and suggested that I messed up and you offered to give me money to amend it... like to some little boy... I could not enjoy the thought of giving you the present anymore. It was late, and I could only think about how I wished it to be perfect and how it was spoiled... I thought it would be wisest to go to sleep and forget it, so I can enjoy again giving it to you in the morning..."

[VisAnastasis]

" But* I *do not sleep. It is not like that for me. There is no night and morning, only day, for me. I never sleep. You went where I could not follow. I craved for your company for so long, and I was denied it. No talk about your day, no goodnight kiss, no present... was left in end of day by being given....nothing. " Tide sobbed, and hot tears rolled down his cheeks. " I know you did not promise you'll come back, but you said you'd return after you finish it, and that's why I expected you... But none the less, when you explained yourself, I accepted it. It was okay, I told you... And then I waited, anew... And then you told me that all the time I was waiting for your company, you was instead mixing up the present. Of course I like presents, but I just did not expect that, and I was afraid you neglected Svarik in your pursuits, Svarik, for whose joy I have sent you to shop, with whom as well, not only with Erdel, I hoped you could get along better.. " he shook his head fervently then. " Of course I was worried... I did not mean anything ill, by suggesting us fix us the neglect by helping you buy something else... I would do it for any friend, and we can not be more than friends if we are not friends first. It was not looking down upon you... It was my care and concern.It was... kindness, damnit... I was.... trying to be considerate... wanted... make sure... mistake is mended... before made... as would... for friend.... I tried.... be kind... " he sniveled, reaching underneath the mask to dry the tears that flowed in river.

[Mirach]

"You kindly *doubted* me," Senecio frowned a little with the memory. "I don't like being doubted, alright? I know you did not want to hurt me, but it hurt. And I did not want to hurt you either, but it seems that I did... I'm sorry for that..." 

[VisAnastasis]

" I doubt a lot of things. When you are a Demon King, you have to doubt and double check stuff, to keep your people safe... doubting means nothing ill, it only means I am checking out ... how thing... stand..since.. . can't read minds...." creature stuttered sadly, trying to find its voice. " When I reassured all is alright, and you got along after all, I did change my view. I know It was not what I wanted originally, but I was very pleasantly surprised.. I longed for something nice to clear out my day.. I desired to see it...I desired to make amends with you, and properly share the joy you had while making with joy of my own... but then, you declined that joy to me. You just... wanted to send me of... like it was nothing... the firstest gift from you, that you made with my dear friend...you washed your hands from it, not wanting to be happy with me..  I longed to see... it was pleasant surprise that warmed up my heart... till your indiference crushed it. You refused...you refused to share my joy... " his eyes teared up again,, as if that actwas horryfying and incomperhensible to him as he lost his voice anew, weeping, not caring that everyone was staring at him." Unspeakably.... unspeakably cruel.. Your.. your.. pouting... was more... more important... than sharing joy with me... treated my joy... like it was wortless... less important than your... your sleep... so rude... so unkind... so... painful..."

[Mirach]

Senecio's look got pained again, looking somewhere past Tide. "No Senecio, you are too clumsy. I don't believe that you climbed that house when I wasn't looking..." he said darkly, in a strained voice, probably imitating his father. "You are a disgrace to the family. Oh, you skinned your knee? You would trip over your own shoes! Don't you see how much I sacrifice for you, to make something from a disgrace like you? Do you think your knee is more important than the name of our family? I don't believe you climbed it, now try it again until you succeed..." He then looked at Tide intently. "I could not share your joy after that, I really couldn't... I told you to go alone because I didn't want to spoil it. I was glad that you didn't, I hoped that we could share it together in the morning, when the damn voice gets more quiet. I *needed* you to silence it. I needed to wake up next to you, to assure that you are not like him. But I woke alone... I did not mean to hurt you, and I'm sorry for that. I know you did not mean to hurt me either, so please, stop explaining why I should not be hurt by it and just apologize. Because that's what he wouldn't do... even after he saw that I really climbed that house, he would find something to belittle me..."

[VisAnastasis]

" I said I am sorry the very moment I sow I hurt you. I wanted to apologize and make amends, but you wouldn't let me. You are the one that refused to open up about your hurt and just closed of. If I knew, I would desire to silence it, but instead of speaking honestly with me, you just grew quiet and unresponsive to me. You went to sleep, despite I stayed awake, hurting. " Tide 's voice was trembling with pain." How can you even think I would have any joy left in my heart by the morning, that would survive under this crushing weight of sadness I felt the whole night?" He sobbed, and clenched his fists powerlesly, as he added. " No... I...   I hate... that stupid gift... because of making it, I had to miss out on whole evening of hanging out with you... because of it, my joy turned to ashes and day ended with horror and tears.  You treated me not like a beloved friend, but like a father that wronged you. Because of it... today..." he looked away, leaning his forehead tiredly against bowl " You do not look that handsome... to me ..."

[Mirach]

 "I knew you would not want me when you see past that pretty facade... I warned you I am not pretty inside, but you didn't want to believe it..." Senecio whispered, suppressing tears. "And I did let you make amends by staying with me... But you didn't. I did not want to speak about it or make a big deal from it. I just needed time to forget it. If the caresses I gave you weren't reassuring enough, then words would do nothing. Excuse me now, I'm going to throw out that present out of the window..." he said bitterly, and fled the kitchen.

[VisAnastasis]

Creature sighed with disappointment through tears. For a moment, he was indecisive - should he let the damn present be ruined, or not... he chose not to, in the end, for it would always stand between them. There was no way or outrunning a demon, though. He dried his tears, and tiredly and with pain he removed the restricting dirty bandage from his hand... and then skipped between the layers.

He appeared in front of a door of actor's room, just so, staring dully before himself as he waited Senecio to run up to that floor, silently letting tears run down his cheeks, as if he got used to them by now.

[Mirach]

Senecio was out of breath and sobbing as he ran up there. He stopped sharply when he saw Tide. He stared at him for a moment, and then sobbed even harder and ran away, although without the one room that felt as safe to him, he didn't know where to go, and just ran blindly through the halls.

[VisAnastasis]

Tide sobbed harder with it too, and watched after him for a moment, with sadness and grief. He did not do anything for few minutes, waiting till actor lost a bit more breath, before he skipped through the layers again, and appeared in actor's way, anew.

[Mirach]

Senecio understood that he will not escape the demon this way. "Why are you following me?" he sobbed. "I thought I'm not handsome to you anymore, and I don't have any other quality..."